Tag: Q n A

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:
Families are not without problems, some of which are easy to resolve and some of which are difficult. One who wants to solve his own problems or the problems of someone else must understand the causes that led to those differences and conflict and resentment, whether it is between spouses, between friends, or between father and son, or any parties to a conflict.
We do not know the cause of the differences between you and your wife, so we can only offer general advice that may be suitable for you and for others.
You should look for the cause of those differences between you and your wife. You may be the main cause, or a large part of the cause, because of something in your nature that you cannot change, or because of poor treatment on your part of your wife, or because you pay little attention to her and your children, or for any other out of many possible reasons. So you must correct your mistakes, and put an end to those differences by putting an end to their causes, if the problem is on your side. You cannot be unaware that kind treatment of your wife, showing her compassion, praising her for what she does, and taking good care of the children, whilst striving to bring what the household needs, will all make a wife pleased with her husband, which will create love between the spouses and spread compassion in the household.
But if the causes of the problems and differences between you stem from the wife, then you must also deal with this matter with wisdom and kindly exhortation. The easiest thing for the husband – in principle and in most cases – is to win his wife over and make her love what she hates, and hate what she loves, because when a wife is pleased with a man as her husband, she will be content to live according to his wishes and interests, and she does not necessarily have to love that and be pleased with it. This is the nature of wives in general; hence a woman follows her husband. Therefore it is prohibited for a Muslim woman to marry a disbeliever. This is also the reason why it is advised to make a good choice of husband, and to choose one who is of good character and religiously committed, lest the woman be negatively affected by his lack of religious commitment and character.
Secondly:
It may be that a husband is not compatible with his wife, so he will not be able to improve the way he deals with her, and she will not be able to fulfil the permissible desires of her husband. In that case it is better for them to separate, because their staying together will be a waste of time and will cause a great deal of problems and distress.
Based on what is mentioned in the question, we say: if the husband does not think that his wife is not willing to change her attitude towards him, and he is not the cause of these problems, then he has no choice but to divorce her, taking the last option for remedying the situation. It is not required that the wife should accept this as a solution, because her approval is not a factor in the case of divorce. We are only saying that the solution for these problems is divorce for several reasons, based on your question:

It is not possible that your wife will change her attitude and manners, because the problems between you have been going on for a long time.
You are not able to take another wife, because of your environment.
The fear that you may fall into haraam because she does not fulfil your sexual desires.

So give her one last chance, and set a deadline for her to change her attitude. then if there is no change on her part, do not hesitate to issue a divorce, and beware of falling into haraam, for according to the laws of Allah you are muhsan (married or previously-married), and the hadd punishment is stoning if you fall into haraam – Allah forbid. There are many warnings in Islam for the one who transgresses the sacred rights of others and the one who commits the shameful deeds that Allah has forbidden, so be very, very careful.
And Allah is the source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.The problem cannot be solved through advice and preaching; rather what you are suffering from is a behavioural problem, which requires a practical solution and remedy, and mere words of exhortation and verbal advice will not be sufficient.
The first thing you should do to overcome this shortcoming is clearly to persist until you complete the deed. Probably the first successful experience will motivate you to keep going until you complete all your deeds and do them perfectly. What will help you to achieve that is two things:
1. Dividing the deed into small steps, so that you will feel more motivated to complete each stage on its own, and keep going until you reach the last stage and complete it. That is because human nature finds large, lengthy tasks burdensome. So there is no alternative but to break the task down into stages until you achieve it.
2. Choosing short and quick tasks and beginning with them, so that you will be able to complete them. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “O people, you should only do deeds that you are able for, for Allah does not grow weary but you do. The most beloved of deeds to Allah is that which is done persistently, even if it is little.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5861) and Muslim (782). And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The most beloved of actions to Allah are those which are done persistently, even if they are little.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5861) and Muslim (783). 
Imam an-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: In other words, that which you will be able to do regularly without it causing you any harm. This indicates that it is encouraged to be moderate in doing acts of worship and to avoid taking on too much. The hadith is not speaking only of prayer; rather it is general in meaning and applies to all righteous deeds. End quote.
Sharh an-Nawawi ‘ala Muslim (6/70-71).
We advise you to read some books and psychological studies, which you can benefit from regarding this matter. Such books include: al-Futoor, Asbaabuhu wa ‘Ilaajuhu by Shaykh Dr. Naasir al-‘Umar, and ‘Ajz ath-Thiqaat by Shaykh Dr. Muhammad Moosa ash-Shareef.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:

Forming
friendships, in the light of what you have mentioned of your love for people
and your kindness and politeness towards them, should be easy, in sha Allah.

That is because
the basic foundation for success in social relationships is love for people,
and being kind and polite towards them.

After that, all
you have to do is take some effective practical steps to establish and build
friendships and strengthen bonds, such as trying to take part in some
collective activities, the most important of which is praying in
congregation in the mosque in your university, if possible, or joining some
women’s activities in your college.

You can also try
to join various student clubs – that are for females only – which will give
you the opportunity to get to know people and make friends with other female
students in your class.

You can also
establish contact with other female students with whom you share common
interests, such as sharing a love of reading, exchanging useful books with
one another and encouraging one another to do good deeds, such as reading
Qur’an, praying regularly, attending study circles, helping the needy among
your fellow students and neighbours, and other activities that are of
benefit in both religious and worldly terms.

Another
beneficial means of establishing friendships is helping students who have
difficulties in understanding some subjects and topics, by providing them
with notes and trying to explain the material to them and make it easy for
them.

Secondly:

With regard to
your infatuation with that young man, what appears to be the case is that
this is the result of some hidden emotions that have manifested themselves
in a wrong way, because of your ongoing anxiety at not being able to form
friendships, and your feeling that the students are ignoring you.

Whatever the
case, what you must do in this situation, according to Islamic teachings, is
to release this energy and these emotions in a manner that is pleasing to
Allah and that will benefit you in this world and in the hereafter, such as
expressing it in the form of love for Allah, may He be exalted, and striving
to obey Him, and love for the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) and following his Sunnah, forming friendships and sound
relationships with others, doing charitable or humanitarian deeds, honouring
your parents, upholding ties of kinship, and showing kindness to neighbours.

There is nothing
wrong with devoting some of your energy to keeping pets or growing plants,
or other appropriate, permissible deeds, in order to provide an outlet for
hidden emotions.

You must also
close every door that could enable you to follow this young man and become
more attached to him, because of what could result from that of sin, first
of all, and also psychological and spiritual exhaustion.

Moreover, this
young man does not know you or love you or care about you, and following him
will lead to nothing except a vicious circle of emotional and psychological
pain, in addition to what you will accumulate of sin as a result of loving
one whom Allah has commanded you to hate, let alone the corruption that this
may cause to your heart, soul and spirit as a result of getting used to
following this evil person and listening to his foul language and shameless
words and deeds.

May Allah help
us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, may He be
glorified.

Praise be to Allah.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to
increase your reward and grant you the best reward for your efforts in
caring for your children and giving them an Islamic upbringing. From your
letter, we sense that you have done what Allah, may He be exalted, enjoined
upon you with regard to the trust with which He entrusted you.

The fact that your son has drifted away
from obedience to his Lord, may He be exalted, and has chosen for himself
the path of deviation, misguidance and atheism, should not make you feel
anxious or guilty, or feel that the way in which you brought up your
children was the cause of that, as was suggested by this deviant son. Rather
you have done well and are in a good state, if Allah wills, and others who
did not make the effort you made are the ones who have fallen short with
regard to themselves and with regard to their children. So do not pay any
attention to the whispers of the Shaytaan and do not let what your son said
bar you from continuing in your efforts to give your children a good Islamic
upbringing and to remain committed and adhering to Islamic teachings.

You should realise that it is not your
fault that your son got into this situation and you will not carry the
burden of his sins, for you did not spare any effort in teaching him and
guiding him to the path of Islam. One who is like you (and spared no effort)
cannot be held responsible if some members of his family drift away from the
right path (and will not incur any sin). Rather the one who will incur sin
is the one who fell short or was negligent in taking care of his children.

We see what happened to the son and wife
of Nooh (peace be upon him), and how they were doomed along with those who
were doomed, despite the fact that Nooh (peace be upon him) never spared any
effort in calling them and trying to guide them. But they did not respond to
him, so Allah punished them and they were among those who drowned. Something
similar may be said concerning the wife of Loot (peace be upon him) and the
father of Ibraaheem (peace be upon him), and Abu Taalib, the uncle of the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). Each of these Prophets
and Messengers did what Allah, may He be exalted, had enjoined him to do and
fulfilled the trust in the most perfect manner. They did not fall short with
regard to their families, but hearts are in the hand of Allah, may He be
exalted; He guides whom He wills and He leaves astray whom He wills, and He
leaves no one astray astray except the evildoers. Allah, may He be exalted,
says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Not upon
you (Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)) is their guidance,
but Allah guides whom He wills”

[al-Baqarah 2:272]

“Verily!
You (O Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)) guide not whom
you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He knows best those who are
the guided”

[al-Qasas 28:56].

Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan as-Sa‘di (may Allah
have mercy on him) said:

Here Allah, may He be exalted, is saying:
Verily you, O Muhammad – and others more so – cannot guide anyone, even
those who are the dearest of people to you. No one has the ability to guide
anyone, that is, to make them accept guidance or to create faith in their
hearts. Rather that is in the hand of Allah alone, may He be glorified and
exalted: He guides whomever He wills, and He knows best who is deserving of
guidance, so He guides him, and who is not deserving of that, so he leaves
him to go astray.

As for the attribution of guidance to the
Messenger in the verse in which Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning),
“And verily, you (O Muhammad
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)) are indeed guiding (mankind) to
the Straight Path (i.e. Allah’s religion of Islamic Monotheism)”
[ash-Shoora 42:52], that
is guidance in the sense of explaining and teaching. The Messenger shows the
straight path and encourages people to follow it, doing his utmost to see
people follow the path. But as for creating faith in people’s hearts and
enabling them to act upon it, he has no ability to do that at all.

Tafseer as-Sa‘di
(620).

See also the answer to question no.
12053.

Based on that, you have no option but to
pray that he be guided. So turn to your Lord, may He be exalted, and offer a
great deal of supplication (du‘aa’) to Him before dawn and when prostrating,
in the hope that Allah, may He be exalted, may answer your prayers.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said:
The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“There are three prayers that will undoubtedly be answered: the prayer of
one who has been wronged; the prayer of the traveller; and the prayer of a
father concerning his child.”

Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (1905), Abu Dawood
(1563), and Ibn Maajah (3862); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh
at-Tirmidhi.

Al-Azeemabaadi (may Allah have mercy on
him) said:

“the prayer of a father” – i.e., for or
against his child. The mother is not mentioned because her right is greater,
so her prayer is more likely to be answered.

‘Awn al-Ma‘bood,
4/276.

An-Minnaawi (may Allah have mercy on him)
said:

“the prayer of a father for his child” –
because he sincerely loves him and gives him precedence over himself.
Because he is so sincere towards his child, his supplication is more likely
to be answered. The mother is not mentioned, despite the fact that she has
more right and is closer to her son, which means that her supplication is
more likely to be answered than that of the father, because that is
self-evident.

Fayd al-Qadeer,
3/301.

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen
(may Allah have mercy on him) said:

“the prayer of a father” – in some
versions of the hadith it says “against his child” and in some version it is
not mentioned; in other words, the father’s prayer may be for or against his
child. This is the more correct version; the father’s prayer for or against
his child will be answered. As for his praying for him, he prays for him out
of compassion and mercy, and whoever shows mercy to people, Allah, may He be
glorified and exalted, will show mercy to him. As for praying against him,
he cannot pray against his son unless the son deserves that, and if he prays
against him when he deserves it, then Allah will answer his prayer.

These are the three answered prayers: the
prayer of one who has been wronged; the prayer of the traveller, and the
prayer of the parent, whether that is the mother or the father.

Sharh Riyadh as-Saaliheen
(3/157), Dar Ibn Haytham edition.

We have explained the conditions of
supplication so that it might be acceptable to Allah and be answered, in the
answer to question no. 13506.

We have explained the places and times
when supplications are answered in the answer to question no.
22438.

With regard to your not helping him to get
married, and not going with him to anyone, this is what you should do, even
if he stays like that (i.e., single) until the end of his life. That is
because people, as you say, will be deceived by what they know of your
religious commitment, and will think that your son is like you – or at
least, if he is different or has drifted away, no one would ever imagine
that he has sunk to that level (i.e., atheism). You should carry on advising
him and seek the help of someone who is specialised in such matters who
could sit with him, debate with him and answer his doubts. This may be more
effective and beneficial than debating on websites.

We ask Allah to guide us and you to the
straight path, and to set straight for us the affairs of our spouses and
children.

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Undoubtedly a great deal of criticism and arguing in front of
the children is something negative that undermines harmony and love.
Our advice to you and your husband is to reduce that as
much as possible, and to show restraint; each of you should force himself to
be patient with the other and to delay issues of arguments and discussion
until you are by yourselves.

Our advice to the husband is not to think that any human
being could be free of faults or shortcomings, because that is part of human
nature, so how about the woman, whose basic nature the Prophet (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him) has told us about, and said that there is no
hope of changing her nature completely.

It was narrated from Samurah ibn Jundub that the Messenger of
Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

“Woman was created from a rib; if you try to straighten her
you will break her. So be kind to her and you will live with ease with her.”

Narrated by Ahmad (20093) and Ibn Hibbaan (4178); classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani.

Moreover, our advice to you is not to respond to criticism
with more arguments and stubbornness, because this will put more strain on
the connection between you, which is about to break because of that. Being
more easy-going and diplomatic is something that is required from both
parties. It is required from the husband, in the form of kindness,
overlooking mistakes and showing compassion, and it is required from the
religiously committed, smart and wise wife to put up with the annoyance
of her husband, and not to be so harsh with him if he is harsh with her;
rather she should be easy-going, as much as she can, avoid provoking his
anger and not be confrontational. She should be as gentle as she can, and be
soft with him.

It was narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbaas said: The
Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Shall I
not tell you about your wives among the people of Paradise: the one who is
loving, fertile, and beneficial to her husband, who if she is upset or
annoyed, she comes and takes her husband’s hand, then she says: ‘By Allah, I
shall not sleep until you are pleased with me.”

Narrated by an-Nasaa’i in as-Sunan al-Kubra (9094);
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in as-Saheehah (287)

What is well-established in psychology, and what is known
from experience, is that stubbornness and arguing with a husband who is not
patient with lengthy discussions and arguments will only result in bad
consequences for the marriage and will increase resentment between the
spouses.

Our advice to our sister is to discuss less and go along with
him, and to show a great deal of admiration for his thoughts and opinions in
general, even if you differ concerning some of the details. With this
attitude you can reduce arguments, dispel resentment and make him more open
to listening to your discussion and point of view. It would be a good idea
for you to go to a psychologist who specialises in couples counselling,
because that can help to uncover the subtle causes of the problem between
you and deal with the matter in an effective manner.

You should realise that it is not a must for the husband to
consult his wife; rather he may consult someone whose opinion and experience
he trusts among his family and friends, or experts other than people whom he
knows.

The most that can be said regarding the issue of a man
consulting his wife is that it is something that is encouraged and is good,
and it comes under the heading of kind treatment and noble character.
Moreover, people vary in their nature, attitude, way of thinking and
behaviour. So be wise, and do not take risks with regard to your family life
and marriage. Forgive him some of his harshness and put up with some of his
obstinacy, so long as it does not involve sin and no obvious harm will
result to you or your family. Put up with what you dislike, for in patiently
bearing what one dislikes there is a great deal of good, as the most
truthful one (the Prophet – blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said.

·

With regard to
the mother’s instinct, from a linguistic point of view the Arabic word for
instinct means nature. In terms of psychology, it refers to human behaviour
that is based on nature and heredity. Every person has instincts and
inclinations that differ according to his inherent nature and hereditary
factors. Based on that, the mother’s instinct is no more than maternal
behaviour that is based on her nature and genetic makeup. One of the most
well-known manifestations of these natural instincts is the mother’s
instinct to protect her child and ward off anything that may harm him.

But this instinct may become contaminated and malfunction
because of unsound social influences and customs because of which the mother
sees what is beneficial as harmful, so that facts are turned upside down in
her mind and she becomes confused.

Therefore the mother should not be regarded as reliable
unless it is proven that she is mature and well balanced, and that she is
not influenced by unsound standards that are alien to sound human nature.

The same may be said concerning the father’s instinct and
what may result from it.

·

Finally:

Your husband should be kind to your mother and treat her
well, even if she has a different point of view than him. That is because
she is like his own mother, and responding in a better way to bad treatment
has a magical effect on people. Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“Repel (the evil deed) with one
which is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at
the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily!
he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a
close friend”

[Fussilat 41:35].

In addition to that, you should pay attention to the fact
that your husband does not like you to consult your mother, because your
insistance on consulting her and seeking her opinion, despite what you
say about the relationship between them not being good, makes matters
worse. A man does not like even someone who agrees with him to interfere in
his decisions and leadership, so what you think about one who differs with
him?!

So do not do what he resents and do not refrain from doing
what he likes. We give you the glad tidings that the Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) gave: “If a woman offers her five
daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys
her husband, she will enter through whichever of the gates of Paradise she
wants.”

Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan (4163); classed as hasan by al-Albaani

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to decree healing and reward
for you, healing from this problem with which Allah is testing you and
reward for attaining knowledge and for your intention to spread it among
people. 

This stammer with which Allah is testing you is a problem
that requires patience in order to rid yourself of it, and training to teach
the tongue to pronounce words steadily and out loud, with confidence. But
before all of that you should seek the help of Allah, may He be exalted. It
has to do with your psychology and sometimes, in some people, it has to do
with a physical problem. We advise you to consult specialists in speech
therapy and diseases of the jaw and tongue. 

In al-Mawsoo‘ah al-‘Arabiyyah al-‘Aalamiyyah it says: 

There are a number of ways in which those who have a stammer
can attain perfect fluency. These ways include: reading out loud with
others, talking in supportive environments, or talking with friends. End
quote. 

 Whatever the case: 

You should understand that you will be rewarded for attaining
knowledge, and the difficulty that you suffer in attaining it will increase
you in reward. 

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Messenger of Allah
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The one who is skilled in
reciting Qur’an will be with the noble, obedient scribes and the one who
recites Qur’an and falters therein, and finds it difficult, will have a
double reward.”

Narrated by Muslim (798) 

Imam al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

Faltering refers to stumbling and having difficulty in
speech. He will have a double reward, because of his recitation and because
of the difficulty he encounters. 

Tafseer al-Qurtubi
(1/30). 

If you want to benefit others with what you learn of
knowledge, then you have two options: 

1.

You can benefit people with your writings, in which case it
is not essential that the one who seeks to benefit others should be able to
pronounce the letters well. There are leading scholars of Islam from among
the early generations of whose knowledge nothing has reached us except their
books; we have not heard a single letter from them. Some of the contemporary
scholars and callers decided to refrain from addressing people directly –
which does not necessarily mean that they cannot express themselves well –
and they focus their efforts on benefitting others by their pens and writing
very useful books. There is a great deal of room for writing in newspapers,
magazines, websites and other options. 

2.

You can make your resolve firm and face reality head-on by
meeting people face-to-face and teaching them verbally. Some of the imams
and other scholars also had a stammer, but when they ascended the minbar and
spoke to people, they would speak fluently and with ease, and there would be
no stumbling over even a single letter. One of these scholars was Shaykh
‘Abd ar-Rahman ad-Dawsari (may Allah have mercy on him), and there are other
famous scholars. This was their situation; the stammer did not prevent them
from being eloquent khateebs, and in some cases they combined that with
brilliant writing. 

There is another example, a virtuous sister who studied
sharee‘ah until she obtained her PhD in that field. Read what she herself
says: 

When I looked at my peers and colleagues in the department, I
found that some of them were able to brush off the dust of the Shaytaan –
namely blameworthy shyness when calling people to Allah – and why could I
not do that too? Why could I not instil in myself trust in Allah? So I
decided to begin straightaway in the prayer room of the university. My
specialisation in da‘wah had given me particular insight into the scheming
of our enemies, and their ongoing war against Islam, so how long would we
have to wait to respond? I thought about a way to treat my stammer, which
was by not speaking quickly and – in the beginning – not looking at the
audience; rather I would look around the room so that I would not feel
nervous. Any letter that I could not pronounce easily, I would change it to
another letter that was easier for me. 

By the grace of Allah, I began to give lessons in the prayer
room of the University, but without supervision from any of the female
professors. Obviously, supervision of the female professors may give
strength and support to the one who wants to call people to Allah, and make
her more precise and correct in what she is discussing and teaching, so that
it will not be mere expressions of emotion. 

End quote. 

We also give you the glad tidings that one of the people we
know who are active in seeking and spreading knowledge also has a stammer;
even though he cannot rid himself of it, his classes and lectures have
benefitted many seekers of knowledge. Giving classes is different from
preaching, and it is possible to benefit seekers of knowledge and teach them
many books, even before ridding oneself of this problem. So go ahead with
that to which Allah has opened your heart of seeking beneficial knowledge,
and remember that if you  are sincere towards Allah, may He be exalted, in
your intention to seek and spread knowledge, then you will be rewarded
whatever the case, whether you are able to actually spread knowledge and
teach, or something prevents you from doing that. 

We ask Allah to make your affairs easy for you and to enable
you to do that which pleases Him. 

For information on the virtues of seeking knowledge and of
the scholars, please see the answer to question no.
10471. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
We think that this opinion is wrong, because it is Allah, may
He be exalted, who grants abundant provision to whomever He wills or grants
it in scant measure. The reason is not the large size of the population,
because there is no creature on earth but its provision is granted by Allah,
but Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, gives and withholds on the basis
of wisdom. 

Our advice to the one who holds such views is that he should
fear Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, and give up this false belief.
He should understand that no matter how much the population of the world
increases, if Allah so willed, He could grant them all abundant provision,
but Allah says in His Book (interpretation of the meaning):

“And if Allah
were to enlarge the provision for His slaves, they would surely rebel in the
earth, but He sends down by measure as He wills. Verily! He is in respect of
His slaves, the Well-Aware, the All-Seer (of things that benefit them)”

[ash-Shoora 42:27]. 

Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) 

Fataawa ‘Ulama’ al-Balad al-Haraam
(p. 1084)

Undoubtedly calling for restrictions or reductions on the
numbers of children one has is contrary to the command of the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) who said: “Marry women who are
loving and fertile, for I shall be proud of your large numbers before other
nations.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2050); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Irwa’ al-Ghaleel (1784)

Allah, may He be exalted, has guaranteed provision for all
creatures, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And no
(moving) living creature is there on earth but its provision is due from
Allah”

[Hood 11:6].

Opposing population increase, whether by imposing means of
contraception or abortion or otherwise, based on the belief that resources
are not sufficient for an increased population, or that the interests of
humanity dictate reduction in population growth, this is explicitly denying
the Lordship of Allah and His care for His creation, and the abundance of
His provision. It is akin to the beliefs of the polytheists, who used to
kill their children for fear of poverty. Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“kill not
your children because of poverty – We provide sustenance for you and for
them”

[al-An‘aam 6:151]

“And kill not
your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely,
the killing of them is a great sin”

[al-Isra’ 17:31].

The large size of the ummah is one of the blessings of Allah,
may He be exalted, for which He deserves to be thanked and He alone deserves
to be worshipped. Hence Allah, may He be exalted, tells us that His Prophet
Shu‘ayb (peace be upon him) reminded his people of some of the blessings
that Allah had bestowed upon them, as he said (interpretation of the
meaning):

“And remember when you were but few, and He multiplied you”

[al-A‘raaf 7:86].

The large size of the ummah is one of the means of its
strength and victory over its enemies. Hence Allah, may He be exalted, says
concerning the Children of Israel (interpretation of the meaning):

“Then We gave you once again, a return of victory over them.
And We helped you with wealth and children and made you more numerous in man
power”

[al-Isra’ 17:7].

According to a future study about Egypt, Dr Muhammad Sayyid
Ghallaab said:

Population increase has never been a burden, and it is not
right to regard it as such in the coming century, for it is what allowed
Egypt to achieve progress in all eras.

According to another study, Dr Mustafa al-Fiqqi indicates
that one of the most important factors that allowed Egypt to play an
influential role in the Arab world is that it is regarded as the storehouse
of human resources.

Prof Khurshid Ahmad, the expert economist, says:

In the future, prevalence and power can only be on the side
of countries that enjoy an increase in population and at the same time are
advanced in various scientific fields. There is nothing that could enable
the Western nations to maintain their international dominance and leadership
apart from trying to support the movement that promotes population control
and contraception in Asia and Africa. For that reason, the Western countries
today are striving their utmost to increase their own populations, but at
the same time they are resorting to the best media and propaganda methods
that they have in order to support the population control movement in Asian
and African countries.

He also said:

How true are the words of Organski [an American thinker] who
said: In the future, power will only be on the side of the camp that has the
greater number of people.

He also said:

It is obvious to the student of history that population size
is of fundamental political significance. Therefore every civilisation or
superpower has focused its efforts on increasing its population during the
stages of its rise and development. Hence the well-known historian Prof.
Will Durant regards having a large population is one of the most important
means of civil progress. Prof Arnold Toynbee also regards increasing the
population size as one of the most important challenges to be met in order
for any human civilization to exist and progress.

In order to avoid any misinterpretation of what is stated
above, we should note that population increase on its own is not sufficient
to achieve progress, establish a civilisation and prevail over the enemy.
Rather it is an essential means of achieving that, but it is not the only
means, because it should be accompanied by a strong education system, sound
upbringing of the new generation, the establishment of justice and security
in society, and fighting corruption, and –  over and above all of that –
faith and piety. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):

“And if the
people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We
should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth, but
they belied (the Messengers). So We took them (with punishment) for what
they used to earn (polytheism and crimes, etc.)”

[al-A‘raaf 7:96].

The voices of the enemies of Islam have begun to cry out,
warning against the large numbers of Muslims, and saying that this is one of
the main dangers that threaten them.

In a book entitled Changes in the Geography of the Middle
East by Prof. Arnon Soffer (1984 CE) – which is a textbook in the Jewish
state that is regarded as a reference work for specialists there – the
writer states that the high population increase in Egypt is of concern to
Israel, because of the possibility of establishing a strong army.

On 19/1/1988 the Daily Telegraph newspaper published
an article entitled “The Population Time-Bomb in the Mediterranean Basin”,
in which the author discusses this issue that gives the West sleepless
nights, namely the great population increase in the countries to the
south-east of the Mediterranean, and the population decline of the countries
to its north. The article quotes a report of the United Nations Environment
Program which states that two-thirds of the inhabitants of the Mediterranean
in the nineteen-fifties were European, in countries extending from the
Straits of Gibraltar to the Bosporus, but this picture will be reversed by
2025, when the Mediterranean will become an Islamic – if not Arab – sea.

This article indicates, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that
the one who propagates the issues of population control and restricting
population increase among the Muslims, and supports all activities that are
striving to achieve that under many slogans, such as family planning, social
planning and so on… We say that the one who supports that is only serving
the enemies of Islam and the Muslims and is working in their interests,
whether they are aware of that or not.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

As for the view that supports population control, this is
undoubtedly one of the plots of the enemies of the Muslims, who want the
Muslims not to increase in number, because the very idea scares them, for
the Muslims will become self-sufficient and will not need anyone else; thus
the Muslims will be able to produce their own food and establish their own
businesses, and that will lead to improvement in the economy and serve other
interests and aims. But if the Muslims remain few, they will become
humiliated and will need others in everything. End quote.

Tafseer Soorat al-Baqarah
(2/88)

Finally, we need to increase the population, along with
Islamization of development plans, Islamization of regulations, and
Islamization of laws, in addition to benefitting from modern sciences. 

For more information, please see the book Harakat Tahdeed
an-Nasl (Birth Control Movement) by Abu’l-A‘la al-Mawdoodi (Maududi) (p.
178-186); Majallat al-Bayaan (issue no, 11/107, 191)

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

If it has become clear to you
that she is having a haraam relationship with another man, or it becomes
clear to you that she is committing zina, or she admits that to you, it is
permissible for you to put pressure on her to give up the delayed portion of
her mahr. 

Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“O
you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will, and
you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the
Mahr you have given them, unless they are guilty of brazenly immoral
conduct. And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that
you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good”

[an-Nisa’ 4:19]. 

“brazenly
immoral conduct”
does not refer only to zina; rather it also includes open defiance and
disobedience towards a husband, and reviling him and his family. So it is
more apt that having a haraam relationship with another man should also be
included in that and come under the same ruling. 

Ibn Katheer (may Allah have
mercy on him) said: 

With regard to the words “unless
they are guilty of brazenly immoral conduct”,
Ibn Mas‘ood, Ibn ‘Abbaas, Sa‘eed ibn al-Musayyab, ash-Sha‘bi, al-Hasan al-Basri,
Muhammad ibn Sireen, Sa‘eed ibn Jubayr, Mujaahid, ‘Ikrimah, ‘Ata’, al-Khurasaani,
ad-Dahhaak, Abu Qilaabah, Abu Saalih, as-Suddi, Zayd ibn Aslam, and Sa‘eed
ibn Abi Hilaal said: What is meant by that is zina, i.e., if she commits
zina, then you have the right to ask her to return the mahr that you gave
her, and to  put pressure on her so that she will give it up to you and you
will divorce her by khula‘, as Allah, may He be exalted, says in Soorat al-Baqarah
(interpretation of the meaning):

“And
it is not lawful for you (men) to take back (from your wives) any of your
Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)
which you have given them, except when both parties fear that they would be
unable to keep the limits ordained by Allah (e.g. to deal with each other on
a fair basis). Then if you fear that they would not be able to keep the
limits ordained by Allah, then there is no sin on either of them if she
gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al-Khul‘ (divorce)”

[al-Baarah 2:229]. 

Ibn ‘Abbaas, ‘Ikrimah and ad-Dahhaak
said: “brazenly
immoral conduct” is
defiance and disobedience. 

Ibn Jareer – i.e., at-Tabari –
favoured the view that it includes all of that: zina, disobedience,
defiance, being sharp-tongued, and so on. 

In other words, all of that
makes it permissible to put pressure on her so that she will give up her
rights, or part of them, so that he may leave her, and this is good. And
Allah knows best. 

Tafseer Ibn Katheer
(2/241). 

It is essential to understand
that the mere fact that the wife has committed zina does not mean that her
right to the mahr is waived. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah
(may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

The right to the mahr is not
waived just because she commits zina, as is indicated by the words of the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) to the couple who engaged
in li‘aan, when the husband asked about his money; he said: “No, you are not
entitled to any money from her. If you were telling the truth against her,
then it is in return for what was made permissible to you of intimacy with
her, and if you were telling lies against her, then you have even less right
to it.” That is because if a woman commits zina, she may repent, but the
fact that she has committed zina makes it permissible for him to put
pressure on her, so that she will ransom herself from him if she chooses to
leave him, or she should repent. 

Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa
(15/320) 

Secondly: 

Whatever a woman takes from her
husband’s wealth without his knowledge may be one of two things: 

1.She has taken it to spend on herself and on her children and house,
and the reason for her doing that is stinginess and miserliness on her
husband’s part.

2.She has taken it in order to buy luxuries, or to give the money to
her family, and other kinds of spending. 

In the first case, it is not
permissible for the husband to ask her to give this money back, because she
took something that she is entitled to, because spending on the wife and
children is obligatory upon the head of the household. If he falls short in
that or refuses to do it, it is permissible to take from his wealth, even if
that is without his knowledge. 

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah
(may Allah be pleased with her) said: Hind – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – said
to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): Abu Sufyaan is a
stingy man and he does not give me enough for me and my child, except what I
take from him without him knowing. He said: “Take that which will suffice
you and your child on a reasonable basis.” 

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5049)
and Muslim (1714). 

An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy
on him) said, discussing what we learn from this hadith: 

… If a person has some right
over another but he is not fulfilling it, it is permissible to take from his
wealth as much as he is entitled to, without his permission. 

Sharh Muslim
(4/373) 

In the second case, it is not
permissible for your wife to take anything from you without your permission,
and if she does that then she is sinning, and you have the right to ask her
to return what she took; if she refuses, you have the right to take back
your wealth from the deferred portion of her mahr or from anything else of
her wealth that you owe her. 

Thirdly: 

The basic principle is that the
mother is more entitled to custody of her children – before the age of seven
years – so long as she has not remarried. What is meant by custody is not
merely providing food, drink and shelter; it also includes teaching them,
educating them, teaching them morals and manners, and taking care of their
psychological wellbeing. If the mother is a disbeliever or an evildoer, it
is not permissible to give her custody of her children. What matters with
regard to custody is not that the one who has custody should be a father or
a mother; what matters is what he or she can offer the child of care and
Islamic upbringing and education. Based on that, the parent who is more
entitled to custody is one who is better in terms of religious commitment.
If the mother, after her divorce, is continuing to follow misguidance and
commit sin, it is not permissible to give her custody of her children, and
in that case custody should be given to the father, but if she repents and
mends her ways, then she is more entitled to custody of them so long as she
has not remarried, for “the one who repents from sin is like the one who
never sinned.” 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have
mercy on him) said: 

Our shaykh – i.e., Ibn Taymiyah
– said: If one of the parents fails to teach the child and enjoin upon him
that which Allah has enjoined, then he is a sinner and is not entitled to
guardianship over the child; rather anyone who fails to undertake the duties
of guardianship is not entitled to guardianship. In fact he should either
give up guardianship and hand it over to one who will do what is required,
or someone should be made a co-guardian with him who will do what is
required, because the aim is to achieve obedience to Allah and His
Messenger. 

Our shaykh said:

This right is not the right of
inheritance which is attained by ties of kinship, marriage or wala’, and is
the same regardless of whether the heir is an evildoer or righteous; rather
it is more akin to rights of guardianship, with regard to which it is
essential that the individual be able to carry out the duties, have
knowledge thereof and do them to the best of his ability. 

He said: if we assume that the
father marries a woman who does not pay any attention to the interests of
his daughter, and does not take care of her, and her mother is more able to
take care of the daughter’s interests than that co-wife, then in this case
custody should definitely be given to the mother. 

It should be understood that
there is no general shar‘i text to suggest that priority be given to one of
the parents in all cases, or that the child should be given the choice
between his parents in all cases. The scholars are unanimously agreed that
neither of them is given priority all cases; rather one who is a
transgressor and negligent should not be given precedence over one who is
righteous, fair and will treat him well. And Allah knows best. 

Zaad al-Ma‘aad
(5/475, 476) 

Please see also the answer to
question no. 20705. 

Fourthly: 

Divorce of a pregnant woman is
acceptable according to sharee‘ah and is in harmony with the Sunnah. Many
ordinary people think that it does not count as such, but their view has no
basis in Islamic teaching; rather it is a divorce that is in harmony with
the Sunnah. 

Muslim (1471) narrated the
story of how Ibn ‘Umar divorced his wife; according to this report the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“Tell him to take her back,
then divorce her when she is pure or pregnant.”

Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr (may Allah
have mercy on him) said: 

With regard to one who is
pregnant, there is no difference of opinion among the scholars that divorce
in this case is in accordance with the Sunnah, from the beginning to the end
of pregnancy, because her ‘iddah ends when she gives birth. Similarly, it is
proven from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), in the
hadith of Ibn ‘Umar, that he instructed him to divorce his wife when she was
pure or pregnant, and he did not specify either the beginning or end of
pregnancy. 

At-Tamheed
(15/80) 

We have quoted a fatwa from
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) on the ruling on divorce of a
wife who is pregnant, in the answer to question no.
12287. 

As this is the case, you can
divorce your wife with one, revocable talaaq, after which you have the
choice: either you can take her back during the ‘iddah  – which lasts up
until the time she gives birth – if you see that she has mended her ways and
you are convinced that she has repented – or you can wait until the ‘iddah
ends, after which she will become revocably divorced. At that time she will
become free to choose her own destiny, but you can take her back if she
wants that and her guardian agrees to it, with a new marriage contract and
mahr, because she will have become a stranger (non-mahram) to you. 

You should not issue three
divorces in one sitting, or in one sentence, because that is a way of
divorce that is contrary to the Sunnah. 

Please see the answer to
question no. 36580 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

You should understand that Allah, may He be exalted, is screened from His
creation in this world, so no human can see him in this world, neither the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) nor anyone of lesser
standing. 

The Mother of the Believers ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said:
Whoever claims that Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) saw
his Lord has fabricated a great lie against Allah. Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(4855) and Muslim (177). 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The imams
(leading scholars) of the Muslims are unanimously agreed that no one among
the believers can see Allah with his own eyes in this world; they only
disagree concerning the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)
in particular. However the majority of imams are of the view that he did not
see Him with his own eyes in this world. This is what is indicated by the
saheeh reports that have been proven from the Prophet (blessings and peace
of Allah be upon him) and the Sahaabah and imams of the Muslims.

Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa
2/335 
If
humans – all humans – have been prevented in this world from seeing Allah,
then humans – all humans – are also incapable of comprehending His true
essence, may He be glorified, or the exact nature of any of His attributes,
because humans cannot imagine anything correctly unless they have seen it or
have seen something that resembles or is similar to this thing, so that they
can move, in the imagination, from the image of that which they have seen to
the image of that which they have never seen. 

Based on that, you should understand that whatever image you imagine or that
crosses your mind, Allah, may He be exalted, is different from that. Indeed
Allah, may He be exalted, is more glorious and greater than all of that. The
fact that you are distracted by these imagined images is the result of
whispers and temptation from the Shaytaan, so that he can distract you with
that which is harmful to you from that which would benefit you, and distract
you with falsehood from the truth. Imam at-Tahhaawi (may Allah have mercy on
him) said in his book al-‘Aqeedah: 

One’s commitment to Islam cannot be steadfast except on the basis of
surrender and submission. So whoever seeks to know about that of which
knowledge is kept away from him, and he is not content to submit to Allah,
then his efforts (to know that which he has been prevented from knowing)
will hinder him from attaining pure Tawheed, proper knowledge and sound
faith. So you will see him wavering between belief and disbelief, accepting
and rejecting, confirming and denying, controlled by insinuating thoughts,
lost in his wandering, full of doubt, neither believing and affirming nor
denying and disbelieving.

 The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) has taught us a way
of warding off the waswaas (whispers) that the Shaytaan throws into a
person’s heart that have to do with Allah, may He be glorified and exalted,
as he said: “The Shaytaan may come to one of you and say: Who created such
and such? Until he says to him: Who created your Lord? If it goes that far,
let him seek refuge with Allah and stop (such thoughts).”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3276) and Muslim (134). 

An-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

What this means is: if this waswaas comes to him, let him turn to Allah, may
He be exalted, to ward off its evil from him, and let him turn away from
thinking about that; he should understand that this passing thought comes
from the whispers of the Shaytaan, and he is only trying to corrupt him and
misguide him. So let him avoid listening to his whispers and let him hasten
to cut them off by focusing on something else. And Allah knows best. 

For more useful information, please see Fataawa ash-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen
(1/question no. 18) 
As
for the closeness to Allah that you are looking for and seeking in your
worship of your Lord, may He be glorified and exalted, the best status of
those who worship Allah is:

“To worship Allah as if you see Him, for if you do not see Him, He sees
you.” 

But this great and noble status does not require you to exert yourself and
distract your focus by seeking something that you can never attain, which is
to imagine the form of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. Rather it
requires you to bring to mind those attributes that Allah, may He be
glorified and exalted, has of majesty, perfection and beauty that will help
you to focus your heart on worshipping Him, may He be glorified, and turn to
Him with all your being. Al-Haafiz Ibn Rajab (may Allah have mercy on him)
said:

The words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him),
explaining what is meant by ihsaan, “to worship Allah as if you see Him”
indicate that the slaves should worship Allah in this manner, which is
trying to feel His closeness and that He is before him. This requires one to
be filled with fear, awe and veneration, as it says in the report narrated
by Abu Hurayrah: “to fear Allah as if you see Him.” [This version was
narrated by Muslim (101)]. 

That will also lead to being sincere in worship and striving one’s utmost to
improve it and perfect it.

Jaami‘ al-‘Uloom wa’l-Hukam
(1/104) 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The status of ihsaan is
the basis for all deeds of the heart, for it leads to feeling shy (before
Allah), awe, veneration, fear, love, turning to Allah, may He be glorified,
putting one’s trust in Him, beseeching Him, humbling oneself before Him,
cutting off all insinuating thoughts and self-talk, and focusing the heart
and mind on Allah. 

The individual’s level of closeness to Allah will be commensurate with his
level of ihsaan. On that basis, prayers may vary in quality, to the extent
that the difference between the prayers of two men may be like the
difference between heaven and earth, even though their standing, bowing and
prostrating may be the same. 

Risaalah Ibn al-Qayyim ila Ahad Ikhwaanihi
(p. 38, 39). See also: Jaami‘ al-‘Uloom wa’l-Hikam by Ibn Rajab
(1/103ff), Dar Ibn al-Jawzi edn; Ma‘aarij al-Qubool by Shaykh Haafiz
al-Hikami (3/999, 1000). 

The scholars pointed out a number of actions and beliefs which, if a person
strives to attain and understand them, that will help him to draw closer to
his Lord, may He be glorified and exalted, and the more a person strives to
be closer to his Lord, may He be glorified and exalted, the closer Allah,
may He be exalted, will be to him. So do as little or as much as you want. 

These things include the following: 

1.Attaining true
understanding of the Oneness of Allah (Tawheed) and avoiding both major and
minor shirk (attributing partners to Allah)

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

This is attaining true sincerity and Tawheed which, whoever attains them
will be the closest of all people to Allah. That is attaining the word of
true devotion, Laa ilaaha ill-Allah (there is no god but Allah). 

Al-Istiqaamah
(p. 195) 

2.Knowing the
attributes, names and actions of Allah, may He be exalted.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 

The status of ihsaan, which is the state of being aware that Allah is always
watching, means worshipping Allah as if you can see Him. This status can
only stem from perfect belief in Allah and His names and attributes, to the
extent that it is as if you can see Allah, may He be glorified, above His
heavens, risen above His Throne, issuing His commands and prohibitions, and
controlling the affairs of creation. So the command descends from Him and
ascends to Him, people’s deeds and souls are shown to Him when they return
to Him (at death). So he witnesses all of that in his heart, and he
witnesses His names and attributes, and he witnesses One Who is
Self-Sustaining and All-Sustaining, Ever-Living, All-Hearing, All-Seeing,
Almighty, Most Wise, Who issues commands and prohibitions, Who loves and
hates, Who is pleased and is angry, Who does whatever He will and rules
however He will; He is above His Throne and nothing is concealed from him of
people’s actions, words or innermost thoughts. Rather He knows the fraud of
the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal (cf. 40:19). 

3.Becoming a true
close friend (wali, pl. awliya’) of Allah, which is attained through faith
and piety, as Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation
of the meaning):

“No doubt!
Verily, the Awliya of Allah (i.e. those who believe in the Oneness of Allah
and fear Allah much (abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds which he
has forbidden), and love Allah much (perform all kinds of good deeds which
He has ordained)), no fear shall come upon them nor shall they grieve, –

Those who believed (in the Oneness of Allah – Islamic
Monotheism), and used to fear Allah much (by abstaining from evil deeds and
sins and by doing righteous deeds)”

[Yoonus 10:62, 62]. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Wilaayah (being a close
friend of Allah) means being close to Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted. The wali of Allah is the one who is close to Him.

Badaa’i‘ al-Fawaa’id
(3/621) 

4.Persisting in
prayer, especially bearing in mind that one is close to Allah, may He be
exalted, when prostrating, for that is the closest that a person may be to
his Lord, may He be exalted; and also praying at the end of the night.

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Fall
prostrate and draw near to Allah!”
[al-‘Alaq 96:19]. 
It
was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The closest that a person is to his Lord
is when he is prostrating, so say a great deal of du‘aa’.”

Narrated by Muslim (482) 
It
was narrated from ‘Amr ibn ‘Abasah that he heard the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) say: “The closest that a person is to his Lord
is in the depths of the latter part of the night, so if you can be among
those who remember Allah at that time, then do so.”

Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (3579) and an-Nasaa’i (572); classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘ (1173). 

5.Truly repenting
from sins, minor and major

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: It should
be understood that repentance is essential for every believer, and no one
can attain perfect closeness to Allah and rid himself of everything that He
dislikes except by means of it.

Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa
(15/55) 

6.Remembering Allah,
may He be exalted, at all times, reciting adhkaar, du‘aa’s, tasbeeh, tahmeed
and tahleel
[adhkaar
= phrases of remembrance of Allah; du‘aas = supplications; tasbeeh =
reciting the phrase Subhaan Allah (glory be to Allah); tahmeed =
reciting Al-hamdu Lillah (Praise be to Allah); tahleel = reciting
Laa ilaaha ill-Allah (There is no god but Allah)] 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Dhikr brings one closer to
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, which is a status that everyone
should strive for.

Al-Waabil as-Sayyib
(1/96) 

7.Attaining true
fear of Him, may He be glorified and exalted.

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

The level of fear of Allah is commensurate with one’s level of closeness to
Him and one’s status before Him. The closer a person is to Allah, the
greater his fear of Him will be, because there is required of him what is
not required of others, and he has a duty to take care of that status and
give it its due in a manner that is not expected of others. That is similar
to the one who is present before one of the kings, and can see that king: he
is more fearful of him than one who is far away from him, and his fear will
be according to how close he is to the king and his status with him, and how
much he knows about the king and his rights. That is also because there is
required of him, in terms of serving the king, what is not required of
others. So he is more expected to fear the king than one who is far away.
Whoever understands this properly will understand the hadith in which the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I am the most
knowledgeable of Allah among you and I am the one who fears Him the most
among you.” 

Tareeq al-Hijratayn
(1/427, 428)  

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
May Allah bless you for hastening to apologise to your friend, for this is
indicative of your good character. 
I
ask Allah to relieve your distress and reconcile between you and your
husband. 
I
also offer you the following advice: 

Firstly: 

Undoubtedly the husband has confirmed rights over his wife, so she is
enjoined to obey him, treat him well and give precedence to obeying him over
everything else. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because
Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to
support them) from their means”

[an-Nisa’ 4:34]. 
It
was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers
her five daily prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity and
obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise by whichever of
the gates of Paradise you wish.”

Narrated by Ahmad (1661); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘
(660) 

Secondly: 

The husband has no right to enquire into his wife’s private matters or her
correspondence or phone conversations with her female friends, so long as
everything is normal, praise be to Allah, and there is no cause for doubt or
suspicion. 

But the fact is that you asked him for advice when your problem with your
friend first began, which led to him asking to see the message, according to
what you mentioned in your question; he would not have asked to see that
message if you had not asked him for advice. Your refusing to show him the
message was not appropriate, especially since you were the one who asked him
for advice. Moreover he is your husband and he has rights over you. 

What you should do now is be kind to him and treat him nicely, and calm his
anger with nice words and good treatment. If you know that if he sees this
message, it will calm him down and put an end to this matter, then there is
no reason why you should not do that. In fact we advise you to let him see
it, even if that is contrary to the basic principle (and proper etiquette)
and even if that is part of your private matters. The interest of
reconciling between you and resolving the crisis takes precedence over
protecting this privacy. 

Seek reward with Allah for that and seek refuge with Him, so that you may
protect your family and your marriage. 

 Thirdly: 

The problem is minor, in sha Allah, and it is not wise or reasonable – or
even prescribed in Islam – to let such minor problems lead to turning the
home upside down, as you say, or reaching a dead end. 

Take care of your household and your family, and be patient with your
husband, for this is a storm that will pass quickly, in sha Allah; it is a
temporary misunderstanding that will soon end by the grace of Allah. 
Be
smart and wise in your interactions with him, and do not tell him about your
problems with your friends again, so that this problem will not be
repeated. 
We
ask Allah to reconcile between you and to restore your life to normal. 

And Allah knows best.