Tag: Q n A

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
Mixing between men and
women is haraam. See the answer to question no.
1200. 
What you must do is repent
to Allaah from what has happened of that, and resolve not to do it again in
the future. 
Secondly: 
It is haraam for a woman to
strive for her Muslim sister to be divorced, because the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “no woman should ask for her
sister to be divorced so as to deprive her of what is rightfully hers and
take it for herself.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2140) and Muslim (1413). So
it is not permissible to encourage or tempt the husband to divorce his wife.
 
Thirdly: 
If the wish to marry came
from the husband, and you did not try to separate him from his wife, it is
permissible for you to accept, but we do not advise you to do that for
several reasons: 

(i)There is no guarantee that this
man will not like someone else and choose her over you as he did with his
first wife.

(ii)Your agreeing to marry him will
stir up resentment, hatred and enmity in the heart of his wife, and you will
not be safe from her ill-will and harm.

(iii)What you have mentioned about
him working in the bank; he may leave it as he said he would, or he may not.
This is what we think. If,
after thinking long and hard about the matter, you decide to agree to marry
him, then pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, and wait until he
finds another job that is permissible. 
We ask Allaah to help you
to do that in which there is goodness, success and guidance. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Undoubtedly your father’s preventing you from getting married
to someone compatible is haraam. Marriage is more important than study, and
it does not rule out study because it is possible to do both. 

In your situation it is permissible for you to contact the
sharee’ah court and tell them what has happened, then after that the final
decision is up to the court. End quote. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on
him).

Praise be to Allah.
A number of scholars are of the view that it is permissible
to abort the nutfah before forty days, as has been explained in the answer
to question no. 115954. 

Some of them limited it to cases where that serves an
interest or wards off harm, as is mentioned in a statement of the Council of
Senior Scholars, the text of which is as follows: 

1 – It is not permissible to abort the pregnancy at various
stages unless there is a shar’i justification for doing so, and within very
narrow limits. 

2 – If the pregnancy is in the first trimester, which is
forty days, and there is a legitimate purpose to be served by aborting it or
harm can be warded off thereby, then it is permissible to abort it. As for
aborting it during this period just because one fears hardship in raising
children or one fears being unable to afford the expenses of feeding them
and educating them, or because of their future, or because the couple are
happy with the number of children they have, that is not permissible. End
quote from al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah (3/1055). 

Based on that, if you are afraid that your husband will
divorce you if the pregnancy continues, and he is serious about that, then
there is no sin on you if you abort the foetus within the first forty days
of the pregnancy. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: From what we have seen above, it is seems that it is permissible to
abort the nutfah. The evidence and reasons for that are clear. 

As for the period in which it is permissible to abort the
nutfah, it is forty days. End quote from Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn
Ibraaheem (11/125). 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Allaah has enjoined marriage, blessed man with it and made it one of His signs. He tells us that one of the greatest wisdoms behind marriage is to create tranquillity, love and compassion between the spouses. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy”
[al-Room 30:21]. 
The purpose of marriage that Allaah intended cannot be achieved unless the spouses treat one another kindly, which means that each of them should do his or her duty towards the other. 
The wife should obey her husband on a reasonable basis, and allow him to do what Allaah has permitted of physical enjoyment, and stay in her house and not go out except with his permission. She has the right that her husband should clothe her, spend on her and provide accommodation for her on a reasonable basis, and she is entitled to kind treatment from him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19].  
Our advice to the husband, first of all, is to do his duty towards his wife. If he sees some shortcoming in her in some aspect, then there may be some other aspect in her that calls him to stay with her and not divorce her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he may be pleased with another.” Narrated by Muslim (1469) from Abu Hurayrah. 
We think that the husband has done that, and that despite what he finds in his wife he should put up with her harm, and perhaps this is what the sister is surprised at, that the husband divorce her. Because the husband, by his wisdom and reason, can see that there is the possibility of correcting and changing his wife, and he is aware that the harm that would result from the break-up of the family and loss of his children through divorce is greater than the harm that results from arguments and her showing disrespect to him.  
Our advice to the wife is to fear Allaah with regard to her husband and remember that he is her Paradise and her Hell. She may enter Paradise because of him or she may enter Hell. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Look at how you are with him – the husband – because he is your Paradise and your Hell.” Narrated by Ahmad (18524); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (220). Allaah has enjoined her to obey him on a reasonable basis, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told women of the great rights that the husband has over the wife, and that if he were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, he would have ordered the wife to prostrate to the husband, as was narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1159) from Abu Hurayrah and classed as saheeh. 
The wise woman does that which Allaah has enjoined upon her, and she does not transgress the limits set by Allaah. Transgression of the wife against the husband includes reviling him and arguing with him a great deal. If they have children, then it is more sinful, because her reviling him makes the children dare to disobey their father, and he loses respect in their eyes, and this has a negative impact on their upbringing. 
If you know that you can set right the mistakes that you have made, then you must hasten to do that, by seeking forgiveness, repenting, regretting it and resolving not to do such things again. You must also ask your husband for forgiveness and obey him and treat him kindly. Thus you will earn the pleasure of Allaah and the pleasure of your husband, and you will raise your children well. This is the domestic bliss that many people miss out on, which slips through their fingers, but they are careless or too arrogant to set things straight. 
If you think that you are not able to set things straight or have no intention of doing so, then we advice you to separate and ask your husband for khula’, and you have to give him whatever you agree upon of the mahr, or more or less than that, so that he will divorce you. This is better for you than persisting in disobedience and increasing your burden of sin.  
Strive – may Allaah bless you – to set things straight in your home, make your husband happy and bring your children up well. Strive to stay with him, adopt a good attitude and refrain from everything that will make him think badly of you and cause division between you and your husband. We can sense from your words that you feel sorry about things that you have done that are contrary to sharee’ah. This is good but it needs to be strengthened. Strive to say du’aa’s at times when du’aa’s are answered, asking Allaah to purify your heart and actions, and to bless you with a good attitude. Do not hesitate to admit your mistakes to your husband and work out an agreement with him to set things straight between you. Refrain from arguing and reviling, and strive to be a good companion. We advise you to do ‘Umrah together, and to have a program to strengthen your faith and increase the bonds between you, such as fasting, reading Qur’aan and listening to useful tapes. 
We ask Allaah to guide you to that which is best in this world and the Hereafter. 
And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Zina
(fornication or adultery) is a major sin. Allaah has forbidden doing the
things that lead to it and has prescribed the hadd punishment for the one
who does it, and He has warned adulterers of punishment in the Hereafter. 

Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And come
not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that
transgresses its limits: a great sin), and an evil way that leads one to
hell unless Allaah forgives him”

[al-Isra’
17:32]. 

Ibn Jareer
al-Tabari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

“And come
not near” O people 

“to
unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its
limits: a great sin)”. Zina (translated here as “unlawful sex”) is a
great sin.  

“and an
evil way” i.e., the way of zina is an evil way, because it is the way of
the people who disobey Allaah and go against His command; what a bad way is
the way that leads a person to the fire of Hell. 

Tafseer
al-Tabari
(17/438). 

Shaykh ‘Abd
al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The
prohibition on approaching it is more eloquent than a simple prohibition on
doing it, because that includes the prohibition on all the things that lead
to it and promote it, because “the one who grazes his flock around a
protected areas will soon transgress upon it,” especially in a matter of
this nature when the motive is very strong. Allaah describes zina as
abhorrent, as He says “it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses
its limits: a great sin)”, i.e., it is a sin which is abhorrent
according to sharee’ah, reason and common sense, because it is a
transgression against Allaah, and against the woman and her family or
husband, and it leads to immorality, confusion of lineages and other evil
consequences. 

“and an
evil way” means: what an evil way is the way of the one who dares to
commit this grave sin. 

Tafseer
al-Sa’di
(p. 457). 

See also the
answers to questions no. 76060,
20983 and
95754. 

Secondly: 

With regard to
the abortion, if the soul had been breathed into the foetus, then this is
another crime in addition to the crime of zina. If the soul had not yet been
breathed into the foetus then it is less serious. 

For a detailed
discussion on that, please see the answers to questions no.
11195,
13319,
13331 and
90054. 

Thirdly: 

We praise
Allaah for having enabled you to repent, and we hope that it is sincere
repentance. The conditions of sincere repentance include: regretting the
sins that you have committed, and immediately giving up that immoral action,
and everything that leads to it such as contact, correspondence and dates.
The conditions of repentance also include resolving not to return to this
deed. 

You also have
to do a lot of righteous deeds, such as prayer, reading Qur’aan and fasting,
so as to strengthen your faith and piety. Good deeds erase bad deeds and
sincere repentance erases that which came before it, and turns bad deeds
into good deeds. Allaah says – after mentioning the sins of shirk
(associating others with Allaah), murder and zina – (interpretation of the
meaning):  

“Except
those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous
deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah
is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful” 

[al-Furqaan
25:70]. 

Fourthly: 

With regard to
marrying that criminal, you should understand that in order for the marriage
of a man and woman who had committed zina to be valid, it is essential that
they repent sincerely. It seems to us from your questions that he has not
repented from what he did, rather he had added to the first calamity the
other bad things that he is doing, such as smoking hasheesh and drinking
intoxicants. What we think is that one who is like this also does not pray.
If this is indeed the case, then it is definitely not permissible to accept
him as a husband, because not praying is kufr that puts a person beyond the
pale of Islam, and it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a
kaafir. 

For a more
detailed discussion on the issue of marrying a zaani (one who commits
fornication or adultery), please see the answers to questions no.
85335,
87894 and
96460. 

Fifthly: 

With regard to
having an operation to repair the hymen, this is haraam, because it is
deceiving the one who marries you. 

For a detailed
discussion of this matter, please see the answer to question no.
844. 

With regard to
telling your future husband that you lost your virginity in this haraam
relationship, that is not permissible, because it is exposing your faults,
and the Muslim is required to conceal his faults. You can use double
entendres in your speech. It is well known that the hymen may be broken by
means of something other than intercourse in some cases, so you can make the
most of that by using a double entendre. 

See the answer
to question no. 42992. 

But if it is
possible to encourage this person to repent sincerely and pray regularly,
and he shows sincerity and signs of repenting and praying regularly, then
there is nothing wrong with accepting him as a husband. Undoubtedly this
solution would be easier for you, and more concealing for you, but how could
one believe a person like that?! 

We ask Allaah
to accept your repentance and set your affairs straight, and to conceal our
faults and yours in this world and in the Hereafter. 

And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.In several previous answers
we have discussed the ruling on mixing at work and in places of study.
Please see the answer to question no.
1200 and 103044. 
With regard to your
problem, if you cannot leave school because of your social situation, then
you must look for another branch or faculty of the university where the
opportunities to deal with males and mix with them will be less, because the
basic principle of sharee’ah is that if evil cannot be warded off entirely,
then it must be reduced as much as possible. 
If you cannot manage to
make this change that we have suggested, then you have to observe complete
hijab, lower your gaze and be chaste of speech in all circumstances, and
reduce the opportunities of mixing with males. If you need something, then
ask females for it, and try to work out something with your professor so
that your projects will be done with female classmates. 
If that is not possible,
then it will be your responsibility to careful and mix less with men; beware
of being alone with one of them, even if it is for the purpose of study, and
keep your dealings with males to a minimum. If you are able to refuse to mix
with them sometimes or for some work, then do that. Let your dealings be
serious and do not let them get to know you or let the conversation go
beyond the topic of study. 
If you feel that you are
becoming fond of someone or he is becoming fond of you, then leave this
group and join another, even if your grades fall or your level of academic
achievement is affected, within bearable limits. 
Ask Allaah to protect you
and help you to avoid temptations both obvious and hidden, and seek help
with patience, prayer, fasting and remembrance of Allaah (dhikr). 
See also the answer to
question no. 72448.

Praise be to Allah.It was narrated that Abu Shurayh al-‘Adawi
said: I heard with my own two ears and I saw with my own two eyes when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke and
said: “Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his neighbour; whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his
guest as he is entitled.” It was said, ‘What is his entitlement, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “[The best treatment] for one day and one night;
and hospitality is for three days, and anything after that is charity bestowed upon him. And whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him,
speak good words or else remain silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5560; Muslim, 69. This version was narrated by al-Bukhaari. 
The guest has rights, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. There should be no doubt about this matter. If guests come without being invited, they should be
honoured, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. 
Yes, if they are bad friends or are those who
have nothing better to do and impose themselves on others all the time, then they should be treated in a manner that befits them, because they
annoy the people with their actions.  
But if it is your husband who is inviting a
lot of people to your house, then in this case you should speak to him in a gentle manner, and come to an agreement about how to invite people, so
that he will not invite anyone without speaking to you first, and you can agree to reduce the number of invitations in a suitable manner. 
You – may Allaah bless you – should not
express displeasure to your husband when the guests are there, because this is something that will make matters worse and will not solve the
problem. You have to be patient, because patience is the key to finding a way out. 
Strive to create a calm atmosphere in your
house, with good words and kind treatment. Some husband may resort to inviting a lot of friends over in an effort to relax, because their wives
may not be good at creating an atmosphere that suits their husbands, so that makes them look for this atmosphere with their friends. So try to
understand your husband’s nature so that you can create a suitable atmosphere that will make him happy and relaxed, which is what is he is looking
for with his friends. 
We ask Allaah to set things straight between
you, and to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and make things easy
for you, and to help you to obey Him and worship Him properly. Remember that
the alienation that you are feeling is a good sign for you, The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Islam began as something
strange and will revert to being something strange, so glad tidings to the
strangers.” Narrated by Muslim (145). 

The word tooba (translated here as “glad tidings”) has many
meanings, such as goodness and honour, a great tree in Paradise, joy and
happiness, and many other meanings, all of which may apply here. 

Al-Sindi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

“Strange” means because its followers are small in numbers.
The basic meaning of ghareeb (stranger) is one who is far from his home. 

“And will revert to being something strange” means that few
will adhere to it and help others to do so, even if the Muslims are many.  

“to the strangers” means those who follow its commands. 

“Tooba” is derived from the word tayyib (good), and it is
interpreted as referring to Paradise or to a great tree that grows there. 

This indicates that supporting Islam and obeying its commands
may require the one who does that to leave his homeland and be patient in
bearing the hardships of being away from his homeland, as was the case when
it first began. 

Sharh Sunan Ibn Majaah (hadeeth
no 3986. 

Secondly: 

You have the best example in the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He brought light to his people,
but they insisted on remaining in the darkness of kufr and ignorance. They
accused him of being a sorcerer, soothsayer or madman, but he was patient in
calling them, and he did not get fed up of repeating his call, using
different methods of calling individuals and groups, calling in secret and
in the open, until he attained great success. Similarly, daa’iyahs who came
after him called the kuffaar to Islam, and called sinners to obedience, and
called innovators to the Sunnah. Many of them experienced hardship, distress
and difficulties, but that did not stop them from persisting in da’wah. Were
it not for that, Islam would not have reached your country, the Maldives! 

Think about these examples, and do what they did, and be
patient as they were patient, so that you may attain the pleasure of Allaah.
What you hear of mockery and being called “Wahhabis” was said by those who
came before them, and the fools still repeat it with regard to those who
promote the Sunnah, but that does not harm them or make them stop conveying
the religion of Allaah. 

Thirdly: 

In addition to being patient in calling people, we advise you
to select wise people among other women and your relatives to convey the
religion of Allaah to them and remind them of the truths of Islam, for if
people are happy to belong to Islam, that does not prevent them from
following the Sunnah, but there may be other obstacles that are preventing
them from coming to the path of truth, such as misguided scholars and
proponents of bid’ah, or specious arguments and whims and desires, and so
on. It may also be due to the fact that we are failing to convey the truth
of Islam to them, or we do not have wise ways of conveying it. 

You have to be gentle and patient, and select the wisest
people, and address them politely. Use different means such as audio tapes,
video lectures and books, and you may see some good results. 

Fourthly:  

Strive to make your house the focal point of this da’wah.
Start with your husband and children, so that this will become a house of
blessing for all people. Remember that our mother Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid
was the first one of this ummah to become Muslim, and she was the first one
to support the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in
conveying the message and calling her daughters to Islam. Her house was the
first house to become Muslim, and from it the call of goodness spread to all
corners of the earth, so be like her and follow her example. 

In the answer to question no.
9380 you will find more advice and
suggestions, which we hope you will read. There is no need to repeat them
here. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.We praise Allaah for having blessed you and
guided you to obey Him and please Him, and that your husband has been guided to change the way he treats you. We hope that this will give you hope
that your husband will improve and mend his ways, in sha Allah. 
You should note that a righteous woman can
change many of her husband’s attitude and habits, if she goes about doing so in a wise and kindly manner, without being hasty. 
Some husbands are put off by repeated advice
from their wives, especially if that is in the presence of their children, because they may see that as an affront to their dignity or a
belittling of their character. 
Hence you should pay proper attention to
that, and choose the right moment to advise him from time to time. You should also be kind and loving towards him when offering advice, in the
hope that he will respond. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the
Divine Revelation and the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better”
[al-Nahl 16:125]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “Kindness is not present in a thing but it makes it beautiful, and it is not missing from a thing but it makes it ugly.”
(Narrated by Muslim, 2594, from the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her). 
The husband is the most deserving of people
to be treated kindly, because of his status and position. 
We advise you to use various means to
accomplish your mission, such as giving him some tapes and books, or bringing them home and leaving them near him, turning to Allaah and asking
Him to put things right between you and to open your husband’s heart so that he will know the truth and act in accordance with it. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Marriage is not permissible and is not valid except with a
wali, according to the majority of scholars, because of the words of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “There is no
marriage without a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101)
and Ibn Majaah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“There is no marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good
character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and
‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ 7557. 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her
marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But
if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed
him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian
of the one who has no guardian.”  Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood
(2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
al-Jaami’ no. 2709. 

The woman’s guardian is her father; then her paternal
grandfathers, no matter how far the line of ascent reaches; then her son and
his sons, no matter how far the line of descent reaches (this applies if she
has a son); then her (full) brother through her father and mother; then her
(half) brother through her father only; then their sons, no matter how far
the line of descent reaches; then her paternal uncles; then their children,
no matter how far the line of descent reaches; then the father’s paternal
uncles; then the ruler. (al-Mughni 9/355). 

But if the wali repeatedly refuses the proposal of a
compatible suitor, he is to be regarded as preventing the marriage of the
female relative under his care, and his guardianship is thus rendered null
and void, and that right is transferred to the next closest relative on the
father’s side. 

Secondly: 

The compatibility that counts here is compatibility in
religious commitment. There is no difference between an Arab and a non-Arab,
or between black and white, except in terms of taqwa (piety). Some of the
fuqaha’ listed other conditions of compatibility, such as lineage and so on.
The fact that the suitor is a teacher and you are a (university) tutor does
not mean that he is not compatible with you, so long as he is of good
character and religiously committed, and he is comfortably off in material
terms, as you mentioned. 

Thirdly: 

What we think is that you should try to advise your father
again, and seek help in doing so from someone who will be acceptable to him
such as a relative or friend. If he agrees to give you in marriage to this
suitor, this is what you want; otherwise you should refer to the matter to
the guardian (wali) who comes after him, according to the order mentioned
above. If he refuses to arrange your marriage, or there is a conflict among
the guardians, then refer the matter to the qaadi and appoint him to arrange
your marriage. 

Fourthly: 

What this guardian and others like him do is very strange,
when they turn their daughters into trade goods to be offered to the highest
bidder, or to the one who is better off than others. Even stranger than that
is when they claim that the daughter has no need to get married! What does
this poor man understand about need? Doesn’t he know that people need
comfort, love and compassion, and that they have natural needs that Allaah
has created in them, by His wisdom, may He be glorified? The woman’s wali
has to fear Allaah and understand that preventing his daughter or sister
from getting married to a compatible suitor who is pleased with her is
regarded as wrongdoing and transgression and implies that he is an evildoer
(faasiq) whose good character is sullied and whose testimony is to be
rejected. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

If the wali refused to let a woman marry a man whose
religious commitment and character are good, then guardianship passes to the
next closest male relative on the father’s side, then the next closest and
so on. If they refuse to arrange her marriage, as usually happens, then
guardianship passes to the qaadi, and the qaadi should arrange the woman’s
marriage. If the matter is referred to him and he knows that her guardians
have refused to arrange her marriage, then he should do that, because he is
the wali in cases where there is no specific wali.   

The fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) stated that if
the wali repeatedly refuses marriage proposals from suitable men, then he is
a faasiq (evildoer) and is no longer regarded as being of good character or
as being a wali, rather according to the best known view of the madhhab of
Imam Ahmad, he also forfeits the right to lead prayers and it is not valid
to offer any congregational prayer behind him. This is a serious matter.  

Some people, as we have referred to above, refuse offers of
marriage from compatible men, but the girl may feel too shy to come to the
qaadi to ask for her marriage to be arranged. This is something that does
happen. But she should weigh the pros and cons, and decide which has the
more damaging consequences, staying without a husband and letting her wali
control her life according to his mood or his whims and desires, and when
she grows old and no longer wants to get married, then he will arrange her
marriage, or going to the qaadi and asking him to arrange her marriage
because that is her right according to sharee’ah. 

 Undoubtedly the second alternative is preferable, which is
that she should go to the qaadi and ask him to arrange her marriage, because
she has the right to that, and because her going to the qaadi and his
arranging her marriage serves the interests of others too, because others
will come just as she has, and her coming to the qaadi will serve as a
deterrent to those who wrong those whom Allaah has put under their care and
prevent them from marrying compatible men. In other words, this serves three
purposes:  

1.     The woman’s own interests, so that she will not stay
without a husband.

2.     The interests of others, because it will open the door
for women who are waiting for someone to set a precedent they can follow.

3.     Preventing those oppressive walis who make decisions
for their daughters or other women under their guardianship according to
their own moods or what they themselves want.  

This also serves the purpose of establishing the command of
the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “If
there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter) one with whose
religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your
daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah
(tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.”    

It also serves a specific interest, which is arranging
marriages for those who are suitable in terms of religious commitment and
character, thus protecting them from going astray and falling into haraam.  

Quoted from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/148 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which in which is
goodness and success. 

And Allaah knows best.