Q
Is marriage one of the actions of this world or of the Hereafter?
And Allah knows best.
You should advise them, politely, and explain to them the Islamic ruling concerning what they are planning to do. Warn them of the wrath of Allaah, and explain to them that music and mixing are haraam. Tell them that they could still have a successful wedding without these haraam things, and it is not in their interests at all in this world or in the Hereafter to respond to the blessing of Allaah, i.e., their daughters marriage, by disobeying Him and going against His commands and doing things that anger Him.
If that does not work, look for some wise people among their family and relatives, and from your own family too, who they think highly of and who you hope can help. Perhaps Allaah will decree that you will find a way out through them, and they will give up these evil things even if it is through pressure and embarrassment.
If that does not work, look for intervention on the part of someone who is knowledgeable and wise, whom they respect and look up to. Perhaps he will make them feel ashamed, or will be able to convince them that what they want to do is wrong, so they will give it up.
If none of this works, perhaps you can threaten them with divorce or separation. They might pay attention to that, because it would make them look bad in front of other people, so they will give up that which has been forbidden by Allaah. Perhaps leaving a long time between the nikaah (marriage contract) and the wedding party will have the result of convincing these people.
If they do not respond at all, then we would seriously warn you against getting involved with these people. But if the girl is religious and good-mannered, and she does not agree with what her family are doing, and you and she are able not to be present when the haraam things are happening, and you can leave the party when they start doing things that anger Allaah, and also announce your objections and state that you are disassociating yourselves from what is going to happen, (this is fine). Remember the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): then sit not with them (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them [al-Nisaa 4:140]. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Whoever among you sees an evil action, let him change it
And Allaah is the source of help; to Him we complain and in Him we put our trust.
And Allaah knows best.
Having more children increases the numbers of the ummah, and
increasing the numbers of the ummah is a source of its glory, as Allaah
says, reminding the Children of Israel of His blessings:
“and made you more numerous in man-power”
[al-Isra’ 15:6 – interpretation of the meaning]
And Shu’ayb said to his people:
“And remember when you were but few, and He multiplied
you”
[al-A’raaf 7:86 – interpretation of the meaning]
No one can deny that having a large number is a source of
pride and strength for the ummah, contrary to what those pessimists think
who say that large numbers causes poverty and starvation in a nation.
If the ummah increases in number, puts its trust in Allaah
and believes His promises as mentioned in the aayah,
“And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its
provision is due from Allaah”
[Hood 11:6 – interpretation of the meaning],
then Allaah will make things easy for them and will grant them independence
of means from His bounty. Based on that, the answer to your question is as
follows:
Birth control pills:
A woman should not use birth control pills, unless the
following conditions are met:
1-She should need to use them,
for example if she is ill and cannot cope with a pregnancy every year, or
she is physically unfit, or there is some other reason that getting pregnant
every year may harm her.
2-Her husband should give his
permission, because the husband has the right to have children. There must
also be consultation with the doctor, to find out whether these pills are
harmful or not.
If these two conditions are met, there is nothing wrong with
taking these pills, but that should not be on a permanent basis, because
that means preventing having children.
With regard to ‘azl (coitus interruptus), or withdrawing
during intercourse, the correct scholarly view is that there is nothing
wrong with it, because of the hadeeth of Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with
him): “We used to practise ‘azl at the time when the Qur’aan was being
revealed” – i.e., at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him). If that action had been haraam, the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have forbidden it. But the
scholars say that one should not engage in ‘azl with a free woman except
with her permission, because she has the right to have children. Moreover,
withdrawing without her permission diminishes her pleasure, because the
woman’s pleasure can only be completed after ejaculation. So not asking her
permission causes her to lose out on pleasure and on the possibility of
having children. Hence we state the condition that this may only be done
with her permission.
From Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen.
From Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 3, p. 190.
Thirdly: the reason why the Sahaabah engaged in ‘azl was
because they did not want the woman – especially a slave woman – to get
pregnant, so that they could continue to enjoy a physical relationship with
them and the woman would still be able to do their work. Abu Dawood narrated
that a man said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have a slave woman and I engage
in ‘azl with her, because I do not want her to get pregnant, but I want what
men want. But the Jews say that ‘azl is a lesser form of infanticide.” He
said, “The Jews are lying. If Allaah wants to create (a child) you cannot
prevent that.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, Kitaab al-Nikaah, 1856;
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1903).
A wife is a life-long companion, and she will take care of
his household and all his affairs. She will be the one to bring up and teach
his children. Religious commitment is the thing that makes a woman chaste
and keeps her away from bad things. So you must choose a wife from among
those women who are religiously-committed and fear Allaah.
What I think you should do is to strive to influence her and
make da’wah to her through your family or some of your mahrams so that she
will improve and adhere to the straight path. If she adheres to the straight
path and improves, then marry her.
Otherwise, I think that you should look for someone else, for
you have no guarantee that you will be able to influence her; she may not
respond, or you may be influenced by her, for no matter how much faith and
taqwa (piety) a person may have, he is still human and is still subject to
change or influence.
Firstly, because it is an imitation of those who are no good; it is a custom that has come to the Muslims from the non-Muslims.
Secondly, if that is accompanied by the belief that it has an effect on the marital relationship, then this is a kind of shirk. La hawla wa la quwwata illa Billah (there is no power and no strength except with Allah). (From a fatwa issued by Shaykh Salih al-Fawzan).
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymin was asked about the ruling on wearing engagement rings. He said:
“The engagement ring is a kind of ring, and there is nothing wrong with rings in principle, unless that is accompanied by some belief, as some people do when the man writes his name on the ring that he gives to his fiancée, and she writes her name on the ring that she gives to him, believing that this will create strong bonds between the couple. In this case, this ring is haram, because it is an attachment to something for which there is no basis in Islam and which makes no sense. Similarly, with regard to the engagement ring, it is not permissible to the man to put it on his fiancée’s hand, because she is not his wife yet and she is still a stranger (non-mahram) to him, because she is not his wife until after the marriage contract has been done.” (Al-Fatawa al-Jami’ah li’l-Marah al-Muslimah, vol. 3, p. 914-915)
For more, please see these answers: 76413 , 20069 , and 11446
And Allah knows best.