Tag: Q n A

Praise be to Allah.;
If a woman deserts her husband, the marriage contract will not be nullified. It remains valid until
the husband divorces the wife, the wife gets a divorce (khul), or the Qaadi (judge ruling
according to Islamic shariah) annuls the marriage contract.
Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah. 

Your apology is accepted. Striving to understand the rulings of Sharee’ah in this and similar matters is not haraam or shameful; it is necessary.

As regards your question, anal intercourse with one’s wife is a major sin, whether it occurs at the time of menstruation or not. The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) cursed the one who does this: “Cursed is the one who approaches his wife in her rectum” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 2/479; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5865).

The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) also said: “The one who has intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her rectum, or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what was revealed to Muhammad.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1/243; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5918).

In spite of the fact that many wives of sound nature refuse this, there are some husbands who threaten their wives with divorce if they do not obey them (in this matter), and some even deceive their wives, who are too shy to ask scholars about it, into thinking that it is permissible. The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) said that a man may approach his wife in any way he likes, from the front or the back, so long as intercourse takes place in the place from through which a child is born. There is no doubt that the rectum is the place from which waste matter is expelled, not the place from which a child is born.

Another reason why some may commit this immoral act is that they enter upon what should be a clean married life with some jaahili (ignorant) traditions and odd practices, or with memories of scenes from indecent movies, for which they have not repented to Allaah.

It is known that this act is forbidden even if both partners agree to it. Mutual consent to a haraam deed does not make it halaal.

I ask Allah to bestow upon us a proper understanding of His religion and to make us adhere to its limits, for He is the All-Hearing, the One Who answers prayers.

Praise be to Allah.al-hamdu lillaah.

If a man executes a valid marriage contract with a woman then it is
permissible for the two to do as they please between themselves, even with
only the contract. There is no period prescribed by Islamic shari’ah
between the contract and consummation of the marriage, so this issue is up
to the two partners as to what they decide is most appropriate and in their
best interests.

It is incumbent upon both parties to consider, respect, and ensure the
other one’s personal comfort and ease. Thus, if the husband sees that the
wife needs some time to become acclimated and develop their relationship
and level of intimacy before consummation, such as 3 months, for example,
he should do so, and vice versa. Likewise, it is incumbent upon the wife
if she sees that her husband feels an urgent need to guard his chastity by
consummating the marriage that she should not prolong the period so that he
does not fall into a state of awkward discomfort and difficulty, and vice
versa.

Praise be to Allah.The information you have stated about this
second person is not encouraging. The fact that he calls a non-mahram woman on a daily
basis is cause for suspicion. It is not necessary to call her every in order to find out
her opinion and her response. The promises that he spoke about may be genuine or may not
be. Hence our advice to you is as follows:
Try to ask others about him, and about the new situation he claims to be
in. Maybe you will find that he has some righteous female relatives who will be able to
give you some useful pointers. Of course, asking questions and checking information will
take time, but that does not matter, because of the seriousness of the issue. If, after
you have found out about the mosque where he prays, the classes he attends, or the books
and tapes he reads and listens to, you feel that he is most likely sincere and if you feel
that you are able to cope with the possibility of a second failed marriage – Allaah
forbid – and that it would not be too great a loss if you were to leave him after
discovering that he is a hypocrite and a cheat, then we see no reason why you should not
marry him. You can set out conditions and make clear requests in the marriage contract,
such as requiring that he do all the prayers on time, and give up major sins like drinking
alcohol, committing immoral actions, and so on. Tell him that you are going to take him at
face value and deal with him on that basis. Also, do not forget to pray Istikhaarah. We
ask Allaah to help you make the right decision and to guide you. May Allaah bless our
Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions, and grant them peace.

Praise be to Allah.Who has guided them to Islam. We ask Allaah to help us
and them to be steadfast in adhering to His religion. In response to your question, if the
marriage was contracted through an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee
(guardian) of the bride and acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom, with the
consent of the bride, in front of two Muslim witnesses of good character (as regards
piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), then the marriage contract is valid. Ibn Qudaamah (may
Allaah have mercy on him) said: “A marriage is not properly contracted unless there
are two Muslim witnesses, regardless of whether the bride and groom are both Muslims or
only the groom is. This is what Ahmad stated, and it is also the opinion of
al-Shaafi’i.” (Al-Mughni, 9/349; al-Mufaddal fi Ahkaam
al-Mar’ah, 6/120).
If the marriage was conducted as described above, then it is valid,
otherwise it must be repeated. It is permissible for a non-Muslim woman to be married by
her non-Muslim guardian, but if she becomes Muslim, this role can only be played by a
Muslim. If she has no Muslim walee, then this role can be delegated to the director of the
Islamic Centre or whoever is acting in his stead. As regards the children who were born
during this time, they are the children of the man and should be given his name, as is the
ruling in cases where there is uncertainty of this nature.
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allaah is Most merciful to you. And whoever commits that through aggression and injustice, We shall cast him into the Fire” [al-Nisa’ 4:29-30]

No matter what psychological pressure or extreme distress befalls him, the Muslim cannot go ahead and kill himself, because he knows that the punishment for that is Hell and a painful torment, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself, he will be in the Fire of Hell throwing himself down for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will have the poison in his hand, drinking it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron [a weapon] will have that piece of iron in his hand, stabbing himself in the stomach with it in the Fire of Hell forever and ever.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5778).

Starving oneself to death by refusing food is also a kind of suicide and deliberately killing oneself. How can a Muslim who believes in Allaah and the Last Day think of trying to move from the suffering of this world to the suffering of the Hereafter, which is more severe and more long-lasting? No sane person would do this. And for what? For a woman, when you could always find another woman to marry, for there are many women besides this one. Moreover, circumstances may change, and they may change their minds and agree to the marriage after a while. You could look for a college or school in your country that is only for women, which your wife could join, and that would solve a part of the problem. Whatever the case, you have to seek the help of Allaah and persevere with sabr (patience).
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).” [al-Talaaq 65:2]
“Allaah will grant after hardship, ease.” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

We also suggest that you refer to the book “Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and Stress”, which is to be found on this web-site, and put into practise some of the things described therein, to calm you down and restore your equilibrium. Allaah is the One Whom We ask to relieve your distress and grief. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions, and grant them peace.

Praise be to Allah.The parents have great rights, but the husband has a
greater right. It is not permissible for either party to abuse the rights of the other. If
the wife thinks that her husband has wronged her parents, she should advise him and remind
him that the aayah (interpretation of the meaning), and live with them
[wives] honourably [al-Nisa 4:19] includes treating her family well
too, because that makes her happy, and it includes not harming them, because that upsets
her. By the same token, if one or both of her parents abuse her husbands rights, she
should advise them and remind them of the seriousness of backbiting, wrongdoing and
aggression. If they order her to do something and her husband orders her to do the
opposite, then her husband takes precedence, because his rights are greater in
shareeah. This does not mean that she should forget about their rights; this is the
guideline she should follow in cases where there is a conflict.
With regard to your second question, it is not haraam according to
shareeah for a man to have intercourse with his wife after the nikaah (conclusion of
the marriage contract) and before the wedding party. Whatever happened after the nikaah is
halaal (permissible), so there is no scandal involved and no need to fear the
consequences. If a man divorces his wife after the marriage has been consummated, then she
is entitled to keep the entire mahr (dowry)
If it is possible for mediators to try to bring you back together in
accordance with shareeah and following the proper etiquette, then this is better.
And Allaah is the source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.It is permissible to write the Basmalah on invitations and other letters, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to begin his letters by mentioning the name of Allah. It is not permissible for anyone who receives a letter in which Allah is mentioned or an aayah of the Qur’aan is quoted to throw it into the garbage or put it in any undesirable place. The same applies to newspapers and other similar papers: it is not permitted to mishandle them or throw them in the garbage, or to use them to wrap food or other things, because the name of Allah is mentioned in them. The sin is on the person who does this, not on the one who writes it. And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.If the wife who is with you now is religious and of good character, then
you are not obliged to divorce her. If you are able to treat both wives equally, then
respond to your parents request to marry the cousin you mention. This is included in
the words of the Quraan (interpretation of the meaning): then marry
(other) women of your choice, two or three or four [al-Nisa 4:3]. If
you fear that you will not be able to treat them equally and fairly, then be content with
one wife, whether it is the first or the second, because Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning): if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with
them), then [marry] only one [al-Nisa 4:3]. Try in all cases to
please your parents. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.Yes, it is very necessary for you to enter Islam. This will solve
all the problems, from making the marriage valid, through giving a united direction
to the future upbringing of the children, to attaining success and happiness
in the Hereafter. Your feelings of unease about taking this step may be due
to the difficulty of leaving behind what you are used to and the religion that
you have grown up in, or reluctance to go against your family and relatives,
or fear of hostility and criticism from others, or concern about losing some
worldly advantages. But all these issues will be easily overcome when you seek
the help of Allaah and are determined to follow the truth. The wise person is
prepared to make sacrifices and put up with difficulties for the sake of following
the truth, because the truth is worth pursuing. Any difficulties encountered
will become easy because the result is happiness in this world and the next,
and Paradise the width of heaven and earth. Moreover, your marriage will help
you to live in love and harmony with your husband (if he repents to Allaah for
the forbidden relationship and becomes a religious person of good morals) and
his Muslim family. There will be no dispute as to which religion the children
will be raised in, and they will not feel that there is any conflict in the
family, so they will be able to grow up free of the psychological complexes
that result from the parents difference of religion. Other people have
felt something similar to the feelings that you are experiencing now, as is
reflected in the following story, which happened at the time of the Prophet
of Islam (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). Anas reported that the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to a man, Become Muslim.
He said, I feel that I dont want to. He said, Become
Muslim, even if you feel that you dont really want to. (Reported
by Imaam Ahmad, 11618; Saheeh al-Jaami, 974). This is the correct approach
which people should have towards the true religion. For more information on
the topic of marriage, please see Questions #3025
and #2527. We wish you every good thing
and success. Peace be upon those who follow true guidance.