Tag: Q n A

Praise be to Allah.Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19] 
“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”
[al-Baqarah 2:216]. 
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) one day and he said: “O boy, I shall teach you some words. Be mindful Allaah and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and He will protect you. If you ask then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way, they would not benefit you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they would not harm you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2516). 
You should note that what you have to do is to be content with your situation and realize that what Allaah has chosen for you is the best, and you missing out on something may be a good thing.  
Do not let the whispers of the accursed shaytaan affect you and lead you every which way. Rather you should be as our Lord likes you to be, and accept His decree and thank Him for His blessings. Ponder the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and do not worry. Keep yourself busy with worship of Allaah and make a program for yourself so that you can wake up for Fajr prayer and then read Qur’aan and adkhaar and du’aas. Attend lectures and reminders and Islamic conferences. Through this program you will be able to relax and find peace of mind. Always comfort yourself with the words of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” Narrated by Muslim (2999). 
Be kind to yourself, and remember that there are millions of women like you who are not married, but many of them may be happier than many of those who are married. 
May Allaah open your heart to contentment with His decree and give you peace of mind about your situation, and fill your heart with happiness. You are better off than many others! 
Does your sorrow at not being married increase when you see a woman and her husband and children going on a trip? Does this remind you that you are alone and without a husband and children?  
Does it make you feel that you have been wronged, or that you are unfortunate, or that you are deprived? 
Wait a minute, do not let these negative feelings and frustrations prevail over you and increase your  sense of sadness and sorrow. 
You have seen only one aspect of this family’s life, but there are many other aspects that you have not seen. 
Perhaps if you saw the wife who has a hard-hearted husband who shows no compassion, and you heard her complaints about her continual suffering with him, you would praise Allaah for saving you from marriage. 
If you sit with a divorced woman who laments her fate and says that she regrets having married, and you listen to her as she complains about how much she put up with and how much she suffered until she got her divorce, and regained her sense of security, perhaps you will praise Allaah for not having got married and suffered what she has suffered. 
If you think about what thousands of wives are suffering and what may others whose marriages ended in divorce have had to put up with, this will reduce many of the feelings of regret that you have because of not being married. 
This way of thinking will dispel your feeling of having been hard done by, and will replace those feelings with a beautiful sense of contentment, which will earn you the pleasure of Allaah, as I told you in the previous message. 
Remember your friend’s complaints about her husband yelling and being angry all the time, and how you have been saved from that. 
Remember your neighbour who left her home weeping after her husband beat her and hurt her. 
“I have reached my forties and am not married, and I praise Allaah for everything that He has decreed for me. At first I felt sad and upset whenever I was alone, and I regretted my misfortune every time one of my friends got married. I did not have any conditions or specific characteristics in the man I wanted to marry; I was prepared to accept any righteous man. But years went by without this man coming to me. I began to withdraw from people so that I would not see their looks of pity but I could not escape them completely, because I would see them in the eyes of my parents and siblings who would pray for me every time they saw me. One day at the end of Sha’baan, as we were preparing for the blessed month of Ramadaan, Allaah guided me to keep a Mus-haf just for myself. I decided to read the whole Qur’aan and I found it very difficult to read it because I had stopped reading for the last ten years. I also found it difficult to understand some verses, so I bought a book of Tafseer (commentary) and I started to read it so that I could understand the verses of Qur’aan that I was reading. Ramadaan ended but my attachment to the Book of Allaah did not stop; I carried on reading the verses of Allaah and reading the commentary thereon. 
“Then came the day when I read the verse in Soorat al-Kahf (interpretation of the meaning): Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope [al-Kahf 18:46].  I wondered, what does the good righteous deeds that last’ mean? I found in the Tafseer that it refers to all righteous deeds. 
“I fell in love with righteous deeds such as prayer, fasting, charity, tasbeeh, tahmeed, tahleel and takbeer. Happiness began to fill my heart and I became content. I praised Allaah greatly for guiding me to this path and teaching me these things.” 
Sister Umm Yamaan adds:  
“But this is not a call for monasticism, rather it is a call to accept the will and decree of Allaah.” 
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/4-7 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd. 
But every girl should understand that the purpose of life is to be a true slave of Allaah in both the specific and general senses. If she has the opportunity to establish a Muslim household, then the girl will be worshipping Allaah by getting married and raising children, and raising for us the generation that we want. 
But if that does not happen, then the ways of worshipping Allaah in general are many, foremost among which is calling people to Allaah. So she should focus on women who have deviated from the path of Allaah and take them as her daughters and guide them to the straight path of Allaah. “The one who calls people to guidance will have a reward equal to theirs, without it detracting from their reward in the slightest.” 
So regard the Muslim community as your home, and be like a beacon of guidance, truth, justice and knowledge, and let us advise one another to adhere to truth and patience. “Surely, Allaah wastes not the reward of the Muhsinoon [those who do good]” [al-Tawbah 9:120]. 
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/12 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd. 
See also the answer to questions no. 21234 and 72257. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Our advice to you is to
heed the command that Allaah has given to all people, the earlier and later
(generations), advice that combines the best of this world and the
Hereafter. Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And verily, We have
recommended to the people of the Scripture before you, and to you (O
Muslims) that you (all) fear Allaah, and keep your duty to Him”
[al-Nisa’ 4:131]
What goodness can there be
in this world if it involves incurring the wrath of the Lord, may He be
exalted? What happiness can there be if it is not following that path that
leads to Allaah’s pleasure? Would a believer be happy to make gains in this
world and lose out in the Hereafter? 
Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 
“O you who believe! Fear
Allaah and keep your duty to Him. And let every person look to what he has
sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of
what you do. 
19. And be not like
those who forgot Allaah (i.e. became disobedient to Allaah), and He caused
them to forget their ownselves (let them to forget to do righteous deeds).
Those are the Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah).
20. Not equal are the
dwellers of the Fire and the dwellers of the Paradise. It is the dwellers of
Paradise that will be successful”
[al-Hashr 59:18-20].
The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) told men to choose a wife who is
religiously-committed, and he told women and their guardians to choose a man
who is also religiously-committed.  
It was narrated that Abu
Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose
religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female
relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there
will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi
and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah
(1022). 
The man who prevents his
wife from wearing hijab is not a man of good character or religiously
committed who deserves to be married. Rather it is most likely that the one
who prevents his wife from wearing hijab will also be negligent about other
major sins and actions that doom one to Hell. How can he protect his wife
and household, or how can he raise his children to obey Allaah when he is
disobeying Him and telling others to do likewise? 
It says in al-Mawsoo’ah
al-Fiqhiyyah (24/62): 
The wali (guardian) should
not give the female relative in his care in marriage to anyone but a man who
is pious and righteous. End quote. 
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan
said in al-Muntaqa (4/question no. 198): 
When marrying, we should
choose righteous spouses who adhere firmly to their religion, who respect
the sanctity of marriage and the importance of good treatment (of spouses).
It is not permissible to be careless with regard to this matter. Such
heedlessness has become widespread nowadays, with regard to this important
matter. People give their daughters and female relatives in marriage to men
who do not fear Allaah and the Last Day, and they end up complaining about
the husbands and they are confused about how to deal with them. If they had
looked for a righteous man before marriage, Allaah would have made it easy
for them (to find such a man). But in most cases this stems from negligence
and a failure to seek righteous husbands, and a bad man can never be
suitable. It is not permissible to take this matter lightly, because (such a
man) will mistreat the woman and he may lead her away from her religion or
influence her children. End quote. 
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said
in Fataawa Noor ‘ala al-Darb (al-Nikaah/Ikhtiyaar al-Zawj/question
no. 16): 
What the woman’s guardian
must do if a suitor comes to propose to her is to find out about his
religious commitment and character. If they are good then he should give her
to him in marriage, and if they are not good then he should not do so, and
Allaah will bring to his female relatives one who is religiously committed
and of good character, for when Allaah knows that the reason why the
guardian did not give her to that suitor was so that a man of good character
and religious commitment could propose to her, then He will help him to find
such a man. End quote. 
What we think is that you
should not accept this fiancé, and Allaah will compensate you with someone
better than him. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
There is no blame or sin on him if he gave her the choice and
she chose to stay, rather the blame and sin is on his mother who is forcing
him to do this. If he can advise his mother himself, or through the
mediation of someone whom she will listen to, and tell her that it is not
permissible for her to do this, and make her fear punishment in this world
or in the Hereafter, then this is what he must do, otherwise Allah does not
burden any soul beyond its scope. End quote.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

We ask Allah to heal your husband sooner
rather than later, and we ask Allah to increase your reward for your
patience and forbearance. This calamity with which Allah has tested you
will bring reward if you are patient and seek reward for it. 

It was narrated that Suhayb said: The
Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
“How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are
good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is
good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience,
and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.”

Narrated by Muslim (2999). 

And it was narrated from Abu Sa’eed
al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: “No exhaustion, pain, anxiety, grief, harm or
distress befalls a Muslim, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will
expiate some of his sins thereby.” Narrated by al-Bukhari (5318) and Muslim
(2573). 

Secondly: 

In the case of your husband’s sickness,
either he is aware of what he is doing and saying, or he is not aware. If he
is aware, then he is accountable for what he says and does, and it is not
permissible for him to accuse you or to fail to raise his children; he must
do what Allah has enjoined upon him of acts of worship and obedience, and
not do that which Allah has forbidden. 

In this case you must carry out all marital
duties and it is not permissible for you to neglect them.

If he is not aware of what he is saying and
doing as a result of this sickness, then he is no longer accountable for
what he says and does. But if his actions affect the rights of others, then
the one whose right it is may take his right from your husband’s wealth or
from his guardians, such as if he transgresses against someone by killing
him or he damages his car and so on. 

It was narrated from ‘Aishah that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The Pen has
been lifted from three: from the sleeping person until he wakes up, from the
minor until he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his
senses.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4398), al-Nasai (3432) and Ibn Majah
(2041); classed as saheeh by al-Albani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

Ibn Hazm (may Allah have mercy on him)
said: 

As for the one who has not yet reached
puberty, or who has reached puberty but has no discernment or reason, or has
lost his power of discernment after reaching puberty and being able to
discern, such people are not accountable and they are not allowed to dispose
of any of their wealth, because of the report that we have narrated from the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): “The
Pen has been lifted from three”, in which he mentioned “from the minor until
he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his senses.” 

Al-Muhalla
(7/200). 

Ash-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy
on him) said:  

As for the rational man, his opposite is the
insane man who has no reason, or the elderly man or elderly woman if they
have reached the age where they have lost the power of discernment, which is
known as senility. Such a person does not have to pray because he does not
have the mental capacity. 

Majmoo’ al-Fatawa
(12/first question). 

Please see scholarly comments on his behaviour and
its effects in the answer to question no.
73412. 

With regard to his accusation that you have
sinned, if what you mean is an accusation of zina, then in the second case
he is not committing slander, because an important condition, namely reason,
is missing. Similarly, he cannot engage in li’an either. 

In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (33/11)
it says: 

The fuqaha are unanimously agreed that in
order for a person to be regarded as committing slander, he (or she) must be
an adult of sound mind and acting on the basis of free will, whether male or
female, free or slave, Muslim or non-Muslim. 

End quote. 

To sum up: 

You may either put up with what he is doing,
if he does not understand what he is doing because of his sickness and loss
of reason, or you may refer your case to the qadi to determine whether he
is fit to remain as your husband or the marriage may be annulled. 

If he does understand what he is doing, then
you may either put up with what is happening or you may ask him for a
divorce, and if he refuses you may refer your case to the sharee’ah court to
arrange a separation. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Undoubtedly the way in which many Muslim societies (including
Egyptian society) view plural marriage is as a betrayal of the first wife,
or as something for which the husband or second wife are to be blamed.
Undoubtedly this is a mistaken view that is contrary to the law of Allaah,
which permits a man to marry up to four wives. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“…then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three,
or four …”

[al-Nisa’4:3]

The Muslim cannot object to the rulings of Allaah, or think
that there is any injustice, transgression or error in the rulings of
Allaah. 

Hence we do not agree with you when you say: “How can I take
the husband from his wife and children?”  

You are not taking this husband away; rather he has come and
proposed to you of his own free will. 

Moreover he is going to bear the burden of two families and
two households at the same time; he is not going to leave his first wife and
children for your sake, so how can that be taking him away? 

As for the opinion of the first wife, this is part of the
human nature which is inherent in most women (jealousy), and she wants to
keep her husband for herself and not share him with anyone. The Mothers of
the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with them) who were the best women of
this ummah, had some problems because of jealousy, but the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forgave them and did not hold it
against them. 

You can remedy that with a little wisdom and good attitude.
But it is also essential to put up with some of that which may come from her
because this is the nature of women. 

The husband must also be wise in his dealing with such
attitudes so that he will not make the disputes and conflicts worse. 

With regard to our advice to you, whether to accept this
husband or wait in the hope that Allaah might provide you with someone
else: 

The answer is that if you hope that there may come someone
who is better than him, then there is no reason why you should not refuse
him, but if you are afraid – as you are older – and because of your
situation that there will not be anyone else who is better than him, or even
like him, then we think – and Allaah knows best – that you should agree to
this marriage. 

For a woman to agree to be a second wife and to put up with
some problems from the first wife or the society around her, is much easier
than staying without a husband. 

We ask Allaah to make good easy for you wherever it is. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is makrooh,
because it results in severing of in-law ties and the breaking up of the
family, and hardship for the children. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: 

The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is not
allowed, rather it is only permitted as much as is necessary. 

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (33/81). 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is makrooh,
and the evidence for that is the verse about those who “take an oath
(eela’) not to have sexual relation with their wives” [al-Baqarah
2:226], i.e., they swear not to have intercourse with them for four months.
“then if they return (change their idea in this period), verily, Allaah
is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. And if they decide upon divorce, then
Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knower”. This implies a kind of threat, but if
they return, i.e., go back to their wives, He says: “verily, Allaah is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” This indicates that divorce is not liked
by Allaah, and that the basic principle concerning it is that it is makrooh,
and that is indeed the case. 

Al-Sharh al-Mumti’ (10/428) 

But because people’s nature, character and religious
commitment vary from one person to another, it is essential that divorce be
included in the laws prescribed by Allaah. A woman may be harmed by staying
with her husband if he is lacking in religious commitment or he has a bad
attitude or harsh nature, and a man may be harmed by staying with his wife
if she is not fit to raise his children or she does not give him his rights
on a reasonable basis. Hence prescribing divorce is wise and is suited to
human nature. 

Both spouses may be better off after divorce, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): “But
if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of
them from His Bounty. And Allaah is Ever All‑Sufficient for His creatures’
needs, All‑Wise” al-Nisa’ 4:130]. Hence divorce is not the end of
the world, and divorce may be the best way for a couple who are incompatible
in their natures, behaviours, attitude and actions.  

Based on this, what we advise you to do is to bring in wise
people from your family and hers to intervene and convince her of the
necessity of mending her ways and changing the way she deals with you, and
to promise to follow the straight path in your married life without any
deviation, and tell her that this is the only way you can continue the
marriage with her. If she responds and accepts this, then praise be to
Allaah, and perhaps Allaah will bring you together.  

We advise you to wait for a while before completing the
marriage, so that you can see how keen she is to settle down to living with
you, and how able she in fact is to do that, because what you have told us
about her makes us doubt strongly that she is keen to agree to that or is
able to do it. 

If she does not agree, then what we think is that you should
divorce her; divorcing her now is better for you and for her than divorcing
her after consummating the marriage or having children. 

If you do that and divorce takes place, there is no sin on
you, because divorce in this case is obligatory or mustahabb, especially if
she insists on working in a mixed environment, which is something that is
haraam and you should not compromise about it, rather you should make her
give it up. If she insists, then this is sufficient reason to divorce her,
so how about if the other things about her are added to that?! 
And Allaah knows
best.

Praise be to Allah.You should understand that differences are human nature; human beings are not all the same in terms of attitude, religious commitment, reasoning and behaviour. You should also pay attention to the fact that when a person grows older, their reasoning diminishes and they become childlike in many ways. You should also remember that you are dealing with your husband’s mother, and usually mothers-in-law feel as jealous of their sons’ wives as they would of a co-wife. 
If you pay attention to all of the above, then your problems will begin to seem insignificant and your worry will be dispelled. What you are suffering from is something that many women suffer from, and it needs two important things: patience and wisdom. 
So bear with patience whatever you see and hear from your husband’s family, and be wise in your dealings with them, especially with your husband’s mother, for by means of your wisdom you will be able to avoid many problems and you will earn their approval or at least put a stop to their ill will towards you; and you will also win your husband’s heart and please him. 
Wisdom in your dealings with your husband’s mother means that you must speak nicely to her, praise her, pray for her, respond to her requests and be more concerned about her than she is herself, if she takes medicine, for example, or she has an appointment to visit a doctor. Gifts also play a major role in softening her heart and changing the way she deals with you. 
But it should also be noted that you are not obliged to serve her or take care of her in the sense of it being an Islamic obligation. What you are doing is something that is mustahabb and is liked in Islam, and it is also kindness towards your husband. Perhaps if she realizes that you are doing something that is not obligatory upon you in sharee’ah, and your husband realizes that also, this will elevate your status in their eyes. 
Secondly: 
This does not mean that you should go along with her in gheebah or backbiting when she does that; rather you should advise her to stop eating the flesh of people by backbiting them. If she stops, that will be better for her, and you will have the reward for that, but if she continues and does not pay attention, then it is not permissible for you to sit with her when she is backbiting about others. Rather you must leave her company and your doing this may play a role in her stopping backbiting. It is not sufficient for you to denounce it in your heart in this case, because you do not come under the heading of being forced to do it. It is essential for her and her son to understand this ruling, and you should understand that if you stay with her when she is doing that, then you are a partner with her in the sin of backbiting, so how about if you join in with them by speaking? 
Thirdly: 
You have every right to have a separate house in which you live with your husband and children, and you have the right to privacy, if your husband wants you to live with his family, and he will not be disobeying his mother if he allows you that. The wise and intelligent man weighs things against the standards of sharee’ah, and gives each person who is entitled to rights his or her due, and he does not take away from one in order to give to another.   
But despite that we know how difficult it is to live separately in many cases, especially in current circumstances when finding suitable accommodation, especially in the big cities, is very difficult to achieve. In this case the man must look at his circumstances in general with an open mind, so that he will not make things difficult for himself or for the people around him. Allah has decreed proficiency in all things. 
Your husband has to understand the reality of your situation with his mother, because this is causing you to be edgy, which is affecting your children. It may also be affecting your husband. Hence he should hasten to solve the problems in his household, and he should accept frank discussion with you in all matters. He has to bear the responsibility that Islam has enjoined on him, and he has to honour his family, which also includes advising them and reminding them if they do something that is contrary to sharee’ah. He is also responsible for treating his wife kindly and he is responsible for raising his children. He is in great need of someone who can discuss these matters frankly with him and help him, and you are the main support who can help him in all these matters.  
We ask Allah to guide you and set your affairs straight, and to reconcile between you, and to make you a happy family in this world and in the Hereafter.   
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:  
Islam enjoins parents to
take care of their children and raise them well. Children will grow up on
what they hear, read and see in their home, on the streets and in school,
and whatever faults happen in their upbringing are because of faults in one
or  all of these aspects. 
What has happened with your
son, of his bad attitude towards you, may because of what he has seen and
heard at home of the problems between you and your husband, which led to
divorce, or it may be because of the influence of what he has seen and read
on the computer, or it may be the result of witchcraft done against him by
his father in order to take him from you. Any of these things is possible,
or it may be all of these reasons combined that has lead to this bad
behaviour of your son towards you. 
Whatever the case, you have
to set things straight by looking for the causes that have led to these
problems, so that you can deal with the matter by dealing with the cause. If
it is because of your problems with his father, then you must make him
understand the reality of the situation and what happened [?} between you,
in a way that is appropriate to his age and level of understanding. If the
cause is what he hears, watches and sees on the computer then you must keep
an eye on whatever he is looking at, and it is essential to teach him to
make good use of the computer. If he does not respond, then you can forbid
him to use it altogether. If the cause is his father doing witchcraft on
him, then you can start to remedy it by using shar’i ruqyahs from the
Qur’aan and saheeh dhikrs of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him). There is no reason why you shouldn’t take him to someone whose
religious commitment you trust, to treat him in the shar’i manner for such
cases. 
Secondly: 
You can find out whether
his father is really doing sihr (witchcraft) by finding out how he treats
others or what he really says to those who visit him and consult him. 
Some of the scholars have
mentioned the signs of the saahir (practitioner of witchcraft) by means of
which anyone can discern the saahir from those who are good and righteous.
These signs are: 

1.He asks the sick person for his
mother’s name, and some personal possession of the one for whom treatment is
sought, such as his hair or clothing.

2.He mumbles words that have no
meaning and that the listener cannot understand. The muttering may be calls
to the jinn or devils to come and serve him.

3.Another sign is that the saahir
does not attend Jumu’ah prayer or the five daily prayers in the mosque.

4.He is dishevelled and smells
bad, and he likes being in the dark and on his own.

5.He gives the sick person an
amulet (“hijab”) containing some mumbo-jumbo, squares or numbers.
To find out the truth, he
should have all or some of the characteristics. Thus you will know the truth
about him. It should be noted that you may be exaggerating in suspecting him
of witchcraft. You have to be fair in judging him, and fear Allaah before
making accusations and claims of which he is innocent. 
But so long as you have
separated from him, we do not think that you should concern yourself too
much with your ex-husband and whether he is a saahir or not; rather what you
should do is focus on how to protect yourself and your son, and how to
fulfil your duty of raising this boy. 
Thirdly: 
With regard to custody of
the child, it is known that the purpose of custody is to protect and take
care of the child. Hence a person’s right to custody is waived if he is
immoral or corrupt, or if he neglects him, or if he travels a great deal,
which would harm the child’s interests. 
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn
Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him): 
It should be noted that
there is no text which gives precedence to either parent in general terms,
or chooses one of the parents in all cases. The scholars are unanimously
agreed that neither of them is specified in all cases, rather when there is
transgression of the limits or neglect, precedence is not to be given to the
one who will be like that (i.e., the parent who will transgress the limits
or be neglectful) over the one who is just and good and will do what is
required. 
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa
(34/132). 
It should be noted that the
period of custody extends until the child reaches the age of discernment and
independence, i.e., custody lasts until the child is able to discern and is
independent of his guardian, in the sense that he can eat and drink by
himself, and clean himself after going to the toilet by himself, and so on. 
As he has reached the age
of 11, he should be given the choice of living with his father or with you,
so long as the choice is made by him freely, without any pressure or
compulsion, and so long as the reason for his choice is not that he will
never be told to pray or obey Allaah, or to do anything that is in his
religious or worldly interests, because his choice in this case would be
harmful to him. Many children care only about choosing the one who will
spoil them the most or give them the toys and games that they want, so in
that case he should not be allowed to have what he wants. 
If it is proven that his
father is engaging in witchcraft, then it is not permissible for him to take
his son, rather he should be withheld from him until he repents sincerely to
Allaah. 
If it is not proven that
the father is engaging in witchcraft, then the parents should cooperate in
raising their son, and pay attention to what is in his best interests, so
that their conflict will not be a cause of the children failing and being
lost. 
See also the answers to
questions no. 8189 and
20705 and
21516. 
We ask Allaah to set all
your affairs straight and to guide your son to that which our Lord loves and
is pleased with, and to set his father straight and protect his religious
commitment. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
We praise Allaah for having guided this sister to Islam and
we ask Him to make her steadfast in adhering to the truth, and to guide her
to the right words and deeds. 

What the sister has mentioned is an example of how Islam is
suffering at the hands of its people – if we may put it this way – people
who claim to be Muslim, then they go against the rulings and etiquette of
Islam. Moreover, if this transgression happened in a Muslim country, where
Islam is prevalent and those who are committed to the faith are known, then
no one would be blamed for someone else’s mistakes, and no one would condemn
Islam because of the bad deeds of an evildoer. In that case the matter
wouldn’t be so bad. But the problem becomes worse when one of these
evildoers lives in the west, among the kuffaar, and they regard him as a
representative of Islam and of its morals, etiquette and rulings, then he
lives his life like the Jews and Christians around him, not paying any
attention to what is halaal and haraam. 

Al-Awzaa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It was said
that there is no Muslim who is not standing guard on the borders of Islam,
so whoever can prevent Islam from being undermined or attacked, let him do
so. 

Al-Hasan ibn Hayy (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: With
regard to Islam, the Muslims are like a fortress. If a Muslim does a bad
deed, Islam is breached from his direction; if all the Muslims do bad deeds,
you should persevere in adhering to that which, if all the people were
united on it, the religion of Islam would prevail, that which Allaah wants
for all people, and do not let Islam be breached from your direction. 

Al-Sunnah by Muhammad ibn Nasr
al-Marwazi (no. 29, 30). 

It hurts every Muslim to hear that Muslim sisters who have
entered Islam recently are exposed to verbal and physical harm by those who
are supposed to be a good example of Islam and of the Muslim family which
should be distinguished by stability, love and compassion among its members.
It is regrettable that among those who claim to belong to Islam there should
be someone like this husband who sets a bad example and puts people off
Islam, and who causes the image of Islam to be distorted, which leads people
to criticize it. 

If one of the things that this husband does is to neglect the
prayer, then the sister should realize that it is not permissible for her to
stay with him, because not praying is regarded in sharee’ah as kufr which
puts one beyond the pale of Islam, hence the marriage contract is rendered
invalid. A person like this husband is not fit to be the head of a family in
which he is entrusted with his wife and children, rather there is the fear
that he may harm them by his bad actions. If he does not spend on them as
enjoined by Allaah, then he has combined all kinds of evil in his actions
and attitude, and staying with him is a heavy burden that the wife is
shouldering for no reason; if she rids herself of him by means of divorce or
separation, that will be better for her and perhaps her life will change for
the better, either on her own with her children or with another husband who
understands the value of family and fulfils the duty that Allaah has
enjoined upon him. 

If this sister hopes that her husband will be guided and set
straight, then she should strive to achieve that through his friends or
relatives who may be able to have some effect on him and guide him. She can
also make use of audio and video tapes which contain exhortations and
warnings against committing sin, and remind one of death, the grave and the
reckoning. Perhaps that will influence him and bring him back to his Lord,
may He be glorified and exalted. 

If that does not do any good, then she should not hesitate to
refer her case to a Muslim judge or mufti, or the imam of a mosque whose
knowledge and religion commitment she trusts, to help her to get rid of him.
If she cannot do that, then she should refer the matter to judicial or state
institutions that take care of family matters. If he does not pray, then her
marriage is null and void, and if he commits those sins although he also
prays, then she should pursue shar’i means of freeing herself from him
through a scholar or seeker of knowledge or an Islamic centre, to oblige him
to spend on his family and give up sins and evil actions. If he refuses then
they should divorce her from him in accordance with sharee’ah, and after
that she should divorce him officially so that he will no longer be regarded
as her husband. 

This sister should strive to move to a  Muslim country
because that – even though there may be things there that go against
sharee’ah – is better than the land of kufr and permissiveness, where the
Muslim cannot find safety for himself and his children.

We ask Allaah to increase her reward and to guide her and her
children, and help them to do that which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Your problem is one of the issues that arise in married life, and it is an ancient and complex problem, so much so that among the Arabs it has become the proverbial example of people who have to deal with one another and cannot do without one another, and between whom there is ongoing enmity; they say “The mother-in-law is too concerned about the daughter-in-law and the daughter-in-law is too suspicious of the mother-in-law.” Al-hamaah (usually translated as “mother-in-law”) is the husband’s sister or mother, and the “daughter-in-law” is the man’s wife. What this means is that if the daughter-in-law hears anything, she will say, “This is what my mother-in-law is doing to me!” [See: al-Mustaqsa fi’l-Amthaal by al-Zamakhshari (1/77)]. So in fact each of the two parties is watching out and taking a defensive stance. 
In relationships such as these, many factors and influences are interwoven, each of which must be paid attention to and understood, then we should try to find a way to deal with them so that we can get the best results. 
Perhaps you understand that jealousy – which Allah has created in man – is one of these main factors, especially between your mother and your wife, because your mother, who has been with you for many years, looking after you and taking care of you, is going to feel that you no longer belong only to her; indeed she will feel that her share of you is no longer enough to fulfil her rights over you, and that the division of your attention between her and your wife is not fair. Your wife gets love, compassion and care, and all the mother gets is your showing patience, with difficulty, for her troubles, and your giving her what she needs with reluctance and resentment. This applies if the son gives her her rights, so how about if he is disobedient and denies her her rights? In that case there will be problems. 
Jealousy makes a person blind and deaf, and it soon destroys any happiness and tranquillity that the family might have. It is at its strongest when we do not handle it properly and do not try to tame it. 
I have started by highlighting these fasts so that you may understand two important things: 
1 – So that you may understand the real reason why your mother is treating your wife in this manner, and so that you may appreciate her excuse for doing so, which is that she may not have any control over her feelings, because women are very weak in the face of such feelings, and they cannot hide them despite their best efforts to show contentment and acceptance. If you understand your mother’s excuse, this will put your mind at rest and soothe your  feelings towards her, and you will become certain that honouring, obeying and loving her are obligatory for you, and you should not doubt that for a single moment, no matter how bad the problem that is caused by jealousy gets. 
2 – You should realize that it is only with love that you change the situation between your mother and your wife The mother needs more reassurance that her son loves her and that his love, respect and kind treatment of her have not changed. Indeed, you have to try to increase these feelings by repeatedly visiting her, giving her gifts and trying to make her happy with kind words and fulfilling her wishes. Then she will begin to calm down and her jealousy will diminish, and gradually the problems that she has caused will begin to ease off. 
If your mother is quick to accuse your wife and the mother of your children unfairly, as seems to us to be the case, then we will address the situation by addressing you and your wife first, because this in fact is the easier of the two sides to deal with. 
We say to your wife: Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend” [Fussilat 41:34]. 
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Charity does not decrease wealth. No one forgives, but Allah increases him in honour, and no one humbles himself before Allah but Allah raises him in status.” Narrated by Muslim (2588)
According to another hadeeth: “No one is wronged and bears it with patience but Allah will increase him in honour.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2325) and classed as saheeh by al-Albani. 
How many problems can be solved if the wife trains herself to adopt this attitude, seeking to attain Allah’s pleasure and to avoid problems for her husband and to give him peace of mind at home? 
She should try to regard her mother-in-law as being like her own mother, and put up with her anger and forgive her bad treatment, especially if they live separately. This will reduce problems and confrontation, to a large extent. 
How many problems will be reduced, and even ended, by Allah’s leave, if the wife can seek suitable opportunities to give nice gifts to your mother, even if there are some hard feelings between them. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Give gifts to one another, you will love one another.” Narrated by Abu Ya’la and classed as hasan by al-Albani. 
With regard to yourself, you have to open your heart to honouring and loving your mother a great deal, whilst also loving your wife and being happy with her. If you succeed, that is the beginning of the solution, but if you fail, the suffering will continue and increase. This matter needs you to be patient and to learn, for man is able to learn how to show feelings of friendship and love just as he is able to learn any other skill in this life. 
In all of that, it is essential that you adhere to the guidelines that have been set out by Islam. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour”[al-Isra’ 17:23] 
“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do” [Luqmaan 31:15]
Think about how the shirk and kufr of the parents – which are the worst of sins – should not prevent the son from behaving kindly with them, so how about if there are some problems with your wife? 
The most important of these guidelines that Islam has set out is protecting your wife’s rights and respecting her feelings and wishes, and not being unfair to her or wronging her in order to fulfil your mother’s rights. You should not obey your mother if she tells you to leave your wife, and it is not permissible for you to believe what she accuses your wife of falsely, especially if your wife is of good character and religiously committed. She is a trust (amaanah) that has been given to you, so you have to protect this trust. 
If we had the opportunity to speak to your mother, we would say to her: 
Dear mother, you have carried and borne your son, you have raised him with a great deal of selflessness and effort on your part, so do not spoil your kindness to your son by making his life difficult. Treat this wife whom your son has chosen for himself and through whom Allah has given him children, like your own daughter. Think about how you would like your daughter to be treated by her husband and family, and treat her in that way. Strive to be kind as our Lord has commanded us (interpretation of the meaning): “and do good. Truly, Allah loves Al-Muhsinoon(the good-doers)” [al-Baqarah 2:195]. 
If you are unable to be kind, then at least be fair. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“and be equitable. Verily, Allah loves those who are the equitable” [al-Hujuraat 49:9]. 
Beware of wrongdoing. It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Wrongdoing will be darkness on the Day of Resurrection.” Agreed upon. 
Some of the rulings on this topic have been discussed in detail in the answer to question no. 7653 and 44923 and 47040. 
We ask Allah to set your affairs straight and to reconcile between you, and to bless us and you with a good life in this world and in the Hereafter. 
And Allah knows best.