Category: Muamalah

Praise be to Allah.
What we advise you to do is not to live with your uncle and
his family, because you are not a mahram for your uncle’s wife or for his
daughters, and this will cause you and them a great deal of restrictions if
you live with them. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
forbade entering upon women, and when the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) was asked about the husband’s relatives, he spoke
more sternly about them than about anyone else. So listen to the hadeeth and
read what the scholars have said about it. 

It was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of
entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said: O Messenger of
Allaah, what about the in-law? He said: “The in-law is death.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172. 

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The scholars of Arabic language are agreed that the word
ahma’ (in-laws) refers to the relatives of a woman’s husband, such as
his father, brother, nephew, cousin and so on. 

With regard to the words of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), “the in-law is death”, what this means is
that the fear with regard to him is greater than the fear with regard to
others, and evil is expected from him and the fitnah is greater because he
is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without being denounced for
that, unlike one who is a stranger. 

What is meant by the in-law here is the relatives of the
husband, apart from his father (and grandfather) or his sons. Fathers and
sons are mahrams for his wife and it is permissible for them to be alone
with her, and they are not described as being death. Rather what is meant
here is the brother, nephew, uncle, cousin and so on, who are not mahrams.
The custom among people is to take this matter lightly, so a man may be
alone with his brother’s wife. This is what is meant by death, and he should
be prevented more than a stranger for the reasons we have mentioned. What I
have mentioned is the correct meaning of the hadeeth. 

Ibn al-A’raabi said: This is a phrase that is used by the
Arabs, as it is said: The lion is death, i.e., meeting a lion is like death.
Al-Qaadi said: what is meant is being alone with the in-laws (the husband’s
relatives) which may lead to fitnah and disaster for one’s religious
commitment, so it is likened to the disaster of death in order to
demonstrate the seriousness of the matter. End quote. 

Sharh Muslim, 14/154 

You can see that this hadeeth applies to your situation, if
you enter upon your uncle’s wife or daughters who are non-mahrams for you,
so what about the ruling if you live with them? 

Secondly: 

If you have no alternative but to live with them, or you are
going to stay there temporarily until you find another house, then you must
pay attention to the following matters: 

1 – Avoid being alone with your uncle’s wife or one of his
daughters. 

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“No man should be alone with a woman and she should not travel unless she is
accompanied by a mahram.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2844; Muslim, 1341. 

2 – Both you and the women should lower the gaze and avoid
looking at one another. 

Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking
at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual
acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do.

31. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from
looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal
sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is
apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of
hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw
their veils all over Juyûbihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and
bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their
fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s
sons…”

[al-Noor 24:30-31] 

3 – When you speak to them or they speak to you, there should
be no softening of the voice or speaking in an alluring tone. 

Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women.
If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in
whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should
be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”

[al-Ahzaab 33:32]

4 – Your uncle’s wife and daughters should observe proper
hijab in front of you, covering the entire body. 

It is better for you not to live with them, and to look for a
house of your own, so as to relieve them and you of any shar’i restrictions,
and so that you will not be a cause of hardship and restrictions for them.
If their house is big and you can have a separate room with all amenities,
then it is permissible for you to live there, but as for living in a room in
their house, and sharing the facilities of the house, we do not think that
that is permissible, and we think that the conditions that we have mentioned
for it to be permissible will be difficult for many people to meet. 

See also the answer to question no.
13261 for important
information. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Your
situation is not one of witchcraft or spells, such that you need to go to a
raaqi to perform ruqyah for you, and it is not a mental or nervous illness,
such that you need to go to a doctor. Rather it is the case of a heart that
has been affected by the shaytaan and his waswaas (whispers), who has
instilled ideas of haraam love, so that you started to inflame your desire
by means of poisonous (i.e., haraam) looks, wrong thoughts and false hopes,
until you have reached this state of sickness, as you are aware. 
Ibn
al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Chapter: The teachings of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) on how to deal with
love. 
This is one
of the diseases of the heart, which are different from other diseases in
their causes and remedies. If they take hold, they become too difficult for
the doctors to treat and they cause a great deal of trouble for the sick
person.
Then he
said: Love of images only affects hearts that are void of the love of Allaah
and that turn away from Him and are content with things other than Allaah.
But when the heart is filled with love of Allaah and the longing to see Him,
that wards off the sickness of attraction to images. Hence Allaah said
concerning Yoosuf (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Thus it
was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse.
Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves”
[Yoosuf
12:24]
This
indicates that sincerity (ikhlaas) is a means of warding off love and the
evil and immoral actions that it leads to. Protecting oneself against the
cause is also protecting oneself against what it leads to. Hence one of the
salaf said: Love is the sign of an empty heart. Zaad al-Ma’aad 4/365,
268 
You should
note, may Allaah protect you from the things that incur His wrath, that the
source of this sickness is in haraam looks, which are the harbinger of
calamity and which bring the sickness into the heart. Then the heart begins
to imagine things, until that leads to wishing for or imagining haraam
things. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina, which
he will inevitably get. The zina of the eyes is looking and the zina of the
tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and hopes, and the private part
confirms that or denies it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6243) and Muslim
(2657). 
In that
case, you have to block the way that leads to this sickness and keep away
from places of danger and contagion. Hence Allaah commanded His believing
slaves to lower their gaze (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Tell the
believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and
protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for
them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do.
31. And
tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden
things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)”
[al-Noor
24:30-31]
The greatest
means of protecting one’s chastity is by directing one’s desire in the way
in which Allaah has permitted, which is by getting married if possible. If a
person is attracted to a specific individual, then he can marry that person,
as it was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “There is nothing like marriage for two who love one
another.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1847) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah. 
If a person
wants to get married in order to guard his chastity, without being attracted
to a specific person, then this is easier. In that case you can look to get
married quickly and overcome the obstacles that are in your way. There is
nothing wrong with seeking to keep yourself chaste. You can also seek the
help of people you trust in trying to achieve that, such as a righteous
sister or relative, or a mother who understands your needs. 
Until you
can manage to do that, keep yourself busy, mentally and physically, with
acts of worship and obedience, and do not give the shaytaan any opportunity
to reach your heart or distract you. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it,
let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and
guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it
will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1905) and Muslim
(1400). 
You should
also note that one of the most effective remedies for one who is affliected
with that is to turn sincerely to the One who answers the prayer of the
needy when he calls upon Him and to persist in seeking His help with
submission and humility. This is the first step, then he should strive to
remain chaste and conceal the feelings that are in his heart. 
The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “ … whoever seeks to
be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent, and whoever is
patient Allaah will bestow patience upon him, and no one is ever given
anything better and more generous than patience.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(6470) and Muslim (1053). 
You know
that the other party does not share your feelings, and you know that there
is no way you can marry him, and what you are doing is haraam and foolish.
You still have your life ahead of you and it will be easy for you to find
halaal love from a righteous husband, so do not concern yourself with that
which Allaah has forbidden to you. 
In the
answer to question no. 21677 we have explained the best way to treat
anxiety, and given some important advice which you have to ponder. We also
state there that it is permissible to seek treatment from a psychologist,
but we do not think that you need to do that, because your problem is well
known and you are the cause of it; the remedy for you is what we have
mentioned and suggested above. 
In the
answer to question no. 10254 we have discussed the case of a woman who was
in love with a young man at school and wanted a solution. Look at this
answer too, and perhaps you may benefit from it. 
We ask
Allaah to make faith dear to you and to make kufr, immorality and sin
hateful to you, and to guide you to the best of words and deeds, and to
bless you with a righteous husband and good offspring. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.There are many social problems, some of which have to do with husbands, wives, youth, girls, women and the family in general. 
Our brother has done well to ask about books that deal with solving these problems in accordance with the Quran and Sunnah, because there is no better way of solving them than relying on the Revelation of Allah Who created mankind and knows what is best for them, so He has guided them to it and warned them against what is harmful for them. 
Books which deal with solving all kinds of problems include the following: 
1-Athar Tatbeeq il-Sharee’ah il-Islaamiyyah fi Hall il-Mushkilaat il-Ijtimaa’iyyah by Ibraaheem ibn Mubaarak al-Juwayr
2-Usrah bila Mashaakil by Maazin ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Furayh
3-Athar al-Tarbiyah al-Islamiyyah fi Amn il-Mujtama’ il-Islami by ‘Abd-Allah Qaadiri al-Ahdal
4-Waajibaat al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah fi Daw’ il-Kitaabi wa’l-Sunnah by Shaykh Khaalid a-‘Akk
5-Min Akhta’ al-Zawjaat by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraheem al-Hamad
6-Tarbiyat al-Abna’ wa’l-Banaat fi Daw’ il-Kitaabi wa’l-Sunnah by Shaykh Khaalid al-‘Akk
7-Al-Taqseer fi Tarbiyat il-Awlaad, al-Mazaahir, Subul al-Wiqaayah, al-‘Ilaaj, by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraheem al-Hamad.
8-‘Ilaaj al-Humoom by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Munajjid (this book is available in English in the Books section of this site under the title Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and Stress)
9-Mushkilaat wa Hulool by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Munajjid (this book is available in English in the Books section of this site under the title Problems and Solutions)
10-Arba’oona Naseehah li Islaah al-Buyoot by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Munajjid (this book is available in English in the Books section of this site under the title The Muslim Home – 40 recommendations)
11-Khamsoon Haalah Nafsiyyah by Dr. Muhammad al-Sagheer.

Praise be to Allah.You have
done well in your intention to help your fiancé so that he can get married
to you. This is something for which you should be thanked, and it is
indicative of strong religious commitment and deep wisdom. 
Your helping
your fiancé to go ahead with the marriage is helping him with his religious
commitment and faith, and this is one of the greatest acts of worship, and
is something that is regarded as praiseworthy in Islam. It is one of the
best ways of spending one’s money. 
It was
narrated that Thawbaan said: When the verse “And
those who hoard up gold and silver” [al-Tawbah 9:34]
was revealed, we were with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) on one of his journeys. One of his companions said: This has
been revealed concerning gold and silver; if we knew of any better kind of
wealth we would acquire it. He said: “The best of it is a tongue that
remembers Allaah, a heart that is grateful and a believing wife who will
help him with his faith.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3094) and Ibn Maajah
(1856). In Ibn Maajah’s report it says: “who will help one of you with
regard to the Hereafter.” The hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi
and as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 
Shaykh
al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
“A believing
wife who will help him with his faith” means with his religious commitment,
by reminding him to pray and fast and to do other acts of worship, and will
prevent him from committing zina and other haraam deeds. 
Tuhfat
al-Ahwadhi (8/390) 
Undoubtedly
marriage helps a man to obey Allaah and keeps him away from haraam things
such as looking and listening, and protects him from falling into zina. 
This is in
general terms, but you should pay attention to some things, including the
following: 

1-The man’s seriousness with
regard to marriage and how hard is is striving to meet the requirements of
marriage. Because some people depend on the help of others and are not
serious about doing what is required of them.

2-If your fiancé is serious and
he can afford some of the expenses of marriage but not all of them, there is
nothing wrong with your helping him with some of what he needs, such as the
wife buying some of the furniture and household equipment, or paying for
some of the wedding expenses.

3-The fiancé is a “stranger”
(non-mahram) to his fiancée until the marriage contract is done, so during
the engagement period it is not permissible for him to be alone with her,
shake hands with her or go out with her, rather he is like any other
stranger. See question no.
2572.
We ask
Allaah to help you both to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and
to bless you with good offspring. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
We ask
Allaah to make things easier for you, and to relieve your distress and grant
you provision from His bounty. 
Secondly: 
If what you
mean by adoption is that you are named after the person who adopted you and
you are regarded as his son with regard to mahrams, inheritance etc, then
this is the kind of adoption that is haraam and was abolished by Islam. 
But if what
you mean is that he took care of you, sponsored you and treated you kindly,
without your taking his name, then there is nothing wrong with that, rather
it is praiseworthy and it is hoped that the one who does that will be
rewarded. See question no. (10010). 
It is
obvious that according to shar’i rules, you are a “stranger” (non-mahram) in
this house, so you cannot be alone with the sister of the one who adopted
you, or with his wife or daughter, and you are not entitled to inherit from
any of them, and your wife cannot uncover in front of the one who adopted
you, and he cannot be alone with her, because he is not your father
according to sharee’ah. 
Thirdly: 
It is not
permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir, whether he is a Jew, a
Christian or anything else, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 
“And give
not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon (polytheists) till they
believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a
(free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon)
invite you to the Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness
by His Leave, and makes His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons,
signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember”

[al-Baqarah 2:221] 
“then if
you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the
disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the
disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:10]
Shaykh
al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The Muslims are
unanimously agreed that a kaafir cannot inherit from a Muslim and a kaafir
man cannot marry a Muslim woman. End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra
(3/130). 
What the
sister of your adoptive father has done by marrying a Christian man is a
great wrong, and it is an invalid marriage which must be annulled; it is not
permissible for her to stay with this man under any circumstances. She also
has to repent to Allaah and beseech Him to forgive her and pardon her. 
It is not
permissible for you to live with her in the presence of the husband
mentioned, because that involves remaining silent about this great wrong, as
well as what you have mentioned about him drinking alcohol. 
All of this
is in addition to the fact that this woman is not really your paternal aunt,
so it is not permissible for you to enter upon her or be alone with her, let
alone live with her in the same house! 
Fourthly: 
You should
look for permissible work by means of which you can take care of yourself
and your family. Be sure that provision comes from Allaah and that there are
many means of acquiring provision, although some people are unaware of that.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “By
Allaah, for one of you to go out and carry firewood on his back and sell it
is better for him than to ask a man who may give him (something) or withhold
from him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1470) and Muslim (1042). 
You have an
example in ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf (may Allaah be pleased with him).
Al-Bukhaari (2048) narrated that ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: When we came to Madeenah, the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) established brotherhood
between me and Sa’d ibn al-Rabee’. Sa’d ibn al-Rabee’ said: I am the
wealthiest of the Ansaar, and I will give you half of my wealth. And see
which of my two wives you want; I will give her up for  you and when she
becomes permissible (after the divorce and ‘iddah), you can marry her. 
‘Abd
al-Rahmaan said to him: I have no need of that. Is there any market in which
trading is done? 
He said: The
market of Qaynuqa’. 
The next
morning, ‘Abd al-Rahmaan went there and brought some dried yoghurt and ghee,
then he went there the next day, and soon ‘Abd al-Rahmaan came with traces
of yellow perfume on him. 
The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Have you got married?” He said: Yes. He said: “To whom?” He said: To an
Ansaari woman. He said: “How much (dowry) did you give her?” He said: The
weight of a date stone in gold (or a date stone of gold). The Prophet (
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Give a wedding feast,
even if it is with just one sheep.” 
So seek the
help of Allaah, and do not feel helpless; ask Allaah to make you independent
of means by His bounty. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
The divine decree means that Allah has decreed all things from eternity, and He knows that they will happen at the times that are known to Him, in specific ways as He has written and willed. They will happen as He has decreed them and created them. 
Belief in the divine decree is one of the pillars of faith without which a person’s faith is not valid, and belief in the divine decree is not valid unless the Muslim believes in the four principles of the divine decree which are: 
1 – Belief that Allah knows all things in general and in details from eternity, and not even an atom is hidden from Him in heaven or on earth. 
2 – Belief that Allah wrote all that in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz, fifty thousand years before He created the heavens and the earth. 
3 – Belief in the effective will of Allah and His all-encompassing power. Nothing happens in this universe, good or bad, except by His will, may He be glorified. 
4 – Belief that everything is created by Allah; He is the Creator of all things and the Creator of their attributes and actions. 
For more details on this, please see the answers to questions no. 49004 and 34732. 
These details will explain to you that Allah has decreed from eternity who will be your family, who will be your wife, and who will be your children. Everything that has happened and will happen in the universe is decreed by Allah. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Verily, We have created all things with Qadar (Divine Preordainments of all things before their creation as written in the Book of Decrees __Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)” [al-Qamar 54:49]
Secondly: 
This does not mean that a person has no will in this world, or that a person should not strive to apply the means of attaining happiness and soundness. Allah has created a means to reach every objective. Whoever wants to have a child has to get married. Whoever wants to be happy in the Hereafter has to strive hard for it, and follow the path of guidance. Whoever wants wealth has to work hard.  
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Know that everyone will be guided to do that for which he was created. Whoever is meant to be one of the people of happiness will be guided to do the deeds of the people of happiness, and whoever is meant to be one of the people of doom will be guided to do the deeds of the people of doom.” Agreed upon. 
Allah does not tell anyone the details of what will happen to him, good or bad. Hence everyone has to strive to bring goodness to himself and ward off harm from himself. It is not wise to travel a path that leads to the opposite of what he wants and then say, “I will never get anything but that which has been decreed for me.” No one should sit in his house and then say: “I will never get any provision but that which has been decreed for me.” No one should eat rotten food and then say: “Nothing will happen to me but that which Allah has decreed for me.” These are things which if anyone does them or says them, he would be regarded as insane and he is indeed insane. 
With regard to marriage in particular, the Muslim knows that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) encouraged marriage to one who is religiously committed. This means that he should look for and seek out one who is religiously committed. No wise man would say “I will never try to do that” because if he is offered a woman who is insane or ugly or old or of bad character, he would never accept her as a wife. He will never say that he will marry the first woman he sees or the first woman who is offered to him. This supports what we have said, that he will turn away from some women and will think about others and will hesitate about some of them, and so on. If, after looking, thinking, consulting others and praying istikhaarah, he chooses a woman who is suitable for him, he will know that what Allah decrees happens and what He does not decree does not happen, so he should hope that his Lord will guide him and decree for him that which is best for him and dearest to Allah. Then if it happens, and his Lord decrees that he be given it or it be withheld, and whether it is in accordance with his desires or not, he has to think positively of his Lord and realize that Allah does not decree anything for His grateful, patient, believing slave but that which is good. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all his affairs are good and this does not apply to anyone except the believer. If something good happens to him he is grateful, and that is good for him, and if something bad happens to him he is patient, and that is good for him.” Narrated by Muslim (2999). 
See also the answer to question no. 1804. 
Thirdly:
 With regard to the effect of obedience and sin on changing the divine decree, you know that that which is in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz can never be changed. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi (2516), from the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas. As for the pages which are in the hands of the angels, Allah may command His angels to change it because of an act of worship that a Muslim does or because of a sin that he commits, but in the end it will not be anything other than that which was decreed from eternity. This is indicated by the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):  
“Allah blots out what He wills and confirms (what He wills). And with Him is the Mother of the Book (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)” [al-Ra’d 13:39]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) urged us to do some acts of worship which have an effect of increasing a person’s lifespan, such as upholding ties of kinship, and he said that du’aa’ can repel the divine decree. What this means is that Allah knew from the beginning that His slave So and so would do this act of worship, so He decreed for him a long life or a blessed provision, and au contraire a person may commit a sin because of which he is deprived of provision, and Allah knew that and decreed it from eternity and decreed it according to His knowledge. Allah does not compel anyone to obey Him or disobey Him. 
 The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) summed this up in one hadeeth: 
It was narrated that Thawbaan said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Nothing increases one’s lifespan except righteousness and nothing repels the divine decree except du’aa’, and a man may be deprived of provision by a sin that he commits.” 
Al-Busayri said in Misbaah al-Zujaajah (no. 33) 
I asked our Shaykh Abu’l-Fadl al-‘Iraaqi (may Allah have mercy on him) about this hadeeth and he said: This is a hasan hadeeth. End quote. 
It was also classed as saheeh by al-Albani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah. 
It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.” Narrated by al-Bukhari (5640) and Muslim (2557). 
Al-Tabaraani narrated with his isnaad from Abu ‘Uthmaan al-Nahdi, that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said when he was circumambulating the Ka’bah and weeping: “O Allah, if You have decreed that I should be doomed or commit sin, then erase it, for You erase whatever You will, and You confirm (whatever You will), and with You is the Mother of the Book, so make it happiness and forgiveness.” 
The Taabi’i Abu Waa’il Shaqeeq ibn Salamah often used to supplicate with these words: “O Allah, if You have decreed that we be doomed, then erase it and decree that we be blessed. If You have decreed that we be blessed, then confirm it for us, for You erase whatever You will and You You confirm (whatever You will), and with You is the Mother of the Book.” (Tafseer al-Tabari, 7/398). 
See also the answer to question no. 43021. 
Fourthly: 
Your love for a girl who is of good character and religiously committed means that you must beware of falling into anything that is forbidden in sharee’ah, such as corresponding with her, speaking to her or being alone with her. We do not advise you to pray to Allah to make her like you, rather we advise you to pray that Allah will bless you with a righteous wife. If you see a woman to whom the description of a righteous woman applies, then go ahead and propose marriage to her. There is no need to specify a particular woman who may reciprocate your love and then you may both do something that is contrary to sharee’ah but it may not be easy for you to get married. Asking Allah to help you to find a righteous wife is better for you, in our opinion. 
To be honest with you, we think that forming an attachment to that girl is a sign of idleness. What we mean is that you are not keeping yourself busy with important things, so the Shaytaan is filling your heart with things that will harm you and affect your religious commitment, or things that go against your best interests. 
Ibn al-Jawzi narrated that Ibn ‘Aa’ishah said: I said to a doctor who was highly proficient: What is love? He said: The occupation of an empty heart. [Dhamm al-Hawa 290]. 
But tell me, by Allah, are you seriously looking for a suitable wife right now? 
If you are serious about it, would you really go ahead and get married now? 
If you are serious about getting married now, are your circumstances suited for that? 
It was narrated that Muhammad ibn Maslamah said: I proposed marriage to a woman, then I hid and waited to see her until I saw her among some date palm trees that belonged to her. It was said to him: Do you do such a thing when you are a companion of the Messenger of Allah (S)? He said, “When Allah causes a man to propose to a woman, there is nothing wrong with him looking at her.”
Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1864); classed as saheeh by al-Albani. 
Look at how the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) made permission to look conditional upon the intent to marry.  
The scholars said: This is an exception to the prohibition on looking at a non-mahram woman. Hence it is only justified in cases of necessity when it is hoped that the marriage will go ahead. 
Ibn al-Qattaan (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If the one who is proposing marriage to a woman knows that she will not marry him, and that her guardian will not agree to it, then it is not permissible for him to look at her, even if he has already asked her family for her hand in marriage, because looking is only permitted so that it might be a cause of the marriage going ahead. If he is sure that it will not happen, then the basic principle that looking is not allowed remains in effect. 
Al-Nazr fi Ahkam al-Nazr, 391. 
It is well known that wanting to get married on the part of one who cannot afford it or whose circumstances do not permit it at the present time is a kind of fooling about and wasting time, which distracts the heart from useful things, and may even cause harm. 
When you are serious, then seek the help of Allah and ask Him to guide you. If she remains as she is, and you have prayed istikhaarah asking your Lord for guidance, then go ahead and propose to her. Otherwise, there are many other women like her, so seek one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust! 
We ask Allah to guide you to that which will please Him, and to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to bless you with a righteous wife and good offspring. 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.This manner
of treating your son is very strange. There follows some advice, perhaps
Allaah will cause you to benefit from it:  
1 – A small
child needs food, drink, sleep and air, and love and compassion are among
the best kinds of food that the parents can give their child. Giving
physical food without this emotional nourishment is neglect of the child’s
natural need for both. 
2 – Showing
compassion to the child brings positive results. Hence we are advised to
breastfeed the child naturally so that the goodness of food and drink will
be combined with the goodness of being in the proper place, which is his
mother’s lap. Hence modern science has discovered the great effects that
mother’s milk has on the physical and emotional development of the child and
– conversely – the negative effects of depriving the child of his mother’s
milk and care. Societies in which violence towards children is widespread
have become societies in which crime and evildoing has become widespread. 
Some
sociologists have stated that the parent’s ongoing smacking and rebuking of
their children leads to psychological complexes in the child and increases
family violence. This leads to a problem which is difficult to confront,
because violence in the home leads to violence in society, which becomes
widespread, and the victims of this violence in turn inflict psychological
terrorism on individuals, which threatens the security of the society. 
3 – The one
who is harsh towards his children is going against sound human nature
(fitrah) and sharee’ah (Islamic law). Allaah has created people with love for their children. Hence Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) did not enjoin parents to care for their children in this
manner (because it is innate). On the contrary, Islam enjoins children to
care for their fathers and mothers, and warns them against disobeying them. 
As for going
against sharee’ah: smacking children and not showing compassion towards them
is indicative of a lack of mercy in the heart of the one who does that,
which is a sign of being deprived of the mercy of Allaah, may He be
exalted. 
It was
narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) kissed
al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali when al-Aqra’ ibn Haabis al-Tameemi was sitting with him.
Al-Aqra’ said: I have ten children and I have never kissed one of them. The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.” 
Narrated by
al-Bukhaari (5651) and Muslim (2318). 
It was
narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: A Bedouin
came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and
said: Do you kiss children? We do not kiss them. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “What can I do for you if Allaah has
removed mercy from your heart?” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5652). 
Our
Prophet’s compassion towards children was so great that he would shorten the
prayer because of their crying, out of compassion towards them and their
mothers. 
It was
narrated from Anas ibn Maalik that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “I start to pray intending to make it long, then I
hear the crying of a child, so I make it short because of his mother’s
distress.” 
Narrated by
al-Bukhaari (677) and Muslim (470). 
4 – You
should understand that you are falling short in raising your child by doing
this, and you may see the evil consequences of it in this world before the
Hereafter. How can such treatment produce a good upbringing and a sound,
righteous child? 
5 – You
should understand that a child’s crying does not happen for no reason,
rather every kind of crying has its cause. So you should feel compassion
towards him when he is crying, so that you will be motivated to find the
cause, such as sickness or hunger. You should not be quick to smack him or
pinch him or mistreat him, lest you add another reason, which is crying
because of pain. 
A
psychologist said: Psychologists think that crying, like other behaviour, is
usually a means of relieving tension. So crying, screaming, yelling,
breaking toys and possessions and fidgeting are all ways of expressing
tension that is connected to anger or grief, because the frustration that
the child is faced with may create aggressiveness in him, so crying is a way
to expressing this aggression and getting rid of it. Not crying may be
indicative of suppression of this aggression, which may then move to the
subconscious where the child may forget it, but it will not be hidden
completely and it may manifest itself when he grows older in the form of
sickness, anxiety, and aggression whenever the child finds an opportunity. 
6 – You
should also note that shaking a child may cause mental or physical
disability, so how about if he is smacked? 
American
researchers have warned that shaking children may cause death or severe
mental disability. Researchers have explained that destruction of the brain
may occur when a child is shaken violently. It may cause them to die or may
cause nerve damage and mental disability, such as learning disabilities,
mental paralysis, blindness, convulsions, difficulty in reading, attention
deficit disorder and other educational problems. 
One female
specialist said: Infants’ crying is annoying and disturbing, but it is their
only way to express their needs, so first of all we need to find out the
reason why the infant is crying and hasten to tend to it, instead of shaking
him. She emphasized that boys are more likely to be harmed than girls, as
57% of victims are male. 
Researchers
noted that shaking a child violently when he cries or throwing him up in the
air and catching him, or shaking him violently on one’s knees or jogging
with him are all factors that may lead to brain damage, as the result of the
brain being knocked against the skull, which causes blood vessels to break
and leads to haemorrhaging in the brain. Experts have pointed out that
nursing infants and newborns are the most likely to suffer disability
resulting from shaking, in comparison to older children. 
Conclusion:
You have to fear Allaah and not go against the fitrah (sound human nature)
or the laws of Allaah. You should be compassionate towards your beautiful
child and do not cause him to be lost or disabled, then you would have to
live your whole life with this mistake. Look at the life of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions, and let them
be a good example for you.  
Strive to
make du’aa’ (supplication) and recite ruqyah (incantations) for yourself, your family and your child, lest you be afflicted by the evil eye or witchcraft. Ruqyah is beneficial in all cases.  
We hope that
you will be guided aright and that your child will be safe from harm. We ask Allaah to help you to raise him soundly. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
The wife has
no right to go out of her husband’s house without his permission, and her
family have no right to help her or encourage her to do that, because her
leaving and not returning constitute disobedience towards her husband and
rebellion against him which makes her guilty of nashooz (wilful defiance). 
Their taking
their daughter away is another act of wrongdoing, and their stipulating that
you must become very rich before they will return your wife to you is
wrongdoing upon wrongdoing. They have no right to do any such thing. When
they accepted the marriage and the marriage contract was done and the
husband paid the mahr, they were obliged to hand the wife over to the
husband, so how about when she was with him and had borne him a child! 
You do not
say anything about your financial situation, and whether you have enough to
spend on your wife or not. Are you hard up or do you have enough to spend on
yourself and your family?  
The majority
of scholars are of the view that the husband’s inability to spend on his
wife is sufficient grounds for separating them, if the wife requests that.
But if she accepts it and does not ask for separation, then no one has the
right to separate them. See al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (5/254 and
29/58). 
Secondly: 
You should
take the following steps to get your wife back: 

1-Reconcile between yourself and
Allaah, may He be exalted, so that you can reconcile between yourself and
other people.

2-Ask Allaah to divert harm from
you, and to suffice you against the evil of all evildoers.

3-Try to reach an understanding
with your wife’s family and find out what their attitude really is. They may
have other reasons apart from the issue of wealth.

4-Appoint religiously committed
and righteous people to intervene and advise them, and explain to them the
seriousness of their wrongdoing and aggression.

5-Refer the matter to the courts,
to have your wife and daughter returned to you.
We ask
Allaah to make things easy for you and to help you to do that which He loves
and which pleases Him. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.So long as
you are chaste and have not committed any immoral action – praise be to
Allaah – then you do not have to tell him, and you should not worry about
that. The hymen may be broken due to jumping, insertion of fingers, heavy
menses, lengthy spinsterhood and other reasons that the fuqaha’ have
mentioned. 
See:
al-Mabsoot (5/8), Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/47) and al-Fataawa
al-Kubra (3/88) 
The husband
should think well of his wife if he finds out that she is not a virgin. As
we have mentioned, virginity may be lost due to causes other than immoral
actions. If we assume that he asks you, you can answer him in a way that
will ward off doubt from his mind. Rest assured that Allaah will support His
believing slave and help him. See also question no.
40278. 
The Standing
Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked: A Muslim woman had an accident when
she was small in which her hymen was broken. She has got married but the
marriage has not yet been consummated. In another case, a woman suffered the
same accident, and now religiously-committed brothers are coming to propose
marriage to her. They are both confused about their situation. Which is
better – should the married woman tell her husband before consummation of
the marriage or should she keep quiet? And should the one who is not married
yet go ahead with it, lest it become known and people think badly of her?
This happened when she was small and was not yet accountable. Or is this
regarded as deceit and cheating? Should she tell those who come to propose
or not, for the sake of getting married?  
They
replied: there is no shar’i reason why she should not conceal it, then if he
asks her after consummation of the marriage, she can tell him the truth. End
quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (19/5) 
We ask
Allaah to help you and guide you. 
And Allaah knows
best.

Praise be to Allah.We ask
Allaah to make our sister steadfast in Islam, and to heal her and decree
reward for her for her patience. 
Keeping dogs
is basically haraam – as is well known – but the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) granted a concession with regard to keeping
dogs if it is for guarding the fields, herding livestock or hunting. 
It was
narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Whoever keeps a dog, a qiraat will be deducted from his reward every day,
except a dog for guarding the fields or herding livestock.” Narrated by
al-Bukhaari (2197) and Muslim (1575). 
It was also
narrated from him (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever keeps a dog,
except a dog for herding livestock, hunting or guarding the fields, a qiraat
will be deducted from his reward every day.” Narrated by Muslim (1575). 
Is it
permissible to keep a dog for purposes other than those mentioned above? 
The answer
is: yes. 
Imam
al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
There was a
difference of opinion with regard to whether it is permissible to keep dogs
for purposes other than these three, such as guarding houses and roads. The
most correct view is that it is permissible, by analogy with these three,
based on the reason that is to be understood from the hadeeth, which is
necessity. End quote. 
Sharh
Muslim (10/236) 
Ibn ‘Abd
al-Barr (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
In my view,
the meaning of this hadeeth also includes keeping dogs if there is a purpose
in doing so and for warding off harm, if a person needs that. End quote.
Al-Tamheed
(14/219) 
For this
woman to keep a trained dog – when there is no one who can help her, take
care of her and protect her – is more essential than guarding fields and
livestock. 
Shaykh
Yoosuf ibn ‘Abd al-Haadi said, quoting from one of the scholars: 
There is no
doubt that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave
permission for keeping hunting dogs, according to numerous ahaadeeth, and he
said that the reward of the one who keeps a dog for hunting is not reduced.
In other ahaadeeth he gave permission for keeping dogs for herding
livestock, dogs for herding sheep and dogs for guarding the fields. Thus it
is known that the reason for allowing this is people’s interests, and the
ruling is based on the reasons for and against. If there is an interest to
be served, then it is permissible (to keep a dog). Some interests may be
more important and greater than that of farming, and some interests may be
equal to those mentioned by the Lawgiver. There is no doubt that fruits are
equivalent to crops in the fields, and cattle are equivalent to sheep, and
chickens and geese – (as a dog is needed) in order to keep the fox away from
them – are equivalent to sheep too. Undoubtedly the fear of thieves
attacking a person, and keeping a dog to warn against them and wake one up
is even more important than that. Islam seeks to protect interests and ward
off harm. End quote. 

Al-Ighraab fi Ahkaam al-Kilaab (p. 106, 107). 
Based on
this, there is nothing wrong with this woman keeping this trained dog until
Allaah provides her with a way out, such as her living with a Muslim family
who can take care of her for the sake of Allaah, or her marrying a Muslim
man who may seek reward with Allaah for looking after her. 
And Allaah knows
best.