Category: Muamalah

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:  
Islam enjoins parents to
take care of their children and raise them well. Children will grow up on
what they hear, read and see in their home, on the streets and in school,
and whatever faults happen in their upbringing are because of faults in one
or  all of these aspects. 
What has happened with your
son, of his bad attitude towards you, may because of what he has seen and
heard at home of the problems between you and your husband, which led to
divorce, or it may be because of the influence of what he has seen and read
on the computer, or it may be the result of witchcraft done against him by
his father in order to take him from you. Any of these things is possible,
or it may be all of these reasons combined that has lead to this bad
behaviour of your son towards you. 
Whatever the case, you have
to set things straight by looking for the causes that have led to these
problems, so that you can deal with the matter by dealing with the cause. If
it is because of your problems with his father, then you must make him
understand the reality of the situation and what happened [?} between you,
in a way that is appropriate to his age and level of understanding. If the
cause is what he hears, watches and sees on the computer then you must keep
an eye on whatever he is looking at, and it is essential to teach him to
make good use of the computer. If he does not respond, then you can forbid
him to use it altogether. If the cause is his father doing witchcraft on
him, then you can start to remedy it by using shar’i ruqyahs from the
Qur’aan and saheeh dhikrs of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him). There is no reason why you shouldn’t take him to someone whose
religious commitment you trust, to treat him in the shar’i manner for such
cases. 
Secondly: 
You can find out whether
his father is really doing sihr (witchcraft) by finding out how he treats
others or what he really says to those who visit him and consult him. 
Some of the scholars have
mentioned the signs of the saahir (practitioner of witchcraft) by means of
which anyone can discern the saahir from those who are good and righteous.
These signs are: 

1.He asks the sick person for his
mother’s name, and some personal possession of the one for whom treatment is
sought, such as his hair or clothing.

2.He mumbles words that have no
meaning and that the listener cannot understand. The muttering may be calls
to the jinn or devils to come and serve him.

3.Another sign is that the saahir
does not attend Jumu’ah prayer or the five daily prayers in the mosque.

4.He is dishevelled and smells
bad, and he likes being in the dark and on his own.

5.He gives the sick person an
amulet (“hijab”) containing some mumbo-jumbo, squares or numbers.
To find out the truth, he
should have all or some of the characteristics. Thus you will know the truth
about him. It should be noted that you may be exaggerating in suspecting him
of witchcraft. You have to be fair in judging him, and fear Allaah before
making accusations and claims of which he is innocent. 
But so long as you have
separated from him, we do not think that you should concern yourself too
much with your ex-husband and whether he is a saahir or not; rather what you
should do is focus on how to protect yourself and your son, and how to
fulfil your duty of raising this boy. 
Thirdly: 
With regard to custody of
the child, it is known that the purpose of custody is to protect and take
care of the child. Hence a person’s right to custody is waived if he is
immoral or corrupt, or if he neglects him, or if he travels a great deal,
which would harm the child’s interests. 
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn
Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him): 
It should be noted that
there is no text which gives precedence to either parent in general terms,
or chooses one of the parents in all cases. The scholars are unanimously
agreed that neither of them is specified in all cases, rather when there is
transgression of the limits or neglect, precedence is not to be given to the
one who will be like that (i.e., the parent who will transgress the limits
or be neglectful) over the one who is just and good and will do what is
required. 
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa
(34/132). 
It should be noted that the
period of custody extends until the child reaches the age of discernment and
independence, i.e., custody lasts until the child is able to discern and is
independent of his guardian, in the sense that he can eat and drink by
himself, and clean himself after going to the toilet by himself, and so on. 
As he has reached the age
of 11, he should be given the choice of living with his father or with you,
so long as the choice is made by him freely, without any pressure or
compulsion, and so long as the reason for his choice is not that he will
never be told to pray or obey Allaah, or to do anything that is in his
religious or worldly interests, because his choice in this case would be
harmful to him. Many children care only about choosing the one who will
spoil them the most or give them the toys and games that they want, so in
that case he should not be allowed to have what he wants. 
If it is proven that his
father is engaging in witchcraft, then it is not permissible for him to take
his son, rather he should be withheld from him until he repents sincerely to
Allaah. 
If it is not proven that
the father is engaging in witchcraft, then the parents should cooperate in
raising their son, and pay attention to what is in his best interests, so
that their conflict will not be a cause of the children failing and being
lost. 
See also the answers to
questions no. 8189 and
20705 and
21516. 
We ask Allaah to set all
your affairs straight and to guide your son to that which our Lord loves and
is pleased with, and to set his father straight and protect his religious
commitment. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
We praise Allaah for having guided this sister to Islam and
we ask Him to make her steadfast in adhering to the truth, and to guide her
to the right words and deeds. 

What the sister has mentioned is an example of how Islam is
suffering at the hands of its people – if we may put it this way – people
who claim to be Muslim, then they go against the rulings and etiquette of
Islam. Moreover, if this transgression happened in a Muslim country, where
Islam is prevalent and those who are committed to the faith are known, then
no one would be blamed for someone else’s mistakes, and no one would condemn
Islam because of the bad deeds of an evildoer. In that case the matter
wouldn’t be so bad. But the problem becomes worse when one of these
evildoers lives in the west, among the kuffaar, and they regard him as a
representative of Islam and of its morals, etiquette and rulings, then he
lives his life like the Jews and Christians around him, not paying any
attention to what is halaal and haraam. 

Al-Awzaa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It was said
that there is no Muslim who is not standing guard on the borders of Islam,
so whoever can prevent Islam from being undermined or attacked, let him do
so. 

Al-Hasan ibn Hayy (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: With
regard to Islam, the Muslims are like a fortress. If a Muslim does a bad
deed, Islam is breached from his direction; if all the Muslims do bad deeds,
you should persevere in adhering to that which, if all the people were
united on it, the religion of Islam would prevail, that which Allaah wants
for all people, and do not let Islam be breached from your direction. 

Al-Sunnah by Muhammad ibn Nasr
al-Marwazi (no. 29, 30). 

It hurts every Muslim to hear that Muslim sisters who have
entered Islam recently are exposed to verbal and physical harm by those who
are supposed to be a good example of Islam and of the Muslim family which
should be distinguished by stability, love and compassion among its members.
It is regrettable that among those who claim to belong to Islam there should
be someone like this husband who sets a bad example and puts people off
Islam, and who causes the image of Islam to be distorted, which leads people
to criticize it. 

If one of the things that this husband does is to neglect the
prayer, then the sister should realize that it is not permissible for her to
stay with him, because not praying is regarded in sharee’ah as kufr which
puts one beyond the pale of Islam, hence the marriage contract is rendered
invalid. A person like this husband is not fit to be the head of a family in
which he is entrusted with his wife and children, rather there is the fear
that he may harm them by his bad actions. If he does not spend on them as
enjoined by Allaah, then he has combined all kinds of evil in his actions
and attitude, and staying with him is a heavy burden that the wife is
shouldering for no reason; if she rids herself of him by means of divorce or
separation, that will be better for her and perhaps her life will change for
the better, either on her own with her children or with another husband who
understands the value of family and fulfils the duty that Allaah has
enjoined upon him. 

If this sister hopes that her husband will be guided and set
straight, then she should strive to achieve that through his friends or
relatives who may be able to have some effect on him and guide him. She can
also make use of audio and video tapes which contain exhortations and
warnings against committing sin, and remind one of death, the grave and the
reckoning. Perhaps that will influence him and bring him back to his Lord,
may He be glorified and exalted. 

If that does not do any good, then she should not hesitate to
refer her case to a Muslim judge or mufti, or the imam of a mosque whose
knowledge and religion commitment she trusts, to help her to get rid of him.
If she cannot do that, then she should refer the matter to judicial or state
institutions that take care of family matters. If he does not pray, then her
marriage is null and void, and if he commits those sins although he also
prays, then she should pursue shar’i means of freeing herself from him
through a scholar or seeker of knowledge or an Islamic centre, to oblige him
to spend on his family and give up sins and evil actions. If he refuses then
they should divorce her from him in accordance with sharee’ah, and after
that she should divorce him officially so that he will no longer be regarded
as her husband. 

This sister should strive to move to a  Muslim country
because that – even though there may be things there that go against
sharee’ah – is better than the land of kufr and permissiveness, where the
Muslim cannot find safety for himself and his children.

We ask Allaah to increase her reward and to guide her and her
children, and help them to do that which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Your problem is one of the issues that arise in married life, and it is an ancient and complex problem, so much so that among the Arabs it has become the proverbial example of people who have to deal with one another and cannot do without one another, and between whom there is ongoing enmity; they say “The mother-in-law is too concerned about the daughter-in-law and the daughter-in-law is too suspicious of the mother-in-law.” Al-hamaah (usually translated as “mother-in-law”) is the husband’s sister or mother, and the “daughter-in-law” is the man’s wife. What this means is that if the daughter-in-law hears anything, she will say, “This is what my mother-in-law is doing to me!” [See: al-Mustaqsa fi’l-Amthaal by al-Zamakhshari (1/77)]. So in fact each of the two parties is watching out and taking a defensive stance. 
In relationships such as these, many factors and influences are interwoven, each of which must be paid attention to and understood, then we should try to find a way to deal with them so that we can get the best results. 
Perhaps you understand that jealousy – which Allah has created in man – is one of these main factors, especially between your mother and your wife, because your mother, who has been with you for many years, looking after you and taking care of you, is going to feel that you no longer belong only to her; indeed she will feel that her share of you is no longer enough to fulfil her rights over you, and that the division of your attention between her and your wife is not fair. Your wife gets love, compassion and care, and all the mother gets is your showing patience, with difficulty, for her troubles, and your giving her what she needs with reluctance and resentment. This applies if the son gives her her rights, so how about if he is disobedient and denies her her rights? In that case there will be problems. 
Jealousy makes a person blind and deaf, and it soon destroys any happiness and tranquillity that the family might have. It is at its strongest when we do not handle it properly and do not try to tame it. 
I have started by highlighting these fasts so that you may understand two important things: 
1 – So that you may understand the real reason why your mother is treating your wife in this manner, and so that you may appreciate her excuse for doing so, which is that she may not have any control over her feelings, because women are very weak in the face of such feelings, and they cannot hide them despite their best efforts to show contentment and acceptance. If you understand your mother’s excuse, this will put your mind at rest and soothe your  feelings towards her, and you will become certain that honouring, obeying and loving her are obligatory for you, and you should not doubt that for a single moment, no matter how bad the problem that is caused by jealousy gets. 
2 – You should realize that it is only with love that you change the situation between your mother and your wife The mother needs more reassurance that her son loves her and that his love, respect and kind treatment of her have not changed. Indeed, you have to try to increase these feelings by repeatedly visiting her, giving her gifts and trying to make her happy with kind words and fulfilling her wishes. Then she will begin to calm down and her jealousy will diminish, and gradually the problems that she has caused will begin to ease off. 
If your mother is quick to accuse your wife and the mother of your children unfairly, as seems to us to be the case, then we will address the situation by addressing you and your wife first, because this in fact is the easier of the two sides to deal with. 
We say to your wife: Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend” [Fussilat 41:34]. 
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Charity does not decrease wealth. No one forgives, but Allah increases him in honour, and no one humbles himself before Allah but Allah raises him in status.” Narrated by Muslim (2588)
According to another hadeeth: “No one is wronged and bears it with patience but Allah will increase him in honour.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2325) and classed as saheeh by al-Albani. 
How many problems can be solved if the wife trains herself to adopt this attitude, seeking to attain Allah’s pleasure and to avoid problems for her husband and to give him peace of mind at home? 
She should try to regard her mother-in-law as being like her own mother, and put up with her anger and forgive her bad treatment, especially if they live separately. This will reduce problems and confrontation, to a large extent. 
How many problems will be reduced, and even ended, by Allah’s leave, if the wife can seek suitable opportunities to give nice gifts to your mother, even if there are some hard feelings between them. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Give gifts to one another, you will love one another.” Narrated by Abu Ya’la and classed as hasan by al-Albani. 
With regard to yourself, you have to open your heart to honouring and loving your mother a great deal, whilst also loving your wife and being happy with her. If you succeed, that is the beginning of the solution, but if you fail, the suffering will continue and increase. This matter needs you to be patient and to learn, for man is able to learn how to show feelings of friendship and love just as he is able to learn any other skill in this life. 
In all of that, it is essential that you adhere to the guidelines that have been set out by Islam. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour”[al-Isra’ 17:23] 
“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do” [Luqmaan 31:15]
Think about how the shirk and kufr of the parents – which are the worst of sins – should not prevent the son from behaving kindly with them, so how about if there are some problems with your wife? 
The most important of these guidelines that Islam has set out is protecting your wife’s rights and respecting her feelings and wishes, and not being unfair to her or wronging her in order to fulfil your mother’s rights. You should not obey your mother if she tells you to leave your wife, and it is not permissible for you to believe what she accuses your wife of falsely, especially if your wife is of good character and religiously committed. She is a trust (amaanah) that has been given to you, so you have to protect this trust. 
If we had the opportunity to speak to your mother, we would say to her: 
Dear mother, you have carried and borne your son, you have raised him with a great deal of selflessness and effort on your part, so do not spoil your kindness to your son by making his life difficult. Treat this wife whom your son has chosen for himself and through whom Allah has given him children, like your own daughter. Think about how you would like your daughter to be treated by her husband and family, and treat her in that way. Strive to be kind as our Lord has commanded us (interpretation of the meaning): “and do good. Truly, Allah loves Al-Muhsinoon(the good-doers)” [al-Baqarah 2:195]. 
If you are unable to be kind, then at least be fair. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“and be equitable. Verily, Allah loves those who are the equitable” [al-Hujuraat 49:9]. 
Beware of wrongdoing. It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Wrongdoing will be darkness on the Day of Resurrection.” Agreed upon. 
Some of the rulings on this topic have been discussed in detail in the answer to question no. 7653 and 44923 and 47040. 
We ask Allah to set your affairs straight and to reconcile between you, and to bless us and you with a good life in this world and in the Hereafter. 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Congratulations on your repentance, O slave of Allaah.
Congratulations on turning back to your Lord. Praise be to Allaah Who has
saved you from the path of misguidance and temptation, and has brought you
back to the path of repentance and guidance. May Allaah increase you in
guidance, righteousness and piety, and make you steadfast in following the
straight path, until you meet Him in a state of goodness that He loves and
is pleased with. 

You should realize that the shaytaan will never give up
easily after you have repented, and he will never leave you alone, because
you were one of his troops and you have left him without his permission or
approval! Now you have become one of the troops of the Most merciful. You
were one of his gang, but now you have gone over to his enemies. Allaah has
blessed you with guidance and you have annoyed him. So obviously he will
try, by all means possible, to take you back to the way you were before. So
you have to be patient and steadfast, and keep company with righteous people
who will help you to follow the truth. 

We ask Allaah to accept from you your protective jealousy
concerning the deen, and your enjoining what is good and forbidding what is
evil, and your love for people to be guided. 

Secondly: 

You should look at your situation from two viewpoints: 

1 – That you have recently been guided 

2 – That you are calling people to Allaah. 

1 – With regard to the first issue: 

Our advice to you is to be patient in putting up with
offensive and foolish attitudes, but you may use harsh measures if
necessary. That applies if it has to do with making fun of the deen, and you
are able to prevent it or stop it. 

The shaytaan has troops whom he sends to trick and plot and
keep people from following the deen. These troops are not all from among the
jinn; he also has human troops. They are the ones who fulfil his mission of
preventing people from obeying Allaah and pushing them to commit sins.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And so We have appointed for every Prophet enemies —
Shayaateen (devils) among mankind and jinn, inspiring one another with
adorned speech as a delusion (or by way of deception). If your Lord had so
willed, they would not have done it; so leave them alone with their
fabrications”

[al-An’aam 6:112]

But your Lord offers you peace of mind, a great reward of
steadfastness on the Day of Resurrection if you bear the insults of these
foolish people with patience in this world. The reward is a rise in status
on the Day of Resurrection, and our Lord warns them of a severe punishment
if they die in their folly and mocking the believers. 

“Beautified is the life of this world for those who
disbelieve, and they mock at those who believe. But those who obey Allaah’s
Orders and keep away from what He has forbidden, will be above them on the
Day of Resurrection. And Allaah gives (of His Bounty, Blessings, Favours,
and Honours on the Day of Resurrection) to whom He wills without limit”

[al-Baqarah 2:212] 

“Verily, (during the worldly life) those who committed
crimes used to laugh at those who believed.

30. And, whenever they passed by them, used to wink one to
another (in mockery).

31. And when they returned to their own people, they would
return jesting;

32. And when they saw them, they said: ‘Verily, these have
indeed gone astray!’

33. But they (disbelievers, sinners) had not been sent as
watchers over them (the believers).

34. But this Day (the Day of Resurrection) those who
believe will laugh at the disbelievers

35. On (high) thrones, looking (at all things).

36. Are not the disbelievers paid (fully) for what they
used to do?”

[al-Mutaffiffeen 83:29-36]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

Here Allaah tells us that those who committed crimes used to
laugh at the believers in this world, i.e., they used to make fun of them
and scorn them, and when they passed by the believers they would wink at one
another (in mockery), i.e., mocking them. 

“And when they returned to their own people, they would
return jesting” i.e., when these people who committed crimes went back
to their homes, they would return jesting, i.e., whatever they looked for
they would find, but despite that they did not appreciate the blessing that
Allaah had bestowed on them, rather they were preoccupied with scorning and
envying the believers. 

“And when they saw them, they said: ‘Verily, these have
indeed gone astray!’” i.e., because they were following a religion other
than theirs. 

Allaah says “But they (disbelievers, sinners) had not been
sent as watchers over them (the believers)” i.e., these evildoers were
not sent as watchers over these believers to see what they did and said, and
they were not put in charge of them, so why should they spend their time
watching them and keeping an eye on them, as Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning): 

“He (Allaah) will say: ‘Remain you in it with ignominy!
And speak you not to Me!’

109. Verily, there was a party of My slaves, who used to
say: ‘Our Lord! We believe, so forgive us, and have mercy on us, for You are
the Best of all who show mercy!’

110. But you took them for a laughing stock, so much so
that they made you forget My remembrance while you used to laugh at them!

111. Verily, I have rewarded them this Day for their
patience; they are indeed the ones that are successful”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:108-111]

Hence He says to them here [al-Mutaffiffeen 83:34]: “this
Day” i.e., the Day of Resurrection. 

“But this Day (the Day of Resurrection) those who believe
will laugh at the disbelievers” i.e., in return for their laughing at
them. 

“On (high) thrones, looking” i.e., looking at Allaah,
may He be glorified and exalted, in return for the claim that they were
misguided. But they were not misguided, rather they were among the friends
of Allaah who are close to Him, looking at their Lord in a place of honour. 

“Are not the disbelievers paid (fully) for what they used
to do?” i.e., have the kuffaar been requited for what they used to do of
mocking and belittling the believers, or not? i.e., they have been amply
requited, in full. 

Tafseer Ibn Katheer (8/353,
354) 

So be patient and seek reward with Allaah for putting up with
the folly of these people. Persist in reminding them of the ruling on their
actions, and that if they subject the deen to mockery they have gone beyond
the pale of Islam and joined their brethren among the kuffaar and evildoers,
whose state is mentioned in the verses quoted above. 

2 – With regard to the second issue: 

Our advice is to follow the appropriate means of dealing with
these sick people, because now you are not only a man who found the truth
and followed it, rather you are a caller who is calling people to Allaah,
and you want to take these people across a sea of darkness and bring them to
a land of safety. So our advice to you is to acquire more Islamic knowledge
and to do more acts of worship that will bring you closer to your Creator,
may He be glorified and exalted, and to be wise in conveying the message of
the Lord of the Worlds to these sick people. Wisdom means putting things in
the right place. So the basic principle in dealing with them is to be kind
and gentle, but that does not mean that you should not take harsh measures
with some of them if you think that it will deter them. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And by the Mercy of Allaah, you dealt with them gently.
And had you been severe and harsh‑hearted, they would have broken away from
about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allaah’s) forgiveness for
them”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:159]

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said: 

A good attitude on the part of a religious leader attracts
people to the religion of Allaah in addition to the praise and special
reward they bring to the one who has that attitude. A bad attitude on the
part of a religious leader puts people off the religion and makes them hate
it, in addition to the condemnation and special punishment they bring to the
one who has that attitude. Allaah said this to His Messenger who is
infallible, so how about others? 

Is it not of the utmost importance and necessity to follow
his good example and deal with people as he dealt with them, with kindness,
a good attitude and friendliness, in obedience to the command of Allaah and
so as to attract the slaves of Allaah to the religion of Allaah? 

Then Allaah commanded him to forgive them for their
shortcomings towards him, and to pray for forgiveness for them with regard
to their shortcomings towards Allaah, and to combine forgiveness and
kindness. 

Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 154). See
also Tafseer al-Tabari (7/341). 

It was narrated from ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr that ‘Aa’ishah (may
Allaah be pleased with her), the wife of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: A group of Jews entered upon the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and
they said: Al-saam ‘alaykum (death be upon you). ‘Aa’ishah said: I
understood it and said: Rather may death be upon you, and curses. The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“O ‘Aa’ishah, Allaah has enjoined kindness in all things.” She said: Did you
not hear what they said? He said: “I said: And also upon you.” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5678) and Muslim (2165). 

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

This reflects the greatness of his character and his
forbearance. It encourages us to be kind, patient and forbearing, to be
gentle with people, so long as there is no need for harshness. 

Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Muslim
(14/145). 

Al-Shawkaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

This hadeeth shows that it is mustahabb for the people of
virtue to ignore the folly of the wrongdoers, so long as that will not lead
to spread of corruption. 

Nayl al-Awtaar (8/146). 

Thirdly: 

With regard to your family: 

You have to be patient and put up with their annoyance, and
keep on advising and reminding them, and do not give up. Strive hard to
guide them, using various means, and be kind to them. Do not give free rein
to your wife if her sitting with her family involves any sins or evils,
unless she is able to change them. Her shyness towards them should not make
her incur the wrath of her Lord by listening to or watching haraam things.
She also has the great responsibility to stand beside her husband and
support him, and help him to remain steadfast in adhering to guidance and
obedience to Allaah. 

We are sorry to hear that your mother said such awful things,
and we do not know how she could say it. Perhaps she does not know what some
of those who take drugs have done to their mothers and sisters and she does
not know how they have ruined families and societies, or how much money,
time and effort the families have spent until Allaah guided their sons who
used to take drugs and intoxicants, because of the evil that they saw in
him. 

With regard to your work: 

We think that you have done well to ask to be transferred to
another place that is better, especially since you have only recently been
guided and repented, and you need good companions who can show you the way
to goodness, and encourage you to do good and warn you against evil and
encourage you to refrain from it. 

We reiterate that the basic principle in dealing with others
is to be kind and gentle with your family, work colleagues and others, but
there is nothing wrong with being harsh with those who deserve it, if you
think that this will serve the interest of stopping him from mocking the
deen and making fun of it. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
There is a grave error that is committed by many of those who
want to get married and who are looking for life partners, both men and
women, which often leads their plans to failure, because both parties fall
victim to stress and grief, and society bears a new burden as the result of
divorce and its consequences. 

The reason for this mistake is fanstasy, whereby one of the
couple wishes that his or her partner would change in the future to become
their dream partner which they always imagined when they were younger, and
that every shortcoming is going to be replaced with perfection. 

These people try to ignore the present and look to an unknown
future, shunning reality and hoping to avoid confronting it. They forget
that what is required of everyone who gets married – if they want it to
succeed – is to be realistic in their conditions and choices, and realistic
in accepting or rejecting; they should not base it on illusions or
fantasies. Rather they should see the present as it is and base their
decisions on that foundation, so that they may bear direct responsibility
after that. 

The reality of this girl indicates that she is not
religiously committed, and she is not suited to you. Your Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised you to marry the one who
is religiously committed, and this is what you should do. Your claim that
her family have accepted you will not benefit you, because you are going to
live with the girl, not her family, and all they can do for you is to ask
you to be patient with her, regardless of how she treats you.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Women may be married for
four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious
commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be
rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090;
Muslim, 1466. 

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
What this means is that a man who is religiously
committed and of noble character should make religion his focus in all
things, especially with regard to long-term matters. So the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined finding a wife who is
religiously committed, which is the ultimate goal.   

Fath al-Baari (9/135) 

Al-San’aani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

This hadeeth indicates that keeping company with
religiously-committed people in all things should be the priority, because
by keeping company with them one may benefit from their good attitude,
blessing and ways, especially one’s wife, because she is the first one whose
religious commitment should be considered, because she is to be his close
companion, the mother of his children, the one with whom he trusts his house
and his wealth and herself. 

Subul al-Salaam (1/146). 

Secondly: 

We advise you to seek the help of your Creator, may He be
exalted, to get married. Do not think that marrying this girl will never
cost you a great deal, because it seems that she would make many demands
even if that leads to your being poor. Do not worry if you forget about
marrying her and marry someone else, because Allaah has promised to help the
one who wants to get married in order to preserve his chastity. 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “There are three who are all entitled to Allaah’s help: the
one who fights for the sake of Allaah; the mukaatab who wants to pay (the
price of his freedom); and the one who gets married seeking chastity.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1655), al-Nasaa’i (3218) and Ibn Majaah (2518);
classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

Al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

“the one who gets married seeking chastity” means chastity
from zina. Al-Teebi said: The reason why he said that was because these are
difficult matters that may weigh heavily upon a person and break his back,
and unless Allaah helps him he will not be able to do them. The most
difficult of them is remaining chaste, because that means suppressing the
desire that is created in him and because it is an animalistic desire that
may pull be down to the lowest level, but if he remains chaste by the help
of Allaah, he will attain the status of the angels and the highest part of
‘Illiyeen. 

Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (5/242). 

To sum up: 

As this girl is now, she is not suitable for you to marry
her. If she resolves to change for the better and tries hard to achieve
that, then marry her, but if she insists on carrying on as she is, and is
not sincere about changing, then leave her and look for someone else. We ask
Allaah to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Undoubtedly what you are suffering from is painful, and
mistreatment from a relative is worse than the same kind of mistreatment
from a stranger, but the Muslim who adheres to the beliefs of Ahl al-Sunnah
wa’l-Jamaa’ah knows that “whatever befalls him could not have missed him,
and whatever misses him could not have befallen him,” so he implements the
means of attaining happiness and does what Allaah has enjoined upon him
without falling short, and if Allaah does not decree good for him, then
whatever befalls him is a test by means of which Allaah expiates his bad
deeds and raises him in status. 

Secondly: 

The mistreatment that you have experienced at the hands of
your father, his wife and your brother is something that is very hurtful
when it happens, and it is something which indicates that the shaytaan has
prevailed over the hearts and minds of those who respond to the command to
do evil, and who are reluctant to do good. 

What you have done of seeking to uphold ties with them even
though they cut you off is what you should have continued to do. You erred
by cutting off ties with them. The Muslim seeks reward with Allaah for
whatever befalls him of wrongdoing, and hopes to be rewarded for his
patience by his Lord, may He be blessed and exalted. If this mistreatment
comes from his parents or relatives, he does not cut off ties with them
unless being close to them will affect his religious commitment. You should
remember that Allaah will support you and help you if you uphold ties with
them even though they cut you off. 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that a man said: O Messenger of Allaah, I have relatives with whom I
try to keep in touch, but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they abuse
me. I am patient and kind towards them, but they insult me. He said: “If you
are as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths.
Allaah will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that.” 

Narrated by Muslim (2558). 

Allaah has made this the etiquette that is required of the
Muslim with all people: he should be forbearing with the ignorant and treat
kindly those who mistreat him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel
(the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful
believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat
them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will
become) as though he was a close friend.

35. But none is granted it (the above quality) except
those who are patient — and none is granted it except the owner of the great
portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise and of a high moral
character) in this world.

36. And if an evil whisper from Shaytaan (Satan) tries to
turn you away (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم)
(from doing good), then seek refuge in Allaah. Verily, He is the All‑Hearer,
the All‑Knower”

[Fussilat 41:34-36]

Shaykh Ibn Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his
Tafseer (p. 558): 

i.e., good deeds and acts of obedience that are done for the
sake of Allaah, and evil deeds and acts of disobedience that anger Him and
do not please him, are not equal. Kindness towards people and mistreatment
of others are not equal, whether in and of themselves or in their qualities
or in their consequences. “Is there any reward for good other than good?”
[al-Rahmaan 55:60]. 

Then He enjoined a specific type of kindness, which is of a
high status, namely kindness towards the one who mistreats you, and He said:
“Repel (the evil) with one which is better” i.e., if someone
mistreats you, especially if he has great rights over you, such as a
relative or friend and the like, who mistreats you in word or in deed, then
respond by treating him kindly, so if he cuts you off, uphold ties with him,
if he wrongs you, then forgive him, if he talks about you, in your absence
or in your presence, do not respond to him, rather forgive him and speak
gently to him. If he forsakes you and does not speak to you, then speak well
to him, and say salaam to him. If you respond to his mistreatment with
kindness, that will do a great deal of good: “then verily he, between
whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close
friend.” 

“But none is granted it” means, no one is enabled to
attain this praiseworthy quality, “except those who are patient” in
putting up with things that they dislike, and force themselves to do that
which Allaah loves. For people are inclined to respond to mistreatment in
like manner, and not to forgive it, so how about responding in a kind
manner? If a person makes himself be patient and obeys the command of his
Lord, and realizes the great reward that will bring, and understands that
responding to bad treatment in like manner will not serve any purpose and
will only make the enmity worse, and that good treatment will not lower his
status, rather the one who shows humility for the sake of Allaah will be
raised in status, then the matter will become easy for him, and he will do
that with joy and pleasure.  

“and none is granted it except the owner of the great
portion” is because it is the characteristic of the best of people, by
means of which a person can attain a high status in this world and in the
Hereafter, and it is one of the greatest qualities of good character and
good manners. End quote. 

Ibn Hibbaan al-Basti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
What the wise person must do is train himself to adhere to the quality of
forgiveness towards all people, and try to forget about waiting for an
opportunity to retaliate for bad treatment, because nothing can cancel out
the bad effects of bad treatment apart from good treatment, and nothing can
make bad treatment worse and increase its bad effects but responding in like
manner.  

Rawdat al-‘Uqala’ wa Nuzhat al-Fudala’
(p. 166) 

This does not mean that if you uphold ties with them you
should not criticize their actions or highlight their mistakes. Rather you
are obliged to do that, because this comes under the heading of naseehah
(offering sincere advice) that Allaah has enjoined upon you, so that they
will see the error of their ways and set their affairs straight. If you see
that they are changing for the better, then it is a great favour that you
have done to them, and if they do not respond to your advice, then you
should keep on trying, and seek help by praying to Allaah to set their
affairs straight. Do not cut off ties with them altogether, rather try to
stay in touch even if that is kept to a minimum. 

Thirdly: 

As for what has befallen you of depression and a lack of self
confidence, this is the result of what you have suffered of anxiety and
distress, but you should not give in to it. You should realize that this
depression will cause you mental and physical illnesses if you continue to
give in to it. You have to start treating yourself and face reality, and
realize that people are of different natures and you will find both good and
bad with them, and that there are others who are suffering far worse than
you are suffering. You have no option but to follow the prescribed means of
seeking tranquillity so that you can start to enjoy a life of peace and
contentment with no worry or distress. 

We can sum up what we want you to do as follows: 

1-

Accept the decree of Allaah, may He be exalted, and try to
advise your father, his wife and your brother in the way that is best. 

2-

Always remember Allaah, which includes reciting the du’aa’s
which are aimed at dealing with such matters. 

(a)

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Those who believed (in the Oneness of Allaah — Islamic
Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allaah verily,
in the remembrance of Allaah do hearts find rest”

[al-Ra’d 13:28]

(b)

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, and says: ‘Allaahumma
inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada fiyya
hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta
bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw
ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghayb ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi
wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O Allaah, I am Your
slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your
hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is
just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself
with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or
You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make
the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure
for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ but Allaah will take away his
distress and grief, and replace it with joy.” It was said to him: “O
Messenger of Allaah, should we learn this?” He said: “Of course; everyone
who hears it should learn it.” 

Narrated by Ahmad (3704); classed as saheeh by Shaykh
al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (199).  

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

One of the means of finding tranquillity is always
remembering Him in all situations and in all places, for dhikr has an
amazing impact in bringing tranquillity and a sense of joy, and neglecting
it has an amazing impact in causing a sense of distress, anxiety and pain. 

Zaad al-Ma’aad (2/22). 

3-

Filling one’s time with seeking knowledge, calling people to
Allaah and reading the biographies of the righteous. 

4-

Stopping looking at haraam things, mixing with people
unnecessarily, overeating and oversleeping. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

Another means of finding tranquillity is to stop looking,
speaking, listening, mixing with people, eating and sleeping more than is
necessary, because these excesses will turn to pain, worry and distress in
the heart, and will cause strain, stress and pain. Indeed, most of the
punishments in this world and in the Hereafter result from these things. 

Zaad al-Ma’aad (2/22). 

You will find – if Allaah wills – that this worry, distress
and sense of unhappiness that you feel will disappear, and will be replaced
with tranquillity and peace of mind. 

We ask Allaah to relieve you of worries and distress, and to
guide your family to the best of words, deeds and attitudes. We ask Him, may
He be exalted, to increase your reward and to help you to remember Him,
thank Him and worship Him properly. 

For more information please see the answer to question no.
21677,
45847 and
4631. 

See also in the Books section of our website: Dealing with
Worries and Stress. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Allaah has forbidden a man
to be married to two sisters at the same time. Allaah says, listing the
women who are forbidden for marriage (interpretation of the meaning): 
“…and two sisters in
wedlock at the same time, …”
[al-Nisa’ 4:23]
The scholars differed
concerning one who commits zina with his wife’s sister – is zina like
marriage to her or not? 
Ibn Qudaamah said in
al-Mughni: If he commits zina with his wife’s sister, Ahmad said: He
should refrain from having intercourse with his wife until three menstrual
cycles have passed. 
It may be that her sister
does not become haraam as the result of that, and neither do the other four,
because this is not a marriage, and simply having intercourse does not
prevent marriage (to her relatives), on the basis that intercourse with a
slave woman does not prevent marriage to any the four. End quote. 
Those who regarded it as
meaning that he cannot have intercourse with his wife until the woman with
whom he committed zina has completed her ‘iddah quoted two hadeeths as
evidence: 
1 – The report that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever
believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not deposit his sperm in the
wombs of two sisters at the same time.” 
2 – The report that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Cursed is
the one who deposits his sperm in the wombs of two sisters at the same
time.” 
But there is no basis for
these two hadeeths, so they are fabricated. 
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may
Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
There is no basis for
either version. 
Ibn al-Jawzi mentioned the
second version, but he did not attribute it to any of the books of hadeeth.
Ibn ‘Abd al-Haadi said: I did not find any isnaad for it after searching for
it in many books. End quote. 
Al-Talkhees al-Habeer
(3/343). 
The correct view is that
his zina does not make his wife haraam for him, but the ‘iddah is obligatory
if she (the other woman) wants to get married after she repents. Her ‘iddah
does not have anything to do with his having intercourse with his wife. 
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih
al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
It says in al-Rawd
al-Murbi’ by Shaykh Mansoor al-Bahooti al-Hanbali: The one who has
intercourse with his wife’s sister on the basis of a dubious marriage
contract or blatant zina, his wife become haraam for him, until the woman
with whom he had intercourse completes her ‘iddah. 
This means: if a man has
intercourse with his wife’s sister – Allaah forbid – we say to him: Your
wife is haraam for you until the woman with whom you had intercourse
completes the ‘iddah that is required of a woman who commits zina. And if it
so happens that the woman with whom he had intercourse becomes pregnant as a
result, his wife is not permissible for him until the one with whom he had
intercourse gives birth, even if the pregnancy lasts for four years! But we
prefer the first view, which is that zina does not have any effect, because
adultery cannot be regarded in the same terms as a valid marriage. End
quote. 
Al-Sharh al-Mumti’
(12/133, 134) 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
1-

What this husband should do – if what his
wife is saying about him is true – is fear his Lord with regard to this
demand that he is making of his wife, and he should realize that he is
sinning by doing this, and that it is not permissible for his wife to obey
him in this matter. 

2-

We advise this husband to focus on himself
rather than other people, and to look at his own faults and correct them,
and to look at his own shortcomings and strive to perfect his own self that
is inclined towards evil. That is better for him and is more appropriate
than focusing on other people and what they say and do. Ibn al-Qayyim (may
Allah have mercy on him) said: The greatest loser is the one who is
distracted from Allah by himself, and even worse off is the one who is
distracted from himself by other people. [Al-Fawaa’id].

3-

He should not think badly of people and
believe that he is perfect, because not everything that people say concerns
him or has to do with him, rather it is his desire to hear people’s stories
and find out about their situations, and to rejoice at their shortcomings. 

4-

It is to be hoped that this husband does
not approve of his wife telling him what her family and other people say to
her, even if they are talking about him, because by doing that she would be
a gossipmonger and one of the salaf (righteous predecessors) said: A
gossipmonger and a liar could cause more damage in an hour than a
practitioner of witchcraft could do in a year. So how about if he is the one
who tells her to do that, and even orders her to do so, and threatens to
punish her if she does not do it?

Al-Nawawi said, quoting from Abu Hamid al-Ghazali
(may Allah have mercy on them both): 

The one to whom gossip comes, saying so
and so said this about you, or did that to you, should do six things: 
1-    He
should not believe it, because the one who gossips is an evildoer.
2-    He
should tell him not to do that, and advise him, and condemn his action.
3-    He
should hate him for the sake of Allah, for he is hateful before Allah, may
He be exalted, and he should hate the one whom Allah hates.
4-    He
should not think ill of his absent brother.
5-    He
should not let what he is told lead him to spy on others or try to find out
about it.
6-    He
should not approve for himself what he told the gossipmonger not to do, so
he should not transmit the gossip and say “So and so said such and such”, in
which case he would also be a gossipmonger and would be doing that which he
told someone else not to do. End quote. [Al-Adhkaar]

5-

What this husband wants from his wife is
nameemah (gossip) which is a major sin. Undoubtedly passing on such gossip
will lead to evil consequences, severing of ties, resentment and enmity, and
undoubtedly the wife’s family would hate for their words to be passed on. He
should understand that gossip is not merely passing on what people say for
the purpose of causing trouble, rather it may be for the purpose of
enjoyment. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah
have mercy on him) said: 

What should be avoided and shunned totally
is gossip which means transmitting words from one person to another, or from
one group to another, or from one tribe to another, with the aim of causing
trouble and creating problems between them. It means disclosing that which
should not be disclosed, whether it is disliked by the one from whom it is
transmitted or the one to whom it is transmitted or a third party, and
whether it is disclosed verbally, in writing, in symbols or by gestures, and
whether what is transmitted is words or actions, and whether it refers to a
fault or shortcoming in the person from whom it is transmitted or not. A
person should keep quiet about whatever he sees of people’s situations,
unless speaking of it will bring some benefit to a Muslim or ward off some
harm. 

The motive in spreading gossip is either
ill will towards the person of whom one speaks or to show love to the person
to whom one speaks, or to indulge in unnecessary talk and falsehood. All of
that is haraam.                                                                                    

There is a great deal of evidence in the
Quran and Sunnah (prophetic traditions) to show that gossip is haram
(impermissible), such as the verses in which Allah says (interpretation of
the meaning): 

“And (O Muhammad) obey you not everyone
Hallaaf Maheen (the one who swears much and is a liar or is worthless).

A slanderer, going about with calumnies”
[68:10,11] 

“Woe to every slanderer and backbiter”
[104:1] 

It was narrated that Hudhayfah (may Allah
be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: “No gossipmonger will enter Paradise” [Agreed
upon]. And it was narrated from Ibn Mas’ood (may Allah be pleased with him)
that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Shall I
not tell you what is falsehood? It is nameemah (gossip), transmitting what
people say.” [Muslim].  

Gossip is one of the things that incur the
punishment in the grave, because of the report narrated by Ibn ‘Abbas (may
Allah be pleased with him), according to which the Messenger of Allah (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him) passed by two graves and said: “They are
being punished, but they are not being punished for anything that was
difficult to avoid.” Then he said, “No. One of them used not to protect
himself from his urine, and the other used to walk around spreading
malicious gossip.” [Agreed upon]. 

Rather backbiting and gossip are forbidden
because they involve attempts to cause trouble among people and create
splits and chaos, and fan the flames of enmity, rancour, destructive envy
and hypocrisy, and to take away love and friendship, by causing rifts and
disputes and resentment among brethren. It also involves lying, deceit,
betrayal and trickery, and making accusations against those who are
innocent, and giving in to slander and reviling and mentioning bad deeds and
qualities, and because they are a sign of cowardice, meanness and weakness;
moreover those who indulge in them commit sins which incur the wrath of
Allah and a painful punishment. Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz.

It was said that al-‘adhu (translated
above a falsehood) means witchcraft in the language of Quraysh, and it was
said that it means lies and fabrications. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Jibreen (may
Allah preserve him) was asked: 

My husband tells his family what I say,
then he tells me what they say, and that leads to many problems. I have
often asked him not to do that but he does not pay any heed. What should I
do? 

He replied: 

This is called nameemah (malicious
gossip), which means transmitting what people say by way of stirring up
trouble. As for the warning, Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “ A
slanderer, going about with calumnies” [68:10,11]. This is a description of
some of the people of Hell. And Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Woe to every slanderer and backbiter” [104:1]. This refers to the
gossipmonger. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
“No gossipmonger will enter Paradise.” And according to a report: A
gossipmonger could cause more damage in an hour than a practitioner of
witchcraft could do in a year. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah
be upon him) stated that “The gossipmonger will be punished in his grave.”
Undoubtedly the prohibition is more emphatic if the gossip is among a man
and his wife and relatives. He has to fear Allah and remember that He is
always watching him, and he should keep away from things that will incur
punishment in this world or the next. He has to avoid lying, backbiting,
gossip, slander and stirring up trouble among people. He should be honest,
protect people’s honour, fear Allah and remember that He is always watching,
and that He is stern in punishment. End quote. Al-Hulool al-Shar’iyyah
li’l-Khilaafaat wa’l-Mushkilaat al-Zawjiyyah wa’l-Usariyyah by Shaykh
‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreem.

So the husband must stop asking his wife
to do this, and if he persists then it is not permissible for his wife to
respond to his request. By agreeing to transmit what people say, one is
persisting in sin and listening to it, but by refusing one is refraining
from it and putting a stop to it. 

If the wife is afraid that it will lead to
troubles between her and her husband, there is no sin on her, if her husband
insists that she should tell him what her family says, if she tells him that
they praised him and said good things about him, and other such words that
will spread love and friendly feelings, and will extinguish the flames of
fitnah (tribulation) and disputes between her husband and her family. 

We ask Allah to guide your husband and
bring you together in a good manner. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:
We ask Allah to accept your repentance and forgive your sin, and to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 
Secondly: 
Undoubtedly there is some error in your understanding of the issue of du’aa’ and response and calamity. What you are suffering from is something natural, if you do not have a proper understanding of these and similar matters. We empathize with you and feel your pain, and we hope that you will pay attention to what we are going to explain to you, and follow it. We see from your letter that you are prepared to accept what we want to tell you, and this had encouraged us to write back to you and tell you what will be good for you in this world and in the Hereafter. 
Thirdly: 
Many people think that all they have to do is to declare their repentance to their Lord, then they will immediately have it easy and be relieved of trouble, and wealth will come to them, and they will live a life of luxury! But none of that is necessarily the case. Rather there is a test and trial of this person’s repentance: is it sincere or not? Is it for the sake of Allah or not? All of that means he will face a new test. Indeed the purpose and wisdom behind this life is that it is a test and trial. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Verily, We have created man from Nutfah (drops) of mixed semen (sexual discharge of man and woman), in order to try him, so We made him hearer and seer”
[al-Insaan 76:2]
If he understands this fact, then he should surrender in his heart to his Lord and accept it, but if he does not understand that, then he will not be able to surrender in his heart to his Lord, even if he seems to have surrendered outwardly. Hence it was narrated that some of the salaf said: “If the kings and sons of kings knew what joy we experience, they would fight us for it with their swords.” What joy could be referred to here? It is the joy of the heart that has certain faith in its Lord, may He be exalted, and the joy of obeying Him and the happiness of drawing closer to Him, even if they were going through hardships. This is the measure of a good life, as Allah says in His Holy Book, where He says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”
[al-Nahl 16:97]
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
The one who combines faith and good deeds, “to him We will give a good life” by giving him tranquillity in his heart and peace of mind, and by causing him not to pay any attention to that which could disturb his heart. Allah will grant him a goodly provision from sources he could not imagine, and “We shall pay them certainly” in the Hereafter “a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do”, all kinds of delight such as no eye has seen, no ear has heard and it has not crossed the mind of any man. So Allah will give him good in this world and good in the Hereafter. Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 448). 
With regard to others, such as the kuffaar and sinners, listen to what Allah says about them (interpretation of the meaning):  
“But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur’aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection”
[Ta-Ha 20:124]
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:  
“But whosoever turns away from My Reminder” means: goes against My command and that which I have revealed to My Messenger, and turns away from it and ignores it, and follows something other than its guidance, “verily, for him is a life of hardship” i.e., in this world, so he will have no tranquillity or peace of mind, rather he will be in a state of anxiety because of his misguidance, even if he appears outwardly to be living a life of luxury, wearing what he wants, eating what he wants, living where he wants, but so long as his heart has no certain faith and is not guided, then he will be in a state of anxiety and confusion and doubt, and he will remain doubtful and hesitant. This is part of the life of hardship. 
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (5/322, 323) 
Is it in any way wise or reasonable to give up that which Allah has given you of different kinds of worship, and has honoured you with belief in it, because you are deceived by the ease and ample provision enjoyed by the kuffaar in this world?  
“Do they think that in wealth and children with which We enlarge them
56. We hasten unto them with good things. Nay, [it is a Fitnah (trial) in this worldly life so that they will have no share of good things in the Hereafter] but they perceive not”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:55]
Moreover you are ignoring the clear evidence in the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger about du’aa’ and its great importance, and the causes of it being answered, and you are focussing on things such as the phrase “By My Might and Majesty, if he had asked Me to save him I would have saved him” which is more akin to the words of story tellers and reports from the Children of Israel.  
Even if we assume it is sound, is simply getting what one wants in this world of good living and ample provision a sign that he is accepted by his Lord? 
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“As for man, when his Lord tries him by giving him honour and bounties, then he says (in exultation): “My Lord has honoured me.”
16. But when He tries him by straitening his means of life, he says: “My Lord has humiliated me!”
17. Nay! But you treat not the orphans with kindness and generosity (i.e. you neither treat them well, nor give them their exact right of inheritance)!
18. And urge not one another on the feeding of Al‑Miskeen (the poor)!
19. And you devour the inheritance — all with greed.
20. And you love wealth with much love.
21. Nay! When the earth is ground to powder.
22. And your Lord comes with the angels in rows.
23. And Hell will be brought near that Day. On that Day will man remember, but how will that remembrance (then) avail him?
24. He will say: “Alas! Would that I had sent forth (good deeds) for (this) my life!”
25. So on that Day none will punish as He will punish.
26. And none will bind (the wicked, disbelievers and polytheists) as He will bind”
[al-Fajr 89:15-26]
Even if we assume that this provision came to him after a great deal of du’aa’, does this indicate that this person is acceptable and pleasing to his Lord? 
“He it is Who enables you to travel through land and sea, till when you are in the ships, and they sail with them with a favourable wind, and they are glad therein, then comes a stormy wind and the waves come to them from all sides, and they think that they are encircled therein. Then they invoke Allah, making their Faith pure for Him Alone, (saying): “If You (Allah) deliver us from this, we shall truly, be of the grateful.”
23. But when He delivers them, behold! They rebel (disobey Allah) in the earth wrongfully. O mankind! Your rebellion (disobedience to Allah) is only against your ownselves, — a brief enjoyment of this worldly life, then (in the end) unto Us is your return, and We shall inform you of that which you used to do”
[Yoonus 10:22-23]
Shaykh Ibn al-Sa’di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
They understood that they were doomed, so they ended their dependence on created beings and they realized that no one could save them from this hardship except Allah alone, so they called upon Him, making their Faith pure for Him Alone and promising that they would adhere to that, and they said: “If You (Allah) deliver us from this, we shall truly, be of the grateful” but “when He delivers them, behold! They rebel (disobey Allah) in the earth wrongfully” i.e., they forget that hardship and that du’aa’, and what they committed themselves to, and they associate others with Allah whom they acknowledge cannot save them from hardships or protect them from difficulty. Why are they not sincere towards Allah in worship in times of ease as they are at times of hardship? 
But they will face the consequences of their rebellion, hence Allah says: “Your rebellion (disobedience to Allah) is only against your ownselves, — a brief enjoyment of this worldly life” i.e., everything that you hope when you rebel and turn away from Allah, is to make some worldly gains, which will soon come to an end, then you will leave them behind: “then (in the end) unto Us is your return” on the Day of Resurrection, “and We shall inform you of that which you used to do”. This is the ultimate warning to them against persisting in what they are doing. End quote. Tafseer al-Sa’di (361). 
Think about the meaning of the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Whoever desires the quick‑passing (transitory enjoyment of this world), We readily grant him what We will for whom We like. Then, afterwards, We have appointed for him Hell; he will burn therein disgraced and rejected __ far away from Allah’s Mercy).
19. And whoever desires the Hereafter and strives for it, with the necessary effort due for it (i.e. does righteous deeds of Allah’s obedience) while he is a believer (in the Oneness of Allah __ Islâmic Monotheism) — then such are the ones whose striving shall be appreciated, (thanked and rewarded by Allah).
20. On each __ these as well as those __We bestow from the Bounties of your Lord. And the Bounties of your Lord can never be forbidden.
21. See how We prefer one above another (in this world), and verily, the Hereafter will be greater in degrees and greater in preferment”
[al-Isra’ 17:18-21]
You should understand that the matter is not as you think, that the one who gets his share or has his du’aa’ answered is better, and that the one who does not get anything is of lesser status. No, it is not like that. 
Fourthly: 
Many people are mistaken about the issue of du’aa’ in many ways. With regard to your question we want to point out two mistakes: 
1 – You think that du’aa’ is answered just because you say du’aa’. This is wrong, because there are conditions for du`as to be answered and there are impediments which prevent it from being answered. 
For a detailed discussion concerning this matter, please see the answer to question no. 5113. 
In that discussion you will see that one of the impediments to du’aa’ being answered in your case is your being impatient and getting frustrated. 
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “A person will still be answered so long as his du’aa’ does not involve sin or severing ties of kinship, and so long as he does not become impatient.” It was said: O Messenger of Allah, what does being impatient mean? He said: “Saying, I said du’aa’, and I said du’aa’, and I did not receive any response, then he becomes frustrated and stops saying du’aa’.” Narrated by Muslim (2735).  
2 – You think that the response can only be of one kind, which is getting what you asked for in du’aa’ such as wealth, children, a job and so on. This is wrong, because the response may be of three types: it may be by getting what one asked for in du’aa’, or it may be that evil commensurate with one’s du’aa’ is warded off, or that may be stored up for one as reward for the Day of Resurrection. 
It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no Muslim who does not offer any du’aa’ in which there is no sin or severing of family ties but Allah will give him one of three things in return: either He will answer his du’aa’ sooner, or he will store it up for him in the Hereafter, or He will divert an equivalent evil away from him because of it.” They said: “We will say a lot of du’aa’.” He said: “Allah is more generous.” Narrated by Ahmad (10749), classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb (1633). 
Fifthly: 
If a Muslim is falling short in his worship and obedience, that should make him feel that he is not worthy of having his du’aa’ answered, and perhaps that will motivate him to do more acts of worship and obedience that will bring him closer to Allah. If the caller believes that he has done that which Allah loves and is pleased with, and that he deserves an answer, that will make him think badly of his Lord, may He be exalted, and will make him feel let down and begin to despair, until he wishes that he could escape from life by committing suicide. All of that, unfortunately, we can see in your words. 
This is unlike the one who is aware of his shortcomings before his Lord. This will make him think badly of himself, not of his Lord, may He be glorified and exalted, and that will motivate him to keep away from forbidden things and do obligatory things, and to follow the path of piety, and to avoid overindulging in permissible things which may distract him from obeying his Lord. 
Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said: It was narrated that ‘Umar Ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him) said: By avoiding that which Allah has forbidden, Allah will accept du’aa’ and tasbeeh. And it was narrated that Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The amount of du’aa’ with righteousness that is sufficient is like the amount of salt that is sufficient with food.” And Muhammad ibn Waasi’ said: A little du’aa’ is sufficient with piety.  
One of the salaf said: Do not expect a response when you have blocked the way with sins. One of the poets also commented on this by saying: 
We call upon Allah for every hardship, then we forget Him when the hardship is relieved.
How can we hope for an answer to our du`as, when we have blocked its way with sins? 
Jaami’ al-‘Uloom wa’l-Hukam (1/107, 108). 
Al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
It was said to Ibraaheem ibn Adham: Why is it that we supplicate and receive no response? 
He said because you know Allah but you do not obey Him, and you know the Messenger but you do not follow his Sunnah, and you know the Qur’aan but you do not act in accordance with it, and you eat from the blessings of Allah but you do not give thanks for them, and you know Paradise but you do not seek it, and you know Hell but you do not flee from it, and you know the shaytaan but you do not fight him rather you agree with him, and you know death but you do not prepare  for it, and you have buried the dead but you do not learn a lesson from that, and you ignore your own faults and are preoccupied with other people’s faults. 
Tafseer al-Qurtubi (2/312). 
Study this brilliant passage from the writings of Ibn al-Jawzi concerning this matter. He (may Allah have mercy on him) said:  
I think part of the test is when a believer supplicates and receives no response, and he repeats the du’aa’ for a long time and sees no sign of a response. He should realize that this is a test and needs patience. 
What a person experiences of waswaas when the response is delayed is a sickness which needs medicine, I have experienced this myself. A calamity befell me and I supplicated and did not see any response, and Iblees started to lay his traps. Sometimes he said : The generosity (of Allah) is abundant and He is not miserly, so why is there a delay? 
I said to him: Be gone, O cursed one, for I have no need of anyone to argue my case and I do not want you as a supporter! 
Then I told myself: Beware of going along with his whispers, for if there was no other reason for the delay except that Allah is testing you to see whether you will fight the enemy, that is sufficient wisdom. 
My soul (nafs) said: How could you explain the delay in the response of Allah to your prayers for relief from this calamity? 
I said: It is proven with evidence that Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, is the Sovereign, and the Sovereign may withhold or give, so there is no point in objecting to Him. 
2 – The wisdom behind that is proven in definitive evidence. I may think that something is good, but wisdom does not dictate it, but the reason for that may be hidden, just as a doctor may do things that appear outwardly to be harmful, intending some good purpose thereby. Perhaps this is something of that nature. 
3 – There may be an interest to be served by delay, and haste may be harmful. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “A person will be fine so long as he does not become impatient and says, ‘I prayed but I did not receive any answer.’” 
4 – The response may be withheld because of some fault in you. Perhaps there was something dubious in what you ate or your heart was heedless at the time when you said the du’aa’, or your punishment is being increased by means of your need being withheld, because of some sin from which you have not repented sincerely. 
So look for some of these reasons, so that you might achieve your aim. 
5 – You should examine the intention behind this request, because attaining it may lead to more sin, or prevent you from doing some good, so withholding it is better. 
It was narrated that one of the salaf used to ask Allah to help him to go out on campaign, but a voice called out to him: If you go out on campaign you will be taken prisoner, and if you are taken prisoner you will become a Christian! 
6 – Perhaps losing what you have missed out on will cause you to turn to Allah and getting it will distract you from Him. This is obvious, based on the fact that were it not for this calamity you would not have turned to Him, because the real calamity is what distracts you from Him, but what makes you stand before Him is good for you and is in your best interests. 
If you ponder these things you will focus on what is more beneficial for you, such as correcting a mistake or seeking forgiveness or standing before Allah and beseeching Him, and forget about what you have missed out on . End quote. 
Sayd al-Khaatir (59-60). 
And Allah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.
The basic principle is that it is not permissible for a woman
to ask for divorce unless there is a reason for that. The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who
asks her husband for a divorce with no reason, the fragrance of Paradise
will be forbidden to her.” Narrated by Ahmad (21874), Abu Dawood (2226) and
al-Tirmidhi (1187); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel
(2035). 

And the words “with no reason” mean without there being any
hardship that compels her to ask for a divorce. 

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
Fath al-Baari: 

The reports which warn women against asking for divorce from
their husbands are to be understood as applying to cases where there is no
reason for that, because of the hadeeth of Thawbaan… then he mentioned the
hadeeth quoted above. End quote. 

Undoubtedly addiction to drugs is a serious shortcoming,
which harms a woman in both religious and worldly terms, because there is no
guarantee that her husband will not enter upon her when he is intoxicated
and beat her or revile her, or ask her to do something at that time which it
is not permissible for her to do. 

Such a thing is regarded as an excuse which makes it
permissible for a woman to ask for divorce, but what the woman should do is
be patient with her husband, and try to set him straight as much as she can.
If she is not able to do that, and she finds that staying with him will
cause her harm, then there is nothing wrong with asking for divorce in that
case. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him)
was asked: 

What is the ruling on a woman seeking divorce from her
husband who uses drugs? What is the ruling on her staying with him? Please
note that there is no one who will provide for her and her children except
him. 

He replied: 

It is permissible for a woman to ask for a divorce from her
husband who is addicted to drugs, because her husband’s condition is not
acceptable. In this case, if she asks for a divorce from him, then the
children should stay with her, if they are younger than seven years, and the
father must spend on them. If she can stay with him to set him straight by
advising him, then that is better. End quote. 

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah
(2/745, 746). 

And Allaah knows best.