Tag: Q n A

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
We hope that you will pay attention to the things you have done that go against sharee’ah, such as getting to know that girl who is a stranger (non-mahram) to you, talking to her, making friends with her and other shortcomings to which you have admitted. You should understand that these sins mean that you must give them up, regret doing them and resolve not to do them again, as well as praying a great deal for forgiveness and doing righteous deeds. 
With regard to your relationship with this girl, it is not permissible for you to talk to her or see her, let alone make friends with her and be alone with her. It is good that you and she have thought of marriage, because it is the only legitimate shar’i way that you can be together, so do your best to attain that; but if that is not possible for you, then this relationship should be ended completely and perhaps Allaah will compensate you with someone better than her and will compensate her with someone better than you. 
We have discussed the issue of correspondence between the sexes being haraam in the answer to question no. 26890 and 10221. 
With regard to haraam infatuation and its effects, and marriage to the one with whom one is infatuated, please see the answer to question no. 47405. 
Secondly: 
With regard to your family’s objections to this marriage, you should note that the parents’ relationship to their son’s marriage may take several forms, such as the following; 
1-
Not approving of any girl whom he chooses for himself as a wife. 
2-
Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but their objection is for legitimate shar’i reasons, such as if she has a bad reputation, or she is not Muslim – even though marriage to a Christian or Jewish woman is basically permissible. 
3-
Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but it is not for any legitimate shar’i reason, rather it is for personal or worldly reasons, such as if she is not beautiful or is not from a good family, and he is not infatuated with her and he does not fear any harm to himself if he does not marry her. 
4-
The same scenario as that mentioned above, but he is infatuated with her, and fears fitnah for himself if he does not marry her. 
5-
Forcing him to marry a girl whom they choose for him, even if she is religiously committed and of good character. 
It seems to us from the rulings on the scenarios mentioned above that the son should obey his parents in the second and third cases, and that it is definitely obligatory for him to do so in the second case. In the second case the matter is clear and he has to obey them, because he is going to do something that is bad for their son and may also affect them. 
In the third case it is permissible for him, but obeying them is obligatory, and what is obligatory takes precedence over what is permissible. 
As for the first, fourth and fifth scenarios, it does not seem that he is obliged to obey them, because choosing a wife is the son’s right, not the parents’; they may intervene in some cases but not in all. Preventing him from marrying any girl he chooses, regardless of whether she is religiously-committed or not, is pointless and he does not have to obey them. 
The same applies if he is infatuated with a woman and fears fitnah if he does not marry her. In this case he does not have to obey them if they tell him to leave her and not marry her, because that may lead to evil and fitnah that Islam came to prevent. 
It is definite that he should not obey them in the fifth case, which is where they force him to marry a girl whom they have chosen. This is not a matter in which he is obliged to obey them. Rather it is akin to food and drink: he may choose whatever he wants to eat and drink, and they have no right to control that. 
Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
The parents have no right to force their son to marry someone he does not want. Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen (i.e., Ibn Taymiyah – may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Neither of the parents has the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses then he is not sinning by disobeying them, because no one has the right to force him to eat food he finds off-putting when there is food that he wants to eat, and marriage is like that and more so. Food that one is forced to eat is unpleasant for a short while, but a forced marriage lasts for a long time, and it harms a person and he cannot leave it. End quote. 
Al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (1/447) 
Based on this, we say: 
If that girl has embraced Islam and become a good Muslim, and you are infatuated with her, and you fear fitnah if you leave her, then we think that you should marry her, even if your mother does not agree. That applies even more so if you fear that her religious commitment may be affected if she has no one to look after her. 
We advise you to try to convince your parents so that you can combine two good things: obeying them and marrying the one with whom you are infatuated. You can get married without your mother’s knowledge, and try to guide her and advise her, and say du’aa’ for her and for your father. 
You should remember that because it is permissible for you to marry whomever you want and you do not have to obey your parents (in this matter), you should not fear their du’aa’ against you or their being angry with you, because that is a sinful du’aa’ which Allaah will not accept from them, in sha Allaah, unless you are wronging them and transgressing against them. Because it is permissible for you to marry without adhering to their wishes, you will not be sinning or doing wrong. 
See the answers to questions no. 82724 and 84052. 
See also 21831 and 5512. 
In those answers you will see more examples of that which we have discussed above. 
See also the answer to question no. 5053 for a discussion on the rights that your mother has over you, and your rights over your mother. 
Thirdly: 
You should remember that it is not permissible for you to marry this girl without her having a wali (guardian). If she has a wali from among her family who is Muslim, then he must agree to the marriage – but a kaafir cannot be her guardian if she becomes Muslim. If there is no Muslim among her guardians then a Muslim should act as her wali, such as a shar’i judge (qaadi) or Mufti, or the imam of an Islamic centre. Whatever the case, it is not permissible for her to get married without a wali. 
See also question no. 7989 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Parents should give their children a good upbringing and take care of them so that they will be in a good state in both religious and worldly affairs. 
If a child grows up disobedient and rebellious, then the parents must do more and try harder to guide him and make him righteous, by reminding him and advising him, showing patience towards him, praying for him, choosing good friends for him and choosing righteous acquaintances who can visit him, and advise him and befriend him. 
His brothers, friends and neighbours should help his parents with that as much as they can. 
But if the son becomes worse and the evil and trouble he causes increases, as mentioned in the question, and admonition and discipline do not succeed with him, then it is obligatory to denounce his evil by all possible means, by threatening to hit him or actually hitting him, or seeking the help of other men in the family against him, or taking the matter to the authorities, if it is not possible to stop his evil by any of the other means mentioned. His evil should not be taken lightly or be overlooked; rather it should be stopped before it goes further and causes greater harm. 
So first of all they should follow the steps mentioned above of offering advice and guidance, reminding him of Allah, instilling hope and fear; telling him about the rights that his parents, his sister and his guests have over him; telling him that his committing this evil will make him hateful to his family and neighbours and the people around him, and they should persist with him in that, whilst being gentle and patient, and using wisdom and beautiful preaching. 
His brothers should try hard in that regard, and use wisdom and patience with him, exhorting him gently and not being harsh towards him in speech. 
But if he persists in what he is doing of severing ties with his parents and his brothers and sisters, and shunning them, then they should not speak to him or interact with him, in the hope that Allah will set him straight, and they should keep praying to Him to guide him. 
But if he does not come back to his senses and he persists in his evil ways, then they should report him to the relevant authorities and the security forces who can restrain him from doing evil and deter him from what he is doing. 
He should not be left to persist in this transgression, because of the severity of his evil and the harm that he may do to his family and the people around him. 
Over and above all that, his parents and family members should turn to Allah, for most such calamities come about because of the sins that bring evil and corruption to the household. Ibn al-Haaj (may Allah have mercy on him) said, when speaking about matters contrary to Islamic teaching that may be done by one or both spouses: 
Undoubtedly reconciling between these spouses is very rare, and even if there is harmony between them, it is not free of ills, and if they happen to have a child, he will most likely grow up disobedient and doing all manner of inappropriate things, and all of that is the result of both of them not paying attention to their duties towards Allah, may He be exalted. End quote from al-Madkhal (2/170) 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:
We offer our condolences to this mother, and we ask Allah, may He be exalted, to guide her and her son, and to inspire him to follow the right path.
Secondly:
This poor mother has nothing to do with whether her son is guided or goes astray, and none of his sin is on her. Each individual is responsible for his own deeds and will be brought to account for them.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Whoever is guided is only guided for [the benefit of] his soul. And whoever errs only errs against it. And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another”
[al-Israa’ 17:15]
“And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. And if a heavily laden soul calls [another] to [carry some of] its load, nothing of it will be carried, even if he should be a close relative”
[Faatir 35:18].
Shaykh as-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another” i.e., on the Day of Resurrection, each person will be requited for his deeds, and no person will carry the sins of another. “And if a heavily laden soul calls [another]” i.e., if a person who is heavily laden with sins and transgressions calls upon someone else to carry some of his burden, “nothing of it will be carried, even if he should be a close relative”; he will not be able to carry some of the burden of his relative. The hereafter is not like this world, in which a person can help his close friend; rather on the Day of Resurrection, a person will wish that he had some rights over other people, even over his parents and relatives.
End quote from Tafseer as-Sa‘di (p. 687).
It was narrated by at-Tirmidhi (2159), who classed it as saheeh, from ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas, who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say to the people during the Farewell Pilgrimage: “No one commits a sin but he does so to his own detriment, and no sinner commits a sin to the detriment of his child, or any child to the detriment of his parent.”
Also classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan at-Tirmidhi.
Abu Dawood (4495) narrated that Abu Rimthah said: I went to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) with my father, then the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to my father: “Is this your son?” He said: Yes, by the Lord of the Ka’bah. He said: “Is it true?” He said: I bear witness to it. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) smiled at my resemblance to my father and my father’s oath concerning me, then he said: “He does not commit any sin to your detriment and you do not commit any sin to his detriment.” And the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) recited the verse: “and no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another” [al-An‘aam 6:164].
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood.
Al-Qaari (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Mirqaat al-Mafaateeh (6/2272):
“He does not commit any sin to your detriment” means: you will not be brought to account for his sin, and “and you do not commit any sin to his detriment” means: he will not be brought to account for your sin. End quote.
So there is no blame on this mother for her son’s sin, but she must continue to advise him and exhort him, and she should show him that she dislikes the path that he is on. If her cutting off ties with him will have an impact on him and bring him back to his senses, then she should cut off ties with him, out of mercy and compassion towards him.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.No person knows when he will die
No one knows exactly when he will die , or in what land he will die. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, Allah! With Him (Alone) is the knowledge of the Hour, He sends down the rain, and knows that which is in the wombs. No person knows what he will earn tomorrow, and no person knows in what land he will die. Verily, Allah is All-Knower, All-Aware (of things).” [Luqman 31:34] 
Are there signs for death?
There are no specific signs by which a person may know that his death and the end of his life are approaching. This is by the mercy of Allah towards His slaves, for if a person knew when he was going to die, and he knew that repentance expiates the sins that come before it, perhaps he might indulge in sins and commit evil deeds, and promise himself that one hour before his death he will repent and give up his sin. But such a person does not deserve to be a slave of Allah; rather he is a slave to his whims and desires. 
This is in contrast to reality, for no person knows when he will die, so the wise person strives to make up what he has missed out on and hastens to do so by repenting and doing righteous deeds, for he does not know when his life will end, and he remains in this state until Allah takes his soul. Such a person deserves to be a righteous slave who loves to obey Allah and hates to disobey Him. 
Signs that the end of a person’s life is approaching
But there are some signs which may indicate that the end of a person’s life is approaching , such as if he suffers a severe sickness from which people hardly ever recover. The same applies if he reaches extreme old age, or is in a serious accident, and other matters that may happen by divine decree. 
In the answer to question no. 184737  we mentioned the signs which are indicative of a person being righteous at the time of his death, and the signs which are indicative of a bad end . 
What to do if you feel that death is approaching
If a person feels that his death is approaching because of severe illness and the like, then what he must do is hasten to set things straight by repenting to Allah, making up for any wrongs done to people and asking them for forgiveness, hastening to do righteous deeds, being serious and focused in turning to Allah and obeying Him, and seeking pardon and forgiveness from Him by His grace, in addition to thinking positively of Allah, may He be glorified, and trusting in His abundant grace and mercy, and believing that He will never let down a slave who thinks positively of Him. 
Muslim (2877) narrated that Jabir said: I heard the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say, three days before he died: “No one of you should die except thinking positively of Allah.” 
He should also do a great deal of those deeds that expiate and erase sins, such as praying for forgiveness, maintaining wudu, praying, Hajj and `Umrah, and so on. 
Do agonies of death reduce the burden of sin? 
The agonies of death are the last hardship that a person encounters before meeting Allah, and they are the last thing by means of which Allah expiates the sins of His slave. We ask Allah to make these agonies easy for us and help us to bear them. 
Al-Bukhari (4449) narrated from `Aishah that during the sickness of which he died, the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) began to put his hand in water and wipe his face with it, saying: “La ilaha ill-Allah (there is no god but Allah), verily death has agonies.” Then he held up his hand and started saying: “With the higher companions…” until he passed away and his hand fell. 
At-Tirmidhi (978) narrated from ‘Aishah that she said: I saw the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) as he was dying. There was a vessel of water next to him, and he would put his hand in the vessel then wipe his face with the water, then he said: “O Allah, help me to bear the agonies of death.” (Classed as hasan by al-Hafiz in al-Fath (11/362); classed as da‘if by al-Albani in Da‘if at-Tirmidhi)
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymin (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: 
Do the agonies of death reduce the burden of sin? Does sickness that precedes death do likewise? 
He replied: 
“Everything that befalls a person of sickness, hardship, worry, or distress, even a thorn that pricks him, is expiation for his sins. Then if he is patient and seeks reward, in addition to expiation of sin he will have the reward for that patience with which he faced the calamity that befell him. There is no differentiation in that regard between what happens at the time of death and what happens before that.” (Fatawa Nur ‘ala ad-Darb, 24/2) 
Alongside the hardship and agonies of death, what the believer receives of glad tidings and being made steadfast at the time of his death are among the things that will make what he is faced with easier to bear and will make him long for what comes after it of meeting Allah . 
Al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
“The dying person can only be one of two things: either it is a relief for him or others are relieved of him. In either case things may be very hard for him at the time of death or they may be alleviated for him. In the former case, he is the one who is faced with the agonies of death, and that has nothing to do with whether he was pious or an evildoer; rather if he was one of the pious it will increase him in reward, otherwise it will expiate for him accordingly, then he will be relieved of the annoyances of this world, of which this is the last. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Aziz said: I would not like the agonies of death to be reduced for me, for that is the last thing by means of which sin may be expiated for the believer. Yet at the same time, what the believer receives of glad tidings and the angels being happy to meet him, and their accompanying him, and his joy at meeting his Lord, make it easier for him to bear whatever he may face of the pain of death, until it becomes as if he does not feel anything of that.” (Fath al-Bari, 11/365)  
We do not know of any way of reducing the agonies of death, except that the individual should turn to his Lord concerning that, and call upon Him at times of hardship and of ease. Perhaps we will do what the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did, when he put his hands in the water then wiped his face with them and asked Allah to help him to face the agonies of death, as mentioned above. 
However some of the early generations used to regard this hardship as a mercy, as quoted above from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Aziz. ‘Abdullah ibn Ahmad narrated in Zawaid az-Zuhd (p. 388) that Ibrahim an-Nakha‘i said: They used to regard it as mustahabb for the sick person to go through some hardship at the time of death. And it was narrated from Mansur that Ibrahim used to like the severe agony of death. 
We do not know of anyone who is saved from this hardship apart from the martyr. Imam Ahmad (7953), at-Tirmidhi (1668 – and he classed it as sahih), an-Nasai (3161) and Ibn Majah (2802) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The martyr does not feel anything more when he is killed than one of you feels if he is pinched.” (Classed as sahih by al-Albani in Sahih at-Tirmidhi and elsewhere) 
Al-Manawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: 
“What this means is that Allah, may He be exalted, makes death easy for him and suffices him against its agonies and distress; in fact the martyr may enjoy giving himself for the sake of Allah willingly, as Khubayb al-Ansari said (in verse):
I do not care if I am killed as a Muslim; it does not matter how I may be killed.” (Fayd al-Qadir, 4/182) 
How to draw closer to Allah
Righteous deeds are all deeds enjoined, encouraged and recommended by the Lawgiver, and some of them are superior to others. Among the best of righteous deeds by means of which a person may draw close to his Lord and which the Muslim is advised to do constantly are: to remember Allah a great deal,  read Quran, honour one’s parents, uphold ties of kinship, perform Hajj and ‘Umrah, offer voluntary prayers at night, give charity in secret, have a good attitude, spread the greeting of salam, feed people, speak truthfully, enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil, love good for people, refrain from harming them, cooperate in righteousness and piety, reconcile between people and other righteous deeds. 
We advise the questioner to take thinking of death and its hardships as a means of encouraging her to fear Allah and do righteous deeds, for if a person fears Allah and does good, Allah will make all difficulties easy for him, and relieve him of every distress and hardship . 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.The calamity of death is a calamity that no one can escape, and it is a test for us so that we may do righteous deeds and thus attain reward and the good pleasure of Allah. Grief and weeping at the loss of a relative is something permissible, if it is within normal bounds and is not accompanied by wailing or discontent. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) wept at the death of his son Ibraaheem, and he said: “The eye weeps and the heart grieves, but we do not say anything but that which pleases our Lord, and indeed we are saddened by your departure, O Ibraaheem.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1220) and Muslim (4279).
Calamities in this world expiate sins. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No hardship, pain, worry, grief, harm or distress befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5210) and Muslim (4670).
But this weeping and grief should be moderate, so that they do not affect a person’s interests in this world or in the hereafter, or distract him from his work and duties, and his worship of Allah. Rather he should be patient and seek reward with Allah, so that he may attain the reward of those who are patient, and so that Allah will expiate his bad deeds and raise him in status.
Our advice to your friend is that she should distract herself from the calamity that has befallen her by doing some worthwhile deeds, such as seeking knowledge, reading, reciting Qur’an, or permissible leisure pursuits. She should seek refuge with Allah from worry and grief, and avoid being alone, for that is something that may give the Shaytaan power over her.
She should understand that the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) forbade women to mourn the deceased for more than three days, except in the case of a husband. He (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for more than three days for anyone who dies, except for a husband; she should mourn him for four months and ten days.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1280) and Muslim (1486).
So it is not permissible for a woman to continue to grieve, avoiding adornment, because of the death of anyone for more than three days, except in the case of her husband, in which case she should continue to avoid adornment for the entire duration of the ‘iddah.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to grant her patience and help her to be obedient to Him.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
It is not possible for anyone, no matter who he is, to change the creation of Allah, may He be exalted, from male to female or vice versa. Whoever Allah, may He be exalted, has created as a male can never become a female who menstruates and gives birth! 
Yes, the doctors may tamper with him to satisfy his perversion so that he will think that he has become a woman, but he will never be truly female and will live in a state of anxiety and worry, which may lead him to commit suicide. 
Secondly: 
What a person may feel in his mind and heart, that he is of a gender other than what he appears to be to us does not give him an excuse to change his gender; rather it comes under the heading of following the Shaytaan in changing the creation of Allah – outwardly but not truly – and those feelings do not make it permissible for him to undergo surgery or take medicines and hormones to change his outward appearance. Rather he must be content with the decree of Allah, may He be exalted, and treat his case on the basis of faith and obedience to Allah. It is not permissible for him to make himself appear outwardly to be of a gender other than his real gender with which Allah created him, otherwise he will be committing a major sin; if this person is really female then she will be masculinised and if he is really male then he will be effeminate. 
Please see also the answers to questions no. 21277 and 34553 
The surgery that is permissible in such cases is if a person was originally created male or female, but his genital organs are hidden. In that case it is permissible to do surgery in order to make those organs appear, and to give him or her medicine or hormones to strengthen the characteristics with which Allah originally created him or her. 
But in the case of one who was created with both female and male genitalia – this is what is called ambiguous intersex – it is not permissible to be hasty in removing one and making the other more apparent. Rather we should wait until it is known what Allah, may He be exalted, will decree for this individual, which may become apparent after some time has passed. 
For a more detailed discussion on intersex please see the answer to question no. 114670 
There follows a detailed fatwa from the scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas, who were asked about a case similar to what is mentioned in the question. They replied: 
Firstly: Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “To Allah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is the All-Knower and is Able to do all things” [ash-Shoora 42:49].  So the Muslim must accept and be content with whatever Allah creates and decrees. 
In your case, if you are as you mentioned, that you are certain of your masculinity and that you can play the male role efficiently, even if you have not actually engaged in any sexual activity with any person, then you must preserve your masculinity and accept that which Allah has granted to you of virtue and a favourable situation. . 
Secondly: once your masculinity is proven and established, then having surgery to turn into a female – as you think – is changing the creation of Allah, and is an expression of discontent on your part with what Allah has chosen for you, even if we assume that the surgery is going to be successful and lead to what you want of becoming female. But there is no way that it can be successful, for both males and females have their own, distinct faculties and physical makeup, the development and characteristics of which are decreed only by Allah, may He be exalted, and are not just the penis of the male or the vaginal opening of the female. Rather the man has a complete, integrated system comprising the testicles and other organs, each of which has a special function and characteristics, and produces specific secretions and so on. Likewise the woman has a uterus and other connected parts that work in harmony with it, and each part has its own function and characteristics, and produces specific secretions and so on. Among all of them there are connections and harmony over which none of His creation have any power of estimation, creation, control, management or preservation. Rather all of that is under the control of Allah, the All-Knowing, Most Wise, Most High, Almighty, Most Kind and All-Aware. 
Therefore the surgery that you want to do is a kind of tampering and striving for something in which there is no benefit. In fact it may be dangerous; if it does not lead to death, then at the very least it will lead to taking away that which Allah has given you without you attaining what you want, and you will still be affected by what you have mentioned of psychological problems that you want to get rid of by means of this surgery that is bound to fail. 
Thirdly: if your masculinity is not established, and you only think that you are a man because of what you see in your body of outward masculine appearance, in contrast to what you feel in yourself of having feminine characteristics and an inclination towards males and being sexually attracted to them, then you should examine your situation and not go ahead with the surgery that you have mentioned. You should consult experienced specialist doctors. If they determine that you are male in outward appearance but are in fact female, then you may submit yourself to their treatment, so that they can bring out your femininity by doing surgery. But that will not in fact be a sex change from male to female, because this will not be up to them; rather it will be bringing out your true nature and removing what is in your body, and what you feel deep inside you of confusion and ambiguity. But if nothing is clear to the experts, then do not take the risk of undergoing this surgery; be content with the decree of Allah and be patient with what has befallen you, seeking to please your Lord and protecting yourself against the possible consequences of doing an operation without guidance and insight concerning your condition. Turn to Allah and beseech Him to relieve you of what you are facing, and to heal you from your psychological problems, for control of all things is in His hand, may He be glorified, and He is able to do all things. End quote. 
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Qa‘ood, Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Ghadyaan 
Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah (25/45-49) 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:
Marital problems are very common. If the problems stem from the husband, then the wise woman must look for the reasons why her husband’s behaviour towards her has changed, and the reasons why he is causing trouble for her. She may not be listening to him and being stubborn in her dealings with him, or she may be falling short in obeying him, or she may be neglectful regarding the house and raising her children, and so on. It cannot be imagined that a couple would have a happy married life, then things turn upside down suddenly and the husband begins to hate his wife and like to stay out at night, smoking shisha and so on, unless there are reasons that push the husband to do such things, although we know that in many instances the wife has nothing to do with that – rather it is a kind of upheaval that a man goes through after having been steadfast; we ask Allah to keep us steadfast and guide us – or it could be because of bad company, until his friends lead him astray from the straight path of his Lord and distract him from taking care of his best interests in this world and the hereafter, as appears to be the case here.
If it becomes clear to the wife that she has nothing to do with the changes in her husband, then this is a test for her from Allah, so she must choose between bearing with patience what her husband is doing, whilst continuing to advise him and pray for him, or seeking divorce, if she cannot put up with his mistreatment, or if she fears for herself or her religious commitment or her children if she stays with him, or if his sin reaches the level of disbelief, Allah forbid.
Secondly:
The wife must do her utmost to advise her husband and remind him, in the way that is best. She should not speak harshly to him or frown at him; rather she should speak gently to him and treat him kindly. She should also speak to her family so that they can find a good person who is close to him and can advise him, remind him and point him in the right direction. At the same time, she should be keen to offer supplication when prostrating and at the end of the night, asking her Lord to guide him.
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (may Allah preserve him) said:
It is not permissible for the husband to mistreat his wife, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “Treat them [women] with kindness” [an-Nisaa’ 4:19]. And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Your wife has rights over you.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari from the hadith of ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas. If he mistreats her, then she should respond with patience and do her duty towards him, so that she will have the reward for that, and in the hope that Allah may guide him. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend” [Fussilat 41:34].
Al-Muntaqa min Fataawa ash-Shaykh al-Fawzaan (4/177).
Although there may be some sins that he is committing, and his wife may be able to put up with that, his forsaking prayer does not come under that heading, because forsaking prayer constitutes disbelief (kufr) and apostasy, so she should not allow him to be intimate with her unless he starts to pray again.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:
There is a woman who is married to a man who commits some sins, including major sins, such as taking drugs and the like, and she is suffering because of this man. She is a righteous and believing woman – we think she is like that, but Allah knows best. What should this woman do, given that she has tried to advise and guide him to give up this haraam deed and to turn back to Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, but to no avail? What do you think? Should she go to her family or should she continue to put up with it in the hope that Allah might guide him? He also prevents his children from praying.
Answer: This man who does haraam deeds – does he pray or not?
Questioner: He prays but is not very serious about it. Sometimes he prays at home, sometimes he prays at work, and sometimes he delays the prayer.
Answer: I think that if she has tried to advise him without success, then she has the right to seek an annulment of the marriage, but in a situation like that there may be other issues that make it not possible to ask for annulment, because she has children and annulment of the marriage may lead to further troubles. So if his sin does not reach the level of disbelief (kufr), there is no blame on her if she stays with him, for fear of further problems. But if his sin does reach the level of disbelief, such as if he does not pray at all, then she should not stay with him a minute longer.
Liqaa’aat al-Baab al-Maftooh (13/question no. 18).
Thirdly:
Husbands should fear Allah, may He be exalted, with regard to their wives, and they should realise that Allah, may He be exalted, has commanded them to treat their wives with kindness and has instructed them to keep them in an acceptable manner. He has told them that a man may dislike his wife, yet Allah has instilled much good in her. Likewise, the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) stated that if the husband dislikes one characteristic in his wife, he may be pleased with what she has of other, good characteristics.
 Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “Treat them with kindness even if you dislike them; it is quite possible that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good” [an-Nisaa’ 4:19].
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he may be pleased with another.” Narrated by Muslim (1469).
These husbands should realise that their example is the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and he was the best husband to his wives.
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The words “Treat them [women] with kindness” [an-Nisaa’ 4:19] mean: speak nicely to them, treat them kindly, make yourself look good for them as much as you can, just as you would like them to do for you. So treat (your wife) as you would like to be treated. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” Narrated and classed as saheeh by at-Tirmidhi (3892). It was in his character (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) to be kind to people; he was always cheerful; he would joke with his wives, treat them kindly, spend generously on them and laugh with them. He even raced with ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers, as an act of kindness and affection towards her. She said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) raced with me and I beat him, but that was before I put on weight. Then when I had put on weight, I raced with him again and he beat me, and said: “This is in return for that.” Narrated by Abu Daawood (2578); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Daawood. His wives would gather every night in the house of the one with whom the Messenger of Allah (sa) (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was going to spend that night, and sometimes he would eat supper with them, then each of them would go back to her own house. He used to sleep with his wife under one blanket, taking off his upper garment and sleeping in his lower garment. When he had prayed ‘Ishaa’, he would stay up for a while with his wives, before going to sleep, thus comforting them and putting them at ease. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern (example)” [al-Ahzaab 33:21].
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (2/242)
Perhaps a large part of the remedy is trying to keep him away from the bad friends who have distracted him from his home, his family and his religion. If you can seek help with that from righteous people in his family, so that he will have no need of the bad friends who caused him to change, then that is good.
You must also seek the help of Allah, so that your husband will find compensation for those bad companions in the comfort, love and mercy that you create at home, in the hope that Allah will grant you and your husband relief and a way out from this test.
We ask Allah to guide your husband and enable him to seek His pleasure, and to bring about reconciliation between you.
See also the answers to questions no. 45600 and 9463.
And Allah is the source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.

Maintaining good relations with people is something for which you are to be
commended and is a good attitude to have. It is not permissible for your
maternal aunt, her husband or anyone else to try to spoil these good
relationships. 

However, it is essential to note that the maternal aunt is of similar
standing to the mother, and she has rights that are prescribed in Islam
under the heading of maintaining ties of kinship and kind treatment. Hence
we advise you to be patient with her and to advise her and her husband, and
to use whatever you can of permissible and Islamically prescribed means to
make her stop her evil actions by means of wisdom and beautiful exhortation.
There is nothing wrong with seeking the help of those who you hope can
influence her with sound advice. 

But if
mixing with them will lead to negative and evil consequences, then keeping a
distance from them is what one should do, but that should be done without
severing ties altogether, speaking ill of them in their absence, reviling
them and other acts that comes under the heading of bad manners that Allah
has forbidden. 

Rather
one should strive to protect oneself against evil, harm and mischief as much
as possible; in that case it is sufficient to contact her by phone in order
to check on her and ask how she and her family are, and so on. 

You
should treat them with kindness and use a subtle approach in protecting
yourself from their evil and the harm they cause to you and other people. 

If
shunning them will have an effect on them and stop them from doing evil,
then there is nothing wrong with shunning them. 

Shaykh
al-Islam said: 

If a
person openly commits a major sin, then it is justifiable to punish him by
shunning and other means, even if shunning him may serve one’s own interest,
thus serving the shar‘i interest as much as possible.

End
quote.                                                                           
 

Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa,
24/286 

But if
the harm affects only you, then try to put up with your aunt’s annoyance as
much as you can, and adopt a gentle approach towards her, whilst protecting
your religious commitment from her and her husband. 

It was
narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that a man said:
O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but
they cut me off. I treat them well, but they abuse me. I am patient and kind
towards them, but they insult me. He said: “If you are as you say, then it
is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths. Allah will continue to
support you as long as you continue to do that.”

Narrated by Muslim, 2558. 

Shaykh
Ibn ‘Uthaymeen was asked: 

My
paternal uncles hurt me by gossiping about me to other people; what should I
do with them? Should I cut off ties with them? 

He
(may Allah have mercy on him) replied: Do not cut off ties with them. The
more one upholds ties even though the other party cuts him off, the better
it is. Do what is required of you in terms of upholding ties with them, and
leave the matter of their cutting you off to Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted. You will be rewarded if they annoy you and gossip about you to
other people, because that will only increase you in reward, and on the Day
of Resurrection you will take from their good deeds (hasanaat), if you did
not pardon them.

End
quote from Fataawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb, 12/468 

It
should be noted that severing ties of kinship is a major sin and it is a
very serious matter in the sight of Allah. Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Would you then, if you were given
the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship?”

[Muhammad 47:22]. 

Muslim
(2556) narrated from Jubayr ibn Mut‘im (may Allah be pleased with him) that
the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No
one who severs ties of kinship will enter Paradise.” 

In
conclusion, 

You
should uphold ties of kinship as much as you can, whilst protecting
yourselves against their harm and annoyance. Do not give them any
opportunity to interfere in your lives and spoil relations between you and
other people; rather you should tell them not to do that; either they will
refrain or leave you alone. 

May
Allah make things easy for you and protect you from the evil of what you
fear. 

And
Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly:
By the grace of Allah, may He be exalted, towards you, He has enabled you at this age to worship Him and obey Him. By His grace towards you, He has blessed you with the ability to rebuke yourself when you fall short in obeying Him, and when you do something that it is not appropriate for you to do. These blessings from the Lord, may He be exalted, require you to give thanks in your heart, in your words and in your deeds, especially when you see young people around you of a similar age who go with the flow of lust and are drowning in a sea of misguidance and deviation.
Secondly:
You must understand that wet dreams happen to both women and men, single people and married people. They may happen to one who recites adhkaar before sleeping and to one who does not do that. There is no sin on a person for what he sees in his dreams, because he does not have any control over it or any ability to ward it off. The Muslim is not accountable for such things, just as he will not be rewarded for what he does in his dreams of acts of obedience and worship. There is a saheeh hadith from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) which states that the Pen of accountability is lifted from “the sleeper until he wakes up.”
So you should not feel anxious about what you see in your dreams. What you should worry about and be concerned about is what you do when you are awake, and this is what you suggested as a remedy for the problem of having wet dreams about your sister. Both of your suggestions are haraam and it is not permissible for you to do them. It is not permissible to look at pictures of actresses, singers and other attractive girls. For information on the prohibition on doing that, please see the answer to question no. 1774. Similarly, it is not permissible to engage in the secret habit (masturbation). For information on the prohibition on doing that, please see the answer to question no. 329. In addition to both actions being haraam, they will never avail you anything, and they will never prevent you from having wet dreams. We mentioned above that wet dreams happen even to married people and those who fulfil their desires in permissible ways.
You should understand that looking at your sister with desire is emphatically forbidden. In addition to being forbidden, it also has a strong connection to what you see in your dreams. It is well-known that some of what is seen in dreams is the outcome of the thoughts that the person thinks when he is awake. This means that looking at your sister – or any other woman – in haraam ways and thinking about sex before going to sleep may lead to seeing that in your dream. Hence the advice of the scholars to one who is faced with this problem is to purify himself [do wudoo’] before sleeping, recite Aayat al-Kursiy, and stop thinking about sex and desire. If, after that, he sees something in his dream that he dislikes, he should not blame himself if no heedlessness occurred whilst he was awake. So pay attention to this, and bear it in mind.
Among the things stated by those who specialise in dream interpretation is that wet dreams like those that you see come from the Shaytaan, in order to make it easier for you to commit shameful deeds whilst awake. This is a serious matter to which you should pay attention, for the Shaytaan may also toy with the other party, and show her something similar to what you see in your dreams, for the same purpose. This is completely in accordance with those who say that the Shaytaan has something to do with wet dreams, and there is a great difference between the one who sees himself in his dream committing shameful deeds with his sister,  although he is chaste and decent in his dealings with her when he is awake, and the one who sees such dreams, and looks at her with desire when he is awake. The former is the one who is fearful and anxious about his dreams, and he is unlikely to do such a thing in reality, in contrast to the one who is tempted when he is awake, so the Shaytaan does not leave him alone when he is asleep, just as he did not leave him alone when he was awake.
Thirdly:
Some specialist doctors have stated that a person may do something when he is awake that will cause him to have a wet dream when he goes to sleep, although it should be noted that there is a difference of opinion among scholars concerning the cause of this phenomenon. That includes looking at women in unlawful ways, thinking about sex and desire, not urinating before going to sleep, and filling the stomach with food. We hope that you will avoid all of these things, and go to sleep in a state of purity and after reciting dhikr, so that you can rid yourself of these dreams which are causing you anxiety.
Fourthly:
The ultimate solution to your problem is to get married. If you are not able to do that, then you should fast, because fasting purifies the soul and leads to taqwa (mindfulness of Allah), which will help to prevent you from doing haraam things. Both of these are the recommendation of your Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) to young people like you.
It was narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood said: We were with the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and we could not afford to get married. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to us: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a shield for him.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4779) and Muslim (1400).
See the answer to question no. 9208, where we explained that wet dreams are something natural for which a person is not to be blamed. You can also refer to question no. 20229, which discusses means that will help you to lower your gaze; and question no. 20161, which discusses the solution to the problem of desire and how to control it. In the answer to question no. 39768, we discussed the health implications of the secret habit for the body, mind, face and memory, and we discuss ways of giving up this habit and avoiding falling into it.
Fifthly:
If you are suffering from this problem, and the Shaytaan is filling your mind with such thoughts about your sister, then you should take precautions to protect yourself. So you should avoid looking at her or being alone with her, for she is your sister. Tell her not to be careless in the way she dresses in front of you, for mahrams are not all the same when it comes to the ruling on showing adornment in front of them. A woman may show all of her adornment to her husband, but when it comes to other mahrams, such as her father, brother and the like, she should not show in front of them anything but that which ordinarily appears of her, such as the forearm, neck and so on. This is a basic ruling, regardless of problems that may arise, such as your problem.
But when a problem does arise, such as the problem that you are talking about, then precautions should be more stringent and covering should be more complete. But you should not draw her attention to anything that is crossing your mind. Rather you should try to guide her to do that through your parents, if possible, without giving any indication of what is going on in your mind or of what you see in your dreams.
The great scholar Ibn al-Qattaan (may Allah have mercy on him) said in an-Nazr fi Ahkaam an-Nazr (312):
Question: He may only see of her – meaning his mahram – her face, hands and feet, whether she is young or old. That is permissible, with no difference of scholarly opinion, because it is something that ordinarily appears (when at home), unless he looks at those parts of his mahram with desire. There is no doubt that this is haraam, and I think that there is no difference of scholarly opinion concerning that. Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr stated that it is prohibited, and he did not narrate any different view concerning it.
End quote.
Abu Bakr al-Hasani ash-Shaafa‘i (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Kifaayat al-Akhyaar (1/460:
It is haraam to look at mahrams with desire, and there is no scholarly difference of opinion concerning that. End quote.
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Islam does not forbid the Muslim to let his thoughts wander and imagine permissible things, because this is human nature. Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, has created in them a wonderful world of imagination, images and talk that may cross their minds, and a person may not be able to ward them off completely, but he does have the power to control them and guard against those that are harmful.
It is well-known that some of these thoughts that a person may find himself immersed in may turn to some kind of illusion, and lead to mental exhaustion and an inability to focus. Oftentimes that results in a real-life situation filled with frustration and despair, or leads to bad conduct as a result of repeated thoughts, and the individual would not have found himself in that situation if he had restrained his thoughts and prevented them from wandering into that wilderness.
We think that the thoughts that could lead to success are realistic thoughts, in which one plans for a better future, within the framework of what is possible, not what is impossible, and strives to work out practical steps that may lead to success in one’s family life, academic life and social life, through beneficial reading, righteous deeds, and good conduct. If there is no opportunity to achieve such goals, then patience and contentment are two guiding principles that should always be in the mind of the believer.
This is the difference between harmful, bad thoughts and beneficial, realistic thoughts. Young men and women in particular should pay attention to this, and beware of following in the footsteps of the Shaytaan who, by means of thoughts and imagination, opens the door to evil and sin. Sin begins with a thought and ends with regret. If what is meant by imagining emotional life is imagining having intercourse with a particular young man in the hope that he will be one’s husband in the future, this comes under the heading of corrupt thoughts and imagination which bring no benefit and result in nothing but pain, regret and thinking of sin. This has been discussed in detail previously on our website, in the answer to question no. 84066.
Abu Haamid al-Ghazaali (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
It should be understood that the likeness of the heart is that of a target that is struck by arrows from all sides.
Or it is like a mirror in front of which different things pass constantly, and image after image is reflected in it; there is always something reflected in it.
Or it is like a cistern into which water flows from various channels that lead to it.
These constantly-renewed impacts on the heart either come from the outside, through the five senses, or they come from within, through imagination, desire, anger, and attitudes that are instilled in man’s nature. … As one’s thoughts move from one thing to another, the condition of the heart moves from one state to another.
The point is that the heart is always changing and is constantly affected by these causes. The greatest impact on the heart comes from thoughts. Moreover, thoughts lead to desires, and desires lead to resolve, and resolve leads to intention (niyyah), and intention leads to physical action.
Thoughts that lead to desires may be divided into those that motivate one to do evil, and those that motivate one to do good. These are two different types of thoughts. The good thoughts are called inspiration, and the bad thoughts are called waswaas (whispers from the Shaytaan).
End quote from Ihyaa’ ‘Uloom as-Deen (3/26).
And Allah knows best.