Tag: Muamalah

Praise be to Allah.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to decree healing and reward
for you, healing from this problem with which Allah is testing you and
reward for attaining knowledge and for your intention to spread it among
people. 

This stammer with which Allah is testing you is a problem
that requires patience in order to rid yourself of it, and training to teach
the tongue to pronounce words steadily and out loud, with confidence. But
before all of that you should seek the help of Allah, may He be exalted. It
has to do with your psychology and sometimes, in some people, it has to do
with a physical problem. We advise you to consult specialists in speech
therapy and diseases of the jaw and tongue. 

In al-Mawsoo‘ah al-‘Arabiyyah al-‘Aalamiyyah it says: 

There are a number of ways in which those who have a stammer
can attain perfect fluency. These ways include: reading out loud with
others, talking in supportive environments, or talking with friends. End
quote. 

 Whatever the case: 

You should understand that you will be rewarded for attaining
knowledge, and the difficulty that you suffer in attaining it will increase
you in reward. 

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The one who is skilled in
reciting Qur’an will be with the noble, obedient scribes and the one who
recites Qur’an and falters therein, and finds it difficult, will have a
double reward.”

Narrated by Muslim (798) 

Imam al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

Faltering refers to stumbling and having difficulty in
speech. He will have a double reward, because of his recitation and because
of the difficulty he encounters. 

Tafseer al-Qurtubi
(1/30). 

If you want to benefit others with what you learn of
knowledge, then you have two options: 

1.

You can benefit people with your writings, in which case it
is not essential that the one who seeks to benefit others should be able to
pronounce the letters well. There are leading scholars of Islam from among
the early generations of whose knowledge nothing has reached us except their
books; we have not heard a single letter from them. Some of the contemporary
scholars and callers decided to refrain from addressing people directly –
which does not necessarily mean that they cannot express themselves well –
and they focus their efforts on benefitting others by their pens and writing
very useful books. There is a great deal of room for writing in newspapers,
magazines, websites and other options. 

2.

You can make your resolve firm and face reality head-on by
meeting people face-to-face and teaching them verbally. Some of the imams
and other scholars also had a stammer, but when they ascended the minbar and
spoke to people, they would speak fluently and with ease, and there would be
no stumbling over even a single letter. One of these scholars was Shaykh
‘Abd ar-Rahman ad-Dawsari (may Allah have mercy on him), and there are other
famous scholars. This was their situation; the stammer did not prevent them
from being eloquent khateebs, and in some cases they combined that with
brilliant writing. 

There is another example, a virtuous sister who studied
sharee‘ah until she obtained her PhD in that field. Read what she herself
says: 

When I looked at my peers and colleagues in the department, I
found that some of them were able to brush off the dust of the Shaytaan –
namely blameworthy shyness when calling people to Allah – and why could I
not do that too? Why could I not instil in myself trust in Allah? So I
decided to begin straightaway in the prayer room of the university. My
specialisation in da‘wah had given me particular insight into the scheming
of our enemies, and their ongoing war against Islam, so how long would we
have to wait to respond? I thought about a way to treat my stammer, which
was by not speaking quickly and – in the beginning – not looking at the
audience; rather I would look around the room so that I would not feel
nervous. Any letter that I could not pronounce easily, I would change it to
another letter that was easier for me. 

By the grace of Allah, I began to give lessons in the prayer
room of the University, but without supervision from any of the female
professors. Obviously, supervision of the female professors may give
strength and support to the one who wants to call people to Allah, and make
her more precise and correct in what she is discussing and teaching, so that
it will not be mere expressions of emotion. 

End quote. 

We also give you the glad tidings that one of the people we
know who are active in seeking and spreading knowledge also has a stammer;
even though he cannot rid himself of it, his classes and lectures have
benefitted many seekers of knowledge. Giving classes is different from
preaching, and it is possible to benefit seekers of knowledge and teach them
many books, even before ridding oneself of this problem. So go ahead with
that to which Allah has opened your heart of seeking beneficial knowledge,
and remember that if you  are sincere towards Allah, may He be exalted, in
your intention to seek and spread knowledge, then you will be rewarded
whatever the case, whether you are able to actually spread knowledge and
teach, or something prevents you from doing that. 

We ask Allah to make your affairs easy for you and to enable
you to do that which pleases Him. 

For information on the virtues of seeking knowledge and of
the scholars, please see the answer to question no.
10471. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
We think that this opinion is wrong, because it is Allah, may
He be exalted, who grants abundant provision to whomever He wills or grants
it in scant measure. The reason is not the large size of the population,
because there is no creature on earth but its provision is granted by Allah,
but Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, gives and withholds on the basis
of wisdom. 

Our advice to the one who holds such views is that he should
fear Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, and give up this false belief.
He should understand that no matter how much the population of the world
increases, if Allah so willed, He could grant them all abundant provision,
but Allah says in His Book (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if Allah
were to enlarge the provision for His slaves, they would surely rebel in the
earth, but He sends down by measure as He wills. Verily! He is in respect of
His slaves, the Well-Aware, the All-Seer (of things that benefit them)”

[ash-Shoora 42:27]. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) 

Fataawa ‘Ulama’ al-Balad al-Haraam
(p. 1084)

Undoubtedly calling for restrictions or reductions on the
numbers of children one has is contrary to the command of the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) who said: “Marry women who are
loving and fertile, for I shall be proud of your large numbers before other
nations.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2050); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Irwa’ al-Ghaleel (1784)

Allah, may He be exalted, has guaranteed provision for all
creatures, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And no
(moving) living creature is there on earth but its provision is due from
Allah”

[Hood 11:6].

Opposing population increase, whether by imposing means of
contraception or abortion or otherwise, based on the belief that resources
are not sufficient for an increased population, or that the interests of
humanity dictate reduction in population growth, this is explicitly denying
the Lordship of Allah and His care for His creation, and the abundance of
His provision. It is akin to the beliefs of the polytheists, who used to
kill their children for fear of poverty. Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“kill not
your children because of poverty – We provide sustenance for you and for
them”

[al-An‘aam 6:151]

“And kill not
your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely,
the killing of them is a great sin”

[al-Isra’ 17:31].

The large size of the ummah is one of the blessings of Allah,
may He be exalted, for which He deserves to be thanked and He alone deserves
to be worshipped. Hence Allah, may He be exalted, tells us that His Prophet
Shu‘ayb (peace be upon him) reminded his people of some of the blessings
that Allah had bestowed upon them, as he said (interpretation of the
meaning):

“And remember when you were but few, and He multiplied you”

[al-A‘raaf 7:86].

The large size of the ummah is one of the means of its
strength and victory over its enemies. Hence Allah, may He be exalted, says
concerning the Children of Israel (interpretation of the meaning):

“Then We gave you once again, a return of victory over them.
And We helped you with wealth and children and made you more numerous in man
power”

[al-Isra’ 17:7].

According to a future study about Egypt, Dr Muhammad Sayyid
Ghallaab said:

Population increase has never been a burden, and it is not
right to regard it as such in the coming century, for it is what allowed
Egypt to achieve progress in all eras.

According to another study, Dr Mustafa al-Fiqqi indicates
that one of the most important factors that allowed Egypt to play an
influential role in the Arab world is that it is regarded as the storehouse
of human resources.

Prof Khurshid Ahmad, the expert economist, says:

In the future, prevalence and power can only be on the side
of countries that enjoy an increase in population and at the same time are
advanced in various scientific fields. There is nothing that could enable
the Western nations to maintain their international dominance and leadership
apart from trying to support the movement that promotes population control
and contraception in Asia and Africa. For that reason, the Western countries
today are striving their utmost to increase their own populations, but at
the same time they are resorting to the best media and propaganda methods
that they have in order to support the population control movement in Asian
and African countries.

He also said:

How true are the words of Organski [an American thinker] who
said: In the future, power will only be on the side of the camp that has the
greater number of people.

He also said:

It is obvious to the student of history that population size
is of fundamental political significance. Therefore every civilisation or
superpower has focused its efforts on increasing its population during the
stages of its rise and development. Hence the well-known historian Prof.
Will Durant regards having a large population is one of the most important
means of civil progress. Prof Arnold Toynbee also regards increasing the
population size as one of the most important challenges to be met in order
for any human civilization to exist and progress.

In order to avoid any misinterpretation of what is stated
above, we should note that population increase on its own is not sufficient
to achieve progress, establish a civilisation and prevail over the enemy.
Rather it is an essential means of achieving that, but it is not the only
means, because it should be accompanied by a strong education system, sound
upbringing of the new generation, the establishment of justice and security
in society, and fighting corruption, and –  over and above all of that –
faith and piety. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):

“And if the
people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We
should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth, but
they belied (the Messengers). So We took them (with punishment) for what
they used to earn (polytheism and crimes, etc.)”

[al-A‘raaf 7:96].

The voices of the enemies of Islam have begun to cry out,
warning against the large numbers of Muslims, and saying that this is one of
the main dangers that threaten them.

In a book entitled Changes in the Geography of the Middle
East by Prof. Arnon Soffer (1984 CE) – which is a textbook in the Jewish
state that is regarded as a reference work for specialists there – the
writer states that the high population increase in Egypt is of concern to
Israel, because of the possibility of establishing a strong army.

On 19/1/1988 the Daily Telegraph newspaper published
an article entitled “The Population Time-Bomb in the Mediterranean Basin”,
in which the author discusses this issue that gives the West sleepless
nights, namely the great population increase in the countries to the
south-east of the Mediterranean, and the population decline of the countries
to its north. The article quotes a report of the United Nations Environment
Program which states that two-thirds of the inhabitants of the Mediterranean
in the nineteen-fifties were European, in countries extending from the
Straits of Gibraltar to the Bosporus, but this picture will be reversed by
2025, when the Mediterranean will become an Islamic – if not Arab – sea.

This article indicates, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that
the one who propagates the issues of population control and restricting
population increase among the Muslims, and supports all activities that are
striving to achieve that under many slogans, such as family planning, social
planning and so on… We say that the one who supports that is only serving
the enemies of Islam and the Muslims and is working in their interests,
whether they are aware of that or not.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

As for the view that supports population control, this is
undoubtedly one of the plots of the enemies of the Muslims, who want the
Muslims not to increase in number, because the very idea scares them, for
the Muslims will become self-sufficient and will not need anyone else; thus
the Muslims will be able to produce their own food and establish their own
businesses, and that will lead to improvement in the economy and serve other
interests and aims. But if the Muslims remain few, they will become
humiliated and will need others in everything. End quote.

Tafseer Soorat al-Baqarah
(2/88)

Finally, we need to increase the population, along with
Islamization of development plans, Islamization of regulations, and
Islamization of laws, in addition to benefitting from modern sciences. 

For more information, please see the book Harakat Tahdeed
an-Nasl (Birth Control Movement) by Abu’l-A‘la al-Mawdoodi (Maududi) (p.
178-186); Majallat al-Bayaan (issue no, 11/107, 191)

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

If it has become clear to you
that she is having a haraam relationship with another man, or it becomes
clear to you that she is committing zina, or she admits that to you, it is
permissible for you to put pressure on her to give up the delayed portion of
her mahr. 

Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“O
you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and
you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the
Mahr you have given them, unless they are guilty of brazenly immoral
conduct. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that
you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good”

[an-Nisa’ 4:19]. 

“brazenly
immoral conduct”
does not refer only to zina; rather it also includes open defiance and
disobedience towards a husband, and reviling him and his family. So it is
more apt that having a haraam relationship with another man should also be
included in that and come under the same ruling. 

Ibn Katheer (may Allah have
mercy on him) said: 

With regard to the words “unless
they are guilty of brazenly immoral conduct”,
Ibn Mas‘ood, Ibn ‘Abbaas, Sa‘eed ibn al-Musayyab, ash-Sha‘bi, al-Hasan al-Basri,
Muhammad ibn Sireen, Sa‘eed ibn Jubayr, Mujaahid, ‘Ikrimah, ‘Ata’, al-Khurasaani,
ad-Dahhaak, Abu Qilaabah, Abu Saalih, as-Suddi, Zayd ibn Aslam, and Sa‘eed
ibn Abi Hilaal said: What is meant by that is zina, i.e., if she commits
zina, then you have the right to ask her to return the mahr that you gave
her, and to  put pressure on her so that she will give it up to you and you
will divorce her by khula‘, as Allah, may He be exalted, says in Soorat al-Baqarah
(interpretation of the meaning):

“And
it is not lawful for you (men) to take back (from your wives) any of your
Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)
which you have given them, except when both parties fear that they would be
unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah (e.g. to deal with each other on
a fair basis). Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the
limits ordained by Allah, then there is no sin on either of them if she
gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al-Khul‘ (divorce)”

[al-Baarah 2:229]. 

Ibn ‘Abbaas, ‘Ikrimah and ad-Dahhaak
said: “brazenly
immoral conduct” is
defiance and disobedience. 

Ibn Jareer – i.e., at-Tabari –
favoured the view that it includes all of that: zina, disobedience,
defiance, being sharp-tongued, and so on. 

In other words, all of that
makes it permissible to put pressure on her so that she will give up her
rights, or part of them, so that he may leave her, and this is good. And
Allah knows best. 

Tafseer Ibn Katheer
(2/241). 

It is essential to understand
that the mere fact that the wife has committed zina does not mean that her
right to the mahr is waived. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah
(may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

The right to the mahr is not
waived just because she commits zina, as is indicated by the words of the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) to the couple who engaged
in li‘aan, when the husband asked about his money; he said: “No, you are not
entitled to any money from her. If you were telling the truth against her,
then it is in return for what was made permissible to you of intimacy with
her, and if you were telling lies against her, then you have even less right
to it.” That is because if a woman commits zina, she may repent, but the
fact that she has committed zina makes it permissible for him to put
pressure on her, so that she will ransom herself from him if she chooses to
leave him, or she should repent. 

Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa
(15/320) 

Secondly: 

Whatever a woman takes from her
husband’s wealth without his knowledge may be one of two things: 

1.She has taken it to spend on herself and on her children and house,
and the reason for her doing that is stinginess and miserliness on her
husband’s part.

2.She has taken it in order to buy luxuries, or to give the money to
her family, and other kinds of spending. 

In the first case, it is not
permissible for the husband to ask her to give this money back, because she
took something that she is entitled to, because spending on the wife and
children is obligatory upon the head of the household. If he falls short in
that or refuses to do it, it is permissible to take from his wealth, even if
that is without his knowledge. 

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah
(may Allah be pleased with her) said: Hind – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – said
to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): Abu Sufyaan is a
stingy man and he does not give me enough for me and my child, except what I
take from him without him knowing. He said: “Take that which will suffice
you and your child on a reasonable basis.” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5049)
and Muslim (1714). 

An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy
on him) said, discussing what we learn from this hadith: 

… If a person has some right
over another but he is not fulfilling it, it is permissible to take from his
wealth as much as he is entitled to, without his permission. 

Sharh Muslim
(4/373) 

In the second case, it is not
permissible for your wife to take anything from you without your permission,
and if she does that then she is sinning, and you have the right to ask her
to return what she took; if she refuses, you have the right to take back
your wealth from the deferred portion of her mahr or from anything else of
her wealth that you owe her. 

Thirdly: 

The basic principle is that the
mother is more entitled to custody of her children – before the age of seven
years – so long as she has not remarried. What is meant by custody is not
merely providing food, drink and shelter; it also includes teaching them,
educating them, teaching them morals and manners, and taking care of their
psychological wellbeing. If the mother is a disbeliever or an evildoer, it
is not permissible to give her custody of her children. What matters with
regard to custody is not that the one who has custody should be a father or
a mother; what matters is what he or she can offer the child of care and
Islamic upbringing and education. Based on that, the parent who is more
entitled to custody is one who is better in terms of religious commitment.
If the mother, after her divorce, is continuing to follow misguidance and
commit sin, it is not permissible to give her custody of her children, and
in that case custody should be given to the father, but if she repents and
mends her ways, then she is more entitled to custody of them so long as she
has not remarried, for “the one who repents from sin is like the one who
never sinned.” 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have
mercy on him) said: 

Our shaykh – i.e., Ibn Taymiyah
– said: If one of the parents fails to teach the child and enjoin upon him
that which Allah has enjoined, then he is a sinner and is not entitled to
guardianship over the child; rather anyone who fails to undertake the duties
of guardianship is not entitled to guardianship. In fact he should either
give up guardianship and hand it over to one who will do what is required,
or someone should be made a co-guardian with him who will do what is
required, because the aim is to achieve obedience to Allah and His
Messenger. 

Our shaykh said:

This right is not the right of
inheritance which is attained by ties of kinship, marriage or wala’, and is
the same regardless of whether the heir is an evildoer or righteous; rather
it is more akin to rights of guardianship, with regard to which it is
essential that the individual be able to carry out the duties, have
knowledge thereof and do them to the best of his ability. 

He said: if we assume that the
father marries a woman who does not pay any attention to the interests of
his daughter, and does not take care of her, and her mother is more able to
take care of the daughter’s interests than that co-wife, then in this case
custody should definitely be given to the mother. 

It should be understood that
there is no general shar‘i text to suggest that priority be given to one of
the parents in all cases, or that the child should be given the choice
between his parents in all cases. The scholars are unanimously agreed that
neither of them is given priority all cases; rather one who is a
transgressor and negligent should not be given precedence over one who is
righteous, fair and will treat him well. And Allah knows best. 

Zaad al-Ma‘aad
(5/475, 476) 

Please see also the answer to
question no. 20705. 

Fourthly: 

Divorce of a pregnant woman is
acceptable according to sharee‘ah and is in harmony with the Sunnah. Many
ordinary people think that it does not count as such, but their view has no
basis in Islamic teaching; rather it is a divorce that is in harmony with
the Sunnah. 

Muslim (1471) narrated the
story of how Ibn ‘Umar divorced his wife; according to this report the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“Tell him to take her back,
then divorce her when she is pure or pregnant.”

Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr (may Allah
have mercy on him) said: 

With regard to one who is
pregnant, there is no difference of opinion among the scholars that divorce
in this case is in accordance with the Sunnah, from the beginning to the end
of pregnancy, because her ‘iddah ends when she gives birth. Similarly, it is
proven from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), in the
hadith of Ibn ‘Umar, that he instructed him to divorce his wife when she was
pure or pregnant, and he did not specify either the beginning or end of
pregnancy. 

At-Tamheed
(15/80) 

We have quoted a fatwa from
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) on the ruling on divorce of a
wife who is pregnant, in the answer to question no.
12287. 

As this is the case, you can
divorce your wife with one, revocable talaaq, after which you have the
choice: either you can take her back during the ‘iddah  – which lasts up
until the time she gives birth – if you see that she has mended her ways and
you are convinced that she has repented – or you can wait until the ‘iddah
ends, after which she will become revocably divorced. At that time she will
become free to choose her own destiny, but you can take her back if she
wants that and her guardian agrees to it, with a new marriage contract and
mahr, because she will have become a stranger (non-mahram) to you. 

You should not issue three
divorces in one sitting, or in one sentence, because that is a way of
divorce that is contrary to the Sunnah. 

Please see the answer to
question no. 36580 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

You should understand that Allah, may He be exalted, is screened from His
creation in this world, so no human can see him in this world, neither the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) nor anyone of lesser
standing. 

The Mother of the Believers ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said:
Whoever claims that Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) saw
his Lord has fabricated a great lie against Allah. Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(4855) and Muslim (177). 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The imams
(leading scholars) of the Muslims are unanimously agreed that no one among
the believers can see Allah with his own eyes in this world; they only
disagree concerning the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
in particular. However the majority of imams are of the view that he did not
see Him with his own eyes in this world. This is what is indicated by the
saheeh reports that have been proven from the Prophet (blessings and peace
of Allah be upon him) and the Sahaabah and imams of the Muslims.

Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa
2/335 
If
humans – all humans – have been prevented in this world from seeing Allah,
then humans – all humans – are also incapable of comprehending His true
essence, may He be glorified, or the exact nature of any of His attributes,
because humans cannot imagine anything correctly unless they have seen it or
have seen something that resembles or is similar to this thing, so that they
can move, in the imagination, from the image of that which they have seen to
the image of that which they have never seen. 

Based on that, you should understand that whatever image you imagine or that
crosses your mind, Allah, may He be exalted, is different from that. Indeed
Allah, may He be exalted, is more glorious and greater than all of that. The
fact that you are distracted by these imagined images is the result of
whispers and temptation from the Shaytaan, so that he can distract you with
that which is harmful to you from that which would benefit you, and distract
you with falsehood from the truth. Imam at-Tahhaawi (may Allah have mercy on
him) said in his book al-‘Aqeedah: 

One’s commitment to Islam cannot be steadfast except on the basis of
surrender and submission. So whoever seeks to know about that of which
knowledge is kept away from him, and he is not content to submit to Allah,
then his efforts (to know that which he has been prevented from knowing)
will hinder him from attaining pure Tawheed, proper knowledge and sound
faith. So you will see him wavering between belief and disbelief, accepting
and rejecting, confirming and denying, controlled by insinuating thoughts,
lost in his wandering, full of doubt, neither believing and affirming nor
denying and disbelieving.

 The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) has taught us a way
of warding off the waswaas (whispers) that the Shaytaan throws into a
person’s heart that have to do with Allah, may He be glorified and exalted,
as he said: “The Shaytaan may come to one of you and say: Who created such
and such? Until he says to him: Who created your Lord? If it goes that far,
let him seek refuge with Allah and stop (such thoughts).”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3276) and Muslim (134). 

An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

What this means is: if this waswaas comes to him, let him turn to Allah, may
He be exalted, to ward off its evil from him, and let him turn away from
thinking about that; he should understand that this passing thought comes
from the whispers of the Shaytaan, and he is only trying to corrupt him and
misguide him. So let him avoid listening to his whispers and let him hasten
to cut them off by focusing on something else. And Allah knows best. 

For more useful information, please see Fataawa ash-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen
(1/question no. 18) 
As
for the closeness to Allah that you are looking for and seeking in your
worship of your Lord, may He be glorified and exalted, the best status of
those who worship Allah is:

“To worship Allah as if you see Him, for if you do not see Him, He sees
you.” 

But this great and noble status does not require you to exert yourself and
distract your focus by seeking something that you can never attain, which is
to imagine the form of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. Rather it
requires you to bring to mind those attributes that Allah, may He be
glorified and exalted, has of majesty, perfection and beauty that will help
you to focus your heart on worshipping Him, may He be glorified, and turn to
Him with all your being. Al-Haafiz Ibn Rajab (may Allah have mercy on him)
said:

The words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him),
explaining what is meant by ihsaan, “to worship Allah as if you see Him”
indicate that the slaves should worship Allah in this manner, which is
trying to feel His closeness and that He is before him. This requires one to
be filled with fear, awe and veneration, as it says in the report narrated
by Abu Hurayrah: “to fear Allah as if you see Him.” [This version was
narrated by Muslim (101)]. 

That will also lead to being sincere in worship and striving one’s utmost to
improve it and perfect it.

Jaami‘ al-‘Uloom wa’l-Hukam
(1/104) 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The status of ihsaan is
the basis for all deeds of the heart, for it leads to feeling shy (before
Allah), awe, veneration, fear, love, turning to Allah, may He be glorified,
putting one’s trust in Him, beseeching Him, humbling oneself before Him,
cutting off all insinuating thoughts and self-talk, and focusing the heart
and mind on Allah. 

The individual’s level of closeness to Allah will be commensurate with his
level of ihsaan. On that basis, prayers may vary in quality, to the extent
that the difference between the prayers of two men may be like the
difference between heaven and earth, even though their standing, bowing and
prostrating may be the same. 

Risaalah Ibn al-Qayyim ila Ahad Ikhwaanihi
(p. 38, 39). See also: Jaami‘ al-‘Uloom wa’l-Hikam by Ibn Rajab
(1/103ff), Dar Ibn al-Jawzi edn; Ma‘aarij al-Qubool by Shaykh Haafiz
al-Hikami (3/999, 1000). 

The scholars pointed out a number of actions and beliefs which, if a person
strives to attain and understand them, that will help him to draw closer to
his Lord, may He be glorified and exalted, and the more a person strives to
be closer to his Lord, may He be glorified and exalted, the closer Allah,
may He be exalted, will be to him. So do as little or as much as you want. 

These things include the following: 

1.Attaining true
understanding of the Oneness of Allah (Tawheed) and avoiding both major and
minor shirk (attributing partners to Allah)

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

This is attaining true sincerity and Tawheed which, whoever attains them
will be the closest of all people to Allah. That is attaining the word of
true devotion, Laa ilaaha ill-Allah (there is no god but Allah). 

Al-Istiqaamah
(p. 195) 

2.Knowing the
attributes, names and actions of Allah, may He be exalted.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

The status of ihsaan, which is the state of being aware that Allah is always
watching, means worshipping Allah as if you can see Him. This status can
only stem from perfect belief in Allah and His names and attributes, to the
extent that it is as if you can see Allah, may He be glorified, above His
heavens, risen above His Throne, issuing His commands and prohibitions, and
controlling the affairs of creation. So the command descends from Him and
ascends to Him, people’s deeds and souls are shown to Him when they return
to Him (at death). So he witnesses all of that in his heart, and he
witnesses His names and attributes, and he witnesses One Who is
Self-Sustaining and All-Sustaining, Ever-Living, All-Hearing, All-Seeing,
Almighty, Most Wise, Who issues commands and prohibitions, Who loves and
hates, Who is pleased and is angry, Who does whatever He will and rules
however He will; He is above His Throne and nothing is concealed from him of
people’s actions, words or innermost thoughts. Rather He knows the fraud of
the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal (cf. 40:19). 

3.Becoming a true
close friend (wali, pl. awliya’) of Allah, which is attained through faith
and piety, as Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation
of the meaning):

“No doubt!
Verily, the Awliya of Allah (i.e. those who believe in the Oneness of Allah
and fear Allah much (abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which he
has forbidden), and love Allah much (perform all kinds of good deeds which
He has ordained)), no fear shall come upon them nor shall they grieve, –

Those who believed (in the Oneness of Allah – Islamic
Monotheism), and used to fear Allah much (by abstaining from evil deeds and
sins and by doing righteous deeds)”

[Yoonus 10:62, 62]. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Wilaayah (being a close
friend of Allah) means being close to Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted. The wali of Allah is the one who is close to Him.

Badaa’i‘ al-Fawaa’id
(3/621) 

4.Persisting in
prayer, especially bearing in mind that one is close to Allah, may He be
exalted, when prostrating, for that is the closest that a person may be to
his Lord, may He be exalted; and also praying at the end of the night.

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Fall
prostrate and draw near to Allah!”
[al-‘Alaq 96:19]. 
It
was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The closest that a person is to his Lord
is when he is prostrating, so say a great deal of du‘aa’.”

Narrated by Muslim (482) 
It
was narrated from ‘Amr ibn ‘Abasah that he heard the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) say: “The closest that a person is to his Lord
is in the depths of the latter part of the night, so if you can be among
those who remember Allah at that time, then do so.”

Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (3579) and an-Nasaa’i (572); classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘ (1173). 

5.Truly repenting
from sins, minor and major

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: It should
be understood that repentance is essential for every believer, and no one
can attain perfect closeness to Allah and rid himself of everything that He
dislikes except by means of it.

Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa
(15/55) 

6.Remembering Allah,
may He be exalted, at all times, reciting adhkaar, du‘aa’s, tasbeeh, tahmeed
and tahleel
[adhkaar
= phrases of remembrance of Allah; du‘aas = supplications; tasbeeh =
reciting the phrase Subhaan Allah (glory be to Allah); tahmeed =
reciting Al-hamdu Lillah (Praise be to Allah); tahleel = reciting
Laa ilaaha ill-Allah (There is no god but Allah)] 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Dhikr brings one closer to
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, which is a status that everyone
should strive for.

Al-Waabil as-Sayyib
(1/96) 

7.Attaining true
fear of Him, may He be glorified and exalted.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

The level of fear of Allah is commensurate with one’s level of closeness to
Him and one’s status before Him. The closer a person is to Allah, the
greater his fear of Him will be, because there is required of him what is
not required of others, and he has a duty to take care of that status and
give it its due in a manner that is not expected of others. That is similar
to the one who is present before one of the kings, and can see that king: he
is more fearful of him than one who is far away from him, and his fear will
be according to how close he is to the king and his status with him, and how
much he knows about the king and his rights. That is also because there is
required of him, in terms of serving the king, what is not required of
others. So he is more expected to fear the king than one who is far away.
Whoever understands this properly will understand the hadith in which the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I am the most
knowledgeable of Allah among you and I am the one who fears Him the most
among you.” 

Tareeq al-Hijratayn
(1/427, 428)  

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
May Allah bless you for hastening to apologise to your friend, for this is
indicative of your good character. 
I
ask Allah to relieve your distress and reconcile between you and your
husband. 
I
also offer you the following advice: 

Firstly: 

Undoubtedly the husband has confirmed rights over his wife, so she is
enjoined to obey him, treat him well and give precedence to obeying him over
everything else. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because
Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to
support them) from their means”

[an-Nisa’ 4:34]. 
It
was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers
her five daily prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity and
obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise by whichever of
the gates of Paradise you wish.”

Narrated by Ahmad (1661); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘
(660) 

Secondly: 

The husband has no right to enquire into his wife’s private matters or her
correspondence or phone conversations with her female friends, so long as
everything is normal, praise be to Allah, and there is no cause for doubt or
suspicion. 

But the fact is that you asked him for advice when your problem with your
friend first began, which led to him asking to see the message, according to
what you mentioned in your question; he would not have asked to see that
message if you had not asked him for advice. Your refusing to show him the
message was not appropriate, especially since you were the one who asked him
for advice. Moreover he is your husband and he has rights over you. 

What you should do now is be kind to him and treat him nicely, and calm his
anger with nice words and good treatment. If you know that if he sees this
message, it will calm him down and put an end to this matter, then there is
no reason why you should not do that. In fact we advise you to let him see
it, even if that is contrary to the basic principle (and proper etiquette)
and even if that is part of your private matters. The interest of
reconciling between you and resolving the crisis takes precedence over
protecting this privacy. 

Seek reward with Allah for that and seek refuge with Him, so that you may
protect your family and your marriage. 

 Thirdly: 

The problem is minor, in sha Allah, and it is not wise or reasonable – or
even prescribed in Islam – to let such minor problems lead to turning the
home upside down, as you say, or reaching a dead end. 

Take care of your household and your family, and be patient with your
husband, for this is a storm that will pass quickly, in sha Allah; it is a
temporary misunderstanding that will soon end by the grace of Allah. 
Be
smart and wise in your interactions with him, and do not tell him about your
problems with your friends again, so that this problem will not be
repeated. 
We
ask Allah to reconcile between you and to restore your life to normal. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
We hope that you will pay attention to the things you have done that go against sharee’ah, such as getting to know that girl who is a stranger (non-mahram) to you, talking to her, making friends with her and other shortcomings to which you have admitted. You should understand that these sins mean that you must give them up, regret doing them and resolve not to do them again, as well as praying a great deal for forgiveness and doing righteous deeds. 
With regard to your relationship with this girl, it is not permissible for you to talk to her or see her, let alone make friends with her and be alone with her. It is good that you and she have thought of marriage, because it is the only legitimate shar’i way that you can be together, so do your best to attain that; but if that is not possible for you, then this relationship should be ended completely and perhaps Allaah will compensate you with someone better than her and will compensate her with someone better than you. 
We have discussed the issue of correspondence between the sexes being haraam in the answer to question no. 26890 and 10221. 
With regard to haraam infatuation and its effects, and marriage to the one with whom one is infatuated, please see the answer to question no. 47405. 
Secondly: 
With regard to your family’s objections to this marriage, you should note that the parents’ relationship to their son’s marriage may take several forms, such as the following; 
1-
Not approving of any girl whom he chooses for himself as a wife. 
2-
Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but their objection is for legitimate shar’i reasons, such as if she has a bad reputation, or she is not Muslim – even though marriage to a Christian or Jewish woman is basically permissible. 
3-
Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but it is not for any legitimate shar’i reason, rather it is for personal or worldly reasons, such as if she is not beautiful or is not from a good family, and he is not infatuated with her and he does not fear any harm to himself if he does not marry her. 
4-
The same scenario as that mentioned above, but he is infatuated with her, and fears fitnah for himself if he does not marry her. 
5-
Forcing him to marry a girl whom they choose for him, even if she is religiously committed and of good character. 
It seems to us from the rulings on the scenarios mentioned above that the son should obey his parents in the second and third cases, and that it is definitely obligatory for him to do so in the second case. In the second case the matter is clear and he has to obey them, because he is going to do something that is bad for their son and may also affect them. 
In the third case it is permissible for him, but obeying them is obligatory, and what is obligatory takes precedence over what is permissible. 
As for the first, fourth and fifth scenarios, it does not seem that he is obliged to obey them, because choosing a wife is the son’s right, not the parents’; they may intervene in some cases but not in all. Preventing him from marrying any girl he chooses, regardless of whether she is religiously-committed or not, is pointless and he does not have to obey them. 
The same applies if he is infatuated with a woman and fears fitnah if he does not marry her. In this case he does not have to obey them if they tell him to leave her and not marry her, because that may lead to evil and fitnah that Islam came to prevent. 
It is definite that he should not obey them in the fifth case, which is where they force him to marry a girl whom they have chosen. This is not a matter in which he is obliged to obey them. Rather it is akin to food and drink: he may choose whatever he wants to eat and drink, and they have no right to control that. 
Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
The parents have no right to force their son to marry someone he does not want. Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen (i.e., Ibn Taymiyah – may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Neither of the parents has the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses then he is not sinning by disobeying them, because no one has the right to force him to eat food he finds off-putting when there is food that he wants to eat, and marriage is like that and more so. Food that one is forced to eat is unpleasant for a short while, but a forced marriage lasts for a long time, and it harms a person and he cannot leave it. End quote. 
Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (1/447) 
Based on this, we say: 
If that girl has embraced Islam and become a good Muslim, and you are infatuated with her, and you fear fitnah if you leave her, then we think that you should marry her, even if your mother does not agree. That applies even more so if you fear that her religious commitment may be affected if she has no one to look after her. 
We advise you to try to convince your parents so that you can combine two good things: obeying them and marrying the one with whom you are infatuated. You can get married without your mother’s knowledge, and try to guide her and advise her, and say du’aa’ for her and for your father. 
You should remember that because it is permissible for you to marry whomever you want and you do not have to obey your parents (in this matter), you should not fear their du’aa’ against you or their being angry with you, because that is a sinful du’aa’ which Allaah will not accept from them, in sha Allaah, unless you are wronging them and transgressing against them. Because it is permissible for you to marry without adhering to their wishes, you will not be sinning or doing wrong. 
See the answers to questions no. 82724 and 84052. 
See also 21831 and 5512. 
In those answers you will see more examples of that which we have discussed above. 
See also the answer to question no. 5053 for a discussion on the rights that your mother has over you, and your rights over your mother. 
Thirdly: 
You should remember that it is not permissible for you to marry this girl without her having a wali (guardian). If she has a wali from among her family who is Muslim, then he must agree to the marriage – but a kaafir cannot be her guardian if she becomes Muslim. If there is no Muslim among her guardians then a Muslim should act as her wali, such as a shar’i judge (qaadi) or Mufti, or the imam of an Islamic centre. Whatever the case, it is not permissible for her to get married without a wali. 
See also question no. 7989 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Parents should give their children a good upbringing and take care of them so that they will be in a good state in both religious and worldly affairs. 
If a child grows up disobedient and rebellious, then the parents must do more and try harder to guide him and make him righteous, by reminding him and advising him, showing patience towards him, praying for him, choosing good friends for him and choosing righteous acquaintances who can visit him, and advise him and befriend him. 
His brothers, friends and neighbours should help his parents with that as much as they can. 
But if the son becomes worse and the evil and trouble he causes increases, as mentioned in the question, and admonition and discipline do not succeed with him, then it is obligatory to denounce his evil by all possible means, by threatening to hit him or actually hitting him, or seeking the help of other men in the family against him, or taking the matter to the authorities, if it is not possible to stop his evil by any of the other means mentioned. His evil should not be taken lightly or be overlooked; rather it should be stopped before it goes further and causes greater harm. 
So first of all they should follow the steps mentioned above of offering advice and guidance, reminding him of Allah, instilling hope and fear; telling him about the rights that his parents, his sister and his guests have over him; telling him that his committing this evil will make him hateful to his family and neighbours and the people around him, and they should persist with him in that, whilst being gentle and patient, and using wisdom and beautiful preaching. 
His brothers should try hard in that regard, and use wisdom and patience with him, exhorting him gently and not being harsh towards him in speech. 
But if he persists in what he is doing of severing ties with his parents and his brothers and sisters, and shunning them, then they should not speak to him or interact with him, in the hope that Allah will set him straight, and they should keep praying to Him to guide him. 
But if he does not come back to his senses and he persists in his evil ways, then they should report him to the relevant authorities and the security forces who can restrain him from doing evil and deter him from what he is doing. 
He should not be left to persist in this transgression, because of the severity of his evil and the harm that he may do to his family and the people around him. 
Over and above all that, his parents and family members should turn to Allah, for most such calamities come about because of the sins that bring evil and corruption to the household. Ibn al-Haaj (may Allah have mercy on him) said, when speaking about matters contrary to Islamic teaching that may be done by one or both spouses: 
Undoubtedly reconciling between these spouses is very rare, and even if there is harmony between them, it is not free of ills, and if they happen to have a child, he will most likely grow up disobedient and doing all manner of inappropriate things, and all of that is the result of both of them not paying attention to their duties towards Allah, may He be exalted. End quote from al-Madkhal (2/170) 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:
We offer our condolences to this mother, and we ask Allah, may He be exalted, to guide her and her son, and to inspire him to follow the right path.
Secondly:
This poor mother has nothing to do with whether her son is guided or goes astray, and none of his sin is on her. Each individual is responsible for his own deeds and will be brought to account for them.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Whoever is guided is only guided for [the benefit of] his soul. And whoever errs only errs against it. And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another”
[al-Israa’ 17:15]
“And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. And if a heavily laden soul calls [another] to [carry some of] its load, nothing of it will be carried, even if he should be a close relative”
[Faatir 35:18].
Shaykh as-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another” i.e., on the Day of Resurrection, each person will be requited for his deeds, and no person will carry the sins of another. “And if a heavily laden soul calls [another]” i.e., if a person who is heavily laden with sins and transgressions calls upon someone else to carry some of his burden, “nothing of it will be carried, even if he should be a close relative”; he will not be able to carry some of the burden of his relative. The hereafter is not like this world, in which a person can help his close friend; rather on the Day of Resurrection, a person will wish that he had some rights over other people, even over his parents and relatives.
End quote from Tafseer as-Sa‘di (p. 687).
It was narrated by at-Tirmidhi (2159), who classed it as saheeh, from ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas, who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say to the people during the Farewell Pilgrimage: “No one commits a sin but he does so to his own detriment, and no sinner commits a sin to the detriment of his child, or any child to the detriment of his parent.”
Also classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan at-Tirmidhi.
Abu Dawood (4495) narrated that Abu Rimthah said: I went to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) with my father, then the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to my father: “Is this your son?” He said: Yes, by the Lord of the Ka’bah. He said: “Is it true?” He said: I bear witness to it. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) smiled at my resemblance to my father and my father’s oath concerning me, then he said: “He does not commit any sin to your detriment and you do not commit any sin to his detriment.” And the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) recited the verse: “and no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another” [al-An‘aam 6:164].
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood.
Al-Qaari (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Mirqaat al-Mafaateeh (6/2272):
“He does not commit any sin to your detriment” means: you will not be brought to account for his sin, and “and you do not commit any sin to his detriment” means: he will not be brought to account for your sin. End quote.
So there is no blame on this mother for her son’s sin, but she must continue to advise him and exhort him, and she should show him that she dislikes the path that he is on. If her cutting off ties with him will have an impact on him and bring him back to his senses, then she should cut off ties with him, out of mercy and compassion towards him.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.No person knows when he will die
No one knows exactly when he will die , or in what land he will die. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, Allah! With Him (Alone) is the knowledge of the Hour, He sends down the rain, and knows that which is in the wombs. No person knows what he will earn tomorrow, and no person knows in what land he will die. Verily, Allah is All-Knower, All-Aware (of things).” [Luqman 31:34] 
Are there signs for death?
There are no specific signs by which a person may know that his death and the end of his life are approaching. This is by the mercy of Allah towards His slaves, for if a person knew when he was going to die, and he knew that repentance expiates the sins that come before it, perhaps he might indulge in sins and commit evil deeds, and promise himself that one hour before his death he will repent and give up his sin. But such a person does not deserve to be a slave of Allah; rather he is a slave to his whims and desires. 
This is in contrast to reality, for no person knows when he will die, so the wise person strives to make up what he has missed out on and hastens to do so by repenting and doing righteous deeds, for he does not know when his life will end, and he remains in this state until Allah takes his soul. Such a person deserves to be a righteous slave who loves to obey Allah and hates to disobey Him. 
Signs that the end of a person’s life is approaching
But there are some signs which may indicate that the end of a person’s life is approaching , such as if he suffers a severe sickness from which people hardly ever recover. The same applies if he reaches extreme old age, or is in a serious accident, and other matters that may happen by divine decree. 
In the answer to question no. 184737  we mentioned the signs which are indicative of a person being righteous at the time of his death, and the signs which are indicative of a bad end . 
What to do if you feel that death is approaching
If a person feels that his death is approaching because of severe illness and the like, then what he must do is hasten to set things straight by repenting to Allah, making up for any wrongs done to people and asking them for forgiveness, hastening to do righteous deeds, being serious and focused in turning to Allah and obeying Him, and seeking pardon and forgiveness from Him by His grace, in addition to thinking positively of Allah, may He be glorified, and trusting in His abundant grace and mercy, and believing that He will never let down a slave who thinks positively of Him. 
Muslim (2877) narrated that Jabir said: I heard the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say, three days before he died: “No one of you should die except thinking positively of Allah.” 
He should also do a great deal of those deeds that expiate and erase sins, such as praying for forgiveness, maintaining wudu, praying, Hajj and `Umrah, and so on. 
Do agonies of death reduce the burden of sin? 
The agonies of death are the last hardship that a person encounters before meeting Allah, and they are the last thing by means of which Allah expiates the sins of His slave. We ask Allah to make these agonies easy for us and help us to bear them. 
Al-Bukhari (4449) narrated from `Aishah that during the sickness of which he died, the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) began to put his hand in water and wipe his face with it, saying: “La ilaha ill-Allah (there is no god but Allah), verily death has agonies.” Then he held up his hand and started saying: “With the higher companions…” until he passed away and his hand fell. 
At-Tirmidhi (978) narrated from ‘Aishah that she said: I saw the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) as he was dying. There was a vessel of water next to him, and he would put his hand in the vessel then wipe his face with the water, then he said: “O Allah, help me to bear the agonies of death.” (Classed as hasan by al-Hafiz in al-Fath (11/362); classed as da‘if by al-Albani in Da‘if at-Tirmidhi)
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymin (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: 
Do the agonies of death reduce the burden of sin? Does sickness that precedes death do likewise? 
He replied: 
“Everything that befalls a person of sickness, hardship, worry, or distress, even a thorn that pricks him, is expiation for his sins. Then if he is patient and seeks reward, in addition to expiation of sin he will have the reward for that patience with which he faced the calamity that befell him. There is no differentiation in that regard between what happens at the time of death and what happens before that.” (Fatawa Nur ‘ala ad-Darb, 24/2) 
Alongside the hardship and agonies of death, what the believer receives of glad tidings and being made steadfast at the time of his death are among the things that will make what he is faced with easier to bear and will make him long for what comes after it of meeting Allah . 
Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
“The dying person can only be one of two things: either it is a relief for him or others are relieved of him. In either case things may be very hard for him at the time of death or they may be alleviated for him. In the former case, he is the one who is faced with the agonies of death, and that has nothing to do with whether he was pious or an evildoer; rather if he was one of the pious it will increase him in reward, otherwise it will expiate for him accordingly, then he will be relieved of the annoyances of this world, of which this is the last. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Aziz said: I would not like the agonies of death to be reduced for me, for that is the last thing by means of which sin may be expiated for the believer. Yet at the same time, what the believer receives of glad tidings and the angels being happy to meet him, and their accompanying him, and his joy at meeting his Lord, make it easier for him to bear whatever he may face of the pain of death, until it becomes as if he does not feel anything of that.” (Fath al-Bari, 11/365)  
We do not know of any way of reducing the agonies of death, except that the individual should turn to his Lord concerning that, and call upon Him at times of hardship and of ease. Perhaps we will do what the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did, when he put his hands in the water then wiped his face with them and asked Allah to help him to face the agonies of death, as mentioned above. 
However some of the early generations used to regard this hardship as a mercy, as quoted above from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Aziz. ‘Abdullah ibn Ahmad narrated in Zawaid az-Zuhd (p. 388) that Ibrahim an-Nakha‘i said: They used to regard it as mustahabb for the sick person to go through some hardship at the time of death. And it was narrated from Mansur that Ibrahim used to like the severe agony of death. 
We do not know of anyone who is saved from this hardship apart from the martyr. Imam Ahmad (7953), at-Tirmidhi (1668 – and he classed it as sahih), an-Nasai (3161) and Ibn Majah (2802) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The martyr does not feel anything more when he is killed than one of you feels if he is pinched.” (Classed as sahih by al-Albani in Sahih at-Tirmidhi and elsewhere) 
Al-Manawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
“What this means is that Allah, may He be exalted, makes death easy for him and suffices him against its agonies and distress; in fact the martyr may enjoy giving himself for the sake of Allah willingly, as Khubayb al-Ansari said (in verse):
I do not care if I am killed as a Muslim; it does not matter how I may be killed.” (Fayd al-Qadir, 4/182) 
How to draw closer to Allah
Righteous deeds are all deeds enjoined, encouraged and recommended by the Lawgiver, and some of them are superior to others. Among the best of righteous deeds by means of which a person may draw close to his Lord and which the Muslim is advised to do constantly are: to remember Allah a great deal,  read Quran, honour one’s parents, uphold ties of kinship, perform Hajj and ‘Umrah, offer voluntary prayers at night, give charity in secret, have a good attitude, spread the greeting of salam, feed people, speak truthfully, enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, love good for people, refrain from harming them, cooperate in righteousness and piety, reconcile between people and other righteous deeds. 
We advise the questioner to take thinking of death and its hardships as a means of encouraging her to fear Allah and do righteous deeds, for if a person fears Allah and does good, Allah will make all difficulties easy for him, and relieve him of every distress and hardship . 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.The calamity of death is a calamity that no one can escape, and it is a test for us so that we may do righteous deeds and thus attain reward and the good pleasure of Allah. Grief and weeping at the loss of a relative is something permissible, if it is within normal bounds and is not accompanied by wailing or discontent. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) wept at the death of his son Ibraaheem, and he said: “The eye weeps and the heart grieves, but we do not say anything but that which pleases our Lord, and indeed we are saddened by your departure, O Ibraaheem.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1220) and Muslim (4279).
Calamities in this world expiate sins. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No hardship, pain, worry, grief, harm or distress befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5210) and Muslim (4670).
But this weeping and grief should be moderate, so that they do not affect a person’s interests in this world or in the hereafter, or distract him from his work and duties, and his worship of Allah. Rather he should be patient and seek reward with Allah, so that he may attain the reward of those who are patient, and so that Allah will expiate his bad deeds and raise him in status.
Our advice to your friend is that she should distract herself from the calamity that has befallen her by doing some worthwhile deeds, such as seeking knowledge, reading, reciting Qur’an, or permissible leisure pursuits. She should seek refuge with Allah from worry and grief, and avoid being alone, for that is something that may give the Shaytaan power over her.
She should understand that the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) forbade women to mourn the deceased for more than three days, except in the case of a husband. He (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for more than three days for anyone who dies, except for a husband; she should mourn him for four months and ten days.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1280) and Muslim (1486).
So it is not permissible for a woman to continue to grieve, avoiding adornment, because of the death of anyone for more than three days, except in the case of her husband, in which case she should continue to avoid adornment for the entire duration of the ‘iddah.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to grant her patience and help her to be obedient to Him.
And Allah knows best.