Tag: Q n A

Praise be to Allah.
Allaah has caused men to be attracted to women, and women to
be attracted to men, and this inclination sometimes results in haraam
relationships such as zina, and sometimes it results in permissible
relationships such as marriage. Allaah has made the wife a covering for her
husband and has made the husband a covering for his wife. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“They are Libaas [i.e. body-cover, or screen, or Sakan
(i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living
with them)] for you and you are the same for them”

[al-Baqarah 2:187]

One of the blessings that Allaah bestows upon some spouses is
that He creates love and compassion between them, and helps each of them to
do that which causes harmony to grow in the family and ward off disputes and
arguments. This is a very great blessing indeed, which is not appreciated by
anyone but those whose family relationships are disrupted and disputes and
arguments arise amongst them, which turn the marital relationship into an
unbearable hell. If that happens, each spouse starts to dream of a stable
family life, and the man wishes for a wife with whom he can live in peace,
and the wife wishes for a man with whom she can live in peace. 

From your question, it may be understood that Allaah has
bestowed all these blessings upon you, so what you should do is be grateful
to Allaah for this great blessing and strive to preserve it and the family
with which Allaah has blessed you, for millions of women wish that they
could be in the good situation in which you are, but you do not appreciate
its value. 

You should note that it is not permissible for a woman to
form a relationship with a non-mahram man. If she is married, then such a
relationship is even more haraam, because it is a transgression against the
husband’s rights and honour. 

Based on this, it is not permissible for you and this evil
lover to pray istikhaarah, because istikhaarah is only prescribed in cases
where it is not clear if the matter is good or bad, and the Muslim does not
know where his interests lie, so he prays istikhaarah asking that Allaah
will help him to attain that which is good if it is good, or divert it from
him if it is bad. But if a Muslim prays istikhaarah with regard to
disobeying Allaah or going against His commands, this is a sin for which he
has to repent to Allaah. 

To explain further: if a Muslim woman prays istikhaarah about
marrying someone other than her husband when she is still married to her
husband, then in fact she is praying istikhaarah about wrecking her home and
family, and praying istikhaarah about hurting her children, and praying
istikhaarah about divorcing a husband who is treating her well and taking
good care of her. So she is praying istikhaarah about betraying him and
stabbing him in the back by tearing apart his family, so that his home and
hers will be destroyed at her hands. She is praying istikhaarah about
responding to great kindness and good treatment with a great wrong and
denying the rights of one who has treated her well. 

All of these factors and many others apply to the istikhaarah
prayer that you offered. 

As for the positive result that you say your friend got,
undoubtedly this is a case of the shaytaan making following one’s whims and
desires appear attractive. The Muslim should not pray istikhaarah about
doing something that is haraam, so how can he pray istikhaarah and claim
that he got a positive result?! 

Moreover, after praying istikhaarah the Muslim should resolve
firmly either to do it or not to do it. Whatever Allaah makes easy for him
is what is good, but if he waits until he feels good about it or sees a
dream and the like, these are usually illusionary matters on which no shar’i
ruling can be based. 

Based on the above, you should push away all whispers from
the shaytaan that have to do with this matter, and do not give evil any way
of reaching you or your family or children. You should realize that you have
fallen into a trap of the shaytaan, because he has made you attractive to
this young man and has made him attractive to you so that he may achieve
what is his greatest dream, namely the destruction of a stable, believing
Muslim family and the divorce of two spouses who love one another, and the
neglect of their children. 

Thwart the plans of the shaytaan by not letting this young
man destroy your life and your family. Cut off all means that may enable him
to continue to have any place in your life. 

One of the ways in which you can ward off these devilish
whispers is to ask yourself the following questions and answer them
honestly: 

1.If this young man is righteous,
then how can he accept to destroy the home of his Muslim brother and split
up his family?

2.If this person really loves
you, why is he striving to wreck your home and destroy your family? Does he
love you or does he love himself and is only looking out for his own
interests and desires?

3.If this young man were to get
what he wants and you were to get divorced from your husband – Allaah forbid
– what would be the fate of your children who are a trust about which Allaah
will question you on the Day of Resurrection?

4.What guarantee do you have that
this young man will treat you as nicely after marriage as he does now? It
should be noted that many marriages that are based on “love” are doomed to
failure after only a few months, because they are based on a weak
foundation, not on a foundation of pleasing Allaah and His Messenger
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).

5.Do you expect that trust will
last between you after you get married? If he loves you although you are
married, then how can you be sure that he will not fall in love with someone
else who is also married or not married? How can he trust you if you
destroyed your home for his sake? This pattern may be repeated when you are
married to him. These doubts will persist and will be a cause of anxiety for
both of you. You have both accepted something haraam and you have not
refrained from establishing a haraam relationship even though there is a
legitimate marriage contract between you and your husband, so who can
guarantee that it will not happen again?

With regard to your request for a du’aa’, I ask Allaah, the Most High, the Almighty, by His grace and favour, to make goodness easy for you and to ward off all evil from you, and to continue to bless you and your family with stability and love, and to keep you and your husband and children safe, and to ward off from you the whispers of the shaytaan and his making falsehood attractive. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Is it haram to have sexual fantasies?
Sexual fantasies are among the thoughts that cross a person’s mind because it is something that is stored in the subconscious which is affected by the environment in which he lives and the scenes that he sees. These are thoughts that occur to most people, especially the youth, but they vary from one person to another with regard to their type, strength and effect. 
Islamic shari’ah is the shari’ah of the fitrah (natural state of man) and it is in harmony with human nature, and it takes into account the psychological fluctuation that Allah has made a part of the human make-up. So it does not go beyond human limitations or impose impossible burdens. 
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope.” [al-Baqarah 2:286]
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:  “Allah has forgiven my ummah for whatever crosses their mind so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari (2528) and Muslim (127)
Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said commenting on this hadith: 
“Whatever crosses a person’s mind, so long as he does not dwell on it or continue to think of it, he is forgiven for it, according to scholarly consensus, because it does not happen voluntarily and he has no way of avoiding it.” (Al-Adhkar, p. 345) 
Passing fancies come under the heading of that which crosses a person’s mind, which is forgiven according to the hadith quoted above. So if a person imagines haram things that came to his mind unbidden, there is no blame or sin on him, rather he has to ward them off as much as he can.
 How does Islam view haram sexual fantasies? 
If a person dwells on haram thoughts and calls them to mind, then the jurists differed as to how to view this situation – is it covered by that forgiveness or does it come under the heading of thinking and resolving to do something haram) for which a person may be called to account? 
This issue was discussed by the jurists in the following manner: 
If a man is having intercourse with his wife and is thinking of the charms of another woman, so that he imagines he is having intercourse with her, are those thoughts and fantasies haram? The jurists differed concerning that. 

The first view is that it is haram, and that the one who deliberately brings haram images to mind whilst having intercourse with his wife is sinning. 

Ibn ‘Abidin al-Hanafi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
“The view that is closest to the spirit of our madhhab is that it is not permissible, because imagining that woman as if he is having intercourse with her is imagining oneself committing a sin with a woman who is not permissible for him.” (Hashiyat Radd al-Muhtar, 6/272) 
Imam Muhammad al-‘Abdari, who is known Ibn al-Haj al-Maliki (may Allah have mercy on him), said: 
“A man should refrain from thinking such thoughts and tell others to avoid this behaviour too, i.e., this obnoxious characteristic that has unfortunately become very common, which is when a man sees a woman whom he likes, he goes to his wife and has intercourse with her, and starts to imagine that woman whom he has seen. 
This is a kind of zina (adultery) because of what our scholars (may Allah have mercy on them) have said about the one who takes a tankard and drinks water from it, but he imagines that it is alcohol that he is drinking – so that water becomes haram for him. 
What we have mentioned does not apply only to men, rather it also includes women, and it applies even more so to them, because what is common nowadays is that they go out or look out from windows, and if they see someone whom they like, they start thinking about him, then when they have intercourse with their husbands they bring that image that they have seen to mind, so each of them may be committing zina in some sense – we ask Allah to keep us safe from that. 
He should not only avoid that himself, he should also draw his family’s and other people’s attention to it, and tell them that this is haram and is not permitted.” (Al-Madkhil (2/194, 195) 
Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him) said:  
“Ibn ‘Aqil stated in al-Ri’ayah al-Kubra that if a man imagines the image of another woman who is forbidden to him whilst having intercourse with his wife, he is sinning, but a passing thought that he cannot prevent does not constitute a sin.” (Al-Adab al-Shar’iyyah (1/98) 
The evidence for this opinion is the view favoured by a number of scholars, that if thoughts that cross the mind become entrenched and may turn into something that one resolves to do, then they come under the heading of things for which one is accountable, and that haram fantasies that a person deliberately calls to mind are not covered by forgiveness, because they have been thought of deliberately and the person will be called to account for that. 
Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “The reason why passing thoughts are forgiven is what we have mentioned above, that they cannot be avoided. But it is possible to avoid dwelling on them. Hence dwelling on them is haram.” (Al-Adhkar (345) 

The second view is that it is permissible, and that there is no sin on the one who does that. This is the view of a number of later Shafi’i scholars, such as al-Subki and al-Suyuti. 

They said: That is because there is no resolve or determination to sin in fantasies. He may imagine that he is having intercourse with that woman, but there is no resolve in his heart or any plan to do that, rather he may refuse if given the opportunity to do it. 
It says in Tuhfat al-Muhtaj fi Sharh al-Minhaj (7/205, 206) – which is a Shafi’i book: 
“Because when he thinks of that or imagines it, it does not occur to him to actually commit zina or do any of the things that lead to it, let alone resolve to do it. All that is happening to him is that he imagines something reprehensible as something good.” (See: al-Fatawa al-Fiqhiyyah al-Kubra, 4/87) 
It seems that the correct view is the view that such fantasies are makruh, even if we do not say that they are haram. That is for the following reasons: 

Many psychologists regard sexual fantasies as a psychological disorder if they dominate a person’s thinking to such an extent that he cannot enjoy any pleasure except through these fantasies, and that may lead to abnormal sexual fantasies.
Islamic shari’ah teaches the principle of sadd al-dharai’ or blocking the means that may lead to haram things and closing every door that may lead to evil. It is to be expected that sexual fantasies may lead to a person committing haram deeds. A person who frequently imagines something and wishes for it will inevitably develop the motive to do it and will try to do it a great deal. So he starts by looking at haram images, and his eyes become accustomed to looking at haram things, then he will try to fulfil his fantasies.
Most of these fantasies come to people’s mind by haram means in people’s minds, such as permissive satellite channels and by watching scenes of decadent societies from kafir lands all over the world, where there is no modesty and watching sex scenes is becoming a daily habit, as is obvious to anyone who lives or works in those countries.
Finally, such fantasies may lead to spouses losing interest in one another, so the wife is no longer attractive to her husband, and vice versa, which leads to marital problems, and then sufferings and problems start.

How to avoid sexual fantasies 
For all of these reasons, our advice to everyone who is tested with such fantasies is to hasten to put a stop to them and rid himself of them. The following means may be of help: 

Completely avoiding everything that may provoke such fantasies, such as haram movies and TV shows which are shown on satellite TV, as well as avoiding reading stories that generate such fantasies. Al-Ghazali said in Ihya ‘Ulum al-Din (1/162): 

The way to ward off distracting thoughts is to cut off their source, i.e. avoid the means that could create these thoughts; if the source of such thoughts is not stopped, it will keep generating them.”

Regularly reciting the adhkar that are prescribed in shari’ah, especially that which is said before having intercourse: “Allahumma jannibna al-shaytana wa jannib al-shaytana ma razaqtana (O Allah, keep the Shaytan away from us and keep the Shaytan away from that with which You bless us).” Narrated by al-Bukhari (141)and Muslim (1434). 
Focusing on the present enjoyment instead of that which is absent. In both spouses there is that which will keep the other from thinking of haram things. If each spouse focuses on the attractions of the other, they will not be distracted by fantasies of other things. 
Imagine if your husband had fantasies like you do, would you accept that? Wouldn’t that make you feel unhappy? How can you accept to make your husband feel like that? Try to use this thought to get rid of what you are feeling. 
Consult psychologists. There is nothing wrong with going to a female psychologist or female doctor and asking her for advice; you may find something to help you in sha Allah. 

I ask Allah to guide and bless you and your husband. 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

A person may not know the real reason for which Allah tests
him in this world until the Day of Resurrection, when he will discover the
high status that Allah, may He be exalted, has prepared for him in Paradise
if he is patient and seeks reward. At that time he will realise that Allah,
may He be exalted, tried and tested him by His grace and in His wisdom. 

It was narrated from Jaabir (may Allah be pleased with him)
that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“On the Day of Resurrection, those who were hale and hearty will wish that
their skin had been cut with scissors, when they see the reward of those who
were put to trial.”

Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, 2402; classed as hasan by al-Albaani
in as-Silsilah al-Hadeethah, 2206 

It seems that you have, praise be to Allah, overcome that
situation and its psychological effects; in fact I hope that you have
emerged psychologically stronger, with higher morale and a purer spirit, for
in every trial there is a blessing and after every calamity comes well
being. No one should regret what has passed and dwell on the past that will
never come back; rather he should learn a lesson from it for today and be
optimistic about his future. 

In your story there is a lesson for parents who are
responsible for their children before Allah, may He be exalted, that they
should not send them to places of danger on the grounds of thinking well of
relatives. The unfortunate reality compels us to say that many cases of
molestation come from relatives. We ask Allah to keep us safe and sound. 

This is not a call to sever ties of kinship and cause
division among people; rather it is a call to be always careful and take
precautions as dictated by the situation. Parents have to take proper
precautions without going to extremes or being negligent. Islam has given us
an important principle in this regard, which is the principle of blocking
the means (that may lead to evil). In fact Islam teaches us to take
precautions even among siblings in the same house. That was when the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) instructed us to separate
children in their beds, as was narrated by Abu Dawood (495) and classed as
saheeh by al-Albaani. 

Al-Munaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: i.e., separate
your children in their beds in which they sleep when they reach the age of
ten years, so as to avoid temptations, even if they are his siblings.

End quote from Fayd al-Qadeer, 5/531] 

At-Teebi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Telling them to
pray and separating them in their beds are mentioned together in childhood
for the purpose of discipline and adhering to all the commands of Allah… And
for the purpose of teaching them good manners among people, and so that they
will not find themselves in suspicious circumstances, and so that they may
avoid all things that Allah has prohibited.

End quote from Sharh Mishkaat al-Masaabeeh, 2/155 

In your story there is also a lesson for parents that they
should check on their children’s situations and make the children get used
to talking frankly about every issue they face, whether it is in school, in
the street or in the home. Many children encounter problems and suffer
mental illness as a result, and the parents are completely unaware of that,
when they could have relieved their children of what was affecting them. But
lack of frankness within the family leads to embarrassment in the children
that prevents them from complaining to their parents. 

Secondly: 

With regard to what you mentioned about the young man who has
proposed marriage to you, and your speaking frankly to him and telling him
what happened to you when you were small, and his accepting it and not
objecting – that is a blessing from Allah to you. Allah has brought you
someone who will excuse you for what happened to you when you were small and
will conceal a matter in which you were mistreated, and he wants to marry
you you in the manner prescribed by Allah. May Allah reward him with good. 

But you made a mistake when you continued to talk to one
another before the shar‘i connection between you was made (i.e., marriage).
You could have done the Islamic marriage contract and delayed consummation
of the marriage until he graduates or finds work. But if the matter is
allowed to remain as it is now, that is undoubtedly haraam, because there is
no legitimate shar‘i relationship between you. Rather all it is at present
is wishes and promises of marriage. 

What you have to do is adhere to the Islamic ruling; it is
not permissible for you to continue talking to one another until the shar‘i
marriage contract has been done. If he is sincere in his promise to marry
you, then he will respond to the ruling of Allah and will hasten to do the
marriage contract, or he will cut off contact until he graduates. If he does
not respond to the ruling of Allah, may He be exalted, then be very careful
in that case, for his aim may be only to have fun and pass the time talking
to girls, in which case he is using the promise of marriage as a means to
get what he wants, especially if he knows the situation; this may be an
opportunity for the Shaytaan to whisper to him and cause trouble. 

You do not have to tell any suitor of what happened to you,
and it does not matter if the hymen has been broken, because the hymen may
be broken by jumping or by heavy menstrual bleeding. 

We have previously published on our website several answers
having to do with the ruling on talking and chatting between the sexes, such
as the answers to questions no.
7492, 13791,
26890,
45668,
66266,
82702

We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to protect you, guide you
and bless you with contentment and happiness. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.The problem that you describe is one that is faced by many young men who thought that their wives could learn and make da’wah, and that they would strive hard in worship and help their husbands to be religiously-committed, no matter how much the husband fell short in that. But in fact the wife cannot be influenced by anybody as much as her husband. So if the husband does not set a good example, the wife’s commitment will soon become weak. This is what usually happens. This does not mean that there are not good situations in which the woman is the example who leads her husband along the path of guidance. 
The fact that you have found out that your wife is an ordinary girl does not mean that you have failed, and it should not be a cause of regret. Rather that should be a motive for you to seek the reward for calling her to guidance. 
What you have mentioned of her good qualities will help you to achieve that, in sha Allaah. 
So you should be the one who calls her, reminds her and advises her… fill her free time with beneficial things such as tapes, books and magazines.  Do not give up on rebuking her if she gossips or watches TV, but do that in a gentle, compassionate and loving manner. 
Try to make her join an organization for memorization of Qur’aan, or get her to attend public lectures with you, or to form ties with some righteous families. These are the best ways in which you can help your wife to strengthen her faith. 
Perhaps what you mention about her not worshipping much is related to your own shortcomings in that regard, or to your neglecting to get her to join in. Try to help her and remind her of the virtue of naafil prayers, the reward for praying qiyaam al-layl and fasting. Do as many of these acts of worship with her as you can. 
Be the qawwaam (leader; protector and maintainer) of your wife, prevent her  from doing haraam things or doubtful things.  
Ask of Allaah, saying, “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the Muttaqoon (the pious)” [al-Furqaan 25:74 – interpretation of the meaning].  
We ask Allaah to set your affairs and the affairs of all the Muslims straight.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

If a woman persists an immoral action and does not repent
from it or give it up, even if the matter did not go as far as zina, such as
if she had a relationship with this Christian man or anyone else, then it is
not permissible for the husband to keep her, because that is a kind of
cuckoldry (diyaathah), and cuckoldry is a major sin, because of the report
narrated by al-Nasaa’i (2562) from ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be
pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) said: “There are three at whom Allah, may He be glorified
and exalted, will not look on the Day of Resurrection: the one who is
defiant towards his parents, the woman who imitates men, and the cuckold.”

Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i. 

The cuckold is the one who approves of evil conduct in his
family. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah be pleased with him)
was asked about the one who came into his house and found a stranger with
his wife, so he gave her her dues and divorced her by talaaq, then he went
back and reconciled with her and heard that she had been found with a
non-mahram man.  

He replied: In the hadeeth from the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) it says that when Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted, created Paradise, He said: “By My glory and majesty, no miser, liar
or cuckold will enter you.” The cuckold is the one who has no protective
jealousy or pride. In al-Saheeh it is narrated that the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The believer has
protective jealousy (gheerah) and Allah has protective jealousy, and the
protective jealousy of Allah is that no slave should do that which is
forbidden to him.” And Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The
adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a
Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an
adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees
to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan
or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer —
fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who
agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan
or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute
or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is
forbidden to the believers (of Islâmic Monotheism)” [al-Noor 24:3]. The
correct scholarly opinion is that it is not permissible to marry a zaaniyah
(a woman who commits fornication or adultery) until after she has repented.
The same applies if the wife commits zina: the husband has no right to keep
her in that case; rather he should leave her, otherwise he will be a cuckold
(duyooth). End quote from Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 32/141

 Secondly: 

If the woman has repented, turned over a new leaf and is
living a righteous life, and she has cut off all ties to that non-mahram
man, then the husband may keep her, and perhaps Allah will reward him for
treating her kindly and concealing her sin. 

We have stated that it is not permissible for him to keep her
as his wife if she committed zina and has not repented from it sincerely,
and we stated that if she repents and turns over a new leaf, then he may
keep her and conceal her sin, if he has the patience to do that. What we
have said about it being permissible to keep her if she repents is not
obligatory for him, rather it is up to him. In all cases he may leave her,
because zina on the part of the wife is extremely abhorrent and most people
cannot forgive that. And if he divorces her, then he is not responsible for
what she commits of sin, and if she apostatises from Islam, she alone is
responsible for that, because she is accountable and of sound mind: if she
does good deeds that it is in her favour and if she does bad deeds then it
counts against her. 

We ask Allah to protect the Muslims from all trials, evils
and turmoil. And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
Perhaps your letter will be a lesson to those who claim that a relationship between a man and a non-mahram woman can be “innocent”, and to those who claim that such relationships are Islamically acceptable if they are for the purpose of giving advice, and to those who want to “water down” the religion to allow relationships between men and women in the name of modernity, and claim that there is no reason why this should not be done, and that woman are able to control themselves… and other such foolish justifications. 
It is a lesson for all those who are heedless of the laws of Allaah and pay no attention to the warning of our Lord, may He blessed and exalted, against following in the footsteps of the shaytaan, and they continue to take these matters lightly until they find themselves in deep trouble. You were heedless with regard to this young man and you went ahead and spoke with him and advised him, then you agreed to receive him in your house, then you agreed to be alone with him, then the Shaytaan made attractive to you the idea that he was like your brother, then what? Then you committed zina in the same meeting and in your house, with one whom the shaytaan made you think was like your brother! Which was the first step of the shaytaan? It was speaking to this non-mahram man, then the other steps of the shaytaan came one after another until you committed this most abhorrent of sins. Hence we can see the wisdom in the words of Allaah, may He be exalted (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin), and an evil way (that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”
[al-Isra’ 17:32]
Allaah did not only forbid zina itself, rather He forbade coming near to it. The aim here is to forbid the things that lead to it. We ask Allaah to conceal your sin and to forgive you, and to help you to repent sincerely. 
Secondly: 
There is no doubt that zina is a grave sin, and it is one of the major sins. Hence the punishment for it is one that points to the seriousness of this sin and the abhorrence with which it is regarded in sharee’ah and by wisdom and common sense. 
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
Allaah ordained punishment for zina that differs from the punishment for other crimes in three ways: 
1 – Execution in the most unpleasant form; when the punishment is reduced, it still combines the physical punishment of flogging with the emotional punishment of banishment. 
2 – He forbade people when carrying out the punishment on the adulterers, to feel pity for them that would prevent them from carrying out the punishment. By His mercy towards them He prescribed this punishment, and He is more merciful to them than you, but His mercy did not prevent Him from ordaining this punishment, so your pity should not prevent you from carrying out His command… 
3 – He enjoined that their punishment be carried out in the presence of some of the believers; it should not be done in isolation where no one can see them. That is more effective in serving the purpose of the punishment, and serves as a deterrent. End quote. 
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, p. 144, 115 
Thirdly: 
Although this sin is so serious and abhorrent, Allaah has opened the door of repentance to those who commit it, and He has promised that if they are sincere in their repentance, He will turn their bad deeds into good deeds.  
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: 
What should the person who has committed zina do in order to rid himself of the effects of that action of his? 
He replied: 
Zina is one of the most serious of haraam actions and the worst of major sins. Allaah warns the mushrikeen, murderers and adulterers of multiple punishments on the Day of Resurrection, and of eternal humiliation and torment, because of the seriousness and abhorrence of their crimes, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse — and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds”
[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]
The one who has fallen into such sin has to repent to Allaah sincerely, and follow that with sincere belief and righteous deeds. Repentance is sincere if the penitent gives up the sin, regrets what has happened in the past and resolves never to go back to it, out of fear of Allaah and awe of Him, hoping for His reward and fearing His punishment. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”
[Ta-Ha 20:82]
Every Muslim man and Muslim woman must beware of this great evil and the things that lead to it, and hasten to repent from whatever is already past. Allaah will accept the repentance of those who are sincere and forgive them. 
Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 9/442 
Fourthly: 
It is not permissible for two people who have committed zina to get married except after having repented sincerely, because Allaah has forbidden that to the believers: 
“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik (polytheist, pagan or idolater) or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan, or idolatress)]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism)”
[al-Noor 24:3]
We have already explained the ruling on this issue in the answer to questions no. 14381, 22448, 11195. 
Fifthly: 
If the soul has been breathed into the foetus, then aborting it would be another crime in addition to zina. We have explained the ruling on this issue in the answer to questions no. 13317, 11195 and 40269. 
Sixthly: 
The solution to your problem is to inform wise people among your family about your situation. The one who transgresses the laws of Allaah must inevitably face the consequences of his sin, in many cases. The family has to stand with their daughter sooner rather than later. Even if she aborts the foetus before the soul has been breathed into it, she is no longer regarded as a virgin, and this will also cause some problems at the time of marriage. Whatever the case, they have to solve their daughter’s problem, for she has repented and regretted her sin, and “the one who repents from sin is like one who has not sinned at all” – narrated by Ibn Maajah, 4250; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb, 3145. Even if she does not commit any sin after she repents, her sin has serious repercussions which must be dealt with before news of it becomes widespread and affects the family as a whole. The solution is not to marry her to that zaani before he repents, because marriage to a zaani is haraam, as stated above. But if they both repent, there is nothing wrong with them getting married in sha Allaah. 
It is not permissible for her to marry anyone else until her womb is emptied, which is when she gives birth. The evidence for that is the report narrated by Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “Do not have intercourse with a pregnant woman until she gives birth, or with one who is not pregnant until she has menstruated once.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2157. al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar said in al-Talkhees al-Habeer (1/171,172): Its isnaad is hasan. 
In order to understand the greatness of Allaah’s bounty in accepting His slaves’ repentance and to know that He accepts the repentance of the penitent no matter how great and how many their sins, please see the answers to the questions no. 624, 13990, 47834, 23485 and 20983 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Masturbation is haraam because of evidence that we have
quoted previously in the answer to question no.
329

As it is haraam, then there is no way that it could be a
remedy, because Allah has not put healing in that which He has forbidden to
His slaves. 

Ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Allah has
not put your healing in that which He has forbidden to you. Narrated by
al-Bukhaari in a mu‘allaq report in Kitaab al-Ashribah, Baab Sharaab
al-Halwa wa’l-‘Asl. 

A person may imagine that something is a remedy when in fact
it is a disease, such as the one who imagines that there is healing in khamr
(wine, alcohol), as it says in the hadeeth that was narrated by Muslim
(3670) via Suwayd al-Ja‘fi who said that he asked the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) about khamr and he forbade him or discouraged
him from making it. He said: I only make it as a remedy, and the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not a remedy; rather
it is a disease.” 

Masturbation is also like that; you may think that it is a
remedy when in fact it is a disease. The one who suffers from it can hardly
give it up and has no limit at which he can stop. With regard to fasting, it
is a beneficial prophetic remedy, but it needs to be done regularly and on
an ongoing basis, whilst also following other preventative measures such as
lowering the gaze, avoiding idleness, keeping busy with acts of worship and
obedience, and choosing righteous friends. 

Some fuqaha’ allowed masturbation in cases where the
individual fears for his religious commitment or physical well-being, under
the heading of committing the lesser of two evils. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him)
was asked about a man who was faced with provocation of desire, so he
masturbated although he knew that the problem could be dealt with by
fasting, but it was too difficult for him. 

He replied: 

With regard to that (semen) that is emitted involuntarily,
there is no sin on him for that, but he has to do ghusl if the water came
out gushing. But if it was emitted voluntarily, in that he masturbated, this
is haraam according to most of the scholars. It is also one of the two views
narrated from Ahmad; in fact it is the more correct view; according to
another view it is makrooh (disliked). But if he is compelled to do that,
such as if he feared that he might fall into zina if he did not masturbate,
or he feared that he might become ill, then in this case there are two
well-known scholarly views. Some of the earlier and later scholars granted a
concession in such cases, and others forbade it. And Allah knows best.

End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/439. See also
Mataalib Ooli an-Nuha, 6/225; Kashshaaf al-Qinaa‘, 6/125 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said: He
said: “The one who masturbates unnecessarily should be given a disciplinary
punishment.” The phrase “unnecessarily” means if there was no need to do
that. Needs are of two types: religious or spiritual needs and physical
needs. 

With regard to religious or spiritual needs, that refers to
when the individual fears that he may fall into zina, if he is in a country
where it is easy to commit zina. If he experiences intense desire, he will
have two options: either he can extinguish it by doing this action or he can
go to any place where there are prostitutes and commit zina. In that case we
say to him that this is a legitimate need, because the established principle
in Islam says that it is essential to ward off the greater of two evils by
means of the lesser, and this is what is in accordance with reason. If this
person has no option but to fulfil his desire in one of these two ways, then
in that case we say that it is permissible for him to do this action because
it is a case of necessity. 

With regard to physical needs, that refers to when the
individual fears that some harm may befall his body if he does not discharge
this fluid from his body, because some people may experience strong desire,
and if this accumulating fluid is not discharged it will result in
psychological problems, so he will not like to mix with people or sit with
them. 

So if he fears some kind of physical harm, then it is
permissible for him to do this action because it is a physical need. But if
there is no need and he does this action, then he should be given a
disciplinary punishment that will serve as a deterrent.

End quote from ash-Sharh al-Mumti‘, 14/318 

Secondly: 

You should avoid anything that may provoke desire of looking,
listening, reading and so on, and you should avoid keeping company with
those whose company may lead to that, so as to protect your religious
commitment and your physical well-being. Please see the answer to question
no. 20161 for some advice on
resisting the danger of sexual temptation. 

Thirdly: 

If a man offers to give you his daughter in marriage and to
spend on you both, and this man is religiously committed and righteous, and
there is no fear that he will break his promise or remind you of his
kindness later on, then there is nothing wrong with accepting that from him;
perhaps this is provision that Allah has granted to you and a way out by
which you can be safe from falling into haraam. 

As for marrying with the intention of divorcing, that is
haraam, because it involves deceiving and cheating the wife. This has been
discussed previously in the answer to question no.
111841 

We ask Allah to make things easy for you, purify your heart
and protect your chastity. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.We have previously explained several times on our site that some kinds of cosmetic surgery are permissible, namely that which is done to treat a fault, remove a deformity and so on, and some kinds are haraam and are not allowed, namely that which is done solely for the purpose of beautification. 
Please see the answer to questions no. 47694 and 108860. 
So long as the surgery that you are going to do is to remove a fault that resulted from losing weight, there is nothing wrong with that if it will not result in harm that is greater than the harm occurring right now. 
The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas were asked:
One of my friends got married by the help of Allah. He came to me and said: e came to me and said that his wife wants to have cosmetic surgery on her face and breasts, because her nose is large and wide, and she wants to reduce it by means of the easy methods that modern science has developed. Is there any doubt about this surgery or is there any sin involved? Please note that not doing it may lead to psychological distress because this fault appears so prominently on her face. 
They replied: If the situation is as described, and there is the hope that the surgery will be successful and will not lead to a greater or equal harm, then it is permissible to do it in order to achieve the desired purpose, otherwise it is not permissible. 
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 25/59-60 
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: 
What is the Islamic ruling on having surgery to remove physical defects that may occur in people whether as a result of sickness or an accident, or that had been present since birth, such as removing extra digits and repairing the hand to make it look natural, or removing extra teeth and straightening the rest of the teeth so that the mouth will go back to normal, or correcting a harelip and making it look normal, or removing scars caused by burning, straightening a crooked nose or reducing its size in order to facilitate breathing, or completing a defective ear, or tightening drooping eyelids because they block one’s vision, or tightening sagging skin on the face so that the face will look more natural, or breast reduction for women in cases where large breasts are causing spinal problems because of their weight, or tummy tucks in the case of a sagging belly and weak abdominal muscles which lead to hernias, straightening the urethra in males in cases where urine is contaminating the clothing, removing deformed spots from the face, and removal of fat in obese individuals which may cause many diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol levels. Please note that these operations will not cause any deformity, in sha Allah. 
He replied: 
There is nothing wrong with treating the problems mentioned with remedies that are prescribed in sharee‘ah or with permissible remedies from specialist doctors who think it most likely that the treatment will be successful, because of the general meaning of the shar‘i evidence which says that it is permissible to treat diseases and illnesses with acceptable or permissible remedies. End quote. 
Majmoo‘ Fataawa Ibn Baaz, 9/419-420 
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: 
What is the ruling on cosmetic surgery that is done by women? 
He replied:
If it is done to remove a fault, there is nothing wrong with it so long as it does not cause any harm, because ‘Arfajah (may Allah be pleased with him) wore a nose made of gold when his nose was cut off. One example is tightening or lifting drooping breasts. End quote. 
Thamaraat al-Tadween, p. 133 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Undoubtedly these kinds of family problems and annoyances are
things that affect one’s life and occupy one’s thoughts, but with a little
wisdom, proper conduct, more rational thinking, adhering to the path of
fairness and patience for the sake of pleasing the one who has the greatest
rights over you – namely your mother – and pleasing the one whom you love,
the source of your comfort and the mother of your children – namely your
wife – we can resolve the problem and handle the matter in the best manner
possible. 

Secondly: 

We must – may Allah guide us and you aright – inform each
party of the rights of the other. The mother must understand that her son’s
wife has rights that have been ordained by Allah and taught by the Messenger
of Allah; the wife must understand that the mother has rights ordained by
Allah and affirmed by the Messenger of Allah. 

Moreover, each of them must understand that when Allah
ordained rights for people, He forbade mistreatment and enmity, and He
forbade transgressing the limits that He has set for His slaves. So what we
must do is adhere to those limits and no one who has been given rights
should transgress the limits in order to transgress against the rights of
anyone else. 

Thirdly: 

We should explain the standard of fairness that has been
outlined in Islam, which is that a person’s faith is not truly complete
until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself, and until he hates
for his brother what he hates for himself. 

So we ask the mother: would you accept for anyone – no matter
who he is – to direct hurtful words towards you, or to mistreat you by
behaving in an inappropriate manner, or to say bad things about your family,
and so on? 

We ask the wife: would you be happy for my mother to be angry
with me and not be pleased, and to pray against me instead of praying for
me? Would you like that for yourself, no matter what the reasons? 

By presenting the case in such a manner, discussing it with
two people you care for and who you do not want to make angry with you, you
can persuade them, without putting the one who is in the wrong – especially
your mother – on the spot and accusing her of transgression and hostility,
or speaking ill of her and her actions, which may make matters more
complicated and difficult to resolve. Rather you can achieve that with
wisdom and choosing your words carefully. 

Then you should speak to your wife, encouraging her to pardon
and overlook. 

Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):

“The good deed
and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better
(i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of
anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between
whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend”

[Fussilat 41:34]. 

The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) said: “No one forgives, but
Allah increases him in honour.” Narrated by
Muslim, 2588. 

According to another hadeeth: “No one is wronged and bears it
with patience but Allah will increase him in honour.” Narrated by
at-Tirmidhi, 2325; classed as saheeh by al-Albani. 

Explain to her that forgiving is more beloved and more
pleasing to Allah, and tell her: “You will only be forgiving the most
beloved of people to me, namely my mother, and that will only increase you
in dearness to me.” 

Fourthly: 

It is not permissible for your wife to cut off her
relationship with your mother by shunning her and boycotting her, because it
is not permissible for a Muslim to shun his brother for more than three
days, as is well known. It is narrated in a saheeh report that the Prophet
(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
“Whoever forsakes his brother for a year, it is as if he shed
his blood.” Narrated by Abu Dawood,
4915;classed as saheeh by al-Albani. 

He also said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to shun
another Muslim for more than three days, because they will be drifting away
from the path of truth so long as they are shunning one another. Whichever
of them is first to reach out to his brother, his doing so will be an
expiation for him. If he greets him and he (the other one) does not respond,
the angels will return his greeting and the shaytan will respond to the
other one. If they both die in that state, neither of them will ever enter
Paradise.”

Narrated by Ahmad, 15824; classed as saheeh by al-Albani in
as-Saheehah, 1246 

But if mixing with one another will always lead to annoyance
for the wife, and insults to her family, then this is something that it is
not permissible for the mother to do, and it is not permissible for you to
keep quiet about it, because people’s rights should be respected and if
anyone harms a Muslim with no justification, the score will be settled on
the Day of Resurrection. 

There is a well-known report about the bankrupt person who
will come on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, fasting and zakah to his
credit, but he will come having insulted this one, reviled that one,
devoured the wealth of this one, shed the blood of that one and beaten
another one. So each of them will be given some of his hasanat, and if his
hasanat run out before what he owes has been paid off, some of their bad
deeds will be taken and added to his burden, then he will be thrown into the
Fire. 

So it is essential to alert your mother to this great danger
and to advise her concerning that, in a gentle manner, and remind her to
fear Allah. 

Based on that, if your mother persists in treating your wife
in this manner, then the right thing to do is not to enable her to do that,
by preventing your wife from going to see her, and there will be no blame on
your wife in that case if she does not mix with her, visit her or go to see
her. This is not obligatory upon her in the first place; rather what is
obligatory is not to shun a person without any shar‘i justification that
would make doing so permissible. 

If we assume that your wife overlooks and forgives her, and
gives up her own rights, then what about the rights of her family? What have
they done wrong to deserve this criticism and mistreatment without any error
or sin on their part? 

But if it so happens that your wife and your mother meet in
some place, then your wife has to greet her with salam if she meets her;
the better of the two will be the one who is first to greet the other. If
your mother speaks to her or greets her with salam, then she must return
her greeting. 

In that case it will not matter if your mother threatens to
pray against you and to be displeased with you, because Allah has forbidden
injustice to Himself and has made it haram among people, and He has stated
that He does not love those who are unjust or wrong others, as He, may He be
exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Stand out firmly for Allah and be just
witnesses and let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid
justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety”

[al-Maidah 5:8]. 

What is meant is: stand out firmly for Allah and be just in
word and deed, and be like that towards both relatives and strangers,
friends and enemies. 

Do not let the hatred of some people cause you to treat them
unfairly; rather, just as you would testify in favour of your friend, you
should also testify against him (if need be), and just as you would testify
against your enemy, you should also testify in his favour; even if he is a
disbeliever or innovator, it is obligatory to treat him fairly. 

See: Tafseer as-Sa‘di, p. 224 

Moreover, just as it is not permissible to let hatred of some
people make you fail to be fair, it is not permissible to let love of others
make you fail to be fair; rather you should be fair in all cases.

 There is no blame on you for any of this, if you have tried
to bring about reconciliation as much as you can, but were unable to achieve
that. If your mother threatens to pray against you and so on, Allah, may He
be exalted, will not answer the supplication of one who prays wrongfully or
on the basis of severing ties of kinship. 

But it is essential that you take care to treat her properly
and be patient in putting up with any unpleasantness on her part in all
situations. 

And Allah is the Guide to the straight path. 

Please see also question no.
82453

Note: 

With regard to the words of the questioner: “I still offer
supplication for her when I pray and I give in charity on her behalf”,
offering supplication for her is a good deed and comes under the heading of
honouring her and treating her kindly. But giving charity on her behalf when
she is still alive is something that is not known from the early
generations; rather what is known is giving charity on behalf of one who has
passed away. Al-Bukhari (2760) and Muslim (1004) narrated from ‘Aishah
(may Allah be pleased with her) that a man said to the Prophet (blessings
and peace of Allah be upon him): My mother died suddenly and did not leave a
will. I think that if she had been able to speak, she would have given
charity. Can I give charity on her behalf? He said: “Yes, give charity on
her behalf.” 

An-Nawawi said: 

This hadeeth indicates that giving charity on behalf of the
deceased will benefit the deceased and the reward for it will reach him.
There is scholarly consensus on this point. End quote. 

So what is prescribed is to focus on serving her, and praying
for her in her absence, upholding ties with her by giving money and food,
and so on, without giving charity on her behalf, because there is no
evidence that doing so is prescribed (when she is still alive), as far as we
know. 

And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly we congratulate you on your good attitude of being pleased with what your husband does, which is the work of the Prophets themselves (peace be upon them), namely enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, and calling people to Allah. 
We advise you to stand by your husband’s side and encourage him in this work, and not to have any doubts about him or to feel fed up with what he does.  
With regard to what he tells you about women, it seems that he is telling you because he trusts you, and is not telling you in order to upset you, or to express his admiration for them. Rather he is telling you that in order to inform you of some of the evil actions that people do, so that you can beware of them, or so as to get it off his chest. When some people see evil actions, it affects them deeply, and they need someone to talk to about it so as to get it off their chests. So you should be aware of that and not let the Shaytaan get to you with regard to this matter. 
There is no reason why you should not advise him with regard to the things in which he is falling short towards you, so long as that is done in the way that is better and without casting aspersions on his decency and morals. 
Our advice to the husband is to give his family their rights, and to treat them in a reasonable manner. He should respect their feelings and not describe women to his wife; just as a man would not like his wife to describe men to him, so too a woman does not like her husband to describe women to her. 
He should avoid speaking too much to women, and restrict it only to what is needed in order to change the evil or to draw attention to it, etc, because being too careless and lax about that may lead to bad consequences. And he should strive to lower his gaze, because looking is one of the arrows of Iblees. 
May Allah help you both to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 
And Allah knows best.