Tag: Muamalah

Praise be to Allah.Causes of wife’s problems with husband’s family
There are many problems that may arise between the wife and her husband’s family . In order to solve any problem, we should examine the causes before anything else:

The causes may be connected to the attitude of the husband’s family . There are some people for whom causing trouble is second nature, and they make mountains out of molehills and exaggerate about trivial, insignificant matters. But when people are like this, problems do not exist only between them and their son’s wife; rather they have troubles with everyone.

Solving this problem requires a great deal of effort to teach them right from wrong and good from evil, and to educate them about faith and obedience to Allah. In this case, the husband who is aware of his family’s nature and attitude should not pay any attention to what they say about his wife, and he should not attach any significance to it. Rather he should try to advise his family and call them to what is good, and he should comfort his wife if she suffers mistreatment at the hands of his family.

The cause of troubles may be the fault of both sides: jealousy that takes root in the hearts of the husband’s family , when they see how fond he is of his wife and how he shows compassion to her.

The solution to this problem is compensating them by showing extra compassion and special care towards them and giving them a lot of gifts, whilst not showing affection to his wife in front of them. Moreover, the husband should pay special attention towards them, and offer a great deal of supplication asking Allah to remove the jealousy from their hearts.

The cause of these problems may be what the husband’s family see in the wife of falling short with their son, or with her children, or in taking care of her house, or what she demonstrates of shameful behaviour by not showing respect to their mother, and other things that could be real – not made-up – in many wives. This is the silver lining to these problems, because through it the wife may come to realise her shortcomings and negligence, and thus be able to make up for her shortcomings and rectify the situation, for the wife cannot claim to be perfect in her behaviour and attitude.

This is the easiest cause of such problems to fix, because the solution is easy and possible; the wife can rectify herself and mend the relationship between her and her husband’s family by improving her behaviour and giving each person his or her due respect. Thus she will be able to rectify the situation, resolve the problem and gain her husband’s appreciation.
Wife’s obedience to husband
What we think is that the wife should obey her husband if he tells her not to tell anyone else of what happens between her and his family. This decision on the husband’s part serves an important interest that surpasses the interest of the wife venting and getting things off her chest. That is because if, in such cases, the problems become widely known, everyone will have an opinion or will use it to come up with some scheme, or will give bad advice for solving these problems, which will only make matters worse and create further problems, and will generate more causes of trouble, with the result that it may become very difficult to find a solution after that.
It is permissible for the wife to complain to a wise person, and that does not come under the heading of backbiting, which is prohibited. See the answer to question no. 7660 . At the same time, the husband has the right to prevent her from doing this permissible thing, if he thinks that there is a legitimate purpose to be served by that.
What we think is that you made a mistake by not complying with his advice, and speaking to your sister and your brother’s wife about what has been going on between you and your husband’s family. In order to rectify that, you must repent and seek forgiveness, and not carry on talking to them about this matter. You should urge them not to tell anyone else about anything that you told them. There is no need to confess to your husband what you did, because it will serve no purpose; rather it could result in more trouble. For example, he could start resenting you and what you did; or he could prevent you from speaking to your sister and your brother’s wife at all. 
All of that is possible, because the devil is always present and has a great impact at such times, for he will fan the flames, exacerbate the matter and will do his utmost to create enmity and resentment because of this trouble.
How can you get along with your husband’s family?
Dealing with your husband and his family requires great wisdom on your part. But you – in Sha Allah – are able to cope with that, as is quite evident to us from your saying “because we, my sisters and I, were raised not to answer back to the one who mistreats us. I even do not know how to respond politely, except very rarely, and afterwards I feel guilty” and from your other comment “and when I visit them I do not show that I am upset. Sometimes she says hurtful or embarrassing things, and I act normally, but I am very angry inside.” This is a thing that no one can do except one who has self-control, and no one can do that except wise people.
What is required of you now is the following:

Ignore what you hear from your husband’s  family which you can tell is aimed at upsetting and provoking you and is pure fabrication, with no substance.
Pay attention to yourself, your house, your children and whatever you hear from them that is true [in terms of shortcomings]; you have to rectify these things and do them properly.
Try to be friendly towards his family, showing good manners, speaking gently and behaving kindly. Make sure to give them appropriate gifts from time to time, or some food that you have made for them, or some sweets that you have made specially for them. For it is well known that gifts have a great impact in bringing people together and spreading love and affection between them.
Be kind to your husband by not telling anyone about how his family treats you, and make him trust you more; do not let him hear or see anything from you that he does not like.
However, that does not mean that you should keep completely quiet about fabricated accusations that may be made against you. We advise you to refer that to your husband, and let him take responsibility for putting things right and giving each person their due. Show him that your family raised you well.
Finally, there is nothing wrong with suggesting to your husband that you should move away and not live close to his family. However, he is not obliged to respond. Your right is only to have separate accommodation, and you already have that. But wisdom and your best interests dictate that the husband should move further away from his family, if he realises that there is no harmony between them and his wife. Perhaps moving away may contribute to strengthening the bonds between all parties, and may remove some of these ill feelings and resentment from everyone’s hearts.

Seek the help of Allah your Lord by offering supplication, and doing the duties that are required of you. We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to enable you to do that which pleases Him, and to reconcile between you all.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Does Islam respect and honour women?
The believer should be certain that Islam respects and honours women , and treats them fairly and gives them their rights. Islam honours the woman as a mother, as a daughter, as a sister and as a wife. This is well known in the religious texts and teachings.
Allah, may He be Glorified, is the Creator of male and female; He is their Lord, the One Whom they worship, and He is far above any injustice:
{And your Lord is not ever unjust to [His] servants.} [Fussilat 41:46]
{And your Lord does injustice to no one.} [Al-Kahf 18:49]
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was compassionate and merciful towards his Ummah; he did not differentiate between men and women in that regard. Rather he specifically instructed men to treat women kindly, lest they be oppressed or mistreated. He (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was the greatest in showing kindness to and honouring his wives, to the extent that he said that the best of people is the one who is best to his wife, and he said: “The most perfect of the believers in faith is the best of them in attitude, and the best of you are those who are best in attitude to their wives.” (Narrated by At-Tirmidhi, 1082; classed as authentic by Al-Albani in Sahih At-Tirmidhi)
He (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) also said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Narrated by At-Tirmidhi, 3895 and Ibn Majah, 1977; classed as authentic by Al-Albani in Sahih At-Tirmidhi)
And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I urge you to be kind to women.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 3331 and Muslim, 1468)
Whoever takes these facts into account will be able to understand the texts referred to in the question in an appropriate manner. There is nothing in our religion that undermines the status of women or scorns them. How could that be the case when a woman is the mother who is more deserving of honour and kindness than the father; and she is the wife whom Allah has described as a source of comfort and joy and, in fact, the best of worldly joys; and she is the mother of children and progeny – so how could a man accept for the mother of his children to be blameworthy and despised?
Are women deficient in Intellect?
With regard to a woman’s lack of reason , it is explained in the Hadith. It is because women are easily swayed by emotions, which make them unable to deal appropriately with new issues that arise. Hence there is a need, with regard to giving testimony, for someone who will complete her testimony and remind her if she forgets.
Are women deficient in religion?
As for their lack of religious commitment, it is also explained. It is because women do not pray and fast during the days of their menses and when they are bleeding following childbirth. They are not to be blamed for that shortcoming, and it is not possible for them to avoid it; rather it is only a shortcoming in comparison to the one who is not prevented from praying and fasting. This is the bounty of Allah which He bestows upon whomever He wills.
Allah has told the believers that no one among them should wish for what someone else has been favoured with over him, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
{And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others. For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women is a share of what they have earned. And ask Allah of his bounty. Indeed Allah is ever, of all things, Knowing.} [An-Nisa’ 4:32]
It was narrated from Mujahid (may Allah have mercy on him), from Umm Salamah (may Allah be pleased with her), that she said: Men go on campaign [Jihad] and women do not go on campaign, and we only receive half of the share of inheritance. Then Allah revealed the words: {And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others.} [An-Nisa’ 4:32] Mujahid said: And the verse {Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so – for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward} [Al-Ahzab 33:35] was revealed concerning her. (Narrated by At-Tirmidhi, 3022; classed as authentic by Al-Albani)
We have previously explained what is meant by women lacking in reason and religious commitment in the answer to question no. 111867  . There we stated that they are lacking only in what is mentioned in the Hadith, and this does not apply to everything.
We do not think that the fact that a woman is easily swayed by her emotions and, as a result, cannot handle some issues rationally is to be regarded as a criticism, for Allah has prepared women to deal with some serious issues that men are unable to handle, which includes taking care of her children and putting up with hardship that no one else but women can bear. The woman also shows patience in putting up with her husband and his annoyance, but she quickly forgives him and reconciles with him.
Meaning of creating women from rib 
The fact that woman was created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the top, is something that was decreed by the divine decree, and woman is not responsible for that and she cannot object to her Creator so long as she is a believer, for He is Most Wise, Most Aware of what He creates and decrees.
The fact that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) spoke about that is for the purpose of urging men to show kindness to women and to be patient in putting up with any annoyance that may come from them; they should not criticise women, rebuke them or belittle them.
Al-Bukhari (1468) and Muslim (1468) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I urge you to treat women kindly , for woman was created from a rib. The most crooked part of the rib is the top of it. If you try to straighten it you will break it, but if you leave it alone, it will remain crooked. So I urge you to treat women kindly.”
Muslim (1468) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “A woman was created from a rib and she will never be consistent with you in any way. If you want to, you can enjoy your life with her, even though there is some crookedness in her, but if you try to straighten her you will break her – and breaking her means divorcing her.”
Ahmad (20093) and Al-Hakim (7333) narrated from Samurah ibn Jundub (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Woman was created from a rib, and if you want to straighten the rib, you will break it. So be kind to her and you will be able to live with her.” (Classed as authentic by the commentators on Al-Musnad, and by Al-Albani in Sahih Al-Jami`, 1944)
Women were created with some natural weakness and their own inclinations; they are very jealous and easily swayed by emotions. Whoever overlooks that and forgives his wife’s mistakes will have an easy life with her, but whoever picks on every minor issue and wants to correct her in every single matter will have a lot of trouble with her and will not enjoy his life with her, and that will lead to his divorcing her.
This is something that husbands and anyone who has dealt with marital issues is aware of.
If a woman does not accept these facts, it is because she has never studied the issues of women with their husbands.
A man may treat his wife kindly for a lifetime, then if he does one thing to upset her, she says: I have never seen any good in you!
Showing ingratitude in this manner is something that may also occur among men, but it is more common among women, and it is part of the inclination that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) described as crookedness and instructed men to be patient in putting up with it.
It has been explained above that the idea of showing kindness to avoid trouble is referred to in a Hadith; it is not something that the scholars came up with. What it means is overlooking shortcomings, as noted above. It does not mean thinking that the woman is insane or has a mental illness, as you suggested.
As for crookedness in attitude and similar expressions, this description does not apply to every woman, or suggest that the attitude of all women is like that. Rather what is referred to is the mistakes that they make, and what results from them being swayed by their emotions and reacting too quickly, and the like.
The words of any person may be accepted or rejected, except the words of the infallible Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him).
Think about what you said: “And many more questions spring to mind when I read the Quran and tafsir.” This is an example of exaggeration and jumping to conclusions, which is something that reflects the attitude of women. What have you found in the Quran that is akin to what you have mentioned in your question?
Furthermore, we find such questions, in which there is objection to the words of Allah or the words of His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) very off-putting. We wonder about one in whose heart faith has become established; why is he worrying about such things?
It is sufficient for the believing man or believing woman to strive to do righteous deeds, in order to attain bliss and happiness in this world and the hereafter, as Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
{Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer – We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do.} [An-Nahl 16:97]
{And whoever does righteous deeds, whether male or female, while being a believer – those will enter Paradise and will not be wronged, [even as much as] the speck on a date seed.} [An-Nisa’ 4:124]
{And their Lord responded to them, “”Never will I allow to be lost the work of [any] worker among you, whether male or female; you are of one another.”} [Al `Imran 3:195]
So focus on your worship and doing righteous deeds, and ignore these intrusive thoughts and specious arguments, for this world is the realm of striving, and tomorrow each soul will be paid in full what it has earned, and those who sowed will reap what they sowed.
We ask Allah to fill your heart with reassurance and comfort, to make your affairs easy for you, and to protect you against the tricks of the Shaytan.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Difference between the means and causes and the One Who created them 
The best remedy for you is to differentiate between the means and causes and the One Who created them, for it is Allah, may He be Exalted, Who decrees the means and causes and brings them into existence. As for humans, employment and work, these are nothing but means or causes.
It is Allah, may He be Exalted, Who is the Provider, and He, may He be Glorified, has decreed that there should be causes and means for provision. The one who has some problems in his `Aqidah regards the means or causes as being the same as the One Who creates and brings about these causes.
According to Islam, the Muslims should not rely on these means and causes and ignore the One Who created them, and at the same time there is no room for ignoring these means and causes and giving them up.
Shaykh Al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
“What the Muslim should know is what was stated by a group of scholars. They said:  Paying attention to means and causes is a kind of Shirk that undermines belief in the oneness of Allah (Tawhid); ignoring the means and causes and not taking them into consideration is a sign of a lack of rational thinking; and turning away from the means and causes altogether is contrary to Islamic teachings; rather putting one’s trust and hope in Allah is something that is in complete harmony with Tawhid, rational thinking and Islamic teachings.
To explain further: paying attention to means and causes means relying on them in your heart and putting your hope in them, but there is nothing in creation that deserves that, because nothing in creation is independent; there must inevitably be other factors that either enhance them or oppose them. Moreover, if the Creator of the cause does not make the cause lead to results, it will not work. This is one of the things that prove that Allah is the Lord and Sovereign of all things, and that the heavens and the earth, everything in between them, the stars and planets, and what they contain all have a Creator and Controller Who is distinct from them.” ( Majmu` Al-Fatawa, 8/169)
And he (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“The individual should rely in his heart on Allah, not on any means or causes, for Allah will make available to him means and causes that will rectify his condition in this world and the hereafter. If these means and causes are measures that he can take – and he is enjoined to take them – then he should do that, whilst putting his trust in Allah, just as he does obligatory duties, and just as he strives against the enemy, takes up arms and wears a helmet in battle, and he does not think that it is sufficient, when warding off the enemy, to merely put one’s trust in Allah without doing what is enjoined of striving in Jihad. The one who neglects the means and measures that he is enjoined to take is a failure, negligent and blameworthy.” (Majmu` Al-Fatawa, 8/528, 529)
How to overcome fear of losing means of provision 
In your case, for example, your parents are the means of your maintenance, but you should realise that Allah, may He be Exalted, has caused them to be like that. You must believe that Allah, may He be Exalted, is able to decree more than one means of your provision and maintenance. 
Look around you: do you think that all the students are being supported by their families who spend on their maintenance? The answer is: Definitely not, and if you reflect on the means of their provision and maintenance, you will see that they are many and various. 
So this matter is not limited to your parents, such that you should fear that the means of your maintenance may be cut off, and it is not right for you to put them on the same level as Allah, the Provider, may He be Exalted. There is a vast difference between the Creator and the created being, between the One Who decrees and brings about the means and causes, and the means and causes themselves.
Reflect upon the words of Allah, may He be Exalted (interpretation of the meaning): {Or who is it that could provide for you if He withheld His provision? But they have persisted in insolence and aversion.} [Al-Mulk 67:21] You will find that this matter is very clear.
In this verse, Allah, may He be Exalted, informs the disbelievers that He, may He be Exalted, decrees provision by means of its causes, such as rain, rivers, and springs, and that if He, may He be Exalted, willed, He could withhold these means, so He could prevent the rain from falling and the rivers from flowing, and could cause the springs to dry up. Who is it that could prevent that, and who is it that could bring these means of provision?
Another remedy for your issue is to reflect upon the verse in which Allah, may He be Exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
{And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out,
And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.} [At-Talaq 65:2-3]
You think that if your parents die, your maintenance will be cut off, but Allah, may He be Exalted, is telling you that if a person fears Him, does what is required and refrains from what is forbidden, He will grant him provision from where he does not expect!
In other words, He will make available to him means of provision that he did not expect and that never crossed his mind. If a person truly put his trust in Allah, Allah, may He be Exalted, would suffice him and take care of all his worries. This is the exact remedy for your case, for your conflation between the means of provision and the One Who created those means, and for your anxiety and worry.
Read the words of this great scholar to find the remedy to heal your anxiety, distress and sorrow:
Shaykh `Abd Ar-Rahman As-Sa`di (may Allah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on the verse, {But if they separate [by divorce], Allah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allah Encompassing and Wise} [An-Nisa 4:130 – interpretation of the meaning]:
“This verse indicates that the individual should put his hope in Allah alone, and that if Allah decrees for him some means of earning a living and being comfortable, he should praise Him for that and ask Him to bless it for him. If that means of provision becomes no longer available, or it becomes difficult for him to attain it, he should not feel anxious, for this is just one of many, unlimited means, and a person’s provision is not dependent upon that particular means. Allah may make available another means that is better and more beneficial than it, or He may make available to him a number of means. Whatever the case, he should always keep in mind the blessings of his Lord and hope for His generosity, and he should focus on that, and offer a great deal of supplication accompanied by hope. For Allah says in the Hadith Qudsi: “I am as My slave thinks I am. If he thinks well of Me, then that is what he will get, and if he thinks ill of Me, then that is what he will get.” (Narrated by Ahmad; classed as authentic by Al-Albani in Sahih At-Targhib, 3386). And He says: “So long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I shall forgive you regardless of your sin, and I will not mind.” (Narrated by At-Tirmidhi, 2805; classed as authentic by Al-Albani in Sahih At-Tirmidhi).” (Taysir Al-Latif Al-Mannan fi Khulasat Tafsir Al-Ahkam,  p. 85, Al-Ma`arif edn.)
Then reflect upon the Hadith of `Umar ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him), according to which he heard the Prophet of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “If you truly put your trust in Allah as you should, He would provide for you as He provides for the birds: they go out in the morning hungry and they return in the evening with full bellies.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 205 and At-Tirmidhi, 2344; classed as authentic by Al-Albani)
You should understand that your remedy is to develop trust in Allah, and truly put your hope in Him and be connected to Him. It has nothing to do with the death or life of anyone , because Allah’s way in dealing with His creation is not to change anything for the death or life of anyone.
Get rid of sins and repent to Allah
One last thing: it may be that what you are feeling of anxiety, worry and distress is because of some sins that you have been committing. So examine yourself and deal with whatever you may have fallen into of sins, for Allah, may He be Exalted, may hasten the punishment for the one who is like this. We know about the wrongdoing and sins that occur in mixed universities, so strive to rid yourself of them and repent from them .
Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“One of the punishments for sin is that Allah, may He be Glorified, casts terror and fear into the heart of the sinner, so you always see him nervous and scared. Obedience to Allah is the great fortress , and whoever enters it will be one of those who are safe from the punishments of this world and the hereafter, whereas the one who exits it will be surrounded with fears on all sides. So for the one who obeys Allah, his fears will dissipate and turn into feelings of security, but for the one who disobeys Him, his feelings of security will turn into fear. You will never find any sinner but it is as if his heart is filled with anxiety: if the wind moves the door, he thinks that people are coming to get him; if he hears footsteps, he fears that he will soon be finished; he thinks that everyone is against him and that every bad thing will happen to him. The one who fears Allah will be safe from everything, but the one who does not fear Allah, Allah will cause him to be afraid of everything.” (Al-Jawab Al-Kafi,  p. 50).
For more details, please see the following answers: 20088  and 22704 .

Praise be to Allah.This woman and her guardians should be keen to choose a righteous husband who is pleasing in terms of his religious commitment and character, after asking and researching and trying to find out, and they should not be deceived by outward appearances or only focus on his financial standing.
We ask Allah, may he be exalted, to make this sister patient and grant her reward, and to compensate her with something better.
We advise her to be patient, in the hope that Allah, may He be exalted, will heal her husband and rectify his condition. That will be better for her and her foetus than divorce.
As for aborting the foetus before forty days have passed, there is a well-known difference of opinion among the fuqaha’. This has been discussed in a number of previous questions. Please see the answer to question no. 13319 and 42321 .
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Peace of mind, contentment, happiness and freedom from worries and anxiety… these are what everyone wants, and these are the ways in which people can have a good life and find complete happiness and joy. There are religious means of achieving this, and natural and practical means, but no one can combine all of them except the believers; although other people may achieve some of them, they will miss out on others. 
Here follows a summary of the means of achieving this aim for which everyone is striving. In some cases, those who achieve many of them will live a joyful life and a good life; in other cases, those who fail to achieve all of them will live a life of misery and hardship. And there are others which are in between, according to the means they are able to attain. These means include the following: 
1 – Faith and righteous deeds:
This is the greatest and most fundamental of means. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter).” [al-Nahl 16:97]
Allah tells us and promises us that whoever combines faith with righteous deeds will have a good life and a good reward in this world and in the Hereafter. 
The reason for this is clear: those who believe in Allah – with sincere faith that motivates them to do righteous deeds that change hearts and attitudes and guides them to the straight path in this world and the Hereafter – follow principles and guidelines by means of which they deal with everything that happens to them, be it the causes of happiness and excitement or the causes of anxiety, worry and grief. 
They deal with the things that they like by accepting them and giving thanks for them, and using them in good ways. When they deal with them in this manner, it creates in them a sense of excitement and the hope that it will continue and that they will be rewarded for their gratitude, which is more important than the good things that happen to them. And they deal with bad things, worries and distress by resisting those that they can resist, alleviating those that they can alleviate, and bearing with goodly patience those that they cannot avoid. Thus as a result of the bad things they gain a lot of benefits, experience, strength, patience and hope of reward, which are more important and which diminish the hardships they have undergone and replace them with happiness and hope for the bounty and reward of Allah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) expressed this in a saheeh hadeeth (authentic report) in which he said: “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2999). 
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told us that the believer is always gaining and the reward for his deeds is always multiplying, no matter what happens to him, good or bad. 
2 – Being kind to people in word and deed, and all kinds of doing good. This is one of the means of removing worry, distress and anxiety. By this means Allah wards off worries and distress from the righteous and immoral alike, but the believer has the greater share of this, and is distinguished by the fact that his kindness to others stems from sincerity and the hope of reward, so Allah makes it easy for him to be kind to others because of the hope that this will bring good things and ward off bad things, by means of his sincerity and hope of reward. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allah’s Cause), or Ma‘roof (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allah, We shall give him a great reward.”[al-Nisa 4:114]
Part of this great reward is relief from worry, distress, troubles, etc. 
3 – Another of the means of warding off anxiety that stems from nervous tension and being preoccupied with disturbing thoughts is to occupy oneself with good deeds or seeking beneficial knowledge. This will distract one from dwelling on the matters that are causing anxiety. In this way a person may forget about the things that are making him worried and distressed, and he may become happy and more energetic. This is another means that believers and others have in common, but the believer is distinguished by his faith, sincerity and hope of reward when he occupies himself with the knowledge that he is learning or teaching, or with the good deeds that he is doing. 
The work with which he occupies himself should be something that he likes and enjoys, for that is more likely to produce the desired results. And Allah knows best. 
4 – Another thing that may ward off worry and anxiety is focusing all one’s thoughts on the present day, and not worrying about the future or grieving about the past. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) sought refuge with Allah from worry and regret, from regret for things in the past which cannot be put right or changed, and worry which may come because of fear for the future. So one should focus only on the present day, and focus one’s efforts on getting things right today. If a person is focused on the present, he will do things properly and forget about worry and regret.
When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said a du’a (supplication) or taught a du’a to his ummah (followers), as well as urging them to seek the help of Allah and hope for His bounty, he was also urging them to strive to attain the thing they were praying for through their own efforts and to forget about the thing which they were praying would be warded off from them because du’a (supplication) must be accompanied by action. So a person must strive to attain that which will benefit him in worldly and spiritual terms, and ask his Lord to make his efforts successful, and he should seek His help in this, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Strive for that which will benefit you and seek the help of Allah, and do not be helpless. If anything (bad) happens to you, do not say, ‘If only I had done such-and-such, then such-and-such would have happened.’ Rather you should say, ‘Qaddara Allah wa ma sha a fa’ala (Allah decrees, and what He wills He does),’ for (the words) ‘If only’ open the door to the Shaytan.” (Narrated by Muslim). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) connected the matter of striving to achieve good things with the matter of seeking the help of Allah and not giving in to feelings of helplessness which are a harmful kind of laziness, and with the matter of accepting things in the past which are over and done with, and acknowledging that the will and decree of Allah will inevitably come to pass. He described matters as being of two types: 
1 – Matters which a person may strive to achieve or to achieve whatever he can of them, or to ward them off or alleviate them. In such cases a person must strive and make the effort, and also seek the help of Allah. 
2 – Matters where such is not possible, so he must have peace of mind, accept them and submit to Allah’s will. 
Undoubtedly paying attention to this principle will bring happiness and relieve worry and distress. 
5 – One of the greatest means of feeling content and relaxed and of acquiring peace of mind is to remember Allah a great deal (dhikr). That has a great effect in bringing contentment and peace of mind, and relieving worry and distress. Allah says: 
“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” [al-Ra’d 13:28]
Remembering Allah (dhikr) has a great effect in achieving this aim because it has a special influence and because of the hope that it brings of reward. 
6 – Another of the means of bringing happiness and relieving worry and distress is striving to eliminate the things that cause worry and to achieve the things that bring happiness. That may be done by forgetting about bad things in the past which cannot be changed, and realizing that dwelling on them is a waste of time. So a person must strive to stop himself from thinking of them, and also strive to stop himself from feeling anxious about the future and the things that he may imagine of poverty, fear and other bad things that he thinks may happen to him in the future. He should realize that the future is something that is unknown, he cannot know what good or bad things are going to happen to him. That is in the hand of the Almighty, the Most Wise, and all that His slaves can do is to strive to attain the good things and to ward off the bad things. A person should realize that if he diverts his thoughts from worrying about his future and puts his trust in his Lord to take care of his situation, and puts his mind at rest concerning this, if he does this, then his heart will be at peace and his situation will improve and he will be relieved of worry and anxiety. 
One of the most effective ways of dealing with worries about the future is to recite this du’a which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to recite: 
“Allahumma aslih li deeni alladhi huwa ‘ismatu amri, wa aslih li dunyaya allati fiha ma’ashi, wa aslih li akhirati allati ilayha ma’adi, waj’al al-hayata ziyadatan li fi kulli khayr, wa’l-mawta rahatan li min kulli sharr (O Allah, correct my religious commitment which is the foundation of my life, and correct my worldly affairs in which is my livelihood, and grant me good in the Hereafter to which is my return. Make my life a means of accumulating good, and make death a respite for me from all evil).” (Narrated by Muslim, 2720). 
And he said, “Allahumma rahmataka arju fa la takilni ila nafsi tarfata ‘aynin wa aslih li shani kullahu, la ilaha illa anta (O Allah, for Your mercy I hope, so do not abandon me to myself even for a moment. And correct all my affairs. There is no god but You).” (Narrated by Abu Dawood with a saheeh isnad [chain of transmitters], no. 5090; classed as hasan/good by al-Albani in Saheeh al-Kalim al-Tayyib, p.49).  
If a person utters these du’as, which ask that his spiritual and worldly affairs may be set right or corrected, with proper presence of mind and sincerity of intention, whilst striving to achieve this, Allah will grant him what he has prayed for, hoped for and striven for, and He will turn his worry into joy and happiness. 
7 – If a person experiences anxiety and distress because of a disaster, then one of the most effective means of relieving himself of that is to think of the worst scenario to which that may lead, and try to accept that. When he has done this, then he should try to alleviate it as much as possible. By means of this acceptance and these efforts, he will relieve himself of his worries and distress, and instead of worrying he will strive to bring about good things and to deal with whatever he can of the bad things. If he is faced with things that cause fear or the possibility of sickness or poverty, then he should deal with this by striving to make himself accept it, or something even worse, with contentment, because by making himself accept the worst-case scenario, he lessens the impact of the thing and makes it seem less terrible, especially if he occupies himself with efforts to ward it off as much as he can. Thus as well as striving to achieve something good which will distract him from his worries about calamity, he will also renew his strength to resist bad things, and put his trust and reliance in Allah. Undoubtedly these matters are of great benefit in attaining happiness and peace of mind, as well as bringing the hope of reward in this world and in the Hereafter. This is something which is well known from the experience of many who have tried it. 
8 – Steadfastness of heart and not being disturbed about the imaginary things that bad thoughts may bring to mind. For when a person gives in to his imagination and lets his mind be disturbed by these thoughts, such as fear of disease and the like, or anger and confusion stirred up by some grievous matter, or the expectation of bad things and the loss of good things, it will fill him with worries, distress, mental and physical illness and nervous breakdowns, which will have a bad effect on him and which causes a great deal of harm, as many people have seen. But when a person depends on Allah and puts his trust in Him, and does not give in to his imagination or let bad thoughts overwhelm him, and he relies on Allah and has hope of His bounty, this wards off his worries and distress, and relieves him of a great deal of mental and physical sickness. It gives indescribable strength, comfort and happiness to the heart. How many hospitals are filled with the mentally sick victims of illusions and harmful imagination; how often have these things had an effect upon the hearts of many strong people, let alone the weak ones; how often have they led to foolishness and insanity. 
It should be noted that your life will follow your train of thought. If your thoughts are of things that will bring you benefit in your spiritual or worldly affairs, then your life will be good and happy. Otherwise it will be the opposite. 
The person who is safe from all of this is the one who is protected by Allah and helped by Him to strive to achieve that which will benefit and strengthen the heart and ward off anxiety. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him.” [al-Talaq 65:3]
i.e., He will be sufficient for all that is worrying him in his spiritual and worldly affairs. The one who puts his trust in Allah will have strength in his heart and will not be affected by anything he imagines or be disturbed by events, because he knows that these are the result of vulnerable human nature and of weakness and fear that have no basis. He also knows that Allah has guaranteed complete sufficiency to those who put their trust in Him. So he trusts in Allah and finds peace of mind in His promise, and thus his worry and anxiety are dispelled; hardship is turned to ease, sadness is turned to joy, fear is turned to peace. We ask Allah to keep us safe and sound, and to bless us with strength and steadfastness of heart, and complete trust, for Allah has guaranteed all good things to those who put their trust in Him, and has guaranteed to ward off all bad and harmful things from them. 
If bad things happen or there is the fear of such, then you should count the many blessings that you are still enjoying, both spiritual and worldly, and compare them with the bad things that have happened, for when you compare them you will see the many blessings that you are enjoying, and this will make the bad things appear less serious. 
See al-Wasail al-Mufeedah li’l-Hayat al-Sa’eedah by Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahman ibn Sa’di 
Ibn al-Qayyim summed fifteen ways through which Allah may dispel worries and regret. These are as follows: 
1-     Tawheed al-Ruboobiyyah (belief in the Oneness of Divine Lordship)
2-     Tawheed al-Uloohiyyah (belief in the Oneness of the Divine nature)
3-     Tawheed of knowledge and belief (i.e., Tawheed al-Asma’ wa’l_Sifaat, belief in the Oneness of the Divine names and attributes)
4-     Thinking of Allah as being above doing any injustice to His slaves, and above punishing anyone for no cause on the part of the slave that would require such punishment.
5-     The person’s acknowledging that he is the one who has done wrong.
6-     Beseeching Allah by means of the things that are most beloved to Him, which are His names and attributes. Two of His names that encompass the meanings of all other names and attributes are al-Hayy (the Ever-Living) and al-Qayyoom (the Eternal).
7-     Seeking the help of Allah Alone.
8-     Affirming one’s hope in Him.
9-     Truly putting one’s trust in Him and leaving matters to Him, acknowledging that one’s forelock is in His hand and that He does as He wills, that His will is forever executed and that He is just in all that He decrees.
10- Letting one’s heart wander in the garden of the Quran, seeking consolation in it from every calamity, seeking healing in it from all diseases of the heart, so that it will bring comfort to his grief and healing for his worries and distress.
11- Seeking forgiveness.
12- Repentance.
13- Jihad.
14-Salah (prayer).
15-Declaring that he has no power and no strength, and leaving matters to the One in Whose hand they are.
We ask Allah to keep us safe and sound from worries and to relieve us of distress and anxiety, for He is the All-Hearing, Ever-Responsive, and He is the Ever-Living, Eternal.
See Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and Stress, in the Books section of this site.
And Allah knows best.
May Allah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and Companions.

Praise be to Allah.This method of fertilisation, putting the egg with the husband’s sperm in the womb of the other wife is a method that is not permissible according to Islamic teaching, and many of the scholars are of the view that it is prohibited. Two statements concerning it have been issued by the Islamic Fiqh Council belonging to the Organisation of Islamic Cooperation, and by the Islamic Fiqh Council belonging to the Muslim World League, which originally thought that this method was permissible, then retracted that view. There follows some of what was mentioned in these two statements:
1.. The statement of the Fiqh Council belonging to the Organisation of Islamic Cooperation (formerly the Organisation of the Islamic Conference):
The session of the Islamic Fiqh Council that was held 8-13 Safar 1407 AH/11-16 October 1986.
After examining the issue of artificial insemination (test-tube babies), studying the research presented, and listening to the explanations given by experts and doctors, and after discussing the matter, the council determined:
That the methods of artificial insemination that are known at present are seven:
1.. Fertilisation occurs between sperm taken from the husband and an egg taken from a woman who is not his wife, then the embryo is implanted in the wife’s uterus.
2.. Fertilisation occurs between the sperm of a man who is not the husband and an egg taken from the wife, then the embryo is implanted in the wife’s uterus.
3.. Fertilisation occurs between the sperm and egg of the couple, then the embryo is implanted in the uterus of a woman who volunteers to bear it (surrogate pregnancy).
4.. Fertilisation occurs externally between the sperm of a man and the egg of a woman [not of the married couple] and the embryo is implanted in the wife’s uterus.
5.. Fertilisation occurs externally between the husband’s sperm and the wife’s egg, then the embryo is implanted in the uterus of the other wife.
6.. Sperm is taken from the husband and an egg is taken from his wife and fertilisation occurs externally, then the embryo is implanted in the wife’s uterus.
7.. Sperm is taken from the husband and injected into the right place in his wife’s vagina or uterus, so that fertilisation may occur internally.
The council determined:
The first five methods are all haraam according to Islamic teachings, and are to be completely banned because of the way in which they are done, or because of what results from them of mixing of lineage and the child not being brought up with his real mother, and other matters that are contrary to Islamic teachings.
Regarding the sixth and seventh methods, the council thinks that there is nothing wrong with using them in the case of necessity, whilst affirming that it is essential to take all necessary precautions. End quote.
Majallat al-Majma‘ (3/1/423).
2.. The statement of the Islamic Fiqh Council belonging to the Muslim World League:
Praise be to Allah and blessings and peace be upon our master and Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and upon his family and companions. To proceed:
The Islamic Fiqh Council, in its eighth session, held in the headquarters of the Muslim World League in Makkah al-Mukarramah, Saturday 28 Rabee‘ al-Aakhir 1405 – Monday 7 Jumaada al-Oola 1405 AH (19-28 January 1985 CE) examined the concerns expressed by some of its members regarding what the council had permitted in the second clause of the fifth statement having to do with artificial insemination and test-tube babies, which was issued during its seventh session that was held 11-16 Rabee‘ al-Aakhir 1404 AH, the text of which was:
“Regarding the seventh method, in which the sperm and egg are taken from the married couple, and after fertilisation in the laboratory, the fertilised egg is implanted in the uterus of the other wife of the same husband, as she volunteers willingly to carry that pregnancy for her co-wife, who has had a hysterectomy: it appears to the council that this is permissible in the case of necessity, in accordance with the general conditions that have been mentioned.
Summary of the concerns:
The other wife, in whose uterus the fertilised egg of the first wife is implanted, may become pregnant before her uterus closes following implantation of the fertilised egg, as a result of her husband having intercourse with her around the time that the fertilised egg is implanted, then she may give birth to twins and not know which came from the fertilised egg and which resulted from intercourse with her husband. As a result, it will be not possible to know who is the mother of which twin. Moreover, one of the two embryos may die in the early stages of pregnancy, and not be expelled except with the birth of the other, and it will not be known whether the surviving child grew from the fertilised egg or from the pregnancy that resulted from the husband having intercourse with her. This would result in mixing of lineages and it would not be known who the true mother is of either child, and this would affect rulings that are connected to that. All of this dictates that the council should retract its ruling regarding the case mentioned.
The council also listened to opinions presented by gynaecologists and obstetricians who attended the session and confirmed the possibility that a pregnancy could result from intercourse with the husband at the same time as the pregnancy resulting from the implanting of the fertilised egg, and that could lead to mixing of lineages in the manner mentioned in the concerns referred to.
After discussing the topic and exchanging views on it, the council decided to retract its view regarding the permissibility of the seventh method referred to in the statement previously issued by the Council in its seventh session held in 1404 AH. End quote.
Qaraaraat al-Majma‘ al-Fiqhi (p. 159-161).
Based on that:
It is not permissible to take the sperm of the husband and the egg of the wife and put this mixture in the uterus of the husband’s other wife.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.I thank you for your trust and ask Allaah to give us and you strength and wisdom, and to show us what is true and help us to follow it, and to show us what is false and help us to avoid it, and not to let it confuse us and lead us astray… With regard to what you asked about, my comments on it are as follows: 
1 –Thinking about the matters of our daily lives, and our private and public affairs is something that is essential and important, it is necessary in order for us to deal with these matters and benefit from them in the appropriate manner. The Qur’aan – which is the word of Allaah – urges us to think, in more than one verse, for example: 
“…and think deeply about the creation of the heavens and the earth, (saying): Our Lord! You have not created (all) this without purpose…” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:191] 
“And on the earth are signs for those who have Faith with certainty.
And also in your ownselves. Will you not then see?” [al-Dhaariyaat 51:20-21] 
“Will you not then take thought?” [al-An’aam 6:50] 
“Have you then no understanding?”[al-Baqarah 2:76]
And there are other verses which encourage us to think about our affairs and indeed about the life and creation around us. 
So thinking in and of itself is not a problem, rather it is required, important and essential, and it is enjoined by our religion and encouraged by our Qur’aan. 
2 – This “thinking” may become a psychological or social problem if it prevents a person from playing his natural role that is expected of him in life. 
Such as thinking that things are more serious than they really are, or thinking too much about matters where thinking about them will not change anything at all, rather that only causes distress and becomes an obstacle prevents one from taking any initiative, and make him hesitant and confused, and unable to take any decision. 
Thinking may become a problem in shar’i terms if it makes a person go beyond his intellectual limits in thinking about matters of the unseen and things that he can never comprehend, which may open many doors for the accursed Shaytaan to influence him. 
3 – With regard to thinking a great deal about everything and worrying about every problem, this is to some extent a natural thing, so long as it does not prevent you from living your lives in a natural manner. What I mean here is, is this thinking helping you to come up with solutions to these problems that you are facing? Do these situations deserve all the time that you are spending on thinking about them? If the answer is yes, then there is no problem! But if the answer is no, then you yourself are admitting that they do not warrant that, and then you are halfway to solving the problem, which is to identify the problem and take a decision concerning it. Because when we know what the problem is, it is easy for us to find the right way of dealing with it. 
4 – Overcoming these problems needs some discipline and some time. You can make the decision to start and you are able, with the help and support of Allaah, to do that. You have to trust yourselves in this regard! 
5 – I suggest to you that you divide your concerns and problems into three categories or levels: 
·Concerns and problems that have a direct impact upon your married and social lives in a serious manner that may lead to breakdown in relationships. These must be given their due measure of objective thought and you should try to reach an agreement and settle the matter. They should not be ignored for so long that it becomes too difficult to deal with them.
·The second level is concerns or problems in which the positive and negative aspects are equal and in which you are involved. In these cases you should pray istikhaarah to Allaah, and it is o.k. to consult others concerning them and to weigh up alternatives, then decide what you think is the solution, bearing in mind issues of sharee’ah and custom, without going to extremes in worrying about it.
·The third level is concerns and worries that do not concern you at all, because they have to do with other people. It is better not to get involved in them and waste your time with them, because they simply do not concern you and your opinion does not matter.
6 – The concerns and matters of our daily lives inevitably fall into one of three categories: 
·Matters which are in the past and are over and done with. We should not worry about these too much, except to the extent from which we can learn from our mistakes and experiences when dealing with things in the future. The past cannot come back and there is no need to worry about things that are over and done with.
·Matters which lay ahead in the future. It is more appropriate not to think about these a great deal before they happen, because the future is part of the unseen, and all that we have to do in this case is to examine the choices we have in this matter if it comes to pass. When the time comes, we have to put our trust in Allaah and take a decision.
·Matters of day-to-day life. This is where we attempt to weigh up all the available alternatives, and it is o.k. to consult others with regard to these things and to exchange ideas without going to extremes or worrying too much. In the end, things will turn out as we hope, by Allaah’s leave, so long as we pursue the means of praying istikhaarah and consulting others, and good lies in that which is chosen by Allaah.
7 – Getting used to this requires some discipline. You could agree with your husband to cooperate in this matter and remind one another when you are worrying more than you need to about a matter. Gradually you will find that you are becoming able to deal with day-to-day matters in an objective manner. 
8 – There is a good book on the topic of anxiety which gives practical means of dealing with this matter, and I advise you to read it. It is called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. 
9 – First and last, have a good intention and pray sincerely that Allaah will give you strength and help you and set your thinking straight.

Praise be to Allah.My brother, have great hope in Allah, and do not let the devil cause you to despair of the vast mercy of Allah which He has guaranteed for His believing slaves. What you are telling yourself about this being a sign that you will die following something other than that which Allah wants is only insinuating whispers (Waswas ) from the devil and his deviant ideas by means of which he wants to tempt the slaves of Allah and lead them away from their religion. 
So he comes to a righteous slave and whispers to him that his good deeds are of no avail, or that he is doing them not for the sake of Allah but to show off to people, so that they will think he is good.
 All of these are the usual ways with which the devil tries to trick the slaves of Allah, especially those who show signs of being righteous – of whom I think that you are one, although I do not praise anyone before Allah – to hinder their efforts. We seek refuge with Allah from him. 
You need to increase your hope and trust in Allah Who forgives all sins, and who accepts the slave who seeks His protection and refuge, for He is the Most Merciful, the Oft-Forgiving and the Most Loving.  
You should increase your good deeds , such as reading the Quran, giving charity , remembering Allah (Dhikr ), upholding the ties of kinship, etc. 
The weakness which you feel also happens to others, for it is something natural. How many people were examples followed by others and had a great deal of drive and ambition, then they lost their drive and ambition for a long time, then it came back to them by the grace of Allah. 
Remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): “Everybody has his time of energy, and every time of energy is followed by a time of lethargy. But if a person tries to follow a moderate path, then I have hope for him, but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the street), then do not think anything of him.” (Narrated by At-Tirmidhi, 2453; classed as sound by Al-Albani in Sahih At-Tirmidhi, 1995) 
What is meant by “Everybody has his time of energy” is eagerness for a thing, energy and the desire to do good.
What is meant by “every time of energy is followed by a time of lethargy” is tiredness, weakness and lack of movement.
“But if a person tries to follow a moderate path” means that the one who has energy does his deeds in moderation and avoids going to extremes when he is feeling energetic and avoids being negligent when he is feeling lethargic.
“Then I have hope for him” means, I have hope that he will be successful, for he can continue following a middle course, and the most beloved deeds to Allah are those which are continuous.
“but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the street)” means, if he strives hard and goes to extremes in doing good deeds so that he will become famous for his worship and asceticism, and he becomes famous and people point him out to one another,
“then do not think anything of him” means, do not think that he is one of the righteous, because he is showing off. He did not say, “do not have hope for him,” as an indication that he has already fallen, and he will not be able to make up for what he has missed out on. [Tuhfat Al-Ahwadhi] 
Think about this Hadith, and relate it to your own situation and the situation of others: you will see a clear similarity. This Hadith clearly states that man goes through a stage of incomparable eagerness and great focus and ambition, then suddenly he becomes weak and loses that focus and eagerness and ambition. When he reaches this stage, he must strive even harder to do obligatory duties and avoid prohibited things. If he does that, then there is the hope that he will succeed and progress, but if he falls into prohibited things and stops doing obligatory things, he will be lost and doomed.
So you must turn to Allah a great deal, seek His forgiveness and ask Him to make you steadfast until death. I also advise you to keep away from prohibited things. May Allah forgive your sins and make things easier for you.
For more details, please see the following answers: 9356 , 10776 , 14041 , and 223615 .
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Many young men in our ummah nowadays are facing addiction to pornography, because it is so easily available online. This type of addiction makes a person unable to be content with real-life, permissible intimacy with his wife, because he is addicted to a haraam virtual reality and because of his following his whims and desires.
The issue is not merely one of whether he feels happy with you and enjoys intimacy with you; rather it has to do with his addiction to viewing other women, especially as he did this in the first month of his marriage to you.
This addiction is a sickness which needs a remedy.
Some of the greatest and most effective remedies for addiction include: keeping away – voluntarily or otherwise – from the source of this addiction; keeping oneself busy with things that will benefit one in this world or the hereafter; and visiting a psychologist who can intervene with medicines and talk therapy, if necessary.
This requires effort on your part to help him give up this addiction, by trying to distract him from electronic devices that opened the door to that, and speaking to him about research that warns against addiction to these devices. You can also try to fill his time with beneficial matters, both worldly and religious, and help him to strive to obey Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.
If you find that he is reluctant and rejects these attempts, then you can suggest to him to go to a psychologist, to try to rid himself of his addiction to these devices and the symptoms of anxiety that result from that.
We advise you, as a matter of urgency, to consult a trustworthy and religiously committed female advisor, even if that is online, so that she can advise you in detail about how to handle different issues of life with him in general, and your marital relationship in particular.
Please note that it is not permissible to divulge details of your marital relationship and the like to any man other than your father, whether he is a psychologist or otherwise, because of what that may lead to of opening the door to temptation or haraam infatuation.
In brief, your aim here is to distract him with yourself from others, and make him content with that which is halaal so that he will not seek that which is  haraam. Strive hard to achieve that and seek reward with Allah with regard to this important matter.
With regard to him looking at clips of the third sex – may Allah guide us and him – this is perverse behaviour, because he is enjoying looking at something that is perverse. But that does not necessarily mean that he is homosexual, because a homosexual man does not usually enjoy looking at female forms; rather it is the exact opposite.
We ask Allah to guide us and you, for He, may He be glorified, is indeed able to do that.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
Undoubtedly what you are feeling towards your sisters is caused by the shaytaan and his plots and tricks. According to what you say in your letter, these sisters have not done anything to make you treat them in this manner; even if they made some mistakes or did something wrong, all people are like that; who is there who never did anything wrong? 
This indicates that the matter is no more than a trick of the shaytaan to make you fall into the situation you are in now. We are sorry to see that he has succeeded in that and that he has made these friends hateful to you and caused you to give up on doing acts of obedience and worship. 
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al‑Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al‑Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]”
[al-Noor 24:21]
You should understand that the tricks that the shaytaan uses with those who are obedient to their Lord are: 
1.Sowing discord among the Muslims, especially between righteous  friends
It was narrated that Jaabir said: I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “The Shaytaan has despaired of being worshipped in the Arabian Peninsula, but he will sow seeds of discord among them.” Narrated by Muslim (2812). 
Al-Nawawi said: This hadeeth is one of the miracles of Prophethood. What it means is that he has despaired of being worshipped by the people of the Arabian Peninsula, but he will strive to sow discord among them, with arguments, disputes, wars, tribulations and so on.
Sharh Muslim (17/156). 
2.He makes righteous company hateful to them, and causes them to prefer harmful isolation
It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There are no three men in a town or in the desert among whom prayer is not established, but the shaytaan has taken control of them, so you must adhere to the jamaa’ah, for the wolf only eats the sheep that wanders away on its own.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood (547) and al-Nasaa’i (847); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 
It was narrated from Mu’aadh ibn Jabal that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The shaytaan is the wolf of man like the wolf of sheep takes the stray sheep and the one that wanders far. Beware of division, and adhere to the jamaa’ah.” 
Narrated by Ahmad (22029); classed as hasan by the editors of al-Musnad. 
Al-Manaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: i.e., he corrupts man, by tempting him, and he destroys him, like a wolf running loose among a flock of sheep. 
“He takes the stray sheep” i.e., the one that wanders far from its companions. This is a metaphor for the one who is separate from the jamaa’ah (main body of Muslims) and keeps away from them, then the shaytaan overpowers him, like the sheep that wanders away from the flock, then the wolf catches it because it is alone.  
The metaphor ends with a warning: “beware of division” i.e., beware of separation and dissent. “And adhere to the jamaa’ah”, affirmation after affirmation, i.e., cling to it, stay with the main group, for the one who drifts away will end up in the Fire.  
Fayd al-Qadeer (2/350). 
Strive to bar both ways to the shaytaan, and do not open any doors to evil. You did not become bored and lose resolve to obey Allaah until after the shaytaan was able to overpower you and lead you in the way he wanted. Perhaps if you compare your situation now with your situation before, you will be able to see that it is the result of the shaytaan’s plots and tricks, so beware and pay attention. 
Righteous friends are one of the greatest means by which a Muslim can remain steadfast in adhering to his religion, so strive to form such friendships as Allaah has prescribed. 
It was narrated from Abu Moosa that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believers are like a structure, parts of which support other parts.”
 Narrated by al-Bukhaari (467) and Muslim (2585). 
‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “You should seek sincere brothers, for they are an adornment at times of ease and a support at times of calamity.” 
Strive to do acts of worship and righteous deeds, for they are the best help in remaining steadfast, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  
“Allaah will keep firm those who believe, with the word that stands firm in this world (i.e. they will keep on worshipping Allaah Alone and none else), and in the Hereafter. And Allaah will cause to go astray those who are Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers), and Allaah does what He wills”
[Ibraaheem 14:27] 
“but if they had done what they were told, it would have been better for them, and would have strengthened their (Faith)”
[al-Nisa’ 4:66] 
Strive to persist in saying du’aa’ and beseech Allaah to make you steadfast in adhering to His religion, and to increase you in guidance and strength and righteousness, for this is the state of the believers, as Allaah tells us of them in the verse where He says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“(They say): ‘Our Lord! Let not our hearts deviate (from the truth) after You have guided us, and grant us mercy from You. Truly, You are the Bestower’”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:8]
It was narrated that Anas said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) often used to say: “O Turner of the hearts, make my heart steadfast in adhering to Your religion.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2140) and Ibn Maajah (3834); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.  
Setting things straight between you and them need not take a great deal of effort. You can restore this good relationship by replying to their messages, talking to them, and telling them that you have some personal problems, with no need to tell them the details; it is sufficient to be a lesson for you in the future. 
Secondly: 
Beware of being alone and remaining isolated, because they are the first steps on the road to deviation and falling into the pit. If your withdrawing is for the purpose of worship and devotion, then it has some basis in sharee’ah, but the kind of isolation that leads to apathy is a haraam kind of isolation. In that case mixing with your friends becomes obligatory, so you should pay attention to that. 
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
As for the words “is it better for the one who is striving hard to be isolated or mix with people?”, although people disagree concerning this issue, in whole or in part, the truth of the matter is that mixing with people may, at different times, be obligatory or mustahabb, and an individual may, at different times, be required to mix with people or to isolate himself. It depends: if mixing with people will involve cooperation in righteousness and piety, then he is enjoined to do it, and if it will involve cooperation in sin and transgression, then he is forbidden to do it. Mixing with the Muslims for some types of acts of worship, such as the five daily prayers, Jumu’ah, the eclipse prayer, prayers for rain (istisqa’) and so on, is something that is enjoined by Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).  The same applies to mixing with them at the time of Hajj, when fighting the kuffaar, even if the leaders are evildoers or there are evildoers among those groups. 
The same applies to meetings which increase a person in faith, either because they benefit from him or he benefits from them, and so on. 
But there are times when the believer must be alone in his du’aa’, dhikr, prayer, thinking, taking stock of himself, setting himself straight, and private matters which have nothing to do with anyone else. At these times he needs to be alone, either in his house –as Tawoos said: The best cell of a man is his house, where he restrains his gaze and tongue – or elsewhere. 
Choosing to mix in absolute terms is wrong and choosing isolation in absolute terms is also wrong. So too the amount of each that a person needs, and what is best for him in each case, is something that depends on each person, as stated above. 
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/425, 426) 
You should realize that the calamities that have befallen your heart, of resentment and envy are all connected to the situation you are in. The reward of a good deed is another good deed like it, and the punishment of a bad deed is another bad deed. 
If you had understood things as they should be understood, you would know that Allah knows best about His creation, and He raises some of them above others in status, by His knowledge of His creation and His wisdom for a purpose that He wants for them.  
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“See how We prefer one above another (in this world), and verily, the Hereafter will be greater in degrees and greater in preferment”
[al-Isra’ 17:21]
“Thus We have tried some of them with others, that they might say: ‘Is it these (poor believers) whom Allaah has favoured from amongst us?’ Does not Allaah know best those who are grateful?”
[al-An’aam 6:53]
Shaykh Ibn Sa’di said: i.e., this is a way in which Allaah tests His slaves, whereby He makes some of them rich and some poor, some noble and some lowly. When Allaah blesses a poor or lowly person with faith, that is a test for the rich and noble. If his aim is to find the truth and follow it, he will believe and become Muslim, and the fact that there are poor and lowly people who are less then him in wealth and status who are Muslim does not prevent him from embracing Islam. But if he is not sincere in seeking the truth, this will be an obstacle that will prevent him from being among the followers of the truth.  They said, mocking those whom they regarded as inferior to them, “Is it these (poor believers) whom Allaah has favoured from amongst us?” That prevented them from following the truth. Allaah said, responding to their words which implied objection to Allaah for guiding these people and not guiding them: “Does not Allaah know best those who are grateful?”, those who acknowledge the blessing and appreciate it, and do what it requires of righteous deeds. So He bestows His grace and favour upon them, and not those who are not grateful, for Allaah is wise and does not bestow His grace on those who are not deserving of it; those who objected do not deserve it, unlike those whom Allaah has blessed with faith of the poor and others, who are grateful. Tafseer al-Sa’di (258). 
What you should have done was to hasten to do good deeds, and give up evil, and compete with people in that, as the Lord of the Worlds says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“so compete in good deeds. The return of you (all) is to Allaah; then He will inform you about that in which you used to differ”
[al-Maa’idah 5:48].
Al-Hasan al-Basri (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Whoever competes with you in religious commitment, compete with him, and whoever competes with you in worldly matters, give it up to him. 
But refraining from doing good deeds and being preoccupied with these problems, this is not the action of wise people at all. 
We ask Allaah to guide you to that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to set your thinking and your affairs straight, and to make your heart steadfast in faith and obedience. We hope that you will understand what we have said about reviewing your disconnection from your sisters, including being keen to resume those good friendships, and keeping away from the traps of the shaytaan and shunning his waswaas. We hope that Allaah will help you to do that. 
And Allaah knows best.