Tag: Q n A

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
You have done a number of
things that are clearly and obviously contrary to sharee’ah, hence we are
surprised at the end of your letter where you say “I do not want to anger
Allaah or commit sins”! Whatever the case, this is the bad consequences and
effect of sin, which is loss of reason and dimming of its light that would
lead to the straight path. 
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said, describing the effects of sin: 
… Sin corrupts reason, for
reason is light, and sin inevitably extinguishes the light of reason. If its
light is extinguished it becomes weak and imperfect. One of the salaf said:
No one disobeys Allaah but his reason is lost. This is obvious, because if
his reason was present, it would have prevented him from committing sin when
he is under the full control of Allaah, may He be exalted, or how could he
commit sin openly when He is watching him, and he is enjoying His blessings
and His angels are bearing witness over him and watching him, and the
teachings of the Qur’aan forbid that and the implication of faith and the
remembrance of death and the Fire should restrain him. The good of this
world and the Hereafter that he misses out on because of sin is many times
greater than the pleasure he may get from it. Can anyone who takes lightly
all that we have mentioned above still have sound reason?  
… If sins accumulate, then
a seal is placed on the sinner’s heart and he becomes one of the heedless,
as one of the salaf said concerning the words of Allaah (interpretation of
the meaning): “Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and
evil deeds) which they used to earn” [al-Mutaffifeen 83:14] – he said:
This is sin after sin. Al-Hasan said: It is sin upon sin, until the heart
becomes blind. And someone else said: When their sins and acts of
disobedience become many, they encircle their hearts. 
The basic principle
concerning that is that the heart is corroded (lit. rusts) by sin, so if sin
increases, the corrosion prevails until it becomes raan, then it prevails
until it becomes a seal, and the heart becomes covered and enveloped. If
that happens after he has been guided and had insight, then he will be
reversed and turned upside down. At that point his enemy takes over and
leads him wherever he wants. 
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi li
man sa’ala ‘an al-Dawa al-Shaafi (p. 39). 
We are sorry to tell you
that each of the sins that you have committed led to another; they affected
your reason and your heart, and extinguished their light. 
Secondly: 
The things that you did
which go against sharee’ah are: 
1.
The haraam relationship
which you formed with your first husband, before you married him. This is
clear from your saying that it was a love marriage, and from your going
against your family who refused to give you in marriage to him, and now you
are doing the same thing with another man when you are still married to the
first husband! 
We have explained the
ruling on correspondence between the sexes in the answer to question no.
34841,
26890 and
23349. 
With regard to haraam
relationships, please see the answer to questions no.
1114,
9465,
21933 and
10532. 
2.
It seems that your job
involves mixing with strange men. If what we think is correct, then it is a
sin. If it is not mixed, or it is not in a haraam field such as banking or
insurance – then there is no sin on you. 
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said: 
There is no doubt that
enabling women to mix with men is the basis of all calamities and evils, and
it is one of the greatest causes of calamity that affects everybody, as well
as being one of the causes of corruption in public and private affairs.
Mixing of men with women is the cause of a great deal of immoral actions and
zina, and it is one of the causes of widespread death and ongoing plagues.  
Al-Turuq al-Hukmiyyah
(p. 407). 
See also the answer to
question no. 1200. 
For information on women
working and the conditions of it being permissible, please see the answer to
question no. 22397.  
In the answer to question
no. 6666 there is important advice
to do with women working in a mixed environment. 
3.
You left the marital home
without your husband’s permission, and this was based on something that you
heard from his mother and his complaints to her. This does not make it
permissible for you to leave the marital home without your husband’s
permission. You have the right to a separate home with your husband, but it
seems that you waived this right when you first married him and agreed to
stay with him in his mother’s house. It would have been better for you to
work out the agreement with him when you agreed to help him to bear his
living expenses and pay off his debt, and to oblige him to do so via the
shar’i court or good and knowledgeable people whom you appointed as
arbitrators between you. As for your actions and your leaving without his
permission, this is not permissible. Allaah forbade women who are revocably
divorced (first or second talaaq) to leave their houses after the divorce,
so how about married women? Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“O Prophet (صلى
الله عليه وسلم)! When you divorce women, divorce them at their ‘Iddah
(prescribed periods) and count (accurately) their ‘Iddah (periods). And fear
Allaah your Lord (O Muslims). And turn them not out of their (husband’s)
homes nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of
some open illegal sexual intercourse. And those are the set limits of
Allaah. And whosoever transgresses the set limits of Allaah, then indeed he
has wronged himself. You (the one who divorces his wife) know not it may be
that Allaah will afterward bring some new thing to pass (i.e. to return her
back to you if that was the first or second divorce)”
[al-Talaaq 65:1]
4.
The worst and most
reprehensible of these actions that go against sharee’ah is your sinful
relationship with that evildoer who pretended that he was saving you from
worldly problems and presented himself in the guise of a wise advisor, but
in fact he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. 
How could this evildoer
agree to meet you and talk with you, and sit with you and discuss with you,
and worst of all, he audaciously asked you to marry him when you were still
married to another man?! What is very strange is that you yourself say that
your husband himself was presenting himself falsely as a good man, and that
you were blind when you accepted him as a husband. Do you think that now you
are able to see? By Allaah, you are not able to see, and your blindness with
regard to your first husband was less serious than your blindness now. You
were not married when you formed a relationship with him, but now you are
married and you have formed a haraam relationship with that evildoer, who is
not content only to come between you and your husband, turn your heart
against him and make you hate the idea of going back to him, rather he has
added to that his request for you to marry him when you are still married to
another man. 
What you have done is
haraam, beyond any shadow of a doubt. It is revolting and reprehensible even
to non-Muslims. No husband would want his wife to be in the situation you
are in. No wise person – let alone a Muslim who knows the rulings of
sharee’ah – would approve of your marrying this evildoer who has shown his
true colours and evil attitude before marriage. That will save you from
going though another bitter experience with him. Do you think that he will
forget how you betrayed your husband with him? Do you think that he will
trust you not to repeat what you did with him? Do not hesitate to cut off
all ties with him, for it is a haraam relationship on the one hand, and on
the other hand he is not fit to be a trusted husband when he has done such
haraam, abhorrent actions. 
For information on the
qualities of a righteous husband, please see the answers to questions no.
5202 and
6942. 
Thirdly: 
We hope that your regret
and taking stock of yourself are a good sign that you have come back to the
truth and that your conscience which criticizes you for abhorrent actions
and for falling short in acts of obedience to Allaah has come back to life.
 
Beware of following the
footsteps of the shaytaan, for they lead to doom. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 
“O you who believe!
Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the
footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al‑Fahsha’ [i.e. to
commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al‑Munkar [disbelief and
polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is
forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His
Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins”
[al-Noor 24:21].
Do not ignore the
opportunity to regret and repent before there comes a Day when neither
dirhams nor dinars, neither close friends nor intercessors will benefit a
man, and he will bite at his hands in anguish, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 
“And (remember) the Day
when the Zaalim (wrongdoer, oppressor, polytheist) will bite at his hands,
he will say: ‘Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger (Muhammad
صلى الله عليه وسلم).
28. ‘Ah! Woe to me!
Would that I had never taken so‑and‑so as a Khalîl (an intimate friend)!
29. ‘He indeed led me
astray from the Reminder (this Qur’aan) after it had come to me. And
Shaytaan (Satan) is to man ever a deserter in the hour of need’”
[al-Furqaan 25:27-29].
In order to cleanse
yourself of sin and protect your religious commitment, faith and chastity,
strive to do the following: 
1.
Pray regularly on time with
proper focus and humility before Allaah: 
It was narrated from Abu
Hurayrah that he heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) say: “What do you think, if there was a river by the
door of one of you and he bathed in it five times a day, would any speck of
dirt be left on him?” They said: Not a speck of dirt would be left on him.
He said: “That is the likeness of the five prayers, by means of which Allaah
erases sins.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(505) and Muslim (667). 
2.
Keeping company with
righteous women who adhere to obedience to Allaah. 
It was narrated that Abu
Moosa al-Ash’ari (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The likeness
of a good companion and a bad companion is that of one who carries musk and
one who works the bellows. With the carrier of musk, either he will give you
some or you will buy some from him, or you will notice a good smell from
him; as for the one who works the bellows, either he will burn your clothes
or you will notice a bad smell from him.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(1995) and Muslim (2628). 
Imam al-Nawawi (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said: It points to the virtue of sitting with righteous,
good and honourable people, people of good attitude, awareness, knowledge
and manners, and indicates that it is not allowed to sit with evil people
and followers of innovation, those who backbite about people or who are
foul-mouthed and have nothing better to do, and other blameworthy things.
End quote. 
Sharh Muslim,
16/178  
3.
Not listening to songs,
music and haraam entertainment. 
Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
“And of mankind is he
who purchases idle talks (i.e. music, singing) to mislead (men) from the
path of Allaah without knowledge, and takes it (the path of Allaah, or the
Verses of the Qur’aan) by way of mockery. For such there will be a
humiliating torment (in the Hell‑fire).
7. And when Our Verses
(of the Qur’aan) are recited to such a one, he turns away in pride, as if he
heard them not — as if there were deafness in his ear. So announce to him a
painful torment”
[Luqmaan 31:6-7]
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said:  
Singers and those who
listen to them have a share of blame commensurate with the degree to which
they are distracted by songs from the Qur’aan. … This is made clear by the
fact that you will not find anyone who has an interest in songs and
listening to music but he will be somewhat misguided from the path of
guidance in terms of knowledge or action, and he is less eager to listen to
Qur’aan rather than songs, such that if he has the opportunity to listen
either to songs or to the Qur’aan, he will turn away from the latter to the
former, and listening to Qur’aan will be burdensome for him, and he may go
so far as to tell the reciter to be quiet and tell the singer to carry on,
and never have his fill of listening to songs.  
Ighaathat al-Lahfaan
(1/240, 241). 
Finally: 
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan
(may Allaah preserve him) said: 
The Muslim must repent from
sin and hasten to do so, in obedience to the command of Allaah, so as to
save himself from the punishment and wrath of Allaah. It is not permissible
for him to continue in sin or to delay repentance in order to obey his nafs
(self) or the shaytaan, or to wait until people criticize him. Rather he
must fear Allaah and not fear people. Even if they are committing sin it is
not permissible for him to follow their example, and he must also oblige his
family to repent, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  
“O you who believe! Ward
off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and
stones”
[al-Tahreem 66:6].
He should not be kind to
them with regard to matters that anger Allaah. 
Al-Muntaqa min Fataawa
al-Fawzaan (2/p. 293). 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.If you spoke about your friend out of fear for her and hoping to save her, then there is no sin on you, but you should have waited and should not have been so hasty. You do not have to offer kafaarah or do anything else, unless you got carried away in speaking about her and said something about her that she dislikes, in which case you should tell her and seek her forgiveness for backbiting about her. If she has heard what you said about her, then you have to apologize to her and ask her to forgive you. If she did not hear of what you said about her, then do not tell her, rather make a lot of du’aa’ for her, pray for forgiveness, and speak well of her and mention her good points to those to whom you spoke about her. We ask Allah to forgive us and you. 
See also the answer to question no. 6308. 
With regard to the problem of your brother’s doubts about your behaviour, this may be solved by asking Allah to guide him and to make him stop that. Then you should adhere to Allah’s command of hijab, lowering the gaze, and avoiding non-mahram men. Do a lot of naafil prayers and fasts, and give in charity. Try to speak to him frankly and warn him against being suspicious of you. 
Undoubtedly if your brother sees that you are righteous he will no longer doubt you, and that suspicion will disappear from his heart, in sha Allah. 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
It is unfortunate that there are many such cases among
siblings, and what makes the matter even more regrettable is that the reason
for this dispute is money. In fact I appreciate our sister’s good nature and
wisdom, since she has preferred peace to entering into a dispute with her
brother, and she has tried to contain the problem and solve it within the
family. This in itself should be considered the beginning of a proper
solution. As for the answer to this question, it may be answered in the
following points: 

Firstly: 

The money which your father had saved for you and gone to
great lengths for your benefit, is the due of everyone whom Allaah has
decreed has a share of inheritance. Each of you has a share allotted by
sharee’ah after the death of your father; none of you have the right to keep
this money for himself and deny it to the rest of the heirs, because by
doing so he is transgressing upon the rights of others. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“but transgress not the limits. Truly, Allaah likes not
the transgressors”[al-Baqarah 2:190]

It was narrated by Abu Harrah al-Raqaashi that his paternal
uncle said: “I was holding on to the reins of the she-camel of Messenger of
Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man’s wealth is
not permissible except with his consent.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 20172; classed
as saheeh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Irwaa’, 1761). 

On this basis, what your brother did by taking this money is
considered to be a haraam action, especially since he took the money when
your father was still alive and he is not entitled to any of the money until
after his father died. Indeed, after his father’s death he is not entitled
to anything more than the share which Allaah has allocated to him in the
laws of inheritance. So what your brother must do is to repent to Allaah and
restore the rights of people. 

Secondly: 

The will which your father wrote was not acceptable according
to sharee’ah, and it is not permissible for you to demand that it be
executed, because a person who is designated as an heir according to
sharee’ah cannot be given something in the will (wasiyyah). The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has
given each person his rights and no will can be made in favour of an heir.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2120; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Tirmidhi, 1722), So it is not permissible for you to demand it, even
if your brother has taken your money. But you may demand what Allaah has
granted you in the laws of inheritance. 

Thirdly: 

You should continue to advise and guide them and try to bring
them together as much as you can. Remember that you will be rewarded by
Allaah for that. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“There is no good in most of their
secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allaah’s Cause),
or Ma‘roof (Islamic Monotheism and all the
good and righteous deeds which Allaah
has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this,
seeking the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him a great reward”
[al-Nisa’ 4:114]

Keep telling your sisters not to demand more than they are
entitled to, and that demanding one-third is something that is not
permitted. Try also to convince your brother, in a good way, to give your
sisters that which is rightfully theirs, and to show mercy to his sisters
after his father’s death instead of being a torment to them. You will
undoubtedly face problems in doing that, but be patient. We ask Allaah to
make you steadfast.

 Fourthly:

 If you are doing the right thing, it will not matter if
people blame you or accuse you of being biased. Be steadfast in adhering to
the truth. Finally, we call on all of you to fear Allaah and to ward off
this scandalous dispute which does not make anyone happy apart from the
Shaytaan, those in whose hearts is a disease and everyone who enjoys the
troubles of others or is filled with malicious envy.

 I ask Allaah to put things right between you. May Allaah
bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

The
mufassireen differed concerning the meaning of the verse (interpretation of
the meaning):  

“Bad
statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for
bad statements (or bad men for bad women)”

[al-Noor
24:26]

Some of them
said that it refers to bad and good words, so the meaning of the verse is:
Evil words are for evil men, and evil people are for evil words, and good
words are for good people, and good people are for good words. 

Others said
that it refers to evil and good actions. So the meaning of the verse is:
Evil actions are for evil men, and evil people are for evil actions, and
good actions are for good people, and good people are for good actions. 

The third
opinion concerning this verse is that evil and good refer to people with
regard to marriage. So the meaning of the verse is: evil women are for evil
men, and evil men are for evil women, and good women are for good men, and
good men are for good women. 

There is no
reason why the verse cannot be understood in all these senses, although the
most obvious meaning is the first one mentioned, and this is the opinion of
the majority of mufassireen. The second view comes next. 

Shaykh ‘Abd
al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

“Bad
statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for
bad statements (or bad men for bad women)”
means all evil men, women, words and actions that are fit for evil and in
accordance with it or accompanied by it and in harmony with it, and all good
men, women, words and actions that are fit for good and in accordance with
it or accompanied by it and in harmony with it. This explanation is general
in meaning and nothing is excluded from that. One of the greatest
application of this is that with regard to the Prophets – especially the
Messengers of strong will, and especially their leader, Muhammad (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who is the best among all the good of
creation – only the best of women are suitable for them. So the one who
slanders ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) in this manner is
slandering the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him),
which was the aim of the slander (al-ifk) fabricated by the
hypocrites. The mere fact that she was the wife of the Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) confirms that she was nothing but good
and pure and innocent of these reprehensible matters. 

So how about
when she is the siddeeqah of women, the best, most knowledgeable and purest
of them, the beloved of the Messenger of the Lord of the Worlds? Revelation
did not come down to him when he was under the same cover as any of his
wives except her. Then the verse states clearly, so that there will be no
opportunity for any propagator of falsehood to say anything and no room for
any doubt whatsoever:  

“such (good
people) are innocent of (every) bad
statement which they say”

[al-Noor
24:26]

The reference
is primarily to ‘Aa’ishah, and then to the believing chaste women. 

“for
them is forgiveness” [al-Noor 24:26]

meaning,
forgiveness for all of their sins. 

“and
Rizqun Kareem (generous provision, i.e. Paradise)”
i.e., in Paradise, coming from the Generous Lord. 

Tafseer
al-Sa’di
(p. 563). 

Secondly: 

What you have
quoted about the killing of a man who slandered ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be
pleased with her) is true. This is what the Muslim rulers should do, which
is to execute everyone who slanders ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with
her), because impugning the honour of ‘Aa’ishah is disbelief in the Qur’aan,
and impugning the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).
Either of these actions implies kufr which puts a person beyond the pale of
Islam, and the one who does it deserves to be executed for apostasy. 

In
al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (22/185) it says: 

The fuqaha’
are unanimously agreed that the one who slanders ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be
pleased with her) has disbelieved the clear, unambiguous statement of the
Qur’aan that was revealed concerning her, and hence he is a kaafir. Allaah
says – in the hadeeth of the slander (al-ifk), after Allaah declared that
she was innocent – “Allaah forbids you from it and warns you not to
repeat the like of it forever, if you are believers” [al-Noor 24:18]. So
the one who goes back to that is not a believer. 

Are all the
other wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
regarded as being like her? 

The Hanafis
and the Hanbalis, according to the correct opinion, which was favoured by
Ibn Taymiyah, say that they are all like her. They quoted as evidence the
verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Bad
statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for
bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good
people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or
good men for good women): such (good people) are innocent of (every) bad
statement which they say; for them is forgiveness, and Rizqun Kareem
(generous provision, i.e. Paradise)”

[ al-Noor
24:26]

Slandering
them implies slander of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) and impugning his honour, which is forbidden. 

The other
view, which is that of the Shaafa’is and the other view of the Hanbalis, is
that they – apart from ‘Aa’ishah – are like the rest of the Sahaabah; the
one who reviles them is to be flogged, because he is a slanderer. End
quote. 

Shaykh
Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

Slandering
‘Aa’ishah with regard to that of which Allaah has declared her innocent is
kufr, because it is disbelieving the Qur’aan. With regard to slandering
other wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
there are two scholarly opinions, the sounder of which is that it is kufr,
because it is a slander against the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him), because “Bad statements are for bad people (or bad
women for bad men).”  

Majmoo’
Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen
(5/p.86) 

See also the
answer to question no. 954. 

Thirdly:

It was
narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women may be married
for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their
religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your
hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari,
5090; Muslim, 1466. 

It is not
impossible for a man to find a righteous wife who will help him to obey
Allaah, serve him, raise his children, and look after his wealth and house.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised men to
marry the woman who is religiously committed. If it were not possible or
within a man’s capability to find that religiously committed woman, the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would not have
advised him to marry her. He is the one who said in the same hadeeth that
some men marry women for their beauty, and some marry them for their lineage
or their wealth. Men choose women according to their own desires and
traditions and customs, but his advice to all men is to look for the woman
who is religiously committed and marry them, because in marrying such a
woman there is a great deal of good which the man will see in himself, his
house and his children. 

You should not
give up hope of finding a woman who is religiously committed and of good
character. The Muslim ummah is still doing well and there are still Muslim
families which are raising women who are of good character and committed to
Islam, and are brought up in this manner. 

The failure of
one experience of marriage does not mean that the same will happen to all
subsequent marriages. What happened to you may have been a punishment to you
because of your shortcomings in asking and finding out about the woman whom
you married. 

People know
one another and mix with one another, so the state of a family and its
members will not be hidden from their relatives and neighbours. The members
of the family mix with people in the mosque and school and when visiting
people, so a righteous woman will be known and distinguished from the
opposite, and the religiously committed man will be known and distinguished
from his opposite, by their adhering to regular prayer, and adherence to
outward shar’i laws, and their attitude in dealing with others. What one of
them hides inwardly is something that no one can know, and the one who is
deceived by outward righteousness when a person is inwardly corrupt is not
to be blamed, because our Lord does not require us to look at what is hidden
inside people. 

Moreover, what
is applicable to the women among whom you are looking for a life partner is
also applicable to you. How do people know who you really are, or what you
are like inwardly? Guardians have been advised to give their female
relatives in marriage to men who are religiously committed and of good
character, based on what they can see, as well as asking and finding out
from the relatives of the suitor. Whatever wrong impressions and deceit may
happen on the part of the woman may also happen – and more so – on the part
of the man. So you should not be anxious or worry because of your first
marriage. All you have to do now is look carefully, and ask good people
about good families who raise their daughters to obey Allaah and with good
morals and attitudes. Then you can focus your questions about the one whom
you want to marry from those families, by asking her friends and classmates
about her commitment and righteousness, and about her attitude and
interactions with others. Thus you will have followed the advice of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and we hope that
you will not be disappointed by her and that they will not be disappointed
by you. 

We ask Allaah
to help you to make a good choice and to bless you with a righteous wife who
will keep you chaste and you will keep her chaste, and you will treat her
well and she will treat you well, and to bless you with good and righteous 
children. 

For more
information on the qualities to be sought in the wife, please see the
answers to questions no. 26744 and
10376. 

And Allaah is
the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.We are amazed that you can be happy, despite what you mention about having a lot of arguments and even hitting sometimes. Whatever the case, we ask Allaah to increase your happiness. 
There can be no doubt that a woman’s hitting her husband is a sign of a serious problem in this household and that it is not fit to raise children. How can the father raise his children when they see him being hit by their mother?! 
Whatever the case, if you want to set things straight in your household and your want your wife to be set straight, then you must find out the reason why your wife has resorted to violence, and you must deal with it. 
Specialists have mentioned several reasons why a wife might become violent. These include: 
1.Her violence is a reaction to her husband’s violence. This is not the case – according to what you mention in your question – in your situation, because you say that you do not hit her.
2.Your wife’s violence may be because of having had a bad childhood, and what she may have been exposed to of violence from her parents or one of them, or from one of her siblings.
3.The wife’s violence may be due to her husband’s weak character. Her husband may not be working, and she may be the one who is working and taking responsibility for the household, and her dominant personality may lead her to aggression against his weak character.
4.The woman’s violence may be due to the effect of what she reads, watches or ingests. She may be influenced by dominant women or read stories about them, or the devils among women may be whispering to her that this is the right way to check the husband, or she may be under the influence of drugs and intoxicants.
If you know the reason ,then you must deal with it wisely and gently, and remind her of the greatness of the rights that you have over her, and her duties towards you. Remind her of the punishment for transgressing against you in word and deed, and alert her to the fact that her actions will play a part in your failure to raise your children properly, and that her character may be reflected in some of her daughters. 
What the couple must do is treat one another kindly, and not wrong one another or deny one another’s rights. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]. 
If some differences arise between them, then these differences should be dealt with in an atmosphere of love, understanding, respect and tolerance, so that their married life will be as Allaah wants it to be: “and He has put between you affection and mercy” [al-Room 30:21]. 
We ask Allaah to reconcile between you. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Western societies have become the worst disgrace in human
history, with perverted and deviant behaviour and corruption of human
nature. “Sexual madness” has become the preoccupation of all classes of
society, and not even their children in their homes or schools are safe from
them. Conferences are being held and resolutions are being passed about the
“necessity” of spreading “sex education” in the schools of those deviant
societies. They are not content only to corrupt themselves, but they are
also hastening to spread it to the Arab and Muslim countries so that they
will follow in their footsteps of temptation and perversion, so some of
those who were deceived by them followed them in that, and Allaah saves
whomever He wills by His guidance and help. 

The one who wants to save himself and his family should not
agree to be a part of those societies, or to live among them, and he should
refuse to take part in what they are doing of haraam things, evils and
perversions. 

Wise people in those societies have spoken of the necessity
of separating male and female students in schools. They have seen the many
evils that result from this mixing, and some of them attribute those evils
to moral corruption, and others to education. Whatever the case, mixing in
such places is forbidden in our sharee’ah. Islam brings that which is in the
best interests of both individuals and societies, in both spiritual and
worldly matters. 

Secondly: 

What you mention is something to which we have previously
drawn attention repeatedly, and it includes three issues: 

(i)Living in kaafir countries

(ii)Mixing in education

(iii)Studying “sex education”

We will pause briefly here to say: 

Teaching about matters of sex and related issues to male and
female students at an early age leads to many evils, including the
following: 

1.

Premature sexual development among male and female students.
It has been proven that many students do not wait until they reach the stage
when this subject is taught, rather they hasten to borrow the books from
their friends before they reach that stage!  You can imagine the extent of
the evil that can spread as a result, especially when older students take
advantage of younger ones to put what they have learned into practice, as
happens in those morally and religiously corrupt societies. 

2.

The spread of illegitimate pregnancy among female students at
the secondary and university stage. Numbers have reached remarkable levels,
and this situation has led to the involvement of some educationalists to put
a limit on this matter, but how could these wise people reform a sex-crazed
society?   

The ratio of illegitimate children has risen to a dangerous
level. The government office of statistics in France states that the number
of illegitimate births rose to more than half of all births in France in
2006 (50.5 %), for the first time in the country’s history. Similar
situations are developing in Britain and America. 

3.

There has been an increase in cases of rape among students.
There are many well known cases, and this matter is no secret to anyone,
rather the nightmare of rape haunts all female students and every female
student is waiting for the time when it will get her. 

4.

There are many cases of students killing one another, or
students killing their teachers, all due to competition in winning the love
of a female student. 

5.

There is no longer any shyness or modesty among male and
female students. You can see this in the way they are after these lessons,
and in their conversations with their families, and in their public
gatherings. 

6.

They hasten to put into practice the theories they learned in
those lessons, because it is well known that teaching these lessons is
something that provokes desire – as mentioned in the question – especially
if the teaching is accompanied by pictures or films. This is what makes the
students eager to try it out in real life, if only to discover that which
was unknown, then it quickly turns into a frenzy, and if a person cannot
practise it with the opposite sex he will practise it with the members of
his own sex, and thus perversion spreads. This is happening a great deal in
those societies, and they now have institutions and associations that defend
them and demand more rights and privileges for them. 

Thirdly: 

For all these reasons, we do not think that you or any Muslim
should live in those deviant societies, let alone study in their mixed
schools, or attend those provocative and evil “sex education” lessons. 

If this is the knowledge that they are teaching, what bad
knowledge it is! 

Listen to the testimony of an American female doctor who
worked in an Arab country, and saw the state of her own country, and
realized what was wrong with the spread of “sex education” among male and
female students in schools. She says: 

If your women in the east do not know some of the secrets of
sex that are known by American girls, I would say – with a clear conscience
– that it is better for you to remain ignorant than to enjoy this knowledge.
We have given our girls lessons so that they will know about sex in detail,
but soon one of them will leave the lecture hall, looking for the nearest
boy, to practise with him the sexual theories carelessly, as if she is
taking part in a play or playing a game. The natural result of that is an
increase in fooling about and promiscuity. 

See: Makaanaki Tuhmadi by Ahmad Muhammad Jamaal (p.
93, 94), quoted in Qadaaya al-Mar’ah fi’l-Mu’tamaraat al-Duwaliyyah
by Dr. Fu’aad ibn ‘Abd al-Kareem. 

Based on this, it is not permissible for you to attend those
classes, and the least that you should do is move to other classes that do
not teach these subjects. 

This is the least that you should do, although the basic
principle is that living in kaafir countries and studying in mixed schools
is haraam and you should leave, especially since your morals may be
affected. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
The natural inclination is for a man to be attracted to a woman, and for a woman to be attracted to a man. As for a person being attracted to another member of his or her own sex, this is contrary to the sound human nature that Allaah has instilled in people, and it does not exist even among animals. In addition to being contrary to sound human nature, it is at a lower level than that of animals. 
Islam has refined this natural inclination and has set out limits for it, namely marriage. The one who does not agree with these shar’i limits would choose the immoral action of zina. As for deviant relationships in which a girl is attracted to another girl or a man to another man, this is a perversion and a deviation from correct, sound human nature. These sinful relationships lead to something that is even more abhorrent than zina, namely homosexuality between males, and improper relationships between women lead to lesbianism, which is another kind of deviance. 
Sinful relationships between members of both sexes begin with what is called admiration or infatuation. This is a serious disease which is widespread in all societies as the result of a spiritual vacuum and lack of knowledge and as the result of imitating kaafir societies which have gone against human nature. This infatuation leads to love, in which the girl cannot bear not to see the one whom she loves; if she is not able to do that, then she will listen to her voice or look at a picture of her. Then that sinful relationship leads to lesbianism, which is haraam. These deviant women do not see in a man what they see in the woman they admire of fulfilling desire and filling the heart with love. You can say the same thing about sinful relationships between males. The love between them leads to infatuation in the heart, as if there were no one else in the world but him, and if the beloved were to ask his lover to prostrate to him, he would do it! We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. This sinful relationship ultimately leads to the abhorrent immoral action of homosexuality, and among those perverts you see no attraction towards a woman, even if she were the most beautiful of women. 
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked: 
What is the ruling on lesbianism and masturbation? 
They replied: 
Lesbianism among women is haraam, and is a major sin, because it is an action that is contrary to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)
6. Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, __ for then, they are free from blame;
7. But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:5-7]
Similarly masturbation is haraam, because of these same verses, and because it causes a great deal of harm. 
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood. 
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (22/68). 
Secondly: 
The person who realizes that there is someone close to him who admires him or is infatuated with him should hasten to deal with the matter wisely. Wisdom does not mean being heedless with regard to looking, visiting and touching, because these are things that may make his sickness worse, and make the pain worse. Rather wisdom means offering a suitable remedy in a suitable manner, which includes the following: 
1.
Strengthening his faith, by encouraging him to do acts of worship and avoid evil deeds. 
2.
Instilling the love of Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in his heart. 
3.
Teaching him the meaning of love for the sake of Allaah, the basis of which is that the person who is loved for the sake of Allaah is loved for his  faith and acts of obedience, not for his appearance, image or status.  
4.
Not giving him the opportunity to make contact repeatedly or to visit frequently; explaining to him that if a legitimate relationship transgresses the limits it becomes haraam and must be stopped. 
5.
When meeting, not allowing him to look continuously, embrace or kiss. 
6.
Giving him academic or da’wah-related tasks to do, such as collecting evidence on a certain issue, or summarizing a book, or listening to tapes, or doing da’wah-related activities such as calling people to Islam, distributing pamphlets and tapes, and other things which will fill his time with beneficial acts of worship and permissible activities. 
Secondly:  
If a Muslim feels that he is attracted to someone and fears that this may be one of the tricks of the shaytaan, then he should hasten to rid himself of it, and to treat himself, before it develops further and becomes haraam love . If he wants to rid himself of that, he should do several things, including the following: 
1.
He should focus his heart on his Lord, for He is the Bestower of blessings and bounty Who has granted him immense blessings, so he should direct the love of his heart towards his Creator. 
2.
He should cut off ties with everyone who he feels he is developing an (inappropriate) attachment towards, so he should not continue to listen to his voice or look at his image; he should try to avoid meeting him, even if the focus of his love is a teacher, educator or relative. This is the best remedy that he can give himself. 
3.
He should continually read about the lives of righteous people, scholars and mujaahideen, so that he can learn from those who offered their time and their lives in the service of Islam and the Muslims whilst he is preoccupied with looking at the image of his beloved or enjoying listening to his voice, or reading his words. These are things that are it is not befitting for a Muslim to do even once, so how about if this is his whole life?! 
4.
He should also ponder the grave and serious effects of these two destructive diseases, namely haraam infatuation and love. The harm that they cause includes the following:
(i)Diverting a person from his Lord and Creator to focus on a weak creature who may harm him but cannot benefit him
(ii)Creating worry, anxiety, grief, confusion and depression in this world, and torment in the Hereafter
(iii)Imagining kinds of haraam actions with the object of his love and infatuation, such as looking, touching and kissing with desire. That may even lead a woman to lesbianism and a man to homosexuality to bring these images out of the realm of imagination and into the realm of reality.
(iv)Contamination of sound human nature (fitnah) with a weakening of natural sexual desire, which will lead to spoiling of a woman’s relationship with her husband and her desire for the haraam things that she has become used to; similar effects may also apply to men.
Fourthly: 
Relationships between Muslims should be based on sharee’ah and taqwa (piety). The one who comes together with another person on the basis of sin in this world will find their relationship turned into one of enmity on the Day of Resurrection. 
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  
“Friends on that Day will be foes one to another except Al‑Muttaqoon (the pious”
[al-Zukhruf 43:67]
Imam Ibn Jareer al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
Allaah says: Those who were friends on the basis of disobedience towards Allaah in this world will be enemies of one another, disavowing one another, except for those who were friends on the basis of fearing and obeying Allaah. 
Tafseer al-Tabari (21/637). 
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
i.e., every friendship that was not for the sake of Allaah, on the Day of Resurrection will be turned into enmity, except that which was for the sake of Allaah, for that will last because it is connected to the One Who is eternal.  
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (7/237). 
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
If friendship and love are based on something other than the best interests of both parties, then the consequences will be enmity. It can only be in their best interests if it is for the sake of Allaah.  
Even though each one of them may be helping the other to achieve what he wants on the basis of mutual consent, this mutual consent counts for nothing, rather it will become mutual hatred, enmity and curses, and each of them will say to the other: Were it not for you I would not have done that on my own, so my doom is because of me and you.  
And the Lord will not prevent them from hating and cursing one another, but if one of them wronged the other, he will be prevented from doing that, and each of them will say to the other: It was for your own purposes that you caused me to fall into this; like two who committed zina will say to one another: It was for your own purposes that you did this with me; if you had refrained I would not have been involved in it. But each of them damaged the other equally.   
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/129) 
The gate of repentance is open to everyone who wants to seek His Countenance, and the blessings of faith and obedience are available to everyone who wants to join His friends. Allaah forgives sins and accepts repentance, and He turns bad deeds into good. He says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Furqaan 25:70] 
“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”
[Ta-Ha 20:82]
For more information, please see the answers to questions no. 10050, which explains why Islam forbids lesbianism and homosexuality; 21058 which explains the punishment for lesbianism; 60351 and 36837, which have to do with the phenomenon of schoolgirls kissing one another every day and kissing on the lips; and 591 which explains the ruling on one woman loving another to the extent that they cannot bear to be apart. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

The mother’s status in sharee’ah cannot be denied. Allah has
enjoined that her children should honour her, and He has forbidden them to
disobey her; He has ruled that the mother is the most entitled of people to
one’s good company, as it says in the well-known hadeeth, when a man said: O
Messenger of Allah, which of the people is most deserving of my good
companionship? He said: “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother,
then your father, then the next closest and the next closest.” Narrated by
Muslim (2548). 

This is the mother’s right, and that is her status. It is not
permissible for her to consume her children’s wealth unlawfully, rather she
must give each one his or her rights, and divide the estate in accordance
with the laws of Allah. It is also not permissible for the mother to incite
her daughter against her husband and spoil the good relationship between
them. These actions of this mother are evil deeds which are not acceptable
in Islam, and they bring the threat of sin and punishment. 

Perhaps the greatest way in which you can honour your mother
is by deterring her from consuming haram wealth and doing haram things,
and stopping her from wronging people unlawfully, and remind her of the sin
involved in spoiling the relationship between husband and wife, and the sin
of gheebah (backbiting), reviling and insulting others, and other haram
things that she is doing, such as tabarruj (wanton display) and travelling
without a mahram, if these are true in her case. 

With regard to your siblings who want your mother to live
with you and your husband, you are not obliged to do that according to
sharee’ah, rather it is the duty of your mother, and in this case the right
belongs to your husband: if he agrees to that, all well and good, otherwise
you are not obliged to do this, rather we do not advise your husband to
accept this situation, because they are not neglected or in need of such a
thing, they are not poor and in need of someone to spend on them, and your
mother is not unable to take care of their affairs. Taking this
responsibility from her is helping her to do the things that she is doing
that go against Islam, and to neglect her duties, and pass on this burden to
your husband, and put pressure on you and your household with something that
is not required of you in the first place, let alone the unacceptable things
that may result from your sister living in the same house as a man who is
not her mahram (your husband). We do not advise you to accept this situation
under any circumstances. 

Secondly: 

The status and rights of the mother do not supersede the
rights of the husband, rather the husband’s rights are greater and take
precedence over your mother’s rights. Your obedience to him takes precedence
over your obedience to her, and the wise wife strives to please her husband
by doing what he wants so long as it is not contrary to sharee’ah, and she
strives to honour her mother in ways that do not go against her husband’s
commands. If there is a conflict of interest, then she should put her
husband’s commands and wishes first. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him)
was asked about a woman who got married, and was no longer under her
parents’ care. Which is better – honouring her parents or obeying her
husband? 

He replied: When a woman gets married, her husband has more
authority over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more
obligatory for her. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their
husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to
guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)” [al-Nisa 4:34].
And in a hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) said: “This world is temporary conveniences and the best of its
comforts is a believing wife, who when you look at her she pleases you and
if you tell her to do something she obeys you, and if you are away from her
she protects you with regard to  herself and your wealth.”. In Saheeh Abi
Hatim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allah
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers
her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month and guards her chastity and
obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from whichever of its gates she
wants.” In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated that Umm Salamah (may Allah be
pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased
with her, will enter Paradise.” This was narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said
it is a hasan hadeeth. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If I were to order
anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have ordered women to prostrate to
their husbands.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It
was also narrated by Abu Dawood with the wording: “I would have ordered
women to prostrate to their husbands because of the rights that Allah has
given them over them.” In al-Musnad it is narrated from Anas that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not
acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, but if it were acceptable
for any human to prostrate to another, I would have ordered women to
prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they
have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if there were sores
from his feet to the top of his head flowing with pus, then she licked them,
she would not have given him all his rights.” 

And he quoted ahadeeth about the virtue of obeying the
husband. 

There are many ahadeeth on this topic from the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Zayd ibn Thabit said: The
husband is a sayyid (lord or master) in the Book of Allah. Then he quoted
the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “They both found her lord
(i.e. her husband) at the door” [Yoosuf 12:25]. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab
said: Marriage is slavery, so let one of you look to whom he is giving his
beloved daughter to be a slave to. In al-Tirmidhi and elsewhere it is
narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
said: “I urge you to treat women well, for they are like prisoners with
you.”  

So the woman is like a slave of her husband, or like a
prisoner; she should not go out of his house without his permission, whether
she is told to do so by her father, her mother or anyone else, according to
scholarly consensus. 

If a man wants to take her to another place, so long as he is
doing what is required of him, and observing the sacred limits of Allah
with regard to her, and her father tells her not to obey him in that, then
she must obey her husband and not her father, because in that case the
parents are wrongdoers, and they have no right to tell her not to obey
someone like this husband, and she does not have the right to obey her
mother if she tells her to leave him or to cause trouble to him so that he
will divorce her, such as demanding more maintenance and more clothing, and
demanding (the deferred portion of) her mahr so that he may divorce her.  It
is not permissible for her to obey either of her parents by divorcing him if
he fears Allah with regard to her.  

In the four Sunans and Saheeh Ibn Abi Hatim it
is narrated that Thawban said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a
divorce when there is nothing wrong, the fragrance of Paradise will be
forbidden to her.” According to another hadeeth: “The women who ask for
khul’ and the women who make a wanton display of themselves are indeed
hypocrites.” 

But if both or one of her parents tells her to do something
that involves obedience to Allah, such as praying regularly, speaking the
truth and fulfilling trusts, and tells her not to squander or waste her
money, and other things that have been enjoined or forbidden by Allah and
His Messenger, then she must obey them in that, even if the command comes
from someone other than her parents, so how about if it comes from her
parents? 

If her husband tells her not to do something that is enjoined
by Allah, and he tells her to do something that Allah has forbidden, then
she should not obey him in that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it
involves disobedience toward the Creator.” If a master orders his slave to
do something that involves disobedience toward Allah, it is not
permissible for him to obey him by disobeying Him, so how can a woman obey
her husband or one of her parents by committing sin? All goodness is in
obeying Allah and His Messenger, and all evil is in disobeying Allah and
His Messenger. End quote. Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (32/261-264). 

This is a strong answer based on knowledge, and it is
sufficient to explain what is meant, which is that it is not permissible for
your mother to spoil the relationship between you and your husband, and it
is not permissible for you to obey her in that, and your husband’s right to
your obedience is greater than your mother’s. 

Thirdly: 

Just as you are not obliged to take care of any of your
siblings because of your commitment of your husband and the requirement that
he should first agree to that, the same applies to your visiting your mother
with your children. This is not permissible except with the consent of your
husband, and you have done well to refuse your mother’s request. We affirm
that this refusal is Islamically acceptable, especially since you have no
mahram to travel with you. 

With regard to limiting the number of your mother’s visits to
you, this is something that is also up to your husband, and you can work it
out with him. The husband has the right to prevent anyone who he thinks is a
trouble-maker from entering his house, even if they are your family. As you
are in agreement and you have a good relationship, then the matter is
simple. All you have to do is agree on a specific number and time for her
visits, and stipulate that to her. Your husband has every right to do this;
indeed we think that if he stops her altogether he will be doing the right
thing, but there is the hope that if her visits are restricted to only a
few, and do not affect your family’s happiness, then there is no reason why
they should be prevented, and there is nothing wrong with tolerating them.
Determining the limit is up to you and you should consult one another and
come to some agreement. 

Ash-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Salih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have
mercy on him) said: “And not allow into your houses anyone whom you dislike”
means, they (wives) should not allow anyone to enter the house if you (the
husband) do not want him or her to enter, even if it is her mother or her
father. It is not permissible for her to let her mother, father, sister,
brother, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, paternal aunt or maternal aunt into
her husband’s house, if he objects to that. Attention is drawn to this
because some women – Allah forbid – are bad even to their daughters. If
they see that the daughters are settled and happy with their husbands, they
become jealous – Allah forbid – even though they are mothers, and they try
to spoil things between the daughter and her husband. So the husband has the
right to stop such a mother from entering his house, and he has the right to
say to his wife: She should not enter my house. He has the right to prevent
her according to sharee’ah, and he has the right to prevent his wife from
going to see her, because she is a nammamah (one who spreads malicious gossip)
and a troublemaker. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) said: “No spreader of malicious gossip will enter Paradise.” End quote.
Sharh Riyadh al-Saliheen (2/91, hadeeth no. 276), 

Fourthly: 

It seems that the sin of the riba-based loan that is
mentioned in your question is borne by you, because you were an adult and
responsible for your dealings. So try to get back what is rightfully yours
from your mother, and stop the mounting interest payments that result from
your delay in repaying it. Try not to pay back anything but the original
amount without the interest (riba). If you are not able to do that, then
there is no blame on you, but it is essential to repent sincerely, because
riba is a major sin. 

We ask Allah to guide your mother and to reconcile between
you and your husband. 

Please see also the answer to question no.
96665 which discusses the reasons
why mothers interfere in the lives of their married daughters, and ways of
dealing with that. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
Homosexuality is a severe illness and a grave calamity. If it is accompanied by actually committing immoral actions, then it is even worse, because of the sin and abhorrent nature of those immoral actions and their bad consequences in this world and in the Hereafter. 
Hence you should focus on how to treat this perversion and save yourself from this destructive evil, more than focusing on whether to conceal it from your fiancée or disclose it to her. 
You should realize that there are causes for this calamity, and these causes may be due to what the person affected has done. The one who wants to save himself from this situation should examine these causes and rid himself of them, and do what we advise, otherwise he is approving of and accepting his condition and he does not want to change for the better. Among the causes which may be due to his own actions are the following: 
1.
Weakness of faith and remoteness of the heart from love of Allah, and a lack of fear of His punishment. 
2.
Looking freely at beardless youths, and enjoying their beauty and form. 
This is the first step towards sin for those who are affected by this disease. Allah has enjoined lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at haraam things, and the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has enjoined likewise. When he stopped following this command and began to do that which is forbidden, Iblees was able to shoot his poisoned arrow into his heart, and thus destroy him.  
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Looking is the origin of most of the problems that befall man, because looking generates thoughts, then thoughts generate ideas, and ideas generate desires, and desires generate will, which then becomes stronger and becomes firm resolve, in which case the deed will inevitably be done unless there is something to prevent it. Hence it was said that patience in lowering the gaze is easier than patience in bearing the pain that comes afterwards. End quote from al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 106). 
Hence the scholars are unanimously agreed that it is haraam to look at beardless youths, and some of them regard that as more haraam than looking at women. 
Imam al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Similarly the scholars forbade a man to look at the face of a beardless youth if he is handsome, whether with or without desire, and whether it is free of fitnah (temptation) or there is the fear thereof. This is the correct view which was favoured by the scholars. This was stated by al-Shaafa’i and the prominent scholars of his madhhab (may Allah have mercy on them). The evidence for this is that a beardless youth is, in some ways, like a woman; he may be desired as a woman is desired, and his form may be beautiful like that of a woman, and many of them may be more beautiful than many women. The prohibition applies more to them for another reason, which is that in their case there may result from attachment to them types of evil that do not occur in the case of women. End quote.
Sharh Muslim (4/31). 
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Looking at the face of a beardless youth with desire is like looking as the face of a mahram or a non-mahram woman with desire, whether the desire is desire for intercourse or the desire to derive pleasure from looking. If he looks at his mother, sister or daughter with pleasure derived from looking like the pleasure derived from looking at a non-mahram woman, then it is known to everyone that this is haraam. The same applies to looking at the face of a beardless youth, according to scholarly consensus. End quote. 
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/413) and (21/245). 
And he (may Allah have mercy on him) also said:  
The one who looks repeatedly at a beardless youth and the like, or persists in that, and says “I am not looking with desire” is lying, because if he has no need to look, then he is only looking because of the pleasure that he feels in his heart as a result. As for an accidental glance, it is forgiven, if he averts his gaze.  
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (15/419) and (21/251).  
The kind of looking with which these sick people are afflicted includes what they watch on satellite channels and what they see in newspapers and magazines, and on websites, of pictures of children and beardless young men, and this is what provokes them to commit immoral actions.  
3 – Falling short with regard to obligatory and naafil acts of worship 
If the person who is afflicted with this problem prays on time, fulfilling the conditions and obligatory parts of prayer, that will be a deterrent that keeps him from falling into evil and immoral ways. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):  
“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahsha’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45] 
So how about if he regularly performs sunnah and naafil prayers?  
4 – Forsaking the Qur’aan and failing to read books about the lives of righteous men and the imams  
The Book of Allah contains guidance, light and healing; it is the best protection for the Muslim against falling into sin and it is the best remedy for the one who does fall into sin.  
If he reads books about the imams and biographies of the scholars, he can take them as an example and become familiar with their stories and rise above immorality and evil.   
5 – Falling short in seeking knowledge 
Knowledge is light, through which one may know what is halaal and do it, and what is haraam and avoid it. Through it he may come to know his Lord, may He be exalted, and His names, attributes and deeds. That will generate in his heart a sense of shyness before his Lord and shyness before His angels, so that he will not want to commit evil and immoral actions. Through knowledge he will come to know the state of sinners and the punishment that Allah has prepared for them. 
6 – A lot of spare time in the lives of those who have this problem  
If they kept themselves busy with acts of worship, sport, permissible actions and seeking knowledge, they would not have time to spend in thinking of haraam things, let alone doing them.  
7 – Making friends and keeping company with bad people  
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) likened the bad friend to one who works the bellows: he will either burn his companion’s clothes or he will notice a bad smell coming from him.  
8 – Not getting married  
Allah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male or looking at him with desire? Look at this and compare it with the one who looks at beardless youths of his own gender with desire, and the one who commits immoral actions with them, and that even makes him refrain from marrying women! 
See the answer to question no. 20068 for information on ways to escape and treat this disease.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said, describing the remedy for haraam love and infatuation: The remedy for this fatal disease is to understand that what has befallen him of this disease that is contrary to Tawheed is due to his ignorance and the negligence of his heart towards Allah. He must acknowledge the Oneness of his Lord (Tawheed) and His laws and verses first of all, then he should do acts of worship, both inward and outward, which will distract his heart from always thinking of this thing, turn to Him a great deal and beseech Allah to take this away from him. He should focus his heart on Him. There is no better remedy for it than sincerity towards Allah. This is the remedy that Allah mentioned in His Book when He said (interpretation of the meaning): “Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves” [Yoosuf 12:24].
Allah tells us that He diverted the evil of infatuation and immoral actions away from him because of his sincerity, because if the heart is sincere and one’s actions are sincerely for the sake of Allah alone, then the love of images cannot take hold of his heart; they can only take hold of an empty heart, as the poet said:
Her love came into my heart before I had any idea of what love is,
And it found my heart vacant, thus it too hold of it. 
End quote from al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (p. 150, 151). 
Secondly: 
One of the gravest mistakes is to think that there is no remedy for this disease, and that the homosexual can never become straight. If that were the case, then Allah would not have told the people of Loot to repent, and the Prophet of Allah Loot (peace be upon him) would not have called them to give up their perversion. Allah is the Creator of man, and He knows what can be changed in man and what cannot, so do not pay any attention to any claim that is contrary to that. 
How many homosexuals have turned to their Lord and repented, and their repentance has been accepted and they have changed their ways, and their haraam desires have disappeared. Loot (peace be upon him) called on his people to marry, because that is an effective remedy, in which the one who is affected by this thing can direct his desires in the permissible manner. 
Thirdly: 
From the above it is clear that what the homosexual falls into of being attached to images of beardless youths, or evil immoral actions, is the result of his deeds (and he is to blame). He is required to give it up, and he can rid himself of that. If we assume that he feels attracted to men, then he must resist that and avoid the causes that may lead to him falling into haraam, just as a normal man is naturally attracted to women, but he is required to lower his gaze and not be alone with a woman, and he must avoid all the means that lead to fitnah (temptation). 
Fourthly: 
As for your saying “what should we do?”, we have explained to you what you should do. You should fear Allah and respect Him so much that you do not want Him to see you in the bad situation which He dislikes for you, and for which He gives people a painful punishment. 
But what we are really shocked by is what you say after that: “Is it our fault that we are like that? What is the wisdom behind a man being created like this?” 
Yes, O slave of Allah, the blame and consequences, the threat and punishment, all befall the one who commits the sin; he deserves it because of the evil acts that he has done and what his hands have earned. 
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And among men is he who disputes about Allah, without knowledge or guidance, or a Book giving light (from Allah),
9. Bending his neck in pride (far astray from the path of Allah), and leading (others) too (far) astray from the path of Allah. For him there is disgrace in this worldly life, and on the Day of Resurrection We shall make him taste the torment of burning (Fire).
10. That is because of what your hands have sent forth, and verily, Allah is not unjust to (His) slaves”
[al-Hajj 22:8-10]
Allah also says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And those who dispute concerning Allah (His religion of Islamic Monotheism with which Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم has been sent), after it has been accepted (by the people), of no use is their dispute before their Lord and on them is wrath, and for them will be a severe torment”
[al-Shoora 42:16]
Shaykh al-Sa’di said (may Allah have mercy on him): Here Allah tells us that “those who dispute concerning Allah”, with false proofs and contradictory specious arguments, “after it has been accepted (by the people)” i.e., after the people of insight and reason have responded to Allah, because of the definitive signs and clear proof that He has made clear to them, therefore these people who dispute the truth after it has been made clear to them, “of no use is their dispute” i.e., it is false and rejected “before their Lord” because it implies rejection of the truth, and everything that is contrary to the truth is false. 
“and on them is wrath” because of their disobedience and their turning away from the proof of Allah and their rejecting it. “and for them will be a severe torment” which is the effect of Allah’s wrath on them. This is the punishment of everyone who contests the truth with falsehood. End quote. 
Allah says of His lying enemies (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And when they commit a Faahisha (evil deed, going round the Ka‘bah in naked state, every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse), they say: ‘We found our fathers doing it, and Allah has commanded it on us.’ Say: ‘Nay, Allah never commands Faahisha. Do you say of Allah what you know not?’
29. Say (O Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم): My Lord has commanded justice and (said) that you should face Him only (i.e. worship none but Allah and face the Qiblah, i.e. the Ka‘bah at Makkah during prayers) in each and every place of worship, in prayers (and not to face other false deities and idols), and invoke Him only making your religion sincere to Him (by not joining in worship any partner with Him and with the intention that you are doing your deeds for Allah’s sake only). As He brought you (into being) in the beginning, so shall you be brought into being [on the Day of Resurrection in two groups, one as a blessed one (believers), and the other as a wretched one (disbelievers)].
30. A group He has guided, and a group deserved to be in error; (because) surely, they took the Shayaateen (devils) as Awliyaa’ (protectors and helpers) instead of Allah, and think that they are guided”
[al-A’raaf 7:28-30].
Shaykh al-Sa’di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Here Allah says, describing the evil state of the mushrikeen who commit sins, and claim that Allah commanded them to do them: “And when they commit a Faahisha (evil deed)” meaning everything that is regarded as abhorrent and repugnant, which includes their circumambulating the Ka’bah naked. “they say: ‘We found our fathers doing it” they spoke the truth concerning that. “and Allah has commanded it on us” they were lying concerning that, hence Allah rejected this attribution of theirs and said: “Say: ‘Nay, Allah never commands Faahisha (evil deeds)’” i.e., it is not befitting to His perfection and wisdom to enjoin His slaves to commit evil deeds, whether it is what these mushrikeen were doing or anything else. “Do you say of Allah what you know not?,” and what fabrication can be greater than that? End quote.  
What you have said is what the enemies of Allah, the mushrikeen and those who disbelieve His Messengers, say. They fall into sin, then they make excuses for it on the basis of qadar (the divine decree), saying that Allah created them like that, or that He commanded them to do it; exalted be Allah far above what the wrongdoers say. 
Hence let the adulterer, thief and murderer say: What is my fault? Allah created me like this. This false argument ultimately invalidates all the divine laws, and invalidates the commands and prohibitions, and gives people free rein, so that they fornicate like donkeys, and soon some of them may commit evil actions in the street, as will happen at the end of time, and as happens in some kaafir and sinful countries! 
Do you know that you are the one who opened this door to yourself, but that Allah has proof against you, and you have no proof against Allah? 
So keep yourself busy with closing the door to evil and corruption, before you become unable to close it, instead of keeping yourself busy wondering about the one who made the door and how come he did not keep it closed, as it seems that you do not know the difference between the door and the wall! 
If you want it all to be a wall, with no door in it, and no lamp, then what is the point of accountability, and what is the value of commands and prohibitions, halaal and haraam, reward and punishment, Paradise and Hell? 
To sum up our advice to you, we advise you to hasten to get married, so that you can put your sperm into that which is pure and halaal, and protect yourself against haraam sex. 
But, so that you will not deceive the one who trusts you or betray that trust or transgress against one who has not wronged you, it is essential that you begin first with sincere repentance to Allah from the sin of homosexuality that you have fallen into, and strive to do all kinds of acts of obedience. Keep yourself busy with Allah and pleasing Him, then as soon as you feel that you have started to follow the path of guidance, and you feel that you are going in the right direction, then strengthen the motives of goodness and purity in your heart by marrying one who will keep you chaste. But before starting to treat the problem or feeling that you have repented sincerely, do not transgress against anyone else and do not betray the one who has trusted you. 
We ask Allah to heal you, purify your heart, and keep you chaste. 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Smoking is haraam, because it is a waste of money and harmful
to one’s health, and it harms others. This has been explained in the answer
to question no. 10922. 

Secondly: 

Whatever conditions the couple stipulate at the time of
marriage, the basic principle is that these conditions are valid and must be
fulfilled, so long as they are not contrary to sharee’ah, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The
condition which most deserves to be fulfilled is that by means of which
intimacy becomes permissible for you.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2721) and
Muslim (1418). 

If the husband does not do that which was stipulated and made
binding upon him, then the woman has the right to have the marriage
annulled. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: 

If he stipulates that she should offer the five daily prayers
regularly, or that she be truthful and honest after the marriage contract,
and she does not do that, then you have the right to annul the marriage. End
quote. 

Al-Ikhtiyaaraat al-Fiqhiyyah (p.
219). 

Similarly, if a woman stipulates that her husband should give
up smoking, and he does not do so, then she has the right to annul the
contract. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him)
was asked about a woman to whom a man proposed, and she stipulated that he
should not smoke, and he agreed, so he married him, then she found out that
he smokes. What should she do? 

He replied: 
If the matter is as described, then the
woman mentioned has the choice of either annulling the marriage with him, or
staying with him. End quote. 

Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem
(10/149). 

But our advice to her before annulling the marriage is to try
to set her husband straight and help him to give up this haraam thing. If he
mends his ways, then praise be to Allaah, but if he persists in it, then she
should weigh up the pros and cons, because staying with him may be better
for her, for the sake of the children’s upbringing and so on. 

May Allaah guide him. 

And Allaah knows best.