Tag: Muamalah

Praise be to Allah.
Western societies have become the worst disgrace in human
history, with perverted and deviant behaviour and corruption of human
nature. “Sexual madness” has become the preoccupation of all classes of
society, and not even their children in their homes or schools are safe from
them. Conferences are being held and resolutions are being passed about the
“necessity” of spreading “sex education” in the schools of those deviant
societies. They are not content only to corrupt themselves, but they are
also hastening to spread it to the Arab and Muslim countries so that they
will follow in their footsteps of temptation and perversion, so some of
those who were deceived by them followed them in that, and Allaah saves
whomever He wills by His guidance and help. 

The one who wants to save himself and his family should not
agree to be a part of those societies, or to live among them, and he should
refuse to take part in what they are doing of haraam things, evils and
perversions. 

Wise people in those societies have spoken of the necessity
of separating male and female students in schools. They have seen the many
evils that result from this mixing, and some of them attribute those evils
to moral corruption, and others to education. Whatever the case, mixing in
such places is forbidden in our sharee’ah. Islam brings that which is in the
best interests of both individuals and societies, in both spiritual and
worldly matters. 

Secondly: 

What you mention is something to which we have previously
drawn attention repeatedly, and it includes three issues: 

(i)Living in kaafir countries

(ii)Mixing in education

(iii)Studying “sex education”

We will pause briefly here to say: 

Teaching about matters of sex and related issues to male and
female students at an early age leads to many evils, including the
following: 

1.

Premature sexual development among male and female students.
It has been proven that many students do not wait until they reach the stage
when this subject is taught, rather they hasten to borrow the books from
their friends before they reach that stage!  You can imagine the extent of
the evil that can spread as a result, especially when older students take
advantage of younger ones to put what they have learned into practice, as
happens in those morally and religiously corrupt societies. 

2.

The spread of illegitimate pregnancy among female students at
the secondary and university stage. Numbers have reached remarkable levels,
and this situation has led to the involvement of some educationalists to put
a limit on this matter, but how could these wise people reform a sex-crazed
society?   

The ratio of illegitimate children has risen to a dangerous
level. The government office of statistics in France states that the number
of illegitimate births rose to more than half of all births in France in
2006 (50.5 %), for the first time in the country’s history. Similar
situations are developing in Britain and America. 

3.

There has been an increase in cases of rape among students.
There are many well known cases, and this matter is no secret to anyone,
rather the nightmare of rape haunts all female students and every female
student is waiting for the time when it will get her. 

4.

There are many cases of students killing one another, or
students killing their teachers, all due to competition in winning the love
of a female student. 

5.

There is no longer any shyness or modesty among male and
female students. You can see this in the way they are after these lessons,
and in their conversations with their families, and in their public
gatherings. 

6.

They hasten to put into practice the theories they learned in
those lessons, because it is well known that teaching these lessons is
something that provokes desire – as mentioned in the question – especially
if the teaching is accompanied by pictures or films. This is what makes the
students eager to try it out in real life, if only to discover that which
was unknown, then it quickly turns into a frenzy, and if a person cannot
practise it with the opposite sex he will practise it with the members of
his own sex, and thus perversion spreads. This is happening a great deal in
those societies, and they now have institutions and associations that defend
them and demand more rights and privileges for them. 

Thirdly: 

For all these reasons, we do not think that you or any Muslim
should live in those deviant societies, let alone study in their mixed
schools, or attend those provocative and evil “sex education” lessons. 

If this is the knowledge that they are teaching, what bad
knowledge it is! 

Listen to the testimony of an American female doctor who
worked in an Arab country, and saw the state of her own country, and
realized what was wrong with the spread of “sex education” among male and
female students in schools. She says: 

If your women in the east do not know some of the secrets of
sex that are known by American girls, I would say – with a clear conscience
– that it is better for you to remain ignorant than to enjoy this knowledge.
We have given our girls lessons so that they will know about sex in detail,
but soon one of them will leave the lecture hall, looking for the nearest
boy, to practise with him the sexual theories carelessly, as if she is
taking part in a play or playing a game. The natural result of that is an
increase in fooling about and promiscuity. 

See: Makaanaki Tuhmadi by Ahmad Muhammad Jamaal (p.
93, 94), quoted in Qadaaya al-Mar’ah fi’l-Mu’tamaraat al-Duwaliyyah
by Dr. Fu’aad ibn ‘Abd al-Kareem. 

Based on this, it is not permissible for you to attend those
classes, and the least that you should do is move to other classes that do
not teach these subjects. 

This is the least that you should do, although the basic
principle is that living in kaafir countries and studying in mixed schools
is haraam and you should leave, especially since your morals may be
affected. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
The natural inclination is for a man to be attracted to a woman, and for a woman to be attracted to a man. As for a person being attracted to another member of his or her own sex, this is contrary to the sound human nature that Allaah has instilled in people, and it does not exist even among animals. In addition to being contrary to sound human nature, it is at a lower level than that of animals. 
Islam has refined this natural inclination and has set out limits for it, namely marriage. The one who does not agree with these shar’i limits would choose the immoral action of zina. As for deviant relationships in which a girl is attracted to another girl or a man to another man, this is a perversion and a deviation from correct, sound human nature. These sinful relationships lead to something that is even more abhorrent than zina, namely homosexuality between males, and improper relationships between women lead to lesbianism, which is another kind of deviance. 
Sinful relationships between members of both sexes begin with what is called admiration or infatuation. This is a serious disease which is widespread in all societies as the result of a spiritual vacuum and lack of knowledge and as the result of imitating kaafir societies which have gone against human nature. This infatuation leads to love, in which the girl cannot bear not to see the one whom she loves; if she is not able to do that, then she will listen to her voice or look at a picture of her. Then that sinful relationship leads to lesbianism, which is haraam. These deviant women do not see in a man what they see in the woman they admire of fulfilling desire and filling the heart with love. You can say the same thing about sinful relationships between males. The love between them leads to infatuation in the heart, as if there were no one else in the world but him, and if the beloved were to ask his lover to prostrate to him, he would do it! We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. This sinful relationship ultimately leads to the abhorrent immoral action of homosexuality, and among those perverts you see no attraction towards a woman, even if she were the most beautiful of women. 
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked: 
What is the ruling on lesbianism and masturbation? 
They replied: 
Lesbianism among women is haraam, and is a major sin, because it is an action that is contrary to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)
6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame;
7. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:5-7]
Similarly masturbation is haraam, because of these same verses, and because it causes a great deal of harm. 
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood. 
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (22/68). 
Secondly: 
The person who realizes that there is someone close to him who admires him or is infatuated with him should hasten to deal with the matter wisely. Wisdom does not mean being heedless with regard to looking, visiting and touching, because these are things that may make his sickness worse, and make the pain worse. Rather wisdom means offering a suitable remedy in a suitable manner, which includes the following: 
1.
Strengthening his faith, by encouraging him to do acts of worship and avoid evil deeds. 
2.
Instilling the love of Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in his heart. 
3.
Teaching him the meaning of love for the sake of Allaah, the basis of which is that the person who is loved for the sake of Allaah is loved for his  faith and acts of obedience, not for his appearance, image or status.  
4.
Not giving him the opportunity to make contact repeatedly or to visit frequently; explaining to him that if a legitimate relationship transgresses the limits it becomes haraam and must be stopped. 
5.
When meeting, not allowing him to look continuously, embrace or kiss. 
6.
Giving him academic or da’wah-related tasks to do, such as collecting evidence on a certain issue, or summarizing a book, or listening to tapes, or doing da’wah-related activities such as calling people to Islam, distributing pamphlets and tapes, and other things which will fill his time with beneficial acts of worship and permissible activities. 
Secondly:  
If a Muslim feels that he is attracted to someone and fears that this may be one of the tricks of the shaytaan, then he should hasten to rid himself of it, and to treat himself, before it develops further and becomes haraam love . If he wants to rid himself of that, he should do several things, including the following: 
1.
He should focus his heart on his Lord, for He is the Bestower of blessings and bounty Who has granted him immense blessings, so he should direct the love of his heart towards his Creator. 
2.
He should cut off ties with everyone who he feels he is developing an (inappropriate) attachment towards, so he should not continue to listen to his voice or look at his image; he should try to avoid meeting him, even if the focus of his love is a teacher, educator or relative. This is the best remedy that he can give himself. 
3.
He should continually read about the lives of righteous people, scholars and mujaahideen, so that he can learn from those who offered their time and their lives in the service of Islam and the Muslims whilst he is preoccupied with looking at the image of his beloved or enjoying listening to his voice, or reading his words. These are things that are it is not befitting for a Muslim to do even once, so how about if this is his whole life?! 
4.
He should also ponder the grave and serious effects of these two destructive diseases, namely haraam infatuation and love. The harm that they cause includes the following:
(i)Diverting a person from his Lord and Creator to focus on a weak creature who may harm him but cannot benefit him
(ii)Creating worry, anxiety, grief, confusion and depression in this world, and torment in the Hereafter
(iii)Imagining kinds of haraam actions with the object of his love and infatuation, such as looking, touching and kissing with desire. That may even lead a woman to lesbianism and a man to homosexuality to bring these images out of the realm of imagination and into the realm of reality.
(iv)Contamination of sound human nature (fitnah) with a weakening of natural sexual desire, which will lead to spoiling of a woman’s relationship with her husband and her desire for the haraam things that she has become used to; similar effects may also apply to men.
Fourthly: 
Relationships between Muslims should be based on sharee’ah and taqwa (piety). The one who comes together with another person on the basis of sin in this world will find their relationship turned into one of enmity on the Day of Resurrection. 
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  
“Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except Al‑Muttaqoon (the pious”
[al-Zukhruf 43:67]
Imam Ibn Jareer al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
Allaah says: Those who were friends on the basis of disobedience towards Allaah in this world will be enemies of one another, disavowing one another, except for those who were friends on the basis of fearing and obeying Allaah. 
Tafseer al-Tabari (21/637). 
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
i.e., every friendship that was not for the sake of Allaah, on the Day of Resurrection will be turned into enmity, except that which was for the sake of Allaah, for that will last because it is connected to the One Who is eternal.  
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (7/237). 
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
If friendship and love are based on something other than the best interests of both parties, then the consequences will be enmity. It can only be in their best interests if it is for the sake of Allaah.  
Even though each one of them may be helping the other to achieve what he wants on the basis of mutual consent, this mutual consent counts for nothing, rather it will become mutual hatred, enmity and curses, and each of them will say to the other: Were it not for you I would not have done that on my own, so my doom is because of me and you.  
And the Lord will not prevent them from hating and cursing one another, but if one of them wronged the other, he will be prevented from doing that, and each of them will say to the other: It was for your own purposes that you caused me to fall into this; like two who committed zina will say to one another: It was for your own purposes that you did this with me; if you had refrained I would not have been involved in it. But each of them damaged the other equally.   
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/129) 
The gate of repentance is open to everyone who wants to seek His Countenance, and the blessings of faith and obedience are available to everyone who wants to join His friends. Allaah forgives sins and accepts repentance, and He turns bad deeds into good. He says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Furqaan 25:70] 
“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”
[Ta-Ha 20:82]
For more information, please see the answers to questions no. 10050, which explains why Islam forbids lesbianism and homosexuality; 21058 which explains the punishment for lesbianism; 60351 and 36837, which have to do with the phenomenon of schoolgirls kissing one another every day and kissing on the lips; and 591 which explains the ruling on one woman loving another to the extent that they cannot bear to be apart. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

The mother’s status in sharee’ah cannot be denied. Allah has
enjoined that her children should honour her, and He has forbidden them to
disobey her; He has ruled that the mother is the most entitled of people to
one’s good company, as it says in the well-known hadeeth, when a man said: O
Messenger of Allah, which of the people is most deserving of my good
companionship? He said: “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother,
then your father, then the next closest and the next closest.” Narrated by
Muslim (2548). 

This is the mother’s right, and that is her status. It is not
permissible for her to consume her children’s wealth unlawfully, rather she
must give each one his or her rights, and divide the estate in accordance
with the laws of Allah. It is also not permissible for the mother to incite
her daughter against her husband and spoil the good relationship between
them. These actions of this mother are evil deeds which are not acceptable
in Islam, and they bring the threat of sin and punishment. 

Perhaps the greatest way in which you can honour your mother
is by deterring her from consuming haram wealth and doing haram things,
and stopping her from wronging people unlawfully, and remind her of the sin
involved in spoiling the relationship between husband and wife, and the sin
of gheebah (backbiting), reviling and insulting others, and other haram
things that she is doing, such as tabarruj (wanton display) and travelling
without a mahram, if these are true in her case. 

With regard to your siblings who want your mother to live
with you and your husband, you are not obliged to do that according to
sharee’ah, rather it is the duty of your mother, and in this case the right
belongs to your husband: if he agrees to that, all well and good, otherwise
you are not obliged to do this, rather we do not advise your husband to
accept this situation, because they are not neglected or in need of such a
thing, they are not poor and in need of someone to spend on them, and your
mother is not unable to take care of their affairs. Taking this
responsibility from her is helping her to do the things that she is doing
that go against Islam, and to neglect her duties, and pass on this burden to
your husband, and put pressure on you and your household with something that
is not required of you in the first place, let alone the unacceptable things
that may result from your sister living in the same house as a man who is
not her mahram (your husband). We do not advise you to accept this situation
under any circumstances. 

Secondly: 

The status and rights of the mother do not supersede the
rights of the husband, rather the husband’s rights are greater and take
precedence over your mother’s rights. Your obedience to him takes precedence
over your obedience to her, and the wise wife strives to please her husband
by doing what he wants so long as it is not contrary to sharee’ah, and she
strives to honour her mother in ways that do not go against her husband’s
commands. If there is a conflict of interest, then she should put her
husband’s commands and wishes first. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him)
was asked about a woman who got married, and was no longer under her
parents’ care. Which is better – honouring her parents or obeying her
husband? 

He replied: When a woman gets married, her husband has more
authority over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more
obligatory for her. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their
husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to
guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)” [al-Nisa 4:34].
And in a hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) said: “This world is temporary conveniences and the best of its
comforts is a believing wife, who when you look at her she pleases you and
if you tell her to do something she obeys you, and if you are away from her
she protects you with regard to  herself and your wealth.”. In Saheeh Abi
Hatim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allah
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers
her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month and guards her chastity and
obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from whichever of its gates she
wants.” In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated that Umm Salamah (may Allah be
pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased
with her, will enter Paradise.” This was narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said
it is a hasan hadeeth. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If I were to order
anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have ordered women to prostrate to
their husbands.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It
was also narrated by Abu Dawood with the wording: “I would have ordered
women to prostrate to their husbands because of the rights that Allah has
given them over them.” In al-Musnad it is narrated from Anas that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not
acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, but if it were acceptable
for any human to prostrate to another, I would have ordered women to
prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they
have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if there were sores
from his feet to the top of his head flowing with pus, then she licked them,
she would not have given him all his rights.” 

And he quoted ahadeeth about the virtue of obeying the
husband. 

There are many ahadeeth on this topic from the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Zayd ibn Thabit said: The
husband is a sayyid (lord or master) in the Book of Allah. Then he quoted
the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “They both found her lord
(i.e. her husband) at the door” [Yoosuf 12:25]. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab
said: Marriage is slavery, so let one of you look to whom he is giving his
beloved daughter to be a slave to. In al-Tirmidhi and elsewhere it is
narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
said: “I urge you to treat women well, for they are like prisoners with
you.”  

So the woman is like a slave of her husband, or like a
prisoner; she should not go out of his house without his permission, whether
she is told to do so by her father, her mother or anyone else, according to
scholarly consensus. 

If a man wants to take her to another place, so long as he is
doing what is required of him, and observing the sacred limits of Allah
with regard to her, and her father tells her not to obey him in that, then
she must obey her husband and not her father, because in that case the
parents are wrongdoers, and they have no right to tell her not to obey
someone like this husband, and she does not have the right to obey her
mother if she tells her to leave him or to cause trouble to him so that he
will divorce her, such as demanding more maintenance and more clothing, and
demanding (the deferred portion of) her mahr so that he may divorce her.  It
is not permissible for her to obey either of her parents by divorcing him if
he fears Allah with regard to her.  

In the four Sunans and Saheeh Ibn Abi Hatim it
is narrated that Thawban said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a
divorce when there is nothing wrong, the fragrance of Paradise will be
forbidden to her.” According to another hadeeth: “The women who ask for
khul’ and the women who make a wanton display of themselves are indeed
hypocrites.” 

But if both or one of her parents tells her to do something
that involves obedience to Allah, such as praying regularly, speaking the
truth and fulfilling trusts, and tells her not to squander or waste her
money, and other things that have been enjoined or forbidden by Allah and
His Messenger, then she must obey them in that, even if the command comes
from someone other than her parents, so how about if it comes from her
parents? 

If her husband tells her not to do something that is enjoined
by Allah, and he tells her to do something that Allah has forbidden, then
she should not obey him in that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it
involves disobedience toward the Creator.” If a master orders his slave to
do something that involves disobedience toward Allah, it is not
permissible for him to obey him by disobeying Him, so how can a woman obey
her husband or one of her parents by committing sin? All goodness is in
obeying Allah and His Messenger, and all evil is in disobeying Allah and
His Messenger. End quote. Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (32/261-264). 

This is a strong answer based on knowledge, and it is
sufficient to explain what is meant, which is that it is not permissible for
your mother to spoil the relationship between you and your husband, and it
is not permissible for you to obey her in that, and your husband’s right to
your obedience is greater than your mother’s. 

Thirdly: 

Just as you are not obliged to take care of any of your
siblings because of your commitment of your husband and the requirement that
he should first agree to that, the same applies to your visiting your mother
with your children. This is not permissible except with the consent of your
husband, and you have done well to refuse your mother’s request. We affirm
that this refusal is Islamically acceptable, especially since you have no
mahram to travel with you. 

With regard to limiting the number of your mother’s visits to
you, this is something that is also up to your husband, and you can work it
out with him. The husband has the right to prevent anyone who he thinks is a
trouble-maker from entering his house, even if they are your family. As you
are in agreement and you have a good relationship, then the matter is
simple. All you have to do is agree on a specific number and time for her
visits, and stipulate that to her. Your husband has every right to do this;
indeed we think that if he stops her altogether he will be doing the right
thing, but there is the hope that if her visits are restricted to only a
few, and do not affect your family’s happiness, then there is no reason why
they should be prevented, and there is nothing wrong with tolerating them.
Determining the limit is up to you and you should consult one another and
come to some agreement. 

Ash-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have
mercy on him) said: “And not allow into your houses anyone whom you dislike”
means, they (wives) should not allow anyone to enter the house if you (the
husband) do not want him or her to enter, even if it is her mother or her
father. It is not permissible for her to let her mother, father, sister,
brother, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, paternal aunt or maternal aunt into
her husband’s house, if he objects to that. Attention is drawn to this
because some women – Allah forbid – are bad even to their daughters. If
they see that the daughters are settled and happy with their husbands, they
become jealous – Allah forbid – even though they are mothers, and they try
to spoil things between the daughter and her husband. So the husband has the
right to stop such a mother from entering his house, and he has the right to
say to his wife: She should not enter my house. He has the right to prevent
her according to sharee’ah, and he has the right to prevent his wife from
going to see her, because she is a nammamah (one who spreads malicious gossip)
and a troublemaker. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) said: “No spreader of malicious gossip will enter Paradise.” End quote.
Sharh Riyadh al-Saliheen (2/91, hadeeth no. 276), 

Fourthly: 

It seems that the sin of the riba-based loan that is
mentioned in your question is borne by you, because you were an adult and
responsible for your dealings. So try to get back what is rightfully yours
from your mother, and stop the mounting interest payments that result from
your delay in repaying it. Try not to pay back anything but the original
amount without the interest (riba). If you are not able to do that, then
there is no blame on you, but it is essential to repent sincerely, because
riba is a major sin. 

We ask Allah to guide your mother and to reconcile between
you and your husband. 

Please see also the answer to question no.
96665 which discusses the reasons
why mothers interfere in the lives of their married daughters, and ways of
dealing with that. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
Homosexuality is a severe illness and a grave calamity. If it is accompanied by actually committing immoral actions, then it is even worse, because of the sin and abhorrent nature of those immoral actions and their bad consequences in this world and in the Hereafter. 
Hence you should focus on how to treat this perversion and save yourself from this destructive evil, more than focusing on whether to conceal it from your fiancée or disclose it to her. 
You should realize that there are causes for this calamity, and these causes may be due to what the person affected has done. The one who wants to save himself from this situation should examine these causes and rid himself of them, and do what we advise, otherwise he is approving of and accepting his condition and he does not want to change for the better. Among the causes which may be due to his own actions are the following: 
1.
Weakness of faith and remoteness of the heart from love of Allah, and a lack of fear of His punishment. 
2.
Looking freely at beardless youths, and enjoying their beauty and form. 
This is the first step towards sin for those who are affected by this disease. Allah has enjoined lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at haraam things, and the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has enjoined likewise. When he stopped following this command and began to do that which is forbidden, Iblees was able to shoot his poisoned arrow into his heart, and thus destroy him.  
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Looking is the origin of most of the problems that befall man, because looking generates thoughts, then thoughts generate ideas, and ideas generate desires, and desires generate will, which then becomes stronger and becomes firm resolve, in which case the deed will inevitably be done unless there is something to prevent it. Hence it was said that patience in lowering the gaze is easier than patience in bearing the pain that comes afterwards. End quote from al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 106). 
Hence the scholars are unanimously agreed that it is haraam to look at beardless youths, and some of them regard that as more haraam than looking at women. 
Imam al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Similarly the scholars forbade a man to look at the face of a beardless youth if he is handsome, whether with or without desire, and whether it is free of fitnah (temptation) or there is the fear thereof. This is the correct view which was favoured by the scholars. This was stated by al-Shaafa’i and the prominent scholars of his madhhab (may Allah have mercy on them). The evidence for this is that a beardless youth is, in some ways, like a woman; he may be desired as a woman is desired, and his form may be beautiful like that of a woman, and many of them may be more beautiful than many women. The prohibition applies more to them for another reason, which is that in their case there may result from attachment to them types of evil that do not occur in the case of women. End quote.
Sharh Muslim (4/31). 
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Looking at the face of a beardless youth with desire is like looking as the face of a mahram or a non-mahram woman with desire, whether the desire is desire for intercourse or the desire to derive pleasure from looking. If he looks at his mother, sister or daughter with pleasure derived from looking like the pleasure derived from looking at a non-mahram woman, then it is known to everyone that this is haraam. The same applies to looking at the face of a beardless youth, according to scholarly consensus. End quote. 
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/413) and (21/245). 
And he (may Allah have mercy on him) also said:  
The one who looks repeatedly at a beardless youth and the like, or persists in that, and says “I am not looking with desire” is lying, because if he has no need to look, then he is only looking because of the pleasure that he feels in his heart as a result. As for an accidental glance, it is forgiven, if he averts his gaze.  
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/419) and (21/251).  
The kind of looking with which these sick people are afflicted includes what they watch on satellite channels and what they see in newspapers and magazines, and on websites, of pictures of children and beardless young men, and this is what provokes them to commit immoral actions.  
3 – Falling short with regard to obligatory and naafil acts of worship 
If the person who is afflicted with this problem prays on time, fulfilling the conditions and obligatory parts of prayer, that will be a deterrent that keeps him from falling into evil and immoral ways. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):  
“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahsha’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45] 
So how about if he regularly performs sunnah and naafil prayers?  
4 – Forsaking the Qur’aan and failing to read books about the lives of righteous men and the imams  
The Book of Allah contains guidance, light and healing; it is the best protection for the Muslim against falling into sin and it is the best remedy for the one who does fall into sin.  
If he reads books about the imams and biographies of the scholars, he can take them as an example and become familiar with their stories and rise above immorality and evil.   
5 – Falling short in seeking knowledge 
Knowledge is light, through which one may know what is halaal and do it, and what is haraam and avoid it. Through it he may come to know his Lord, may He be exalted, and His names, attributes and deeds. That will generate in his heart a sense of shyness before his Lord and shyness before His angels, so that he will not want to commit evil and immoral actions. Through knowledge he will come to know the state of sinners and the punishment that Allah has prepared for them. 
6 – A lot of spare time in the lives of those who have this problem  
If they kept themselves busy with acts of worship, sport, permissible actions and seeking knowledge, they would not have time to spend in thinking of haraam things, let alone doing them.  
7 – Making friends and keeping company with bad people  
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) likened the bad friend to one who works the bellows: he will either burn his companion’s clothes or he will notice a bad smell coming from him.  
8 – Not getting married  
Allah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male or looking at him with desire? Look at this and compare it with the one who looks at beardless youths of his own gender with desire, and the one who commits immoral actions with them, and that even makes him refrain from marrying women! 
See the answer to question no. 20068 for information on ways to escape and treat this disease.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said, describing the remedy for haraam love and infatuation: The remedy for this fatal disease is to understand that what has befallen him of this disease that is contrary to Tawheed is due to his ignorance and the negligence of his heart towards Allah. He must acknowledge the Oneness of his Lord (Tawheed) and His laws and verses first of all, then he should do acts of worship, both inward and outward, which will distract his heart from always thinking of this thing, turn to Him a great deal and beseech Allah to take this away from him. He should focus his heart on Him. There is no better remedy for it than sincerity towards Allah. This is the remedy that Allah mentioned in His Book when He said (interpretation of the meaning): “Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves” [Yoosuf 12:24].
Allah tells us that He diverted the evil of infatuation and immoral actions away from him because of his sincerity, because if the heart is sincere and one’s actions are sincerely for the sake of Allah alone, then the love of images cannot take hold of his heart; they can only take hold of an empty heart, as the poet said:
Her love came into my heart before I had any idea of what love is,
And it found my heart vacant, thus it too hold of it. 
End quote from al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 150, 151). 
Secondly: 
One of the gravest mistakes is to think that there is no remedy for this disease, and that the homosexual can never become straight. If that were the case, then Allah would not have told the people of Loot to repent, and the Prophet of Allah Loot (peace be upon him) would not have called them to give up their perversion. Allah is the Creator of man, and He knows what can be changed in man and what cannot, so do not pay any attention to any claim that is contrary to that. 
How many homosexuals have turned to their Lord and repented, and their repentance has been accepted and they have changed their ways, and their haraam desires have disappeared. Loot (peace be upon him) called on his people to marry, because that is an effective remedy, in which the one who is affected by this thing can direct his desires in the permissible manner. 
Thirdly: 
From the above it is clear that what the homosexual falls into of being attached to images of beardless youths, or evil immoral actions, is the result of his deeds (and he is to blame). He is required to give it up, and he can rid himself of that. If we assume that he feels attracted to men, then he must resist that and avoid the causes that may lead to him falling into haraam, just as a normal man is naturally attracted to women, but he is required to lower his gaze and not be alone with a woman, and he must avoid all the means that lead to fitnah (temptation). 
Fourthly: 
As for your saying “what should we do?”, we have explained to you what you should do. You should fear Allah and respect Him so much that you do not want Him to see you in the bad situation which He dislikes for you, and for which He gives people a painful punishment. 
But what we are really shocked by is what you say after that: “Is it our fault that we are like that? What is the wisdom behind a man being created like this?” 
Yes, O slave of Allah, the blame and consequences, the threat and punishment, all befall the one who commits the sin; he deserves it because of the evil acts that he has done and what his hands have earned. 
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And among men is he who disputes about Allah, without knowledge or guidance, or a Book giving light (from Allah),
9. Bending his neck in pride (far astray from the path of Allah), and leading (others) too (far) astray from the path of Allah. For him there is disgrace in this worldly life, and on the Day of Resurrection We shall make him taste the torment of burning (Fire).
10. That is because of what your hands have sent forth, and verily, Allah is not unjust to (His) slaves”
[al-Hajj 22:8-10]
Allah also says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And those who dispute concerning Allah (His religion of Islamic Monotheism with which Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم has been sent), after it has been accepted (by the people), of no use is their dispute before their Lord and on them is wrath, and for them will be a severe torment”
[al-Shoora 42:16]
Shaykh al-Sa’di said (may Allah have mercy on him): Here Allah tells us that “those who dispute concerning Allah”, with false proofs and contradictory specious arguments, “after it has been accepted (by the people)” i.e., after the people of insight and reason have responded to Allah, because of the definitive signs and clear proof that He has made clear to them, therefore these people who dispute the truth after it has been made clear to them, “of no use is their dispute” i.e., it is false and rejected “before their Lord” because it implies rejection of the truth, and everything that is contrary to the truth is false. 
“and on them is wrath” because of their disobedience and their turning away from the proof of Allah and their rejecting it. “and for them will be a severe torment” which is the effect of Allah’s wrath on them. This is the punishment of everyone who contests the truth with falsehood. End quote. 
Allah says of His lying enemies (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And when they commit a Faahisha (evil deed, going round the Ka‘bah in naked state, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse), they say: ‘We found our fathers doing it, and Allah has commanded it on us.’ Say: ‘Nay, Allah never commands Faahisha. Do you say of Allah what you know not?’
29. Say (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم): My Lord has commanded justice and (said) that you should face Him only (i.e. worship none but Allah and face the Qiblah, i.e. the Ka‘bah at Makkah during prayers) in each and every place of worship, in prayers (and not to face other false deities and idols), and invoke Him only making your religion sincere to Him (by not joining in worship any partner with Him and with the intention that you are doing your deeds for Allah’s sake only). As He brought you (into being) in the beginning, so shall you be brought into being [on the Day of Resurrection in two groups, one as a blessed one (believers), and the other as a wretched one (disbelievers)].
30. A group He has guided, and a group deserved to be in error; (because) surely, they took the Shayaateen (devils) as Awliyaa’ (protectors and helpers) instead of Allah, and think that they are guided”
[al-A’raaf 7:28-30].
Shaykh al-Sa’di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Here Allah says, describing the evil state of the mushrikeen who commit sins, and claim that Allah commanded them to do them: “And when they commit a Faahisha (evil deed)” meaning everything that is regarded as abhorrent and repugnant, which includes their circumambulating the Ka’bah naked. “they say: ‘We found our fathers doing it” they spoke the truth concerning that. “and Allah has commanded it on us” they were lying concerning that, hence Allah rejected this attribution of theirs and said: “Say: ‘Nay, Allah never commands Faahisha (evil deeds)’” i.e., it is not befitting to His perfection and wisdom to enjoin His slaves to commit evil deeds, whether it is what these mushrikeen were doing or anything else. “Do you say of Allah what you know not?,” and what fabrication can be greater than that? End quote.  
What you have said is what the enemies of Allah, the mushrikeen and those who disbelieve His Messengers, say. They fall into sin, then they make excuses for it on the basis of qadar (the divine decree), saying that Allah created them like that, or that He commanded them to do it; exalted be Allah far above what the wrongdoers say. 
Hence let the adulterer, thief and murderer say: What is my fault? Allah created me like this. This false argument ultimately invalidates all the divine laws, and invalidates the commands and prohibitions, and gives people free rein, so that they fornicate like donkeys, and soon some of them may commit evil actions in the street, as will happen at the end of time, and as happens in some kaafir and sinful countries! 
Do you know that you are the one who opened this door to yourself, but that Allah has proof against you, and you have no proof against Allah? 
So keep yourself busy with closing the door to evil and corruption, before you become unable to close it, instead of keeping yourself busy wondering about the one who made the door and how come he did not keep it closed, as it seems that you do not know the difference between the door and the wall! 
If you want it all to be a wall, with no door in it, and no lamp, then what is the point of accountability, and what is the value of commands and prohibitions, halaal and haraam, reward and punishment, Paradise and Hell? 
To sum up our advice to you, we advise you to hasten to get married, so that you can put your sperm into that which is pure and halaal, and protect yourself against haraam sex. 
But, so that you will not deceive the one who trusts you or betray that trust or transgress against one who has not wronged you, it is essential that you begin first with sincere repentance to Allah from the sin of homosexuality that you have fallen into, and strive to do all kinds of acts of obedience. Keep yourself busy with Allah and pleasing Him, then as soon as you feel that you have started to follow the path of guidance, and you feel that you are going in the right direction, then strengthen the motives of goodness and purity in your heart by marrying one who will keep you chaste. But before starting to treat the problem or feeling that you have repented sincerely, do not transgress against anyone else and do not betray the one who has trusted you. 
We ask Allah to heal you, purify your heart, and keep you chaste. 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Smoking is haraam, because it is a waste of money and harmful
to one’s health, and it harms others. This has been explained in the answer
to question no. 10922. 

Secondly: 

Whatever conditions the couple stipulate at the time of
marriage, the basic principle is that these conditions are valid and must be
fulfilled, so long as they are not contrary to sharee’ah, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The
condition which most deserves to be fulfilled is that by means of which
intimacy becomes permissible for you.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2721) and
Muslim (1418). 

If the husband does not do that which was stipulated and made
binding upon him, then the woman has the right to have the marriage
annulled. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: 

If he stipulates that she should offer the five daily prayers
regularly, or that she be truthful and honest after the marriage contract,
and she does not do that, then you have the right to annul the marriage. End
quote. 

Al-Ikhtiyaaraat al-Fiqhiyyah (p.
219). 

Similarly, if a woman stipulates that her husband should give
up smoking, and he does not do so, then she has the right to annul the
contract. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him)
was asked about a woman to whom a man proposed, and she stipulated that he
should not smoke, and he agreed, so he married him, then she found out that
he smokes. What should she do? 

He replied: 
If the matter is as described, then the
woman mentioned has the choice of either annulling the marriage with him, or
staying with him. End quote. 

Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem
(10/149). 

But our advice to her before annulling the marriage is to try
to set her husband straight and help him to give up this haraam thing. If he
mends his ways, then praise be to Allaah, but if he persists in it, then she
should weigh up the pros and cons, because staying with him may be better
for her, for the sake of the children’s upbringing and so on. 

May Allaah guide him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
Mixing between men and
women is haraam. See the answer to question no.
1200. 
What you must do is repent
to Allaah from what has happened of that, and resolve not to do it again in
the future. 
Secondly: 
It is haraam for a woman to
strive for her Muslim sister to be divorced, because the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “no woman should ask for her
sister to be divorced so as to deprive her of what is rightfully hers and
take it for herself.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2140) and Muslim (1413). So
it is not permissible to encourage or tempt the husband to divorce his wife.
 
Thirdly: 
If the wish to marry came
from the husband, and you did not try to separate him from his wife, it is
permissible for you to accept, but we do not advise you to do that for
several reasons: 

(i)There is no guarantee that this
man will not like someone else and choose her over you as he did with his
first wife.

(ii)Your agreeing to marry him will
stir up resentment, hatred and enmity in the heart of his wife, and you will
not be safe from her ill-will and harm.

(iii)What you have mentioned about
him working in the bank; he may leave it as he said he would, or he may not.
This is what we think. If,
after thinking long and hard about the matter, you decide to agree to marry
him, then pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, and wait until he
finds another job that is permissible. 
We ask Allaah to help you
to do that in which there is goodness, success and guidance. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Undoubtedly your father’s preventing you from getting married
to someone compatible is haraam. Marriage is more important than study, and
it does not rule out study because it is possible to do both. 

In your situation it is permissible for you to contact the
sharee’ah court and tell them what has happened, then after that the final
decision is up to the court. End quote. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on
him).

Praise be to Allah.
A number of scholars are of the view that it is permissible
to abort the nutfah before forty days, as has been explained in the answer
to question no. 115954. 

Some of them limited it to cases where that serves an
interest or wards off harm, as is mentioned in a statement of the Council of
Senior Scholars, the text of which is as follows: 

1 – It is not permissible to abort the pregnancy at various
stages unless there is a shar’i justification for doing so, and within very
narrow limits. 

2 – If the pregnancy is in the first trimester, which is
forty days, and there is a legitimate purpose to be served by aborting it or
harm can be warded off thereby, then it is permissible to abort it. As for
aborting it during this period just because one fears hardship in raising
children or one fears being unable to afford the expenses of feeding them
and educating them, or because of their future, or because the couple are
happy with the number of children they have, that is not permissible. End
quote from al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah (3/1055). 

Based on that, if you are afraid that your husband will
divorce you if the pregnancy continues, and he is serious about that, then
there is no sin on you if you abort the foetus within the first forty days
of the pregnancy. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: From what we have seen above, it is seems that it is permissible to
abort the nutfah. The evidence and reasons for that are clear. 

As for the period in which it is permissible to abort the
nutfah, it is forty days. End quote from Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn
Ibraaheem (11/125). 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Allaah has enjoined marriage, blessed man with it and made it one of His signs. He tells us that one of the greatest wisdoms behind marriage is to create tranquillity, love and compassion between the spouses. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy”
[al-Room 30:21]. 
The purpose of marriage that Allaah intended cannot be achieved unless the spouses treat one another kindly, which means that each of them should do his or her duty towards the other. 
The wife should obey her husband on a reasonable basis, and allow him to do what Allaah has permitted of physical enjoyment, and stay in her house and not go out except with his permission. She has the right that her husband should clothe her, spend on her and provide accommodation for her on a reasonable basis, and she is entitled to kind treatment from him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19].  
Our advice to the husband, first of all, is to do his duty towards his wife. If he sees some shortcoming in her in some aspect, then there may be some other aspect in her that calls him to stay with her and not divorce her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he may be pleased with another.” Narrated by Muslim (1469) from Abu Hurayrah. 
We think that the husband has done that, and that despite what he finds in his wife he should put up with her harm, and perhaps this is what the sister is surprised at, that the husband divorce her. Because the husband, by his wisdom and reason, can see that there is the possibility of correcting and changing his wife, and he is aware that the harm that would result from the break-up of the family and loss of his children through divorce is greater than the harm that results from arguments and her showing disrespect to him.  
Our advice to the wife is to fear Allaah with regard to her husband and remember that he is her Paradise and her Hell. She may enter Paradise because of him or she may enter Hell. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Look at how you are with him – the husband – because he is your Paradise and your Hell.” Narrated by Ahmad (18524); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (220). Allaah has enjoined her to obey him on a reasonable basis, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told women of the great rights that the husband has over the wife, and that if he were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, he would have ordered the wife to prostrate to the husband, as was narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1159) from Abu Hurayrah and classed as saheeh. 
The wise woman does that which Allaah has enjoined upon her, and she does not transgress the limits set by Allaah. Transgression of the wife against the husband includes reviling him and arguing with him a great deal. If they have children, then it is more sinful, because her reviling him makes the children dare to disobey their father, and he loses respect in their eyes, and this has a negative impact on their upbringing. 
If you know that you can set right the mistakes that you have made, then you must hasten to do that, by seeking forgiveness, repenting, regretting it and resolving not to do such things again. You must also ask your husband for forgiveness and obey him and treat him kindly. Thus you will earn the pleasure of Allaah and the pleasure of your husband, and you will raise your children well. This is the domestic bliss that many people miss out on, which slips through their fingers, but they are careless or too arrogant to set things straight. 
If you think that you are not able to set things straight or have no intention of doing so, then we advice you to separate and ask your husband for khula’, and you have to give him whatever you agree upon of the mahr, or more or less than that, so that he will divorce you. This is better for you than persisting in disobedience and increasing your burden of sin.  
Strive – may Allaah bless you – to set things straight in your home, make your husband happy and bring your children up well. Strive to stay with him, adopt a good attitude and refrain from everything that will make him think badly of you and cause division between you and your husband. We can sense from your words that you feel sorry about things that you have done that are contrary to sharee’ah. This is good but it needs to be strengthened. Strive to say du’aa’s at times when du’aa’s are answered, asking Allaah to purify your heart and actions, and to bless you with a good attitude. Do not hesitate to admit your mistakes to your husband and work out an agreement with him to set things straight between you. Refrain from arguing and reviling, and strive to be a good companion. We advise you to do ‘Umrah together, and to have a program to strengthen your faith and increase the bonds between you, such as fasting, reading Qur’aan and listening to useful tapes. 
We ask Allaah to guide you to that which is best in this world and the Hereafter. 
And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Zina
(fornication or adultery) is a major sin. Allaah has forbidden doing the
things that lead to it and has prescribed the hadd punishment for the one
who does it, and He has warned adulterers of punishment in the Hereafter. 

Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And come
not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that
transgresses its limits: a great sin), and an evil way that leads one to
hell unless Allaah forgives him”

[al-Isra’
17:32]. 

Ibn Jareer
al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

“And come
not near” O people 

“to
unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its
limits: a great sin)”. Zina (translated here as “unlawful sex”) is a
great sin.  

“and an
evil way” i.e., the way of zina is an evil way, because it is the way of
the people who disobey Allaah and go against His command; what a bad way is
the way that leads a person to the fire of Hell. 

Tafseer
al-Tabari
(17/438). 

Shaykh ‘Abd
al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The
prohibition on approaching it is more eloquent than a simple prohibition on
doing it, because that includes the prohibition on all the things that lead
to it and promote it, because “the one who grazes his flock around a
protected areas will soon transgress upon it,” especially in a matter of
this nature when the motive is very strong. Allaah describes zina as
abhorrent, as He says “it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses
its limits: a great sin)”, i.e., it is a sin which is abhorrent
according to sharee’ah, reason and common sense, because it is a
transgression against Allaah, and against the woman and her family or
husband, and it leads to immorality, confusion of lineages and other evil
consequences. 

“and an
evil way” means: what an evil way is the way of the one who dares to
commit this grave sin. 

Tafseer
al-Sa’di
(p. 457). 

See also the
answers to questions no. 76060,
20983 and
95754. 

Secondly: 

With regard to
the abortion, if the soul had been breathed into the foetus, then this is
another crime in addition to the crime of zina. If the soul had not yet been
breathed into the foetus then it is less serious. 

For a detailed
discussion on that, please see the answers to questions no.
11195,
13319,
13331 and
90054. 

Thirdly: 

We praise
Allaah for having enabled you to repent, and we hope that it is sincere
repentance. The conditions of sincere repentance include: regretting the
sins that you have committed, and immediately giving up that immoral action,
and everything that leads to it such as contact, correspondence and dates.
The conditions of repentance also include resolving not to return to this
deed. 

You also have
to do a lot of righteous deeds, such as prayer, reading Qur’aan and fasting,
so as to strengthen your faith and piety. Good deeds erase bad deeds and
sincere repentance erases that which came before it, and turns bad deeds
into good deeds. Allaah says – after mentioning the sins of shirk
(associating others with Allaah), murder and zina – (interpretation of the
meaning):  

“Except
those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous
deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah
is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful” 

[al-Furqaan
25:70]. 

Fourthly: 

With regard to
marrying that criminal, you should understand that in order for the marriage
of a man and woman who had committed zina to be valid, it is essential that
they repent sincerely. It seems to us from your questions that he has not
repented from what he did, rather he had added to the first calamity the
other bad things that he is doing, such as smoking hasheesh and drinking
intoxicants. What we think is that one who is like this also does not pray.
If this is indeed the case, then it is definitely not permissible to accept
him as a husband, because not praying is kufr that puts a person beyond the
pale of Islam, and it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a
kaafir. 

For a more
detailed discussion on the issue of marrying a zaani (one who commits
fornication or adultery), please see the answers to questions no.
85335,
87894 and
96460. 

Fifthly: 

With regard to
having an operation to repair the hymen, this is haraam, because it is
deceiving the one who marries you. 

For a detailed
discussion of this matter, please see the answer to question no.
844. 

With regard to
telling your future husband that you lost your virginity in this haraam
relationship, that is not permissible, because it is exposing your faults,
and the Muslim is required to conceal his faults. You can use double
entendres in your speech. It is well known that the hymen may be broken by
means of something other than intercourse in some cases, so you can make the
most of that by using a double entendre. 

See the answer
to question no. 42992. 

But if it is
possible to encourage this person to repent sincerely and pray regularly,
and he shows sincerity and signs of repenting and praying regularly, then
there is nothing wrong with accepting him as a husband. Undoubtedly this
solution would be easier for you, and more concealing for you, but how could
one believe a person like that?! 

We ask Allaah
to accept your repentance and set your affairs straight, and to conceal our
faults and yours in this world and in the Hereafter. 

And Allaah
knows best.