Category: Ahwal

Praise be to Allah.If the wife who is with you now is religious and of good character, then
you are not obliged to divorce her. If you are able to treat both wives equally, then
respond to your parents request to marry the cousin you mention. This is included in
the words of the Quraan (interpretation of the meaning): then marry
(other) women of your choice, two or three or four [al-Nisa 4:3]. If
you fear that you will not be able to treat them equally and fairly, then be content with
one wife, whether it is the first or the second, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning): if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with
them), then [marry] only one [al-Nisa 4:3]. Try in all cases to
please your parents. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.Yes, it is very necessary for you to enter Islam. This will solve
all the problems, from making the marriage valid, through giving a united direction
to the future upbringing of the children, to attaining success and happiness
in the Hereafter. Your feelings of unease about taking this step may be due
to the difficulty of leaving behind what you are used to and the religion that
you have grown up in, or reluctance to go against your family and relatives,
or fear of hostility and criticism from others, or concern about losing some
worldly advantages. But all these issues will be easily overcome when you seek
the help of Allaah and are determined to follow the truth. The wise person is
prepared to make sacrifices and put up with difficulties for the sake of following
the truth, because the truth is worth pursuing. Any difficulties encountered
will become easy because the result is happiness in this world and the next,
and Paradise the width of heaven and earth. Moreover, your marriage will help
you to live in love and harmony with your husband (if he repents to Allaah for
the forbidden relationship and becomes a religious person of good morals) and
his Muslim family. There will be no dispute as to which religion the children
will be raised in, and they will not feel that there is any conflict in the
family, so they will be able to grow up free of the psychological complexes
that result from the parents difference of religion. Other people have
felt something similar to the feelings that you are experiencing now, as is
reflected in the following story, which happened at the time of the Prophet
of Islam (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). Anas reported that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to a man, Become Muslim.
He said, I feel that I dont want to. He said, Become
Muslim, even if you feel that you dont really want to. (Reported
by Imaam Ahmad, 11618; Saheeh al-Jaami, 974). This is the correct approach
which people should have towards the true religion. For more information on
the topic of marriage, please see Questions #3025
and #2527. We wish you every good thing
and success. Peace be upon those who follow true guidance.

Praise be to Allah.So long as the nikaah (marriage contract) has not yet taken place, this
man is still a “stranger” to you, and you should observe hijaab with him (i.e.,
wear proper hijaab and avoid contact) just as you would in the case of any other man. He
has no right to look at you beyond the look that is allowed by sharee’ah at the time
of making a marriage proposal, beyond which no further look is permitted until the nikaah
is completed. What you father has told you about it being OK for you to relax the rules of
hijaab in front of your fiancé is not correct, and there should be no obedience to any
created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator. The mere intention of marriage
does not justify uncovering in front of him. And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.You must repent to Allaah for what you have done and stop whatever
haraam deed you are doing, whether it is major or minor. If you feel that in
order to stop doing this haraam deed you have to marry this woman even if your
parents do not agree, then go ahead and marry her, because that is the lesser
of two evils, and try to please them in other ways as much as you can. See Question
#988, 1114
and 1805. We ask Allaah to protect us
and you from committing haraam deeds.

Praise be to Allah.Before we find out what the Quraan says about despising
others because of their origins, we should know what the Quraan says about
having girlfriends. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
Wed them with the permission of their own folk and
give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be
chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends [al-Nisaa 4:25]
In his commentary on this aayah, Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have
mercy on him) said:
Muhsanaat [translated as chaste] means
that they should be pure, not indulging in zinaa (unlawful sexual conduct),
hence they are described as not being musaafihaat, which means promiscuous
women who do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them
Ibn Abbaas said: muttakhidhaati akhdaan means lovers.
Al-Hasan al-Basri said: It means a (male) friend.
Allaah has also forbidden this, meaning marrying her so long as she is in that
situation
Now that you know the Islamic ruling on this matter and are sure
that what you have done is haraam and sinful, we will now move on to what Allaah
says about despising others for their origins. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
O you who believe! Let not a group scoff at another group,
it may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let (some) women scoff
at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former
[al-Hujuraat 49:11]
Allaah has not created mankind in nations and tribes so that they
may be proud and despise one another, but so that they may be distinguished
from one another and thus get to know one another. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female,
and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily,
the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has taqwa (i.e.
is one of the muttaqeen the pious). Verily Allaah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.
[al-Hujuraat 49:13]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, in his commentary
on this aayah:
Here Allaah is telling mankind that He created them from
one soul, from which He created its mate this refers to Aadam and Hawwa
(Adam and Eve) and made them into nations, which are bigger than tribes.
Beyond the tribe there are other smaller units and divisions, such as families
and clans. An alternative interpretation is that nations refers
to the non-Arabs and tribes refers to the Arabs. All people are
equal with regard to lineage because of their descent from Aadam and Hawwa,
upon whom be peace, but some may be better than others in religious matters,
i.e., in obedience to Allaah and in following His Messenger
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). For this reason, after forbidding
envy and scornful attitudes towards others, Allaah pointed out their equality
as human beings: O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female,
and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another
i.e., that they may know one another by referring to their tribes. Mujaahid
said that this meant by calling a person So-and-so the son of So-and-so,
from such-and-such a tribe. Abu Hurayrah reported that the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) was asked, Which people are the most honourable? He said: The
most honourable in the sight of Allaah are the most pious (those who have most
taqwa). They said, That is not what we were asking about.
He said: The most honourable of people is Yoosuf the Prophet of Allaah,
the son of the Prophet of Allaah, the son of the Prophet of Allaah, the son
of the Friend (khaleel) of Allaah. They said: That is not
what we were asking about. He said, Are you asking about which lineage
of the Arabs is most honourable? They said, Yes. He said:
The best of you at the time of Jaahiliyyah are the best of you in Islam,
if they understand properly. Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased
with him) also reported that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Allaah does not look
at your outward appearance or your wealth, He looks at your hearts and your
deeds.
Further information that is relevant to your question may be found
under #1805 and #1114.
We ask Allaah to bless us and you with strength and goodness, and to keep us
all away from that which is forbidden. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

Praise be to Allah.This question requires that we offer advice to both of you. Firstly, to
your father, who you say is preventing you from marrying this girl whom you describe as
religious and well-mannered. He has to allow you to marry her, unless he has some
legitimate Islamic reason, which he should explain to you to convince you and put your
mind at rest. He should also put himself in your shoes: if his own father prevented him
from marrying a religious and well-mannered girl whom he liked, would he not feel
resentful about this denial of his freedom? If he would not like his father to do such a
thing to him, how can he do this to his son? As the Prophet
(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes until he likes for his brother
what he likes for himself.”
It is not right for your father to prevent you from marrying this girl
with no legitimate Islamic reason. If there is a reason, he should explain it to you so
that you will understand what is going on.
Our advice to you is this: if you can possibly change your mind and
find another girl to marry, in order to please your father, maintain family unity and
avoid division, then do so.
But you may find that you cannot do that, because your heart is
attached to this girl, and you cannot bear the thought of marrying anyone else. You may
also be afraid that if you choose another girl, your father might object to that marriage
too, because some parents may try to force their son to marry a relative, or a woman whose
qualities the father likes but the son does not. Some parents may feel jealousy or envy
even towards their own children, so they prevent them from doing what they want to do. If
this is the case, then there is no sin on you if you marry her, even if your father
objects. Perhaps after you are married, your father may change his mind. We ask Allaah to
help you make the right choice.

Praise be to Allah.How to consummate marriage in Islam
When a Muslim wants to consummate his marriage , a number of things are recommended in the sunnah:

He should treat his bride kindly and gently, like offering her something to drink and so on, because of the hadith narrated by Asma bint Yazid ibn al-Sakan, who said: “I prepared ‘Aishah as a bride when she married the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). I came to him and invited him to see her (uncover her face). So he came and sat beside her, and a large cup of milk was brought to him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) drank some, then offered it to her, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I rebuked her and said: ‘Take it from the hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).’ So she took it and drank a little, then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to her, ‘Give some to your companion (meaning himself).’” (Reported by Imam Ahmad and deemed sahih by al-Albani)

He should place his hand on his bride’s head and pray for her, saying “Bismillah” and asking for barakah (blessing), saying the words reported in the hadith narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As, who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “When one of you marries a woman or buys a servant, let him say: ‘Allahumma inni as-aluka khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi wa a’udhu bika min sharriha wa min sharri ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi (O Allah, I ask You for her goodness and the goodness which You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from her evil and the evil which You have created in her).’” Abu Dawud said that Abu Sa’id added: “Then let him take hold of her forelock and pray for blessing from this woman or servant.” (Reported by Abu Dawud in al-Sunan, Kitab al-Nikah, Bab fi jami’ al-nikah; classed as hasan in Sahih al-Jaami’, no. 341)

He should pray two rak’ahs with her, leading her in prayer, because this is reported as being the practice of the salaf (early generations). There are two reports concerning this. (i) from Abu Sa’id, the freed slave of Abu Usayd, which states that a group of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) taught him and told him: “When your wife comes in to you, pray two rak’ahs and ask Allah for the goodness of what has come to you, and seek refuge with Him from its evil.” (ii) from Shaqiq, who said: “A man called Abu Hariz came and said (to ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud, may Allah be pleased with him): ‘I have married a young virgin girl, but I am afraid that she may hate me.’ ‘Abdullah said: ‘Love comes from Allah and hatred comes from Shaytan, who wants to make you hate what Allah has made permissible. When she comes to you, tell her to pray two rak’ahs behind you.’” (These two reports were narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah; see Adab al-Zafaf by al-Albani).
When he wants to consummate the marriage , he should say the words reported in the hadith reported by Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him and his father) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who said: “When one of you wants to approach (have intercourse with) his wife, if he says: ‘Bismillahi Allahumma jannibna al-Shaytan wa jannib al-Shaytan ma razaqtana (In the name of Allah, O Allah, protect us from Shaytan and protect whatever You give to us from Shaytan)’ – then if they are given a child, Shaytan will not harm it.” (Reported by al-Bukhari, Fath, no. 3271) (For more information, see Adab al-Zafaf by al-Albani, p. 91)

Is there a limit to the number of guests in a wedding feast?
There is no limit to the number of guests one can invite to a wedding feast (walimah), so invite whoever you wish of your relatives, the bride’s relatives, your friends and anyone you have a good reason to invite.
Music in a wedding ceremony: Haram?
It is not permitted in Islam to do anything that is haram such as having music , letting men and women mix, or letting women dance in front of men, or other things that earn the wrath of Allah. How can the blessing of Allah be exchanged for disobedience and immorality? 
At weddings , women can do whatever is allowed in Islam, such as singing acceptable songs with good words or entertaining themselves by playing the daff (a certain kind of drum, resembling a tambourine without the rattles) only, so long as no men are present.
Who should give the wedding walimah?
Providing the wedding feast (walimah) is the husband’s responsibility . The sunnah is to slaughter one sheep or more for the guests, if he is able to, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahman ibn ‘Awf, “Give a wedding feast, even if it is only one sheep.” (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, no. 2048).
We ask Allah to bless you and your bride and to grant you a happy marriage.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.In answer to your second question, to say that it is permissible for a man
to engage in a premarital physical relationship (even if it does not include intercourse)
with a woman who is not permissible for him, claiming that he intends to marry her in the
future, is total and utter nonsense. This can never be allowed by sharee’ah, and
there can be no legitimate relationship until after the completion of a legal marriage
contract according to Islamic law (i.e., nikaah).
I sent your first question to Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd
al-Rahmaan al-Jibreen, and he wrote back to me with the following answer:
Yes, it is a duty on the father to keep his children
chaste by arranging their marriages, and spending on them and clothing them, if he is able
to do so. If he is not able to, but the mother, grandfather or grandmother is able, it
becomes that person’s duty to arrange the marriage. If the son cannot afford it but
he has the ability to earn a living, it is his obligation to do so, in order to keep
himself chaste. And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Can men wear gold?
With regard to men wearing gold , whether it is a ring or anything else, it is not permissible under any circumstances. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) forbade gold for the males of this ummah. He saw a man wearing a ring of gold and he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) took it from his hand and said, “Would any one of you take a coal from the fire and hold it in his hand?” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Libas wa’l-Zinah, 3897)
So it is not permissible for the Muslim male to wear a gold ring. 
But with regard to rings of silver or any other kind of metal, it is permissible for men to wear them even if they are precious metals. 
Are wedding rings haram?
With regard to the wedding ring, which is worn on the occasion of marriage, this is not one of the customs of the Muslims. If it is believed that it generates love between the spouses, and that taking it off and not wearing it will have an effect on the marital relationship, then this is regarded as a form of shirk and is a kind of jahili belief. Based on the above, it is not permissible to wear a wedding ring under any circumstances. 
Why are wedding rings haram?

Firstly, because it is an imitation of those who are no good; it is a custom that has come to the Muslims from the non-Muslims.
Secondly, if that is accompanied by the belief that it has an effect on the marital relationship, then this is a kind of shirk. La hawla wa la quwwata illa Billah (there is no power and no strength except with Allah). (From a fatwa issued by Shaykh Salih al-Fawzan). 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymin was asked about the ruling on wearing engagement rings. He said: 
“The engagement ring is a kind of ring, and there is nothing wrong with rings in principle, unless that is accompanied by some belief, as some people do when the man writes his name on the ring that he gives to his fiancée, and she writes her name on the ring that she gives to him, believing that this will create strong bonds between the couple. In this case, this ring is haram, because it is an attachment to something for which there is no basis in Islam and which makes no sense. Similarly, with regard to the engagement ring, it is not permissible to the man to put it on his fiancée’s hand, because she is not his wife yet and she is still a stranger (non-mahram) to him, because she is not his wife until after the marriage contract has been done.” (Al-Fatawa al-Jami’ah li’l-Marah al-Muslimah, vol. 3, p. 914-915) 
For more, please see these answers: 76413 , 20069 , and 11446
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.It was reported in a saheeh hadeeth that the child belongs
to the bed and the stone is for the adulterer, so it is not permissible for
the child to be given the name of the adulterer or of the mothers husband.
Rather, she should be called after her mother, so that her name will be So and
so the daughter of So and so [her mother]. Otherwise, her guardian should choose
for her a common name that cannot be attributed to any specific person. For
the girl who is asking this question, there is no sin on her at all because
of her parents sin, and if she is patient in putting up with any annoyance
as a result of it, she will be rewarded for that, in sha Allaah. And Allaah
knows best. See also Questions # 6195.