Category: Ahwal

Praise be to Allah.This is not a marriage, rather it is a deviation and calling it a marriage is lying and deceit. What you must do is cut off ties with this man who is toying with the rulings of Allaah, and regarding as permissible that which Allaah has forbidden. His claim that this is a marriage means that he regards it as permissible to do with you what a man does with his wife. Wouldn’t any adulterer on the face of the earth be able to do such a marriage with the immoral adulteress who is his partner in sin, so that she would be his wife and they would not be committing adultery?!  
We are afraid that he may gradually make you take off your hijab in front of him or do something even worse, and take a picture of you and try to threaten you with this picture. It is easy nowadays to combine pictures with one another and threaten you using these pictures if you do not do what he wants. Many such cases have happened. See the answer to question no. 91868 and learn a lesson from it. 
How many heedless women have been gradually tricked in such ways by treacherous “wolves” until they lost their honour and chastity, then these men leave them, forgetting about the so-called marriage, and there is no maintenance and no rights, not even a divorce! 
In a valid marriage it is essential that the woman’s guardian be present, along with two witnesses of good character from among the Muslims. Any marriage that is conducted without a guardian is invalid, and a woman who gives herself in marriage without her guardian is a zaaniyah (adulteress), as Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The one who gives herself in marriage is a zaaniyah.” Narrated by al-Daaraqutni.  
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a guardian and two witnesses.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 7557. 
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gives herself in marriage without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2709). 
Its seems to us from your question that you fear Allaah, may He be exalted, and you do not want to fall into haraam and be exposed to the wrath of the Almighty. Hence we advise you strongly to forget about this man and to cut off all ties with him, via the internet or otherwise, for every word, smile and moment of desire will be recorded against you, and tomorrow you will be questioned about it before your Lord. So hasten to repent so that these sins will be erased. We ask Allaah to forgive you and to divert you away from this evildoer, and to protect the daughters of the Muslims. 
See also questions no. 21933 and 84089. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.If a man divorces his wife three times, she is not permissible for him until she has been married to another husband, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she has married another husband. Then, if the other husband divorces her, it is no sin on both of them that they reunite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allâh. These are the limits of Allâh, which He makes plain for the people who have knowledge”
[al-Baqarah 2:230]. 
And it is essential that the second husband have intercourse with her; if no intercourse takes place between them, she does not become permissible for the first husband. 
The scholars are unanimously agreed on that, and the evidence for that from the Sunnah is the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (2639) and Muslim (1433) from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), that Rifaa‘ah divorced his wife for the third time, and after that she married ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn al-Zubayr, and claimed that he had not consummated the marriage with her and she wanted to get divorced from him and go back to her first husband. The Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Do you want to go back to Rifaa‘ah? No, not until you taste his (‘Abd al-Rahmaan’s) sweetness and he tastes your sweetness.” 
Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
The words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), “not until you taste his sweetness and he tastes your sweetness” are a metaphor for intercourse, likening its pleasure to the sweetness of honey. 
In this hadeeth we see that the woman who has been divorced three times is not permissible for the one who divorced her until she has been married to another husband, and he has intercourse with her, then he divorces her and her ‘iddah comes to an end. As for merely doing the marriage contract with her, that does not make her permissible for the first husband. This is the view of all the scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi‘een and those who came after them, except Sa‘eed ibn al-Musayyib; perhaps this hadeeth did not reach him. End quote. 
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
After the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) clearly explained what was meant in the Book of Allah, may He be exalted, and that she is not permissible for the first husband until the second husband tastes her sweetness and she tastes his sweetness, no differing view should be given any consideration and it is not permissible for anyone to follow a different view.
End quote from al-Mughni, 10/549 
If there is an agreement with the second husband that he will marry her in order to make her permissible for her first husband, or if the second husband intends that without any prior agreement with anyone, and he does not want to marry her (except for this purpose) or stay with her, then this is a tahleel marriage, and the Messenger of Allah (sa) cursed the one who does that. The woman does not become permissible to her first husband by means of this haraam marriage, even if the second husband has intercourse with her. 
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
Tahleel marriage is haraam and is invalid according to most scholars. … If it is stipulated that it is tahleel before the marriage contract is done, but it is not mentioned in the marriage contract, or he intended it as a tahleel marriage without that being stipulated, then the marriage is also invalid.
End quote from al-Mughni, 10/49-51 
If the intention is on the part of the woman only, and no agreement to that effect was made with the second husband and he did not intend it to be a tahleel marriage, then the marriage is valid and she becomes permissible thereby for the first husband, if the second husband consummates the marriage with her then divorces her or dies, and the woman’s intention does not have any effect on that. 
This has been explained in the answer to question no. 159041. 
But the fact that she is giving money to this man so that he will agree to this marriage contract indicates that he is aware of the intention of tahleel and that he does not want to marry her at all, so by accepting that he is like a borrowed billy-goat, who comes between the divorced spouses to make her permissible for her first husband. 
See also the answer to question no. 76324. 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
If the
marriage contract has been done, then you have become his wife and it is
permissible for a husband to be intimate with his wife however he wants. But
she can refuse to let him have his way with her until he gives her the mahr
and prepares a suitable marital home for her. 
Ibn
al-Mundhir (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated that the scholars were
unanimously agreed that a woman has the right to refuse to let her husband
consummate the marriage with her until he gives her the mahr. 
Al-Mughni
(7/200). 
Al-Kasaani
said in Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’ (4/19) that a woman has the right to
refuse to let her husband have his way with her until he provides her with a
home. 
This is the
shar’i ruling on this matter. 
What we are
afraid of is that this man is not serious about providing a home and
striving to settle in it and build a family, and that he is content to get
his pleasure from meeting you. Hence we advise you not to answer his demand
and not to let him be intimate with you, until he provides you with a home.
This will encourage him to pay attention and hasten to consummate the
marriage, and protect you. For intercourse may take place as the result of
pressure on his part and weakness on yours, then pregnancy may occur, and
that may lead to bad consequences in the event of divorce or delay of
consummation of the marriage and announcement thereof to the people. 
Secondly: 
If your work
is permissible and free of any haraam things, then we do not advise you to
give it up, and the husband has no right to prevent you from working so long
as he did the marriage contract with you at the time when you were doing
this job and he did not stipulate that you should leave it. At the very
least you should keep your job even if you take a temporary leave of absence
until you find out what your husband is really like. 
Thirdly: 
Attention
must be paid to the religious commitment and character of a husband, and one
should find out whether he prays regularly and keeps away from haraam
things. From your question it seems to us that this is not a man who is good
in these ways, hence it is easy for him to insult your parents and to
threaten to cheat on you. We do not know how such things could be said by a
wise man who understands how things are. Is this a proper way of putting
pressure on his wife – threatening to commit zina as a punishment to her?
This is indicative of a severe lack of religious commitment and
intelligence. If we had been consulted about the matter before the marriage
contract was done, we would have advised you not to marry him. But as the
contract has been done, we say: If he is careless about prayer, then you
should advise him time after time. If he does not improve, then separate
from him, for there is nothing good for you in marriage to a man who is
careless about prayer. 
Fourthly: 
If it
becomes clear to you that he is messing about and is not serious about
preparing a home etc, and that he may mistreat you and your family – even if
he does pray regularly – then we advise you to leave him, even if you free
yourself from the marriage by giving up some of your rights (i.e., khula’). 
You say that
your family and everyone around you thinks that he is not suitable for you.
The family’s opinion in such matters is usually closest to the truth,
because they look at the matter with a measure of wisdom, far removed from
emotion which may sometimes blind one to the truth. They also have knowledge
and experience of such matters. Hence we think that you should discuss the
matter with your family, and do what they advise you, as well as praying to
Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah), for He does not betray the one who seeks
guidance and the one who asks for advice will not regret it. 
We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to take away your distress and to guide you to good things. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.The dais on which the bride sits is something that has been well known from ancient times and is mentioned in several classical texts. 
There is nothing wrong with the bride sitting on a dais, subject to the condition that it be screened from the gaze of non-mahram men. This is not regarded as a kind of arrogance, rather the aim, as you stated, is for everyone to be able to see her. 
Here we should point out the evils that happen in some societies on such occasions, where the husband sits with his wife on this dais when she is wearing all her finery, in front of both men and women, or the husband comes in and sits with his wife on the dais when there are women present who are not his mahrams, wearing all their adornments. 
The scholars of the Standing Committee said:  
For the husband to appear on the dais in front of women who are not his mahrams and who are present at the wedding party, where he can see them and they can see him, and they are wearing all their adornments and he is wearing all his finery, is not permissible, rather it is an evil action which must be denounced. 
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 19/120. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
There are some ahaadeeth that condemn the illegitimate child,
but most of these ahaadeeth are da’eef (weak) and are not saheeh (sound). It
was narrated by Abu Dawood in his Sunan (4/39) and by Ahmad in
al-Musnad (2/311) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him)
that the Prophets (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The illegitimate child is the most evil of the three” meaning more evil
than his parents. Among the scholars who classed this as hasan were Ibn
al-Qayyim in al-Manaar al-Muneef (133) and al-Albaani in
al-Silsilat al-Saheehah (672). 

The scholars interpreted this hadeeth in a number of ways,
the most famous of which was that suggested by Sufyaan al-Thawri, who said:
it means he is the most evil of the three if he does the same action as his
parents did (i.e., zina or adultery). 

This was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah, who said that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is the most evil
of the threeif he does the same action as
his parents did – meaning the illegitimate child.” Although its isnaad is
da’eef, it was interpreted in this manner by the salaf, as stated above. 

This interpretation is supported by the report narrated by
al-Haakim (4/100) – with an isnaad of which al-Albaani said, “It may be
regarded as hasan” – from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), that
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The
illegitimate child does not bear any part of his parents’ burden of sin.
‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of
another’ [al-An’aam 6:164 – interpretation of the meaning].”
(al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 2186) 

Some scholars said that this hadeeth is to be interpreted as
meaning that there is some evil in most illegitimate children because they
are created from an evil nutfah (sperm drop), and usually nothing good is
created from an evil nutfah. If a good soul comes out of this nutfah then it
will enter Paradise. This hadeeth is to be taken as a general rule to which
there may be exceptions. (See al-Manaar al-Muneef, 133). 

Hence Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said: “If an illegitimate child believes and does righteous deeds, he
will enter Paradise, otherwise he will be punished for his deeds just like
anyone else. The punishment is for the deeds, not for the lineage. Rather
the illegitimate child is condemned because he is expected to do evil deeds,
as often happens. By the same token, good lineages are regarded as
praiseworthy because such people are expected to do good deeds. But when a
person does a deed, then the reward or punishment is based on that, and the
most noble of people before Allaah are those who are most pious. (al-Fataawa
al-Kubra, 5/83). 

It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah: “If an
illegitimate child dies in Islam (as a Muslim), he will enter Paradise, and
his being illegitimate does not have any effect on that, because that was
not due to his own actions, rather it was the action of someone else. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning): 

‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of
another’

[al-An’aam 6:164]

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

‘Every person is a pledge for that which he has earned’

[al-Toor 52:21]

And there are other similar verses. 

With regard to the words narrated from the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), ‘No illegitimate child will
enter Paradise,’ this hadeeth is not saheeh. It was mentioned by al-Haafiz
Ibn Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat, but it is one of the ahaadeeth that were
fabricated against the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). And Allaah is the Source of strength.” 

With regard to the ruling on marrying one who is
illegitimate, none of the reputable fuqaha’ have stated that this is haraam.
However there was some difference of opinion among the Hanbalis as to
whether such a person is compatible with a woman of good lineage. Some of
them said that he is compatible with her, and othesr did not agree with that
because that will be a source of shame for the woman, because he will be her
guardian, and that would also affect her child. (See al-Mughni,
7/28).

(al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 34/282). 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked
about a man who married his daughter to a person who was apparently
illegitimate – what was the ruling on that? He answered as follows: 

“If he is Muslim, then the marriage is sound, because the sin
of his mother and the one who committed zina with her does not rest on him.
Allaah says ‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear
the burden of another’ [al-An’aam 6:164 – interpretation of the meaning]. 
And there is no shame on him because of their action, if he adheres
steadfastly to the religion of Allaah and develops good characteristics,
because Allaah says

‘O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female,
and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily,
the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa
[i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is
All-Knowing, All-Aware’

[al-Hujuraat 49:13]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said, when he was asked who is the most noble of people, ‘Those who are
most pious.’ And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
‘If a person’s actions make him less worthy than others, his lineage will
not make him more worthy.’”

From Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/166.

 And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.It is not permissible to talk to your fiancé except in a case where both parties trust one another and where the parents agree to the marriage and have no objections. In this case it is acceptable for them to speak to one another in a normal manner, discussing matters of life that concern them . But if they know that their parents do not agree to that, then it is not permissible for them to speak to one another in this case.
 Shaykh `Abullah ibn Jibrin (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“The fiancée is still a non-Mahram woman and speaking to her is still speaking to a non-Mahram woman , so it must be done properly and only as much as is necessary, such as agreeing on specific matters to do with after they get married. Attention must also be paid to the following:

It must be done with the agreement of the woman’s guardian and with no objection on his part to the marriage.
The talk should not involve anything that may provoke desire or cause temptation.
There should be no other way of telling her what he wants to say, such as through his sister or her brother, or by letter.
It should not go beyond what is essential.”

 And Allah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.There is nothing wrong with a woman looking at a man; hence men, whether they are Muslim or kaafirs, are not enjoined to cover their faces. Women are enjoined to cover themselves but men are not. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with a woman looking at another woman if one of them is not Muslim. That is because the prohibition on looking is due to the fear of desire being provoked, and it is well known that a woman will not be stirred by desire if she looks at another woman. 
As for the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning): “It is no sin on them (the Prophet’s wives, if they appear unveiled) before their fathers, or their sons, or their brothers, or their brother’s sons, or the sons of their sisters, or their own women” [al-Ahzaab 33:55], the word nisa’ihinna (their own women) does not apply exclusively to believing women; rather it also includes disbelieving women. If a woman looks at a non-Muslim woman that will not result in evil, so there is nothing wrong with her looking at a non-Muslim woman, especially if she needs to meet with her, such as if she is a teacher or a doctor and so on. It would be too difficult for her to observe hijab before her or to look away from her.

Praise be to Allah.
You do not have to execute the will mentioned, because the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “A virgin should
not be married until her permission is sought.” According to another
version: “The virgin should be asked for permission by her father, and her
permission is her silence.” We advise you to ask Allaah for guidance and
pray istikhaarah, and consult those whom you trust among your relatives and
others who know both people. May Allaah make all good easy for you. End quote.

Praise be to Allah.Significance of choosing a righteous companion 
As this world is a stage that leads to the Hereafter, in which man is tested to see what he will do, so that he will be requited for it on the Day of Resurrection, what the wise Muslim must do is seek in this world everything that will help him to attain happiness and bliss in the Hereafter. 
The most important help and support is righteous company. That begins with the Muslim society in which he lives, then with choosing pious friends, as the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) enjoined: “Do not keep company with anyone but a believer.” Narrated by Abu Dawud (4832); classed as hasan (good) by al-Albani in Sahih al-Jami‘.
Then finally he should choose a righteous wife who he hopes will be the best companion to help him attain eternal happiness in Paradise with Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.
Best qualities of a good wife
The righteous wife is one who is good in many aspects.
She is the one who it is thought will guard her chastity and her honour in the husband’s presence and absence, and be diligent with regard to both minor and major issues.
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard” [an-Nisa 4:34].
She is the one who is of good character and has good manners. She is not known for foul speech, meanness or bad manners; rather she is good-natured, pure of soul and clean of heart, speaks in a gentle manner and treats people kindly.
More important than all of that, she accepts advice and listens to it attentively and wholeheartedly; she is not one of those who are used to arguing stubbornly and arrogantly.
Al-Asma‘i said: 
“An elder from the tribe of Banu’l-‘Anbar said: It was said that women are of three types: one who is easy-going, gentle, chaste and dignified, Muslim, a help to her family, and not a burden on them; one who is merely a vessel for childbearing; and one who is like a heavy yoke that Allah places on the neck of whomever He wills, and takes it away from whomever He wills.”
One of the scholars said: “The best of women is the one who, if she is given she is grateful, and if she is deprived she is patient; you feel happy when you look at her, and she obeys you if you instruct her to do something.”
She is the one who upholds her connection to her Lord and always strives to increase her level of faith and piety. She does not omit any obligatory duty, and she is keen to do some nafl (supererogatory) deeds. She gives precedence to pleasing Allah, may He be glorified, over everything else.
Concerning that, the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhari (4802) and Muslim (1466).
The righteous wife is the one whom you see is serious about caring for and raising your children, teaching them Islam, good manners and the Quran, and instilling in them love for Allah, love for His Messenger, and love of good for people. Her main concern is not what they may attain in this world of prominence, wealth and degrees; rather she is concerned that they should attain a high level of piety, religious commitment, good character and knowledge.
In addition to all of that, the Muslim should choose a wife who gives him comfort when he sees her, and he feels joy in his heart when she is present, so she fills his house and his life with ease, joy and happiness.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: It was said: O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.”
Narrated by Ahmad (2/251); classed as hasan (good) by al-Albani in as-Silsilah as-Sahihah (1838).
It was said to ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her): Which type of woman is best? She said: The one who does not know about saying bad things, and she is not crafty like men; her focus is on adorning herself for her husband and taking care of her family.
For more information, please see questions no. 6585 , 8391 , 26744 , and 83777 .
References
Muhadarat al-Udaba by ar-Raghib al-Asfahani, 1/410. 
‘Uyoon al-Akhbar by Ibn Qutaybah, 1/375.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:
The basic principle is that the mother who has custody of her children does not have the right to take anything from her children’s maintenance money in return for taking care of them; rather she is entrusted with the money that is sent for her children’s maintenance and is expected to dispose of it according to what is in their best interests.
Ad-Dardir al-Maliki (may Allah have mercy on him) said: She does not have the right to spend any of her child’s maintenance money on herself in return for taking care of the child. End quote from Bulghat as-Salik li Aqrab al-Masalik (2/765).
Secondly:
It is permissible for the father and mother to take from their children’s wealth for their needs, so long as it does not harm the children.
It was narrated from ‘A’ishah, from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), that he said: “A man’s son is part of his earnings, among the best of his earnings, so you may take from their wealth.” Narrated by Abu Dawud (3529); classed as sahih by al-Albani.
Ibn al-Amir as-San‘ani (may Allah have mercy on him) said: It is soundly narrated from Abu’z-Zubayr that he heard Jabir ibn ‘Abdillah say: The father and mother may take from their child’s wealth without his permission.
End quote from Risalah Latifah fi Sharh Hadith Anta wa Maluka li Abik (p. 24). The report was narrated by Ibn Hazm in al-Muhalla with his isnad (6/385).
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Your children are a gift from Allah to you, {He gives to whom He wills female [children], and He gives to whom He wills males} [al-Shoora 42:49]. They and their wealth are yours if you need it.” Narrated by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak (3123), who said: It is sahih according to the conditions of al-Bukhari and Muslim. Also narrated by al-Bayhaqi in al-Kubra (15745). Classed as sahih by al-Albani in as-Silsilah as-Sahihah (2564). See the commentary of Shu‘ayb al-Arna’ut et al. on Sunan Ibn Majah, hadith no. 2137.
As-Sawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said, explaining that it is permissible for the mother to take from her child’s wealth, if she is in difficulty, and she does not regard it as being in return for looking after the child:
She does not have the right to spend on herself in return for looking after the child.
But if it is for another reason – meaning that she takes it for a reason other than looking after the child – and is in difficulty, then she may spend on herself from the child’s wealth, whether what she takes is less than the going rate for looking after the child or more than that, because she is entitled to maintenance even if she does not look after the child.
End quote from Hashiyat as-Sawi ‘ala ash-Sharh as-Saghir (2/765).
Shaykh Salih al-Fawzan (may Allah preserve him) said: The father has the right to take from his child’s wealth so long as it will not harm the child or take what the child needs, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of what you consume is your earnings, and your children are among your earnings.” And he said: “You and your wealth belong to your father.” This undoubtedly refers to the father’s rights, but it also includes the mother’s rights, because she is like the father according to the correct view. So she may take from her child’s wealth that which will benefit her and meet her needs, so long as that will not be detrimental to the child and what she takes is not needed by him.
End quote from al-Muntaqa min Fatawa al-Fawzan.
Based on the above:
It is permissible for you to take from your children’s wealth to pay for medical treatment, on condition that that will not harm the children. In other words, that should only be after ensuring that the children have enough.
And Allah knows best.