Tag: Muamalah

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
The Shaza channel is not one of the al-Majd channels, rather al-Majd markets itself through it. 
Secondly: 
Nasheed means words with a tune, and the ruling thereon is known if the words of the nasheed are known, and how it is performed, and whether it is accompanied by musical instruments or not. 
By studying the words of the scholars and trustworthy Shaykhs, we can compile a list of the guidelines and conditions which must be fulfilled in order for the nasheed to be permissible. These include the following: 
1-The words should be free of haraam and worthless content.
2-The nasheed should not be accompanied by musical instruments. No musical instruments are permissible except the daff for women on specific occasions.
3-It should be free of vocal effects that imitate the sound of musical instruments.
4-The nasheed should not be a habit for the listener, or waste his time, or affect his obligatory duties or mustahabb actions, such as affecting his reading of Qur’aan and calling people to Allaah.
5-The performer should not be a woman in front of men, or a man in front of women.
6-One should avoid listening to people with soft voices or who move rhythmically when performing, because all of that is fitnah and an imitation of immoral people.
7-One should avoid the images that are put on their cassette cases, and more importantly one should avoid showing them in video clips of their nasheeds, especially images of provocative movements and imitations of immoral singers.
8-The focus of the nasheed should be the words, not the tune.
These guidelines and scholarly comments on them have been explained in the answer to question no. 91142. 
Unfortunately we have to say that the Shaza channel does not pay attention to most of these conditions and guidelines, and its broadcasts are filled with all kinds and types of nasheed, even if it contains something that goes against sharee’ah. They showed a male nasheed group who were wearing a uniform and performing a dabkeh dance, whilst using vocal effects that sounded like musical instruments, and some of the nasheeds depicted wedding parties, and among the audience could be seen people who were smoking openly in front of people, and this was broadcast as though it was an Islamic nasheed. 
They also broadcast some of these nasheeds from festivals and celebrations in which could be heard clapping and whistling to encourage the singer and applaud him. As for some of them shaving their beards or cutting them too short, or letting their garments hang below their ankles, this happens a great deal. 
There is another serious issue related to these anaasheed, which is that women are attracted to these male singers. So you see them coming out wearing the finest clothes, or even wearing makeup! And the singers have started to put their pictures and cell phone numbers on the covers of their cassettes, like immoral singers. The fact that some women are attracted to these nasheed singers is something that cannot be denied, so heads of households who are responsible for their flocks should pay attention to this serious matter. 
Some of those who are in charge of this channel have tried to market it from a shar’i angle by giving prominence to Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez al-Fawzaan’s praise of them, but when the Shaykh found out what they are really like, and that it is not one of the al-Majd channels, and that it is only for nasheed – when he had been told that it belonged to al-Majd and was a youth channel – he recanted his praise for them and warned them not to publish it. 
Warnings against this channel have also been issued by the General Mufti of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal al-Shaykh (may  Allaah preserve him). 
In a meeting with the Shaykh at ‘Asr on Thursday 13/9/1427 AH on the al-Majd channel, on its program called Ma’a Samaahat al-Mufti, he was asked about the Shaza nasheed channel and he replied: 
With regard to the Shaza channel which is for nasheed, I hope that the people in charge of al-Majd will close down this channel, because in fact they are nasheed which may include Sufi nasheeds, and they may contain melodious voices that could distract people from that which is better than that. Sufi styles and Sufi nasheeds and so on are things that were denounced by the scholars who said: This prevents the people from remembering Allaah, and it is singing, but they made it appear good by saying that it is Islamic nasheeds and prayer to Allaah and so on.  
What one should do is not introduce this channel. I do not watch it and I advise people to avoid it. I hope that those who founded it will fear Allaah and keep away from this channel and avoid supporting it or spending on it, and will not be tempted by it or by those who promote it or who try to find a justification for it, because it is no more than nasheed that distract people from that which is better for them. End quote. 
The veracity of what Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal al-Shaykh (may Allaah preserve him) said is supported by the fact that it may include Sufi nasheeds: 
(a)The presence of prominent Sufis who take part in it, who are regarded as geniuses of nasheed by them
(b)A lot of songs about Madeenah, its inhabitants and the grave of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
(c)Many Sufi expressions in a lot of their nasheeds, such as Mawlaya (my master), ya sanadi (my support), umarrigh al-khadd bi’l-i’taab (I rub my cheek on the threshold of your door), aghithni minka bi’l-madad (help me by your aid), and so on.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: 
I hope that you can explain in detail the issue of nasheeds, and the ruling on selling them. 
Shaykh: What nasheeds? 
Questioner: The Islamic nasheeds that are sold on recordings. 
He replied: I cannot give a ruling on them, because they vary, but I can give you a general guideline. 
1-If the nasheeds are accompanied by the daff, then they are haraam, because the daff is only permissible in a specific situation, not all the time. It is more forbidden if it is accompanied by music or tabl (drums other than the daff).
2-If it is free of those things, then we examine it further. Is it performed in the manner of immoral songs? This is also not permissible because  one soon finds that one gets used to this immoral manner of performance and enjoys it, and that may lead one to start listening to haraam kinds of songs.
3-If these nasheed are sung by young men with attractive voices, i.e., they could provoke desire, or a person may enjoy listening to the sound regardless of the content of the nasheed, then this is also not permissible.
But if the nasheeds speak of Islamic zeal and not as described above, then there is nothing wrong with them, but it is better to listen to Qur’aan rather than that, or to listen to a useful lecture, or to listen to a lesson by a scholar. This is better, as it will serve a religious purpose and also make it easy for a person, because a person may be travelling from Makkah to Madeenah, for example, and he needs something to keep him awake. 
Questioner: But what is the ruling on selling them? 
Shaykh: I will give you a guideline. Everything that it is haraam to use, it is also haraam to sell, because the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allaah forbids a people to eat something, He also forbids its price to them.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, and it is saheeh. 
Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftooh (111/question 7). 
Shaykh Saalih ibn Fawzaan al-Fawzaan (may Allaah preserve him). 
We do not deny that it is permissible to listen to nasheed that is free from haraam elements and to record it. But what we object to is the following: 
1.We object to calling it Islamic nasheeds
2.We object to listening to it so much that it leaves no room for things that are more beneficial
3.We object to putting it in religious programs, or doing it in unison, or in enchanting voices.
4.We object to recording it and offering it for sale, because this is a means of distracting people, and a means of introducing Sufi bid’ahs to the Muslims via these nasheeds, or a means of propagating nationalistic and partisan slogans also. End quote.
Bayaan li Akhta’ ba’d al-Kuttaab (p. 341). 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Our advice to you will cover three things: 

1 – We appreciate your keenness to make good use of your
time, and you are completely right, because a man’s life is the days that
are passing and the hours that he spends. The wise man is the one who
protects his capital from loss and the loser is the one who squanders the
most precious thing that he possesses and does not appreciate its sanctity
or acknowledge its value. 

It says in Tafseer al-Raazi Mafaateeh al-Ghayb
(22/83): 

Allaah swears by al-‘asr – which is time – because of the
amazing things in it. In it both ease and hardship, good health and
sickness, wealth and poverty occur, and the value of time cannot be compared
to even the most precious and valuable of things. If you wasted one thousand
years on something that does not matter, then you made the most of the last
moment of your life to repent, you would abide in Paradise for eternity.
Therefore you should realize that the noblest thing in your life is the
moment you are in, and time is one of the foundations of blessings. Hence
Allaah swore by it, and He drew attention to the fact that night and day are
opportunities that man wastes, for time is nobler than place, so He swore by
it, because time is a pure blessing in which there is no defect, rather the
defective loser is man. End quote. 

Secondly: Then we advise you not to go to extremes in
refraining from talking to people and friends, and to allow a certain amount
of time to sit with them and speak kindly to them, especially relatives. It
was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) to visit his companions and enjoy their company and talk with them.
What is forbidden is to go to extremes in that so that long hours pass or it
leads to neglect of other obligatory duties that are waiting to be done,
such as worship, learning, work and so on. The best of things are those that
are moderate and the one who intends to do good, Allaah will enable him to
do it. 

When speaking to your friends and relatives, you should try
to discuss serious topics with them, and things that will benefit both your
religious and worldly interests, so that you will be rewarded for teaching
them and your sitting with them will count in your favour on the Day of
Resurrection, and not count against you. 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: 

“No people sit in a gathering in which they do not remember
Allaah or send blessings upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him), but it will be a source of regret for them on the Day
of Resurrection, even if they enter Paradise as a reward.” 

Narrated by Ahmad (2/463) and classed as saheeh by the
commentators according to the conditions of the two Shaykhs (al-Bukhaari and
Muslim), and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (no.
76). 

Thirdly: Make proper excuses to those who steal your time,
and think of means of achieving that. You know your situation. For example: 

You could apologize by saying that you are busy preparing for
a university or school exam, or a course of study, if you have anything to
do with these things, or say that you are busy preparing a certain project
for some organization. People usually accept these things, and they will
encourage you to make the most of your time for those purposes. If you
really do have to make some commitment to an academic body in order to
convince people, if you do not actually have any exam to prepare for or work
to do, then make that your intention when you speak of it, because
preparation  always takes precedence, thus you will be telling the truth and
finding an excuse to give to them. 

You could use this excuse with the guests who are present,
and you can also use this excuse with friends who call you up, but getting
rid of people on the phone is easier, because the one who is calling you
cannot see what you are really doing at home. So you can apologize by saying
that you want to go and pray before the time for prayer ends, and your
intention may be to offer a naafil prayer if you have already offered the
obligatory prayer; or you could ask your mother to call you whilst you are
speaking on the phone and ask you to help her with something. If your friend
hears your mother calling, she will end her call. In these ways you can find
ways to rid yourself of the time-wasters whom many people have to deal
with. 

We will quote here the complaint of one of the scholars about
those who waste one’s time, and how he dealt with this problem, and some
beautiful words about the importance of time, and the necessity of making
good use of it. 

Ibn al-Jawzi said in Sayd al-Khaatir (p. 240-241): 

I seek refuge with Allaah from the company of idle folk! I
have seen many people who tried with me what is customary among many people
of visiting a great deal and they call these frequent visits a kind of
service; they want to sit with me and chat as people chat about what people
are talking about, and what does not concern anyone, and what may be gheebah
(backbiting). 

This is what many people do nowadays, and the one who is
visited may ask for that, or long for it, and feel lonely when no one visits
him, especially when there is a celebration or on Eid. So you see them going
to visit one another, and they don’t limit it to offering greetings and
saying salaam, rather they add to that a great deal of what I call wasting
time.  

When I realized that time is the noblest thing, and that it
should be spent in doing good, I hated that, and I had two choices with
regard to them: if I tell them off, it will cause problems, and if I accept
it from them I will be wasting time! So I began to avoid meeting people as
much as I could, then if I did meet them I would try to keep the
conversation brief so that I could leave quickly. 

Then I prepared things that I could do to prevent talking to
them when they met me, lest time be wasted. Some of the preparations that I
made for meeting them were cutting paper for writing, sharpening pens and
putting papers together to make notebooks, because these things are
essential, but they do not need any thought or focus. So I kept them for the
times of their visits so that none of my time would be wasted. 

We ask Allaah to make us realize the preciousness of time and
help us to make the most of it.  

I have met many people who do not know the meaning of life.
Allaah has made some of them independent of means because they have a great
deal of wealth, so they sit in the marketplace for most of the day, watching
people, and they may see a great deal of evil deeds and objectionable
things. Some of them focus on playing chess and some waste their time in
talking about the rulers, or how expensive or cheap things are, and so on. I
realized that Allaah does not guide anyone to understanding the preciousness
of life and the value of time and health, except the one whom He inspires to
make the most of it. “and none is granted it except the owner of the
great portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise and of a high
moral character)” [Fussilat 41:35]. End quote.

We ask Allaah to guide us and you and grant happiness in this world and in
the Hereafter. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Desire continues to grow in the heart of the son of Adam
until it destroys him, and no one is deprived of contentment but he will
find himself lost in the valleys of confusion and depression, turning right
and left in the hope of finding that which he wishes and longs for to give
him satisfaction, but nothing will fill the heart of the son of Adam but
dust, and Allaah accepts the repentance of those who repent. 

The worst of desire is that which leads to transgression
against the sanctity and honour of others, such as desire for the wives of
other Muslims which leads to transgression against their honour, or when
women desire young Muslim men and a woman is not content with the husband
with whom Allaah has blessed her. The Muslims all know that pleasure cannot
be attained by disobeying Allaah, may He be exalted, and that happiness can
only be attained by obeying and heeding the sacred limits of Allaah. 

Sin was the cause that led to the downfall of previous
nations. Do you think that it can be the cause of a person’s happiness? Sin
is also the path that leads to punishment, so do you want it to being
blessings? 

Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of
what your hands have earned. And He pardons much”

[al-Shoora 42:30]

It may be easy to fall into error, because the nafs is
inclined towards sin in pursuit of pleasure and whims and desires. But it is
difficult to bear the consequences and effects of those mistakes. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

Patience in resisting desires is easier than patience in
dealing with the consequences that result from going along with desires,
because it either leads to pain and punishment or it prevents a more
complete pleasure, or it wastes time and leads to loss and regret, or it is
a violation of honour which one is better off not violating, or it is a loss
of wealth, keeping which is better than losing it, or it leads to a loss of
status and position, keeping which is better than losing it, or it deprives
one of a blessing, having which is more pleasurable and better than
fulfilling desires, or it gives an ignoble person cause to insult you when
he did not have this opportunity before, or it brings distress, sadness and
fear that cannot be matched by the pleasure of desire, or causes one to
forget knowledge, remembering which is better than fulfilling desires, or it
makes an enemy rejoice and makes a friend sad, or it cuts off an oncoming
blessing, or it has a negative impact on one’s character that will remain,
because deeds have a great impact on one’s character and behaviour. End
quote.  

Al-Fawaa’id (p. 139) 

And now the problem that you are facing today is no more than
the result of your accumulated mistakes and the sins that you took lightly,
then you did not repent properly from them. 

As for your talking to that young man, it is one of the worst
things that could be done by a woman whom Allaah has blessed with a husband,
home and children. It is sufficient for her to look at the misery endured by
many others who are deprived of happy homes and a life of ease. 

Your husband has taken care of rebuking and blaming you. He
tells you every day words that would make mountains tremble – as you
describe it. The point here is that you should understand in the depths of
your heart the seriousness of the error you have made. 

As for what you say about your not fulfilling his desires and
needs before that, this is another sin which has had a big impact in
changing the situation of your family and bringing about this pain and
suffering. 

Did you not know that obedience to the husband is obligatory
and that serving him and responding to his call and fulfilling his needs is
one of the best things that a wife can do, both before Allaah and before
other people?  It was narrated that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah have
mercy on him) said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, this daughter of mine
refuses to get married. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said to her: “Obey your father.” She said: By the One Who sent you
with the truth, I will not get married until you tell me what the husband’s
rights over his wife are. He said: “The husband’s rights over his wife are
such that if he had an ulcer and she licked it, she would not have fulfilled
his rights.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i in al-Sunan al-Kubra (2/283).
Al-Mundhiri said in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb (3/98): Its isnaad is
jayyid. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’
(3148). 

We will tell you frankly: The remedy begins with this idea: 

It starts with obeying and pleasing Allaah, may He be
glorified, because calamities start with disobedience towards Him. Allaah
has promised the penitent that He will turn his bad deeds into good ones,
and He has promised to bestow grace and reward. 

Repentance starts by resolving to give up the sin that one
has committed, and to cut off all haraam ties. In your case it starts with
cancelling the mobile phone altogether, and not going back to it until your
husband agrees to buy you a new number. If you do this then you will have
proven to your husband and to yourself that you are sincere in your
repentance and your desire to mend your ways. 

How can you want your husband to overlook the past when you
yourself have not overlooked it and are going back to it?! 

Your husband has done you a great favour by giving you
another chance to live with him. Perhaps the real reason for that is that he
loves you, otherwise the logical sequence of events would have been for this
story to lead to scandal, separation and divorce. But Allaah has blessed you
and been kind to you, by concealing you and giving you a house and a family,
so you must show kindness to your husband in return, and observe the limits
of Allaah concerning him, and cut off all ties and all means of getting back
in touch with this man who has transgressed against you. But what you did
was to repeat the mistake and persist in sin and take the matter of
repentance lightly. 

Do you expect that after that you will helped to change for
the better? 

How can you allow yourself to listen again to the voice of
that young man and receive messages from him again? How can you go back to
burdening your husband with the stress of waswaas that affects every man who
sees something suspicious on his wife’s part? How can you expect him to
trust you again when you have not shown yourself to be trustworthy? We
affirm to you that continuing in this manner will lead to a greater loss
than that which you are facing now. Think about your situation if your
husband tells your family about what you are doing. Undoubtedly the stress
you will face will be worse than what you are facing now.  We urge you to
mend your ways as it is essential. You have already made a good start, but
you have a long way to go. We advise you to fear Allaah and be keen to take
care of your house, husband and family. Do not pay attention to anything but
seeking the pleasure of Allaah; let that be your concern. Be steadfast and
do not despair. Keep trying and do not stop treating your husband kindly and
obeying him in that which is good and proper. Do not be put off by your
husband’s bad treatment. If you are sincere towards Allaah in adhering to
His laws, He will set things straight for you with your husband, even if it
is after a while; He will restore the happiness you seek and will ward off
all temptation and misery from you. What does anyone want in life but a
quiet life in good health as a true slave of Allaah? If Allaah blessed a
person with any of that, let him strive to protect the blessing by giving
thanks for it and fearing Allaah with regard to it. Contentment is a
treasure that never fades away. 

We ask Allaah for guidance, help and happiness. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19] 
“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”
[al-Baqarah 2:216]. 
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) one day and he said: “O boy, I shall teach you some words. Be mindful Allaah and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and He will protect you. If you ask then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way, they would not benefit you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they would not harm you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2516). 
You should note that what you have to do is to be content with your situation and realize that what Allaah has chosen for you is the best, and you missing out on something may be a good thing.  
Do not let the whispers of the accursed shaytaan affect you and lead you every which way. Rather you should be as our Lord likes you to be, and accept His decree and thank Him for His blessings. Ponder the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and do not worry. Keep yourself busy with worship of Allaah and make a program for yourself so that you can wake up for Fajr prayer and then read Qur’aan and adkhaar and du’aas. Attend lectures and reminders and Islamic conferences. Through this program you will be able to relax and find peace of mind. Always comfort yourself with the words of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” Narrated by Muslim (2999). 
Be kind to yourself, and remember that there are millions of women like you who are not married, but many of them may be happier than many of those who are married. 
May Allaah open your heart to contentment with His decree and give you peace of mind about your situation, and fill your heart with happiness. You are better off than many others! 
Does your sorrow at not being married increase when you see a woman and her husband and children going on a trip? Does this remind you that you are alone and without a husband and children?  
Does it make you feel that you have been wronged, or that you are unfortunate, or that you are deprived? 
Wait a minute, do not let these negative feelings and frustrations prevail over you and increase your  sense of sadness and sorrow. 
You have seen only one aspect of this family’s life, but there are many other aspects that you have not seen. 
Perhaps if you saw the wife who has a hard-hearted husband who shows no compassion, and you heard her complaints about her continual suffering with him, you would praise Allaah for saving you from marriage. 
If you sit with a divorced woman who laments her fate and says that she regrets having married, and you listen to her as she complains about how much she put up with and how much she suffered until she got her divorce, and regained her sense of security, perhaps you will praise Allaah for not having got married and suffered what she has suffered. 
If you think about what thousands of wives are suffering and what may others whose marriages ended in divorce have had to put up with, this will reduce many of the feelings of regret that you have because of not being married. 
This way of thinking will dispel your feeling of having been hard done by, and will replace those feelings with a beautiful sense of contentment, which will earn you the pleasure of Allaah, as I told you in the previous message. 
Remember your friend’s complaints about her husband yelling and being angry all the time, and how you have been saved from that. 
Remember your neighbour who left her home weeping after her husband beat her and hurt her. 
“I have reached my forties and am not married, and I praise Allaah for everything that He has decreed for me. At first I felt sad and upset whenever I was alone, and I regretted my misfortune every time one of my friends got married. I did not have any conditions or specific characteristics in the man I wanted to marry; I was prepared to accept any righteous man. But years went by without this man coming to me. I began to withdraw from people so that I would not see their looks of pity but I could not escape them completely, because I would see them in the eyes of my parents and siblings who would pray for me every time they saw me. One day at the end of Sha’baan, as we were preparing for the blessed month of Ramadaan, Allaah guided me to keep a Mus-haf just for myself. I decided to read the whole Qur’aan and I found it very difficult to read it because I had stopped reading for the last ten years. I also found it difficult to understand some verses, so I bought a book of Tafseer (commentary) and I started to read it so that I could understand the verses of Qur’aan that I was reading. Ramadaan ended but my attachment to the Book of Allaah did not stop; I carried on reading the verses of Allaah and reading the commentary thereon. 
“Then came the day when I read the verse in Soorat al-Kahf (interpretation of the meaning): Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope [al-Kahf 18:46].  I wondered, what does the good righteous deeds that last’ mean? I found in the Tafseer that it refers to all righteous deeds. 
“I fell in love with righteous deeds such as prayer, fasting, charity, tasbeeh, tahmeed, tahleel and takbeer. Happiness began to fill my heart and I became content. I praised Allaah greatly for guiding me to this path and teaching me these things.” 
Sister Umm Yamaan adds:  
“But this is not a call for monasticism, rather it is a call to accept the will and decree of Allaah.” 
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/4-7 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd. 
But every girl should understand that the purpose of life is to be a true slave of Allaah in both the specific and general senses. If she has the opportunity to establish a Muslim household, then the girl will be worshipping Allaah by getting married and raising children, and raising for us the generation that we want. 
But if that does not happen, then the ways of worshipping Allaah in general are many, foremost among which is calling people to Allaah. So she should focus on women who have deviated from the path of Allaah and take them as her daughters and guide them to the straight path of Allaah. “The one who calls people to guidance will have a reward equal to theirs, without it detracting from their reward in the slightest.” 
So regard the Muslim community as your home, and be like a beacon of guidance, truth, justice and knowledge, and let us advise one another to adhere to truth and patience. “Surely, Allaah wastes not the reward of the Muhsinoon [those who do good]” [al-Tawbah 9:120]. 
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/12 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd. 
See also the answer to questions no. 21234 and 72257. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Our advice to you is to
heed the command that Allaah has given to all people, the earlier and later
(generations), advice that combines the best of this world and the
Hereafter. Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And verily, We have
recommended to the people of the Scripture before you, and to you (O
Muslims) that you (all) fear Allaah, and keep your duty to Him”
[al-Nisa’ 4:131]
What goodness can there be
in this world if it involves incurring the wrath of the Lord, may He be
exalted? What happiness can there be if it is not following that path that
leads to Allaah’s pleasure? Would a believer be happy to make gains in this
world and lose out in the Hereafter? 
Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 
“O you who believe! Fear
Allaah and keep your duty to Him. And let every person look to what he has
sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of
what you do. 
19. And be not like
those who forgot Allaah (i.e. became disobedient to Allaah), and He caused
them to forget their ownselves (let them to forget to do righteous deeds).
Those are the Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah).
20. Not equal are the
dwellers of the Fire and the dwellers of the Paradise. It is the dwellers of
Paradise that will be successful”
[al-Hashr 59:18-20].
The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) told men to choose a wife who is
religiously-committed, and he told women and their guardians to choose a man
who is also religiously-committed.  
It was narrated that Abu
Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose
religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female
relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there
will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi
and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah
(1022). 
The man who prevents his
wife from wearing hijab is not a man of good character or religiously
committed who deserves to be married. Rather it is most likely that the one
who prevents his wife from wearing hijab will also be negligent about other
major sins and actions that doom one to Hell. How can he protect his wife
and household, or how can he raise his children to obey Allaah when he is
disobeying Him and telling others to do likewise? 
It says in al-Mawsoo’ah
al-Fiqhiyyah (24/62): 
The wali (guardian) should
not give the female relative in his care in marriage to anyone but a man who
is pious and righteous. End quote. 
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan
said in al-Muntaqa (4/question no. 198): 
When marrying, we should
choose righteous spouses who adhere firmly to their religion, who respect
the sanctity of marriage and the importance of good treatment (of spouses).
It is not permissible to be careless with regard to this matter. Such
heedlessness has become widespread nowadays, with regard to this important
matter. People give their daughters and female relatives in marriage to men
who do not fear Allaah and the Last Day, and they end up complaining about
the husbands and they are confused about how to deal with them. If they had
looked for a righteous man before marriage, Allaah would have made it easy
for them (to find such a man). But in most cases this stems from negligence
and a failure to seek righteous husbands, and a bad man can never be
suitable. It is not permissible to take this matter lightly, because (such a
man) will mistreat the woman and he may lead her away from her religion or
influence her children. End quote. 
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said
in Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb (al-Nikaah/Ikhtiyaar al-Zawj/question
no. 16): 
What the woman’s guardian
must do if a suitor comes to propose to her is to find out about his
religious commitment and character. If they are good then he should give her
to him in marriage, and if they are not good then he should not do so, and
Allaah will bring to his female relatives one who is religiously committed
and of good character, for when Allaah knows that the reason why the
guardian did not give her to that suitor was so that a man of good character
and religious commitment could propose to her, then He will help him to find
such a man. End quote. 
What we think is that you
should not accept this fiancé, and Allaah will compensate you with someone
better than him. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
There is no blame or sin on him if he gave her the choice and
she chose to stay, rather the blame and sin is on his mother who is forcing
him to do this. If he can advise his mother himself, or through the
mediation of someone whom she will listen to, and tell her that it is not
permissible for her to do this, and make her fear punishment in this world
or in the Hereafter, then this is what he must do, otherwise Allah does not
burden any soul beyond its scope. End quote.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

We ask Allah to heal your husband sooner
rather than later, and we ask Allah to increase your reward for your
patience and forbearance. This calamity with which Allah has tested you
will bring reward if you are patient and seek reward for it. 

It was narrated that Suhayb said: The
Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
“How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are
good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is
good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience,
and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.”

Narrated by Muslim (2999). 

And it was narrated from Abu Sa’eed
al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: “No exhaustion, pain, anxiety, grief, harm or
distress befalls a Muslim, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will
expiate some of his sins thereby.” Narrated by al-Bukhari (5318) and Muslim
(2573). 

Secondly: 

In the case of your husband’s sickness,
either he is aware of what he is doing and saying, or he is not aware. If he
is aware, then he is accountable for what he says and does, and it is not
permissible for him to accuse you or to fail to raise his children; he must
do what Allah has enjoined upon him of acts of worship and obedience, and
not do that which Allah has forbidden. 

In this case you must carry out all marital
duties and it is not permissible for you to neglect them.

If he is not aware of what he is saying and
doing as a result of this sickness, then he is no longer accountable for
what he says and does. But if his actions affect the rights of others, then
the one whose right it is may take his right from your husband’s wealth or
from his guardians, such as if he transgresses against someone by killing
him or he damages his car and so on. 

It was narrated from ‘Aishah that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The Pen has
been lifted from three: from the sleeping person until he wakes up, from the
minor until he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his
senses.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4398), al-Nasai (3432) and Ibn Majah
(2041); classed as saheeh by al-Albani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

Ibn Hazm (may Allah have mercy on him)
said: 

As for the one who has not yet reached
puberty, or who has reached puberty but has no discernment or reason, or has
lost his power of discernment after reaching puberty and being able to
discern, such people are not accountable and they are not allowed to dispose
of any of their wealth, because of the report that we have narrated from the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): “The
Pen has been lifted from three”, in which he mentioned “from the minor until
he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his senses.” 

Al-Muhalla
(7/200). 

Ash-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy
on him) said:  

As for the rational man, his opposite is the
insane man who has no reason, or the elderly man or elderly woman if they
have reached the age where they have lost the power of discernment, which is
known as senility. Such a person does not have to pray because he does not
have the mental capacity. 

Majmoo’ al-Fatawa
(12/first question). 

Please see scholarly comments on his behaviour and
its effects in the answer to question no.
73412. 

With regard to his accusation that you have
sinned, if what you mean is an accusation of zina, then in the second case
he is not committing slander, because an important condition, namely reason,
is missing. Similarly, he cannot engage in li’an either. 

In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (33/11)
it says: 

The fuqaha are unanimously agreed that in
order for a person to be regarded as committing slander, he (or she) must be
an adult of sound mind and acting on the basis of free will, whether male or
female, free or slave, Muslim or non-Muslim. 

End quote. 

To sum up: 

You may either put up with what he is doing,
if he does not understand what he is doing because of his sickness and loss
of reason, or you may refer your case to the qadi to determine whether he
is fit to remain as your husband or the marriage may be annulled. 

If he does understand what he is doing, then
you may either put up with what is happening or you may ask him for a
divorce, and if he refuses you may refer your case to the sharee’ah court to
arrange a separation. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Undoubtedly the way in which many Muslim societies (including
Egyptian society) view plural marriage is as a betrayal of the first wife,
or as something for which the husband or second wife are to be blamed.
Undoubtedly this is a mistaken view that is contrary to the law of Allaah,
which permits a man to marry up to four wives. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three,
or four …”

[al-Nisa’4:3]

The Muslim cannot object to the rulings of Allaah, or think
that there is any injustice, transgression or error in the rulings of
Allaah. 

Hence we do not agree with you when you say: “How can I take
the husband from his wife and children?”  

You are not taking this husband away; rather he has come and
proposed to you of his own free will. 

Moreover he is going to bear the burden of two families and
two households at the same time; he is not going to leave his first wife and
children for your sake, so how can that be taking him away? 

As for the opinion of the first wife, this is part of the
human nature which is inherent in most women (jealousy), and she wants to
keep her husband for herself and not share him with anyone. The Mothers of
the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with them) who were the best women of
this ummah, had some problems because of jealousy, but the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forgave them and did not hold it
against them. 

You can remedy that with a little wisdom and good attitude.
But it is also essential to put up with some of that which may come from her
because this is the nature of women. 

The husband must also be wise in his dealing with such
attitudes so that he will not make the disputes and conflicts worse. 

With regard to our advice to you, whether to accept this
husband or wait in the hope that Allaah might provide you with someone
else: 

The answer is that if you hope that there may come someone
who is better than him, then there is no reason why you should not refuse
him, but if you are afraid – as you are older – and because of your
situation that there will not be anyone else who is better than him, or even
like him, then we think – and Allaah knows best – that you should agree to
this marriage. 

For a woman to agree to be a second wife and to put up with
some problems from the first wife or the society around her, is much easier
than staying without a husband. 

We ask Allaah to make good easy for you wherever it is. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is makrooh,
because it results in severing of in-law ties and the breaking up of the
family, and hardship for the children. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: 

The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is not
allowed, rather it is only permitted as much as is necessary. 

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (33/81). 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is makrooh,
and the evidence for that is the verse about those who “take an oath
(eela’) not to have sexual relation with their wives” [al-Baqarah
2:226], i.e., they swear not to have intercourse with them for four months.
“then if they return (change their idea in this period), verily, Allaah
is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. And if they decide upon divorce, then
Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knower”. This implies a kind of threat, but if
they return, i.e., go back to their wives, He says: “verily, Allaah is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” This indicates that divorce is not liked
by Allaah, and that the basic principle concerning it is that it is makrooh,
and that is indeed the case. 

Al-Sharh al-Mumti’ (10/428) 

But because people’s nature, character and religious
commitment vary from one person to another, it is essential that divorce be
included in the laws prescribed by Allaah. A woman may be harmed by staying
with her husband if he is lacking in religious commitment or he has a bad
attitude or harsh nature, and a man may be harmed by staying with his wife
if she is not fit to raise his children or she does not give him his rights
on a reasonable basis. Hence prescribing divorce is wise and is suited to
human nature. 

Both spouses may be better off after divorce, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): “But
if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of
them from His Bounty. And Allaah is Ever All‑Sufficient for His creatures’
needs, All‑Wise” al-Nisa’ 4:130]. Hence divorce is not the end of
the world, and divorce may be the best way for a couple who are incompatible
in their natures, behaviours, attitude and actions.  

Based on this, what we advise you to do is to bring in wise
people from your family and hers to intervene and convince her of the
necessity of mending her ways and changing the way she deals with you, and
to promise to follow the straight path in your married life without any
deviation, and tell her that this is the only way you can continue the
marriage with her. If she responds and accepts this, then praise be to
Allaah, and perhaps Allaah will bring you together.  

We advise you to wait for a while before completing the
marriage, so that you can see how keen she is to settle down to living with
you, and how able she in fact is to do that, because what you have told us
about her makes us doubt strongly that she is keen to agree to that or is
able to do it. 

If she does not agree, then what we think is that you should
divorce her; divorcing her now is better for you and for her than divorcing
her after consummating the marriage or having children. 

If you do that and divorce takes place, there is no sin on
you, because divorce in this case is obligatory or mustahabb, especially if
she insists on working in a mixed environment, which is something that is
haraam and you should not compromise about it, rather you should make her
give it up. If she insists, then this is sufficient reason to divorce her,
so how about if the other things about her are added to that?! 
And Allaah knows
best.

Praise be to Allah.You should understand that differences are human nature; human beings are not all the same in terms of attitude, religious commitment, reasoning and behaviour. You should also pay attention to the fact that when a person grows older, their reasoning diminishes and they become childlike in many ways. You should also remember that you are dealing with your husband’s mother, and usually mothers-in-law feel as jealous of their sons’ wives as they would of a co-wife. 
If you pay attention to all of the above, then your problems will begin to seem insignificant and your worry will be dispelled. What you are suffering from is something that many women suffer from, and it needs two important things: patience and wisdom. 
So bear with patience whatever you see and hear from your husband’s family, and be wise in your dealings with them, especially with your husband’s mother, for by means of your wisdom you will be able to avoid many problems and you will earn their approval or at least put a stop to their ill will towards you; and you will also win your husband’s heart and please him. 
Wisdom in your dealings with your husband’s mother means that you must speak nicely to her, praise her, pray for her, respond to her requests and be more concerned about her than she is herself, if she takes medicine, for example, or she has an appointment to visit a doctor. Gifts also play a major role in softening her heart and changing the way she deals with you. 
But it should also be noted that you are not obliged to serve her or take care of her in the sense of it being an Islamic obligation. What you are doing is something that is mustahabb and is liked in Islam, and it is also kindness towards your husband. Perhaps if she realizes that you are doing something that is not obligatory upon you in sharee’ah, and your husband realizes that also, this will elevate your status in their eyes. 
Secondly: 
This does not mean that you should go along with her in gheebah or backbiting when she does that; rather you should advise her to stop eating the flesh of people by backbiting them. If she stops, that will be better for her, and you will have the reward for that, but if she continues and does not pay attention, then it is not permissible for you to sit with her when she is backbiting about others. Rather you must leave her company and your doing this may play a role in her stopping backbiting. It is not sufficient for you to denounce it in your heart in this case, because you do not come under the heading of being forced to do it. It is essential for her and her son to understand this ruling, and you should understand that if you stay with her when she is doing that, then you are a partner with her in the sin of backbiting, so how about if you join in with them by speaking? 
Thirdly: 
You have every right to have a separate house in which you live with your husband and children, and you have the right to privacy, if your husband wants you to live with his family, and he will not be disobeying his mother if he allows you that. The wise and intelligent man weighs things against the standards of sharee’ah, and gives each person who is entitled to rights his or her due, and he does not take away from one in order to give to another.   
But despite that we know how difficult it is to live separately in many cases, especially in current circumstances when finding suitable accommodation, especially in the big cities, is very difficult to achieve. In this case the man must look at his circumstances in general with an open mind, so that he will not make things difficult for himself or for the people around him. Allah has decreed proficiency in all things. 
Your husband has to understand the reality of your situation with his mother, because this is causing you to be edgy, which is affecting your children. It may also be affecting your husband. Hence he should hasten to solve the problems in his household, and he should accept frank discussion with you in all matters. He has to bear the responsibility that Islam has enjoined on him, and he has to honour his family, which also includes advising them and reminding them if they do something that is contrary to sharee’ah. He is also responsible for treating his wife kindly and he is responsible for raising his children. He is in great need of someone who can discuss these matters frankly with him and help him, and you are the main support who can help him in all these matters.  
We ask Allah to guide you and set your affairs straight, and to reconcile between you, and to make you a happy family in this world and in the Hereafter.   
And Allah knows best.