Category: Ahwal

Praise be to Allah.The relationship of an engaged man with his fiancée is the same as a
man’s relationship with any woman to whom he is not related: he is not allowed to
enjoy any kind of physical relationship with her whatsoever, until the marriage contract
with her has been completed.
If it is asked what kind of relationship the husband can have with his
wife after the contract has been completed and before the wedding party, the answer is
that he may enjoy a full husband-wife relationship, including looking at her, kissing her,
being alone with her, travelling with her, having intercourse with her, etc. (al-Lajnah
al-Daa’imah li’l-iftaa: Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/154).
For more information on the Sunnah (way of the Prophet

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in weddings, and what is done during the
celebrations, you can refer to the questions under the heading of Nikaah (marriage) in the
Fiqh (Jurisprudence and Islamic rulings) section of this Website. If you have any further
questions, please feel free to contact us again. And Allah is the source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.It is not essential to be married in order to enter Paradise, but if a person fears that he may do something forbidden, then he has to get married. If he does not get married in this case, then he is making a mistake.
With regard to your second point, it is possible for a person to be pious without being married, but this is rare. Usually no one forgoes getting married except one who is either impotent or promiscuous, as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him) said to a man who had not got married: “Nothing is keeping you from getting married except either impotence or immorality.”
In any case, Islam urges people to get married and considers marriage to be one of the ways of the Messengers; it is forbidden to forego getting married even if the intention is to devote oneself to worship. “There is no monasticism in Islam.”
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.If this love is not distracting you from the love of Allah, and will not lead to you doing or saying anything haraam, then there is nothing wrong with this, in sha Allah, or with praying to Allah to make him a part of your future – so long as he is a Muslim who fears Allah.

Praise be to Allah.There are many differences between Muslim and non-Muslim
weddings, such as: the condition that the woman must have a wali or
guardian to marry her off, the condition that there be witnesses and that
the marriage be announced, that the woman cannot be a mahram (close blood
relative) of the man, and that the wedding does not have to take place in a
mosque.
The groom can wear any kind of clothing that has been
permitted by Allaah, and it does not have to be any specific colour.
It is not permitted for the couple to exchange rings,
because this is an innovation that has been newly invented in the religion,
and is even worse if the man wears a gold ring because gold is forbidden for
men in Islam. It is mustahabb (recommended) for women in particular to sing
at weddings and to use the daff (hand-drum), but not any other kind of
musical instruments.
It is not permissible for men and women to mix, at weddings
or at any other time, or for the groom to sit with his bride in front of the
women.
If the women are alone and no men can see them, it is
permissible for them to dance, so long as this will not cause undue
provocation of desires.
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.A Muslim man is permitted to marry anyone he likes of the women whom
Allaah has allowed him to marry, but he is encouraged to marry a Muslim woman who is
religious and has a good moral character (because this is the basis of true happiness).
Similarly, he is permitted to marry a chaste woman of the People of the Book, i.e., Jews
and Christians. Another basis for a happy marriage is that his parents should be pleased
with his choice of bride, and part of the way in which parents show their love and
kindness towards their son is by helping him to get married, whether financially or in
other ways. As regards what you say about striving and fighting for the sake of love, we
should stop and think about this matter carefully. We believe that feeling love for a
particular woman is not the be-all and end-all in a Muslim’s life, for which he
should give up everything that matters to him. No way! The Muslim is wise and pays
attention to everything that is in his interests, such as the woman’s religious
commitment and moral character, his parents’ approval, his own honour and reputation
among people, the future of the marriage and its potential to endure, whether any bad
things will result from his marriage to a particular woman and whether this outweighs his
interests, the environment in which the children of the marriage will grow up, the nature
of his future in-laws with whom he will have to mix, etc. It is not the matter of a
fleeting desire, rather it is the matter of one’s future and eventual destiny.
Finally, we say that the love of a woman is not
some god to be worshipped, rather it is a matter that is governed by the laws of the One
God, Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds.

Praise be to Allah.The information you have stated about this
second person is not encouraging. The fact that he calls a non-mahram woman on a daily
basis is cause for suspicion. It is not necessary to call her every in order to find out
her opinion and her response. The promises that he spoke about may be genuine or may not
be. Hence our advice to you is as follows:
Try to ask others about him, and about the new situation he claims to be
in. Maybe you will find that he has some righteous female relatives who will be able to
give you some useful pointers. Of course, asking questions and checking information will
take time, but that does not matter, because of the seriousness of the issue. If, after
you have found out about the mosque where he prays, the classes he attends, or the books
and tapes he reads and listens to, you feel that he is most likely sincere and if you feel
that you are able to cope with the possibility of a second failed marriage – Allaah
forbid – and that it would not be too great a loss if you were to leave him after
discovering that he is a hypocrite and a cheat, then we see no reason why you should not
marry him. You can set out conditions and make clear requests in the marriage contract,
such as requiring that he do all the prayers on time, and give up major sins like drinking
alcohol, committing immoral actions, and so on. Tell him that you are going to take him at
face value and deal with him on that basis. Also, do not forget to pray Istikhaarah. We
ask Allaah to help you make the right decision and to guide you. May Allaah bless our
Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions, and grant them peace.

Praise be to Allah.Who has guided them to Islam. We ask Allaah to help us
and them to be steadfast in adhering to His religion. In response to your question, if the
marriage was contracted through an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee
(guardian) of the bride and acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom, with the
consent of the bride, in front of two Muslim witnesses of good character (as regards
piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), then the marriage contract is valid. Ibn Qudaamah (may
Allaah have mercy on him) said: “A marriage is not properly contracted unless there
are two Muslim witnesses, regardless of whether the bride and groom are both Muslims or
only the groom is. This is what Ahmad stated, and it is also the opinion of
al-Shaafi’i.” (Al-Mughni, 9/349; al-Mufaddal fi Ahkaam
al-Mar’ah, 6/120).
If the marriage was conducted as described above, then it is valid,
otherwise it must be repeated. It is permissible for a non-Muslim woman to be married by
her non-Muslim guardian, but if she becomes Muslim, this role can only be played by a
Muslim. If she has no Muslim walee, then this role can be delegated to the director of the
Islamic Centre or whoever is acting in his stead. As regards the children who were born
during this time, they are the children of the man and should be given his name, as is the
ruling in cases where there is uncertainty of this nature.
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allaah is Most merciful to you. And whoever commits that through aggression and injustice, We shall cast him into the Fire” [al-Nisa’ 4:29-30]

No matter what psychological pressure or extreme distress befalls him, the Muslim cannot go ahead and kill himself, because he knows that the punishment for that is Hell and a painful torment, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself, he will be in the Fire of Hell throwing himself down for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will have the poison in his hand, drinking it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron [a weapon] will have that piece of iron in his hand, stabbing himself in the stomach with it in the Fire of Hell forever and ever.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5778).

Starving oneself to death by refusing food is also a kind of suicide and deliberately killing oneself. How can a Muslim who believes in Allaah and the Last Day think of trying to move from the suffering of this world to the suffering of the Hereafter, which is more severe and more long-lasting? No sane person would do this. And for what? For a woman, when you could always find another woman to marry, for there are many women besides this one. Moreover, circumstances may change, and they may change their minds and agree to the marriage after a while. You could look for a college or school in your country that is only for women, which your wife could join, and that would solve a part of the problem. Whatever the case, you have to seek the help of Allaah and persevere with sabr (patience).
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).” [al-Talaaq 65:2]
“Allaah will grant after hardship, ease.” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

We also suggest that you refer to the book “Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and Stress”, which is to be found on this web-site, and put into practise some of the things described therein, to calm you down and restore your equilibrium. Allaah is the One Whom We ask to relieve your distress and grief. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions, and grant them peace.

Praise be to Allah.The parents have great rights, but the husband has a
greater right. It is not permissible for either party to abuse the rights of the other. If
the wife thinks that her husband has wronged her parents, she should advise him and remind
him that the aayah (interpretation of the meaning), and live with them
[wives] honourably [al-Nisa 4:19] includes treating her family well
too, because that makes her happy, and it includes not harming them, because that upsets
her. By the same token, if one or both of her parents abuse her husbands rights, she
should advise them and remind them of the seriousness of backbiting, wrongdoing and
aggression. If they order her to do something and her husband orders her to do the
opposite, then her husband takes precedence, because his rights are greater in
shareeah. This does not mean that she should forget about their rights; this is the
guideline she should follow in cases where there is a conflict.
With regard to your second question, it is not haraam according to
shareeah for a man to have intercourse with his wife after the nikaah (conclusion of
the marriage contract) and before the wedding party. Whatever happened after the nikaah is
halaal (permissible), so there is no scandal involved and no need to fear the
consequences. If a man divorces his wife after the marriage has been consummated, then she
is entitled to keep the entire mahr (dowry)
If it is possible for mediators to try to bring you back together in
accordance with shareeah and following the proper etiquette, then this is better.
And Allaah is the source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.It is permissible to write the Basmalah on invitations and other letters, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to begin his letters by mentioning the name of Allah. It is not permissible for anyone who receives a letter in which Allah is mentioned or an aayah of the Qur’aan is quoted to throw it into the garbage or put it in any undesirable place. The same applies to newspapers and other similar papers: it is not permitted to mishandle them or throw them in the garbage, or to use them to wrap food or other things, because the name of Allah is mentioned in them. The sin is on the person who does this, not on the one who writes it. And Allah knows best.