Tag: Muamalah

Praise be to Allah.We advise
you to forget what happened in the past between you and your uncle. We think
that you have given the matter more attention than it deserves. Your uncle’s
entering the house without asking permission is not permissible for him,
even if he is entering the house of his sister. Seeking permission is
obligatory in his case, and your father’s approval of your uncle visiting
his house is what matters. He agreed to that, as is suggested by the fact
that he continued to visit him for such a long time. The fact that you did
not take the exam that year and you failed is something for which you must
bear responsibility. Most Muslim families have their problems, and the wise
man is the one who knows how to deal with these problems and tries to solve
the problems or reduce them. We do not think that your giving up your
studying for the exam served any purpose, and you must bear responsibility
for that. You should not keep on thinking about what is past, for that will
cause psychological problems for yourself and your family. Forget about it
and get on with your work; seek the help of Allaah and uphold the ties of
kinship and give advice to those who are erring. Do not pay any attention to
what the shaytaan makes attractive to you, namely the idea of bringing a
case against your uncle and taking financial compensation from him. In
addition to the fact that this case may fail in court, it will cause more
rifts in your family, and we would not like you to be the cause of that.
Mercy should prevail over anger and the desire for revenge. We ask Allaah to
open your heart and to bring you and your family together in goodness. 
And Allaah
is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.We ask
Allaah to help you to honour your mother and treat her kindly, to set her
straight and to reconcile between you and help you both to obey Him and
please Him. 
What you are
suffering may be caused by feelings of jealousy on your mother’s part, or
because she feels that she has lost you after you got married and someone
else has taken possession of you. Some mothers have these feelings when
their sons get married, but they are inappropriate feelings and she should
strive to rid herself of them. 
You should
try to help her to go back to the way she was before. You can do this in
several ways: 

1-Strive to treat her kindly, by
honouring her, taking care of her and making her feel that you still care
about her as you did before and are still keen to respond to her wishes.

2-Avoid praising your wife or
paying her attention in front of your mother, but still give your wife her
rights to good treatment and respect, doing that out of your mother’s sight,
until your mother’s situation  improves and things go back to normal.

3-Encourage your wife to get
close to your mother, by speaking to her, taking care of her, giving her
gifts and so on.

4-Be patient with her insults,
swearing and throwing you out, for you are commanded to honour her, and it
is not permissible for you to respond to her bad treatment in kind. If you
bear that with patience, then you will find a way out, for good consequences
are for those who are patient, and support comes with patience, and with
hardship comes ease. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Repel
(the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful
believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat
them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will
become) as though he was a close friend” [Fussilat 41:34].  Every time
she mistreats you, you should hasten to be kind, honour her and treat her
well. That guarantees that the negative feelings in her heart will go away,
in sha Allaah.

5-Pray for her, that Allaah will
guide her aright and set the situation straight. She is the person who most
deserves your du’aa’s and kind treatment. No matter what you do, you can
never repay her for her kindness and previous good treatment.

6-Strive to be a good example to
your siblings, so that they may learn from you the best way of dealing with
this problem which may happen to them too after they get married. Be an
example of patience, good treatment and respect. Beware of letting the
shaytaan gradually make you scorn her or be rude to her or rebuke her, for
you will never find any good in such things. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning): “say not to them a word of
disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra
17:23].

7-You should discuss the problem
with one of your siblings, for perhaps there are other aspects of the
problem that you are not aware of, or you have done something that has made
your mother angry without realizing it. Finding out the reason will make it
easier for you to deal with the problem.
We ask
Allaah to guide us and you. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:

 We ask Allaah to cleanse his heart and body, and to guide
him to the best of attitudes, words and deeds.

 Secondly: 

It should be noted that this action of his comes under the
heading of perversion. It is not by doing such actions that the Muslim
expresses gratitude to his Lord, may He be glorified and exalted, and it is
not in this manner that the Muslim will preserve the great blessings that
Allaah has bestowed upon him. He should give up these perverse actions which
go against the sound nature that Allaah has instilled in man, and go against
all revealed laws, and for which everyone of sound mind will hate him. 

Thirdly:

It should be noted that such perverse actions are a sign of
an idle mind, and he has to give up the things that led him to behave in the
manner of perverts. Perhaps among these reasons – and the greatest of them –
is having a heart that is devoid of faith, and a soul that is devoid of
shyness before Allaah and His angels, as well as watching haraam TV series,
movies and perverse actions, and having a life that is devoid of useful
work, not wanting to get married and liking to stay alone, and many other
such reasons which may cause a man to fall into bad ways. 

Fourthly: 

He should hasten to give up this perverse action and repent
to his Lord. He must strive to furnish his heart with faith and fill his
life with righteous deeds and actions that will benefit his spiritual and
worldly interests. He must be keen to hasten to protect himself by means of
marriage to a righteous woman who will help him to remain chaste and obey
his Lord, and he must stop watching haraam things or staying alone which
makes it easy for him to fall into immoral ways. 

Fifthly: 

He should also note that he is causing physical and
psychological harm to himself. He will see the negative consequences of what
he is doing on his body after a while, and he will see how much
psychological pain he will suffer, which will deprive him of sleep and
prevent him from enjoying his food and drink. He will see how much he will
suffer of physical pain which will prevent him from relieving himself with
ease, and how much he will suffer of infections and ulcers if he persists in
this perverse action of his. 

Sixthly:

 He needs someone to explain to him that what he is doing is
haraam, and to remind him and exhort him (to follow the right path). 

The one who is afflicted with any of these haraam actions has
to remember two things: 

1-To feel shy before Allaah and
his angels and before himself too.

2-To fear death and to fear lest
Allaah causes him to die when he is doing that to himself.

With regard to shyness: 

We know that he believes that Allaah can see him in all
situations, but perhaps he forgets about that at the time when he is
committing this sin. If this belief becomes established in his heart, with
time he will begin to feel shy of Allaah seeing him falling short in
obedience or committing a sin. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Knows he not that Allaah does see (what he does)?”

[al-‘Alaq 96:14]

“And indeed We have created man, and We know what his
ownself whispers to him. And We are nearer to him than his jugular vein (by
Our Knowledge)”

[Qaaf 50:16]
‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood
(may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Feel shy before Allaah is the true
sense of the word. They said: We feel shy before Allaah. He said: That is
not the way; the one who feels shy before Allaah in the true sense of the
word should be watchful of his mind and whatever enters it, and he should be
watchful of his stomach and whatever enters it, and he should remember death
and decay. Whoever hopes for the reward in the Hereafter would shun the
temptation of this world. Whoever does that is shy before Allaah in the true
sense of the word.

Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb,
1724. 

He believes that Allaah has appointed noble angels over him
who can see him and hear him, and they record what he does of good deeds and
bad deeds, and they never leave him in any situation. If he feels shy of
them, he will give up the perverse actions that he is doing.

 Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of
mankind) to watch you,

11. Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your
deeds),

12. They know all that you do”

[al-Infitaar 82:10-12]

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
i.e., feel shy before
these honourable watchers and respect them; spare them from seeing you do
anything which you would not want those who are like you to see you doing,
for the angels are offended by that which offends the sons of Adam. If the
son of Adam would be offended by one who commits immoral actions and sins in
front of him, even if he might also do something similar, then how do you
think the honourable recording angels will be offended?

Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, p. 75 

One of the salaf said: With you are those who never leave
you, so feel shy of them and respect them. 

He would feel shy of doing that in front of people, so how
can he not feel shy before Allaah and His angels? 

With regard to death: 

He should remember that he does not know when the Angel of
Death will come to him to take his soul, and he does not know the situation
that he will be in at that time. Would he like his death to come now, before
he repents? Would he like his soul to be taken when he is doing this
perverse action? Does he not know that deeds are judged according to a
person’s final deeds? Does he not know that Allaah will raise the people in
the same condition that they died? What will his situation be when he
emerges from his grave on the Day of Resurrection? What will he say to his
Lord when he stands before Him? 

One of the salaf said: There are two things that put an end
of enjoyment of this world for me: remembering death, and remembering the
standing before Allaah, may He be exalted. 

‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) used
to gather the scholars and they would talk about death, the Resurrection and
the Hereafter, and they would weep so much that it was as if there was a
funeral taking place before them. 

One of the salaf said: The one who remembers death is
honoured with three things: hastening to repent, contentment of heart and
energy for worship. Whoever forgets death is punished with three things:
delaying repentance, not being content with enough, and laziness in worship.
 

It should be noted that a good end is only granted to the one
who was righteous both inwardly and outwardly, and a bad end is given to one
who was inwardly corrupt, or who persisted in major sins. It should be noted
that a man will die as he lived, and his life will end in the manner that he
persisted in and did not give up. 

It was said to a man who was in the throes of death: “Say
Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah.” And he started singing, because he used to be
infatuated by singing. It was said to a drinker when he was dying: “Say
Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah,” and he started saying: “Drink and pour me
some.” 

Perhaps what we have mentioned is sufficient to make him give
up his evil deeds and come back to his Lord, and to ask Him to help him and
guide him. We have given more advice and suggestions in the answer to
question no. 20068, which we
hope he will read too. 

We ask Allaah to guide him and set his affairs straight. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.
To Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. This, by
Allaah, is something that would make one weep. Have things become so bad
that the fitrah has been turned upside down and a father feels such things
towards his daughter? 

There is no doubt that this father is mentally ill and
sexually deviant, and he needs urgent and intense treatment for his heart
and mind, both psychological and physical treatment. 

For yourself, you need to take measures to make it difficult
for your father to find any opportunity or time to seduce you or interfere
with you. Do not be alone with him in the house, and lock the door when you
are in your room. Do not let him enter upon you on his own. All of these
measures will reduce the opportunities for interfering. But in order to stop
this problem altogether, that can only be done by getting treatment for your
father, or telling everyone about the problem. You have to realize that you
need to be prepared for the effects that disclosing the situation will have
on you and on the whole family, but this is better than things staying as
they are now. 

Your mother has to fear Allaah; her not caring about what her
husband is doing is something for which she will be called to account and
she will be regarded as a partner in his crime, because she could do
something to stop him doing this evil deed. 

You can seek the help of one of your wise relatives to
intervene in this matter and stop the deviation of this sick father. 

Undoubtedly these sick actions on the part of some fathers
have their causes, and no one can deal with a problem without knowing its
causes and how to treat it. Some of these causes have to do with the father,
some with the daughter herself and some with the time and place in which the
family lives. 

The causes of this deviation that have to do with the father
include the following: 

1-Weak faith, lack of fear of
Allaah and a failure to realize that He is watching.

2-Addiction to alcohol or drugs.

3-Mental or psychological
illness.

4-Watching provocative shows on
satellite channels, or looking at permissive pictures

5-Too much free time

The causes that may have to do with the daughter include: 

1-Careless in the manner of
dress. Many girls wear tight and short clothes in front of their fathers and
brothers, which goes against sharee’ah and may provoke evil desires in sick
souls that have been stirred up by satellite channels and permissive
pictures.

2-Carelessness in some actions,
such as kissing on the mouth or provocative touching, or sleeping in the
same bed or under the same cover as her father or brother. These actions are
also contrary to sharee’ah and provoke evil.

If we want to deal with such deeds that go against the fitrah
(sound human nature) and Islam then we must put a stop to these causes that
lead to such decadence. This may be done in the following ways: 

1-Striving to spread virtue and
good morals among the family members, and to strengthen their faith in
Allaah, their awareness that He is watching and their fear of Him. This may
be achieved by observing prayer regularly and on time, and keeping away from
forbidden things and bad attitudes.

2-Totally avoiding looking at,
listening to or reading provocative programs and stories.

3-Keeping away from bad company
who only lead one to evil and bad things.

4-Keeping girls away from clothes
that go against Islam, such as tight, short and see-through clothes;
avoiding provocative touching and kissing on the mouth.

5-Seeking spacious living
quarters where a girl will not need to be with her father or brothers in the
same room or under the same blanket.

6-The mother should play her role
in tackling such problems, by not being heedless or careless about anything
she sees or hears that goes against sharee’ah, and she should not wait until
things get really bad or cannot be set right. Rather she has to be aware
from the outset, and not allow her daughter to be careless or allow her
husband to do whatever he wants.

7-Wise relatives should be
informed of such actions so that matters may be dealt with. If that does not
work, then you have to make a complaint to the sharee’ah court or to the
security services in order to stop his evil actions towards you.

8-Our sister who has asked this
question needs to take the matter seriously and not delay taking action. We
advise her to make du’aa’ and seek out the times when du’aa’s are answered,
such as the last third of the night, asking that your father be guided and
that his evil be withheld from you.

9-It is haraam for you to take
your father’s actions lightly. You have to ward him off with all the
strength you have, and raise your voice in shouting for help, even if that
leads to his being shamed or imprisoned.

10-If none of these
solutions work, then we do not advise you to stay in the house. We advise
you go and live with some righteous sisters or with your relatives where you
can live with them in accordance with Islamic rulings.

We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and to guide your
father and withhold his evil from you. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Before answering your question, we would like to congratulate
you for becoming Muslim. This is the final religion which Allaah has chosen
for all of mankind, and He sent the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) to be a bringer of glad tidings and a warner to all
people. Many of those whom Allaah has guided have entered this religion
before you, and many have been deprived of it because of their stubbornness
and pride. So you should always be grateful to Allaah for having brought you
out of the darkness of kufr and ignorance into the light of Tawheed and
knowledge. You have to learn the rulings of Islam so that you will become
more convinced of your choice and so that Allaah may make your heart
steadfast in adhering to Islam. 

Secondly: 

The fact that you are new in Islam does not prevent us from
telling you that this religion brought important rulings by means of which
the Muslim can protect his religious commitment, mind, wealth, honour and
lineage. Hence there are things that are forbidden in order to protect these
things, and there are things that are enjoined for the same reason. There
are two things that have to do with your question: 

In order to protect honour and lineage, Islam forbids mixing
between the sexes, and it forbids a man to be alone with a woman or to touch
her with his hand, let alone anything that is more serious than that, namely
the sin of zina (adultery or fornication). Hence we regard a woman as a
precious jewel which should not be treated as a cheap product – as is the
case in the kaafir nations and the fools among the Muslims who follow them –
in advertisements, newspapers and magazines. Women have an important role
which awaits them, that of wife and mother. 

The second matter has to do with protecting a woman’s
religious commitment. Allaah has forbidden marriage of a Muslim woman to a
kaafir man. This is something that is proven in the Qur’aan and Sunnah and
by scholarly consensus. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

It is not permissible for a kaafir to marry a Muslim woman,
according to the texts and scholarly consensus. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! When believing women come to you as
emigrants, examine them; Allaah knows best as to their Faith, then if you
ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the
disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the
disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:10]
It is not permissible for
a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir, according to the texts and scholarly
consensus, as stated above, even if he is originally a kaafir and not an
apostate (from Islam). Hence if a kaafir man marries a Muslim woman, the
marriage is invalid and they must be separated. But if he becomes Muslim and
wants to marry her, that can only be done with a new marriage contract. End
quote. 

Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen,
12/138-140 
Thirdly: 

In order for the marriage contract to be valid, there must be
a wali (guardian) for the woman, but it is not permissible for a kaafir to
act as the wali of a Muslim woman, and there is no difference of scholarly
opinion on this point. 

Ibn Qudaamah said: 
As for a kaafir, he
cannot be the wali of a Muslim woman under any circumstances, according to
the consensus of the scholars, including Maalik, al-Shaafa’i, Abu ‘Ubayd and
as-haab al-ra’y. Ibn al-Mundhir said: There is consensus on this point among
all those from whom we acquired knowledge. 

Al-Mughni, 7/71 

Even in a situation such as yours, there has to be a wali for
the purpose of marriage. If no one among your family is Muslim, then whoever
acts in the stead of the ruler should arrange your marriage for you, namely
the Muslim qaadi (judge) or mufti or Shaykh of an Islamic centre or imam of
a mosque. 

You do not have to ask your father’s permission to get
married because he has no authority over you as a wali. Once the marriage
contract is done, it is permissible to keep the news from your parents, and
you do not have to inform them. 

Fourthly: 

Even if the wali is a Muslim, it is not permissible for him
to force his daughter to marry someone whom she does not like. Islam makes
the woman’s consent one of the essentials of the marriage contract, and the
contract is not valid if she objects. If it is proven that she objects then
the Muslim qaadi should give her the choice between continuing the contract
or annulling it. 

Just as it is not permissible for both parents or one of them
to force his son to marry someone whom he does not like, so too Allaah has
not made the approval of the parents or one of them a condition of the son’s
marriage contract being valid. But the son should be kind to his parents if
he refuses to do what they want. He has to do his utmost to win their
approval of his marriage to the one he wants.  

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

It is not permissible for a father to force his son to marry
a woman whom he does not like, whether that is because of some fault in her
religious commitment or a physical defect. How many people have regretted
forcing their children to marry women whom they do not want, saying, “You
will marry her because she is my brother’s daughter” or “because she is from
our tribe” and so on. The son is not obliged to accept, and it is not
permissible for the parents to force him. Similarly, if he wants to marry a
righteous woman but the father does not want him to, the son is not obliged
to obey him. If the son is pleased with a righteous wife and the father
says, “Do not marry her,” he has the right to marry her even if his father
objects, because the son is not obliged to obey his father in any matter in
which that will not harm the father but will benefit the son. If we say that
the son is obliged to obey his father in all things, even in matters where
there is benefit for the son and no harm for the father, then many negative
consequences would result from that. But in situations such as this, the son
should be diplomatic with his father, and be kind to him as much as he can
and try to convince him as much as he can. End quote 

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah,
2/240, 241 

Fifthly: 
You have to do as much as
you can to save your parents and bring them into Islam, so that they and you
will find happiness in this world and in the Hereafter. You can use many
ways to call them to Islam, such as sending them e-mails, for example,
without them knowing that the messages are coming from you. You could give
their address to some of those who are specialized in Islamic knowledge and
da’wah to undertake this mission on your behalf. You can also avail yourself
of the nearest Islamic centre to their home so that some daa’iyahs can visit
them and call them to Islam. You can also use the regular mail to send them
tapes and booklets that will tell them about the Islamic religion. 

You know more about their situation than others. Perhaps if
you tell them that you have become Muslim, that may open the door for them
to enter Islam too. If that is the case, then tell them, but if you think
that this will not do any good, and that it may have a negative effect on
them or it might cause difficulties for you, then do not tell them. You can
delay that for a while until Allaah opens their hearts. Seek the help of
Allaah and turn to Him with du’aa’, sincerely asking Him to guide them. 

We ask Allaah to make you steadfast in adhering to this
religion, and we ask Him to guide your parents to Islam. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

This world is not free of worries and distress, and the
Muslim knows that, indeed all people know that. All people suffer in this
world, good and bad. 

The difference between the believer and the kaafir with
regard to that is that the believer has the hope of the reward of Allaah in
good times and bad, which the kaafir is deprived of because of his kufr.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“if you are suffering (hardships) then surely, they (too)
are suffering (hardships) as you are suffering, but you have a hope from
Allaah (for the reward, i.e. Paradise) that for which they hope not; and
Allaah is Ever All‑Knowing, All‑Wise”

[al-Nisa’ 4:104]

The believer knows that whatever good he sees in this world
is only partial, and that whatever evil he sees in this realm, no matter
what this evil is, is only partial. True good is in Paradise and true evil
is in Hell. 

Shaddaad ibn Aws (may Allaah be pleased with him) used to
say: You do not see anything of good but its causes and you do not see
anything of evil but its causes. All goodness is in Paradise and all evil is
in Hell. This world is transient and passing, in which both the righteous
and the immoral eat. But the Hereafter is a true promise in which a stern
Sovereign will pass judgement. Each of them has its sons, so be among the
sons of the Hereafter and do not be among the sons of this world. 

Sifat al-Safwah (1/709). 

Because of this truth, the one who is destined for Hell will
forget all this goodness from the first time he is dipped in Hell, and the
one who is destined for Paradise will forget all this hardship the first
time he is dipped in Paradise. 

This is the wisdom of Allaah, which the believer sees in that
which Allaah has decreed for him. He tests His slaves with good and bad
alike. 

“Everyone is going to taste death, and We shall make a
trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned”

[al-Anbiya’ 21:35]

It is easy for anyone to speak the words of faith and claim
to be sincere, but it is through tests and trials that those who are sincere
are distinguished from those who are lying, and believers are distinguished
from hypocrites. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they
say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested.

3. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And
Allaah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and
will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars,
(although Allaah knows all that before putting them to test)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:2-3]

So the believer is different from all other people when he is
tested with good and bad. He is grateful for good things and he is patient
when bad things happen, and there is no goodness in anything other than
that. 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all of it is good,
and that applies to no one except the believer. If something good happens to
him he gives thanks, and that is good for him, and if something bad befalls
him he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.” Narrated by Muslim
(2999).  

One of the names by which Allaah has called Himself is
al-Hakeem (the Wise), and one of His deeds is wisdom which the human mind
cannot fully comprehend. That part of His wisdom which is known to us can
help the believer to be steadfast and patient. In the answer to question no.
35914 we have stated some of the wisdom and benefits that result from
calamities. Please refer to this question, as it is important. 

There are some things which, if the one who is stricken with
calamity thinks about them, his problem will seem less severe. Ibn al-Qayyim
mentioned in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad (4/189-195) a number of these
things, which we have mentioned in the answer to question no.
71236. Please
refer to this question, as it is important. 

Secondly: 

Honouring your parents is an Islamic duty, and it is haraam
to disobey them even if their attitude or their treatment of you is bad, and
no matter what has happened between them. Allaah has enjoined treating them
kindly even if they try to force you to disbelieve. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in
worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them
not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him
who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your
return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[Luqmaan 31:15]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
enjoined maintaining ties with them and treating them kindly even if they
are kaafirs, as he said to Asma’ (may Allaah be pleased with her) when her
mother, who was a kaafir, came to visit her because she needed something:
“Uphold ties of kinship with your mother.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2477)
and Muslim (1003). 

Thirdly: 

Moving far away from your family and travelling by yourself
is not permissible because of the problem, rather it the wrong way to deal
with it. It is like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.  

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I heard the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “No man should be
alone with a woman unless there is a mahram present with her, and no woman
should travel except with a mahram.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1763) and
Muslim (1341). 

This hadeeth indicates that for a woman to travel alone,
without a husband or mahram, is haraam. The word “travel” in the hadeeth is
general in meaning, and includes travelling for Hajj and ‘Umrah or to seek
knowledge. What you are intending to do comes under the heading of travel
that is forbidden in this hadeeth, and if the travel is to a kaafir country,
then it is even more haraam. 

Fourthly: 

It is not permissible for a woman to take off her hijab, the
symbol of her chastity, religious commitment and modesty. Obedience to
Allaah takes precedence over desires, pleasures and worldly matters. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: 

It is obligatory for a woman to observe hijab in front of
non-mahram men, both at home and abroad, because Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask
them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their
hearts”

[al-Ahzaab 33:53]

This verse includes the face as well as other parts, because
the face is the greatest part of a woman’s beauty. 

“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the
women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies
(i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the
way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable
women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most
Merciful”
[al-Ahzaab 33:59] 

“…and not to reveal their adornment except to their
husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or
their husband’s sons …”

[al-Noor 24:31]

These verses indicate that it is obligatory to observe hijab
at home and abroad, in front of Muslims and kaafirs. 

It is not permissible for any woman who believes in Allaah
and the Last Day to take these matter slightly because that is disobedience
towards Allaah and His Messenger, and because that will cause fitnah at home
and abroad. 

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah
(1/446, 447). 

Fifthly: 

You should not despair of the mercy of Allaah. What you say
in your question indicates that you have lost self confidence and have lost
hope in your Lord. The Shaytaan would like this to continue. Beware of
falling into the trap of the Shaytaan. 

We can see from your letter that you are upset and grieved by
the state of your family, and how their reputation is affecting you, which
has made you think of moving away from them. But we want you to think long
and hard lest you fall pray to evil people, especially if they know about
your family’s situation and you are alone among them. So you have to plan to
solve this problem without doing anything that is haraam. 

We suggest that you should tell one of your relatives who is
wise and is a mahram about your problem, such as a paternal uncle or
maternal uncle, so that he may help you to solve the problem that results
from your remaining with your family. Moving to the house of one of your
mahrams is the best way to solve your problem, if living with them is as you
describe and there is no hope of them mending their ways. Maybe after that
Allaah will bless you with a righteous husband with whom you will have a
happy life and Allaah may bless you with good children from him. 

There is no reason why your relatives should not help you to
get married to a righteous man. If they do that, they will be deserving of
praise. There is no reason why you should not try to get someone whose
intelligence and religious commitment you trust to look for a suitable
husband for you, or mention you to a person who you think is righteous and
good. 

But whatever the case, we do not advise you to travel alone
or to move to a house on your own, rather we advise you to live with one of
your relatives who is a mahram, if that is possible, so long as you choose a
righteous household that is suitable for you to live in. If that is not
possible then we advise you to look for righteous sisters, such as students,
and live with them. If that is not possible, then look for a righteous
sister who is living with her sisters or mother, who you could live with.
What matters is that you should avoid living alone and avoid travelling,
especially to a kaafir country, and you should look for a good and suitable
environment where you can protect your religious commitment. 

It is not permissible for you to give in to the tricks of the
shaytaan for you are one of those who are despairing and are close to kufr.
All of that plays a role in worry and distress. 

Think about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such
(trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted
with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger
and those who believed along with him said, “When (will come) the Help of
Allaah?” Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!”

[al-Baqarah 2:214]

You will realize that when calamity grows worse and reaches
the point that it feels like an earthquake, then relief is close at hand by
the mercy of the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. 

Think about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could
imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him.
Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure
for all things”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3] 

“and whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make his matter easy for him”

[al-Talaaq 65:4] 

“Verily, along with every hardship is relief,

6. Verily, along with every hardship is relief”

[al-Sharh 94:5-6]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “O young man, shall I not teach you some words by means of which
Allaah may benefit you?” I said: Yes. He said: “Be mindful of Allaah, He
will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him before
you. Remember Him at times of ease and He will remember you at times of
hardship. If you ask, then ask of Allaah, if you seek help then seek help
from Allaah. The Pen has dried and things are happening (as they have been
decreed). If all of mankind were to gather together to benefit you in some
way that Allaah has not decreed for you, they would never be able to do it,
and if they wanted to harm you with something that Allaah has not decreed
for you, they would never be able to do it. Remember that there is much good
in bearing with patience that which you dislike, and that victory comes with
patience, and that with hardship comes a way out and with difficulty comes
ease.” Narrated by Ahmad, 2800 and classed as saheeh by Al-Albaani. 

Finally: we advise you to make du’aa’ and seek out the best
times such as the last third of the night, saying a lot of du’aa’ whilst
prostrating, being sincere in your du’aa’ and humbly beseeching your Lord to
guide your parents and set their affairs straight, and to help you to do
that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

See also the book “Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and
Stress” in the Books section of this site. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.The Qur’aan and saheeh
Sunnah, and the consensus of the early generations of this ummah, indicate
that it is obligatory to believe in al-qadar (the divine decree), both good
and bad, and that this is one of the six basic principles of faith without
which a person’s faith is incomplete. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but it
is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz) before We bring it
into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allaah”

[al-Hadeed 57:22] 

“Verily, We have created all things with Qadar (Divine
Preordainments of all things before their creation as written in the Book of
Decrees – Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)”

[al-Qamar 54:49]
It was narrated from
‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, defining faith: “It is to
believe in Allaah, His angels, His Books, His Messengers, the Last Day and
to believe in the divine decree, both good and bad.” Narrated by Muslim, 8. 

Everything that happens in the universe happens only by the
decree of Allaah, so the one who believes in al-qadar must believe that
Allaah knew all things before they happened, then He wrote that in al-Lawh
al-Mahfooz (the Book of Decrees), then He willed that they should be, then
He created them. These are the four well-known stages of al-qadar, and there
is evidence for each of these stages, as has already been explained in
detail in the answer to question no. 49004. 

Marriage and whether it comes sooner or later, or is easy or
difficult, is all subject to the decree of Allaah. This does not mean that
the Muslim should not avail himself of the means that Allaah has decreed as
the steps leading to it, and applying the means does not contradict the idea
that a thing has been decreed from eternity. Man does not know what has been
decreed for him, but he is enjoined to apply the means. 

The calamities that Allaah decrees for a person are good for
the believer if he bears them with patience and seeks reward for that, and
does not panic, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “How marvelous is the affair of the believer, for all his affairs
are good, and that does not apply to anyone except the believer. If
something good happens to him he gives thanks for it and that is good for
him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is
good for him.” Narrated by Muslim, 2999. 

These calamities may be a punishment for sin, but that is not
necessarily the case. They may come in order to raise the believer in status
and increase his reward if he is patient and content… or there may be other
great reasons behind it. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him)
was asked: 

If a person is tested with sickness or a calamity that
strikes him or his wealth, how can he know whether that is a test or is a
sign of the wrath of Allaah? 

He replied: 

Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, tests His slaves
with good things and bad, with hardship and with ease. He may test them in
order to raise them in status and to increase their reward, as He did with
the Prophets and Messengers (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon them) and
the righteous slaves of Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “The people who are most severely tested are the
Prophets, then the next best and the next best.” Sometimes Allaah does that
because of sins, so the punishment is hastened, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of
what your hands have earned. And He pardons much”

[al-Shoora 42:30]
Usually people fall short
and fail to fulfil their duties, so whatever befalls them is because of
their sins and shortcomings in obeying the commands of Allaah. If one of the
righteous slaves of Allaah is tested with sickness and the like, this is
akin to the testing of the Prophets and Messengers which raises them in
status and increases their reward, so that they may be examples to others of
patience and seeking reward. 

Conclusion: it may be a test in order to raise a person in
status and increase his reward, as Allaah does with the Prophets and some of
the elite, or it may be an expiation for sins, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“whosoever works evil, will have the recompense thereof”

[al-Nisa’ 4:123]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “No tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, distress or harm befalls
a believer in this world, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah
expiates some of his sins thereby.” 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“When Allaah wills good for a person, He afflicts him (with calamity so that
he may earn reward by bearing it with patience).” 

That may also be a punishment that has been hastened because
of sins and a failure to hasten to repent, as stated in the hadeeth in which
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When
Allaah wills good for a person, He hastens his punishment in this world, and
when He wills bad for a person, He withholds the (punishment) for his sins
from him until he comes to Him with that sin on the Day of Resurrection.”
Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi. End quote. 

Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat,
4/370 

As you refused to marry those who came and proposed to you,
for the sake of Allaah and because they are not adhering to Islam, Allaah
will compensate you with something better than them. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could
imagine”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allaah, may He be
glorified and exalted, but Allaah will compensate you with something that is
better for you than that.” Narrated by Imam Ahmad; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Hijaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 47. 
You should turn to Allaah
with du’aa’ and acts of worship, and do not despair. Remember that the mercy
of Allaah is close to those who do good.

 And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
Reading love stories results in many evils, especially if the reader is young. These evils include: provocation of desire, and stirring up of bad thoughts and fantasies, attachment to the hero or heroine of the story, and wasting time in something that brings no spiritual or worldly benefit, rather in most cases it cases harm. Islam came to close the door that leads to anything haraam; it enjoins lowering the gaze and forbids being alone with a member of the opposite sex or speaking in a soft tone, and other things that may provoke desire or lead to immoral actions. Undoubtedly reading these stories is the exact opposite of that, because they promote the wish to get to know men and form relationships with them, and fall in love with them, in addition to showing immoral images of love and meetings etc. Undoubtedly all of that is haraam. 
Secondly: 
Listening to music is haraam, because of a great deal of evidence which we have mentioned in the answer to question no. 5000 and 20406. 
Thirdly: 
The same may be said about watching romantic movies as is said about reading romantic stories, rather the movies are more harmful and more corrupt, because they embody the meanings in moving images and scenes, and because they show ‘awrahs and immoral actions, accompanied by  music in most cases. They provoke desires and promote immorality, as is obvious to any wise person. It is strange that you are not bothered as the result of watching these movies. 
Conclusion: All of that is forbidden, as it leads to haraam things and sin, and the one who does it is in grave danger. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably get. The zina of the eyes is looking and the zina of the tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and hopes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6243) and Muslim (2657). According to a report narrated by Muslim: “The son of Adam’s share of zina has been decreed for him, which he will inevitably get. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hands is touching, and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.” Think about this important hadeeth, and think about the movies that you mentioned. Watching them includes the zina of the eyes, the ears and the heart which longs and wishes. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. 
Remember that it is obligatory to give up haraam things immediately, and that sin after sin darkens the heart, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When the believer commits sin, a black spot appears on his heart. If he repents and gives up that sin and seeks forgiveness, his heart will be polished. But if (the sin) increases, (the black spot) increases. That is the raan which Allaah mentions in His Book: ‘Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to earn’ [al-Mutaffifeen 83:14].” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3334) and Ibn Maajah (4244); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 
You should also remember that whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better than it, so hasten to repent sincerely and give up these haraam things, and keep yourself busy with things that will benefit your spiritual and worldly interests. Read Qur’aan a great deal and study the biography of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the biographies of the Mothers of the Believers and of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them all). Listen to useful lectures which will remind you of Allaah and encourage you to seek the Hereafter, and help you to keep away from haraam things. 
We ask Allaah to help and guide us and you. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Bringing kaafir servants and entrusting them with our homes
and children poses a great danger to the morals and religious commitment of
the children. 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

With regard to employing kaafir women as servants, whether
they are Buddhists, Christians or other kinds of kaafirs, is not permissible
in this Peninsula, i.e., in the Arabian Peninsula, because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade that and urged that the
kuffaar be expelled from Arabia, for it is the cradle of Islam and the place
where the Message first dawned. So it is not permissible for two religions
to co-exist there, and it is not permissible to bring any kaafir there
except in cases of necessity as decreed by the authorities, then he (the
kaafir) should return to his homeland. End quote. 

Fataawa Ibn Baaz, 6/361 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: 
Because a kaafir woman
should not remain among you in your house with your family and children,
even if the harm is no more than when the family get up to pray and this
woman does not pray, the children say: “Why doesn’t this woman pray?” and
they love her, so in that case they will think that it is not essential to
pray. This is even if she does not teach them her religion, as some people
have told us that they heard the servant teaching the children to say that
Jesus is God – we ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. End quote. 

Liqaa’aat al-baab il-Maftoohah,
3/53 

See also questions no. 22980,
26213,
26282,
31242 

Secondly: 
The scholars have stated
that it is permissible to take payment for teaching worldly skills, and
undoubtedly cooking and food preparation are skills that are very important
nowadays. 

It says in al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (13/66): 

There is no dispute among the scholars that it is permissible
to hire a person to teach permissible skills and professions which have to
do with worldly interests, such as sewing, blacksmithing, construction,
agriculture, weaving and so on. End quote. 

Thirdly: 

Based on the above, it is permissible according to sharee’ah
for your mother to take a payment for teaching the servant different ways of
cooking, but she should have told the servant of that before she started to
teach her. As for the situation mentioned in the question, the servant has
learned how to make food with the encouragement of your mother who chose to
do that. She is the one who helped her to do that of her own free will. So
it is not permissible for her to take the servant’s notebook in which she
has written down what she learned, because it is her property which she has
written with her own hand and taken care of. Your mother’s teaching of her
was purely voluntary. 

Beware of mistreating her and taking what is rightfully hers,
even if she is not Muslim. 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said (6/362)
to one who brought in a kaafir servant and mistreated her: 

What you and your mother have to do is to send her back to
her country. It is not permissible for you or your mother to mistreat her,
rather what you must do is treat her in a kind manner while she is with you,
until she returns to her country, because Allaah has forbidden wrongdoing to
His slaves to mistreat even with regard to kaafirs, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of wrongdoing, for
wrongdoing will be darkness on the Day of Resurrection.” Narrated by Muslim,
2578. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that
Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, said: “O My slaves, I have
forbidden wrongdoing to Myself and I have made it haraam among you, so do
not wrong one another.” Narrated by Muslim, 2577. End quote. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.May Allaah
help you, relieve your distress, guide your footsteps and forgive your sin. 
Your soul is
still in your body, your heart is still beating and your mind is still
thinking, so we will start from there. 
The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Allaah accepts the repentance of His slaves so long as the death rattle has
not reached his throat.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3537); classed as hasan by
al-Albaani. 
You are not
too weak and you are not a pile of dust like those who are in the graves,
rather you still have the strength to start again, and in sha Allaah you are
stronger than you think. The strong person is not the one who never falls,
rather the strong person is the one who can get up again if he falls. 
Were you not
following the religion of your forefathers, associating others with Allaah
and disbelieving in His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him), then Allaah gave you the strength to leave all that behind, and you
moved to a new religion that you were not used to and had not followed
before? That is a thousand times harder than leaving the state you are in
now. 
Weren’t the
cups of wine filled around you and paths of temptation open to you, with no
one watching for you to feel ashamed and thus be protected? But Allaah gave
you strength and protected you from immorality and drinking alcohol. So now
how can you give in to the situation you are in? 
You have the
strength to recover. Do not help your enemy against yourself. If some
wrongdoer slaps you, do not slap your other cheek. “He is not one of us who
slaps his cheeks, rends his garment and prays with the call of Jaahiliyyah.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1294). 
There is a
difference between the one who falls into a ditch and gives in to the fall,
and laments his luck, blames fate and thinks badly of his Lord, and one who
falls and knows that he deserved it because of his sin and bad deeds, and
because he chose that for himself. “And verily,
Allaah is not unjust to His slaves” [al-Anfaal 8:51].
So he gets up after stumbling, and seeks the help of his Lord in ridding
himself of sin first of all, then relieving his distress, as he learns to
say every day: “You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help
(for each and everything)” [al-Faatihah 1:5]. Such is the strong
believer whom Allaah loves. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The strong believer is better and
more beloved to Allaah than the weak believer, although both are good.
Strive to do that which will benefit you and seek the help of Allaah, and do
not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say ‘If only I had done
(such and such), the such and such would have happened,’ rather say: ‘Allaah
has decreed and what He wills He does,’ for ‘if only’ opens the door to the
work of the shaytaan.”
Narrated by
Muslim (2664).  
Shaykh
al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Man is not
commanded to refer to the concept of the divine decree with regard to the
deeds that are enjoined upon him, rather he should refer to the concept of
the divine decree with regard to calamities that he has no means to ward
off. Whatever befalls you as the result of other people’s actions or
otherwise, bear it with patience, accept it and submit. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 
“No
calamity befalls, but by the Leave [i.e. Decision and Qadar (Divine
Preordainments)] of Allaah, and whosoever believes in Allaah, He guides his
heart [to the true Faith with certainty, i.e. what has befallen him was
already written for him by Allaah from the Qadar (Divine Preordainments)]”

[al-Taghaabun 64:11]
One of the
salaf – either Ibn Mas’ood or ‘Alqamah – said: This is the man whom calamity
befalls and he knows that it is from Allaah, so he accepts it and submits.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (7/278). 
Ibn
al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This hadeeth confirms some of
the most important principles of faith, which include: 
Man’s
happiness lies in his striving for that which will benefit him in this life
and in the Hereafter. Striving means doing one’s utmost. As man’s striving
and deeds can only be done with the help of Allaah and by His will, He has
commanded him to seek His help, so as to fulfil the meaning of the verse: 
“You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help (for each and
everything)” [al-Faatihah 1:5]. His striving for that which will benefit
him is an act of worship of Allaah and can only be achieved with Allaah’s
help. So He commanded him to worship Him and to seek His help. 
Then he
said: “And do not feel helpless”, because feeling helpless is the opposite
of striving for that which will benefit him, and it is the opposite of
seeking the help of Allaah. So the one who is striving for that which will
benefit him and seeking the help of Allaah is the opposite of the one who
feels helpless. This principle applies before what is decreed happens, and
it guides the Muslim to that which is one of the greatest causes of
attaining it, which is striving for it whilst seeking the help of the One in
Whose hand are all things, from Whom they originate and to Whom they will
return. If what is not decreed for him does not come to him, there are two
scenarios: the first of which is feeling helpless, which opens the door to
the works of the shaytaan, and this helplessness leads him to regret and say
“if only” and there is no benefit in saying “if only”, rather this opens the
door to blame, anguish, anger, regret and sorrow, all of which are from the
shaytaan and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
forbade opening the door to the shaytaan in this manner. Or in the second
scenario, he may look at the divine decree and think about it, for if it is
decreed (for him to get what he wanted) for him he would not have missed it
and no one would have beaten him to it. Hence he said: “If anything befalls
you, do not say ‘If only I had done (such and such), the such and such would
have happened,’ rather say: ‘Allaah has decreed and what He wills He does.’”
So he taught him that which will benefit him in either case: if he gets what
he wanted and if he did not get it. Hence this hadeeth is one that a person
can never do without. 
Shifa’
al-‘Aleel (37-38). 
Once you
have understood this, there is no room for wishing for something different
than what was decreed, for that is in fact like suggesting that Allaah
should have decreed something else. There is no point in wishing that Allaah
had spared you from these trials that you went through and that made you so
alterable and confused after you had been guided to Him. 
Do you not
know that tests and trials are an inevitable part of man’s existence in this
life?  
“Verily,
We have created man from Nutfah (drops) of mixed semen (sexual discharge of
man and woman), in order to try him, so We made him hearer and seer”

[al-Insaan 76:2]
People are
like metals. Some are pure gold, some are a mixture, and some are less than
that. The test is like a fire which will show whether the gold is truly gold
or not. 
Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“Alif‑Laam‑Meem.
[These
letters are one of the miracles of the Qur’aan, and none but Allaah (Alone)
knows their meanings.]
2. Do
people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe’ and
will not be tested.
3. And We
indeed tested those who were before them. And Allaah will certainly make
(it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it)
known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allaah knows all
that before putting them to test)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:1-3]
Shaykh Ibn
Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
Allaah tells
us of His perfect wisdom, and that His wisdom does not mean that everyone
who says that he believes will remain as such, free from tribulations and
tests, and not be faced with that which will confound their faith. If that
were the case, then there would be no way to distinguish between one who is
sincere and one who is lying. 
But His way
with the earlier nations and with this ummah is to test them with good
things and bad things, with ease and hardship, with good times and bad
times, with wealth and poverty. He tests them by causing their enemies to
prevail over them sometimes and He tests them when they strive against the
enemies in word and deed, and other kinds of trials, all of which result
from specious arguments about faith, which are contrary to certain faith and
desires which undermine the resolve of the believer. 
If a
person’s faith remains firm in the face of doubts and does not waver, and he
wards them off with the truth that he has, and if, in the face of desires
that call him to sin or to go against that which Allaah and His Messenger
have enjoined, he does that which is required by faith, and strives against
his desires, this indicates that his faith is sincere and valid.  
But if his
heart is affected by doubts and desires, and they lead him to sin or divert
him from his duties, this indicates that his faith is not valid or sincere.
People are of varying degrees with regard to this matter, which are known
only to Allaah, We ask Allaah to make us steadfast in this world and in the
Hereafter, and to make our hearts steadfast in adhering to His religion, as
tests and trials are like the bellows which brings out the dross and the
good.  
O
maidservant of Allaah, you do not want to live and you do not want to die.  
We say: We
too would not like you to have this life of sin, but we hope that you do not
die in this state, rather we hope that our Lord, the Lord of the Worlds,
will not like you to live such a life and will not like you to die in this
state. 
This
situation is not as confusing as you think, and the solution is not for you
to give in to loss, as you are doing now. Allaah does not want you to meet
Him, after you die, in any state other than Islam. 
“O you
who believe! Fear Allaah (by doing all that He has ordered and by abstaining
from all that He has forbidden) as He should be feared. (Obey Him, be
thankful to Him, and remember Him always,) and die not except in a state of
Islam [as Muslims (with complete submission to Allaah)]”
[Aal
‘Imraan 3:102]
Nor does
Allaah want you to live except in a state of Islam, which He has chosen for
His slaves: 
“Say (O
Muhammad): Verily, my Salaah (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying
are for Allaah, the Lord of the ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that
exists).
163. He
has no partner. And of this I have been commanded, and I am the first of the
Muslims”

[al-An’aam 6:162-163]
So what is
the solution? Where should we start? 
The solution
is to turn back to Him, and He will love you when you turn back to Him: 
“Allaah
loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify
themselves”

[al-Baqarah 2:222]
 He will
grant you relief when you come back to Him, no matter how far astray you
have gone. 
It was
narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, says: ‘I am as My slave thinks I
am, and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers me to himself, I
remember him to Myself; if he remembers Me in a gathering, I remember him in
a gathering better than it; if he draws near to Me a handspan, I draw near
to him an arm’s length; if he draws near to me an arm’s length, I draw near
to him a fathom’s length; if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.”
Narrated by Muslim (2675). 
So what
about sins and alcohol? 
Our Lord,
the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful, says (interpretation of the
meaning): 
“Say: O
‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing
evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah
forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Zumar
39:53]
You still
have a way to turn over a new leaf and make the record of your deeds white
and clean. We do not mean that it will be white with no good deeds or bad
deeds written on it so that we will go back to zero and start from scratch.
No; what we mean is that we want it to be white with no sins on it, and by
the mercy of the Most Merciful of those who show mercy, it will be filled
with good deeds instead of every bad deed that you did and every sin into
which you fell.
Have you not
heard the words of Allaah which tell us of the characteristics of the slaves
of the Most Merciful, where He mentions a number of their beautiful
attributes that are beloved to Him, among which He mentions: 
“And
those who invoke not any other ilâh (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such
person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal
sexual intercourse
and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The
torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide
therein in disgrace;

70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do
righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds,
and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.
71. And
whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents
towards Allaah with true repentance”

[al-Furqaan 25:68-71]
Do you not
see how Allaah does not just forgive those major sins, but by His grace He
turns them into good deeds! 
It was
narrated from Abu Taweel Shatab al-Mamdood that he came to the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “What do
you think if a man has committed all kinds of sins, and has not left out any
of them, and he did not omit any minor or major sin but he did it, can he
repent?”  
He said:
“Have you become Muslim?” 
He said: “As
for me, I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah alone, with no
partner or associate, and that you are the Messenger of Allaah.” 
He said: “Do
good deeds and abstain from bad deeds, and Allaah will make them all good
deeds for you.” 
He said:
“Even my betrayals and immoral deeds?”  
He said:
“Yes.” 
He said:
“Allaah is most great,” and he kept saying takbeer until he left. 
Narrated by
al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer (7/314); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Targheeb. 
So, O
maidservant of Allaah, change your state and do good deeds, and give up bad
deeds, and they will all be turned to good deeds in your record of deeds.
Then you will know that you cannot lose that closeness to Allaah, for you
will still have the opportunity to be with Him in Paradise. 
Ibn
al-Qayyim said: Come and be with Allaah, and draw close to Him in an abode
of peace, with no exhaustion or tiredness or suffering via the closest and
easiest routes. You are in a time between two times, which in fact is your
life, your current time, between the past and the future. What has passed
can be set right by repentance and regret and prayers for forgiveness, and
that is something which will not exhaust you or tire you out and is not
difficult. Rather it is an action of the heart.  As for the future, you
should refrain from committing sin, and refraining from sin will give you a
great deal of peace of mind.  It is not a physical action that is too hard
to do, rather it is resolve and firm intention, which will bring physical
and mental peace.  
But what
matters is your life, which is your time between two times. If you waste it
you will lose happiness and salvation. But if you take care of the present
as well as correcting the past and the future as described above, then you
will be saved and will have peace of mind, pleasure and tranquillity.  
Taking care
of it is more difficult than setting right that which comes before and after
it, for taking care of it requires you to do that which is best and most
beneficial for you, and which is most likely to bring happiness, and people
differ greatly with regard to that. 

Al-Fawaa’id (117). 
So seek the
help of Allaah to deal with your situation and roll up the record of the
past with all that it contains, and move on to set the rest of your life
straight. Strive to keep company with good people who will help you deal
with your situation, and if you can move to a new place, close to good and
righteous people, then do that, for it will be better for you. Be mindful of
Allaah and He will take care of you; be sincere towards Him and He will
compensate you with good for what you have missed. 
Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 
“O
Prophet (Muhammad)! Say to the captives that are in your hands: If Allaah
knows any good in your hearts, He will give you something better than what
has been taken from you, and He will forgive you, and Allaah is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Anfaal 6:70]
In sha
Allah, we are sure that you will do this, and we look forward to another
message from you with good news of a new journey towards the light, just as
we were saddened to hear of your stumbling from the path. 
And Allaah
knows best.