Tag: Q n A

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

This world is not free of worries and distress, and the
Muslim knows that, indeed all people know that. All people suffer in this
world, good and bad. 

The difference between the believer and the kaafir with
regard to that is that the believer has the hope of the reward of Allaah in
good times and bad, which the kaafir is deprived of because of his kufr.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“if you are suffering (hardships) then surely, they (too)
are suffering (hardships) as you are suffering, but you have a hope from
Allaah (for the reward, i.e. Paradise) that for which they hope not; and
Allaah is Ever All‑Knowing, All‑Wise”

[al-Nisa’ 4:104]

The believer knows that whatever good he sees in this world
is only partial, and that whatever evil he sees in this realm, no matter
what this evil is, is only partial. True good is in Paradise and true evil
is in Hell. 

Shaddaad ibn Aws (may Allaah be pleased with him) used to
say: You do not see anything of good but its causes and you do not see
anything of evil but its causes. All goodness is in Paradise and all evil is
in Hell. This world is transient and passing, in which both the righteous
and the immoral eat. But the Hereafter is a true promise in which a stern
Sovereign will pass judgement. Each of them has its sons, so be among the
sons of the Hereafter and do not be among the sons of this world. 

Sifat al-Safwah (1/709). 

Because of this truth, the one who is destined for Hell will
forget all this goodness from the first time he is dipped in Hell, and the
one who is destined for Paradise will forget all this hardship the first
time he is dipped in Paradise. 

This is the wisdom of Allaah, which the believer sees in that
which Allaah has decreed for him. He tests His slaves with good and bad
alike. 

“Everyone is going to taste death, and We shall make a
trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned”

[al-Anbiya’ 21:35]

It is easy for anyone to speak the words of faith and claim
to be sincere, but it is through tests and trials that those who are sincere
are distinguished from those who are lying, and believers are distinguished
from hypocrites. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they
say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested.

3. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And
Allaah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and
will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars,
(although Allaah knows all that before putting them to test)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:2-3]

So the believer is different from all other people when he is
tested with good and bad. He is grateful for good things and he is patient
when bad things happen, and there is no goodness in anything other than
that. 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all of it is good,
and that applies to no one except the believer. If something good happens to
him he gives thanks, and that is good for him, and if something bad befalls
him he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.” Narrated by Muslim
(2999).  

One of the names by which Allaah has called Himself is
al-Hakeem (the Wise), and one of His deeds is wisdom which the human mind
cannot fully comprehend. That part of His wisdom which is known to us can
help the believer to be steadfast and patient. In the answer to question no.
35914 we have stated some of the wisdom and benefits that result from
calamities. Please refer to this question, as it is important. 

There are some things which, if the one who is stricken with
calamity thinks about them, his problem will seem less severe. Ibn al-Qayyim
mentioned in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad (4/189-195) a number of these
things, which we have mentioned in the answer to question no.
71236. Please
refer to this question, as it is important. 

Secondly: 

Honouring your parents is an Islamic duty, and it is haraam
to disobey them even if their attitude or their treatment of you is bad, and
no matter what has happened between them. Allaah has enjoined treating them
kindly even if they try to force you to disbelieve. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in
worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them
not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him
who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your
return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

[Luqmaan 31:15]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
enjoined maintaining ties with them and treating them kindly even if they
are kaafirs, as he said to Asma’ (may Allaah be pleased with her) when her
mother, who was a kaafir, came to visit her because she needed something:
“Uphold ties of kinship with your mother.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2477)
and Muslim (1003). 

Thirdly: 

Moving far away from your family and travelling by yourself
is not permissible because of the problem, rather it the wrong way to deal
with it. It is like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.  

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I heard the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “No man should be
alone with a woman unless there is a mahram present with her, and no woman
should travel except with a mahram.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1763) and
Muslim (1341). 

This hadeeth indicates that for a woman to travel alone,
without a husband or mahram, is haraam. The word “travel” in the hadeeth is
general in meaning, and includes travelling for Hajj and ‘Umrah or to seek
knowledge. What you are intending to do comes under the heading of travel
that is forbidden in this hadeeth, and if the travel is to a kaafir country,
then it is even more haraam. 

Fourthly: 

It is not permissible for a woman to take off her hijab, the
symbol of her chastity, religious commitment and modesty. Obedience to
Allaah takes precedence over desires, pleasures and worldly matters. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: 

It is obligatory for a woman to observe hijab in front of
non-mahram men, both at home and abroad, because Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask
them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their
hearts”

[al-Ahzaab 33:53]

This verse includes the face as well as other parts, because
the face is the greatest part of a woman’s beauty. 

“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the
women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies
(i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the
way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable
women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever Oft‑Forgiving, Most
Merciful”
[al-Ahzaab 33:59] 

“…and not to reveal their adornment except to their
husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or
their husband’s sons …”

[al-Noor 24:31]

These verses indicate that it is obligatory to observe hijab
at home and abroad, in front of Muslims and kaafirs. 

It is not permissible for any woman who believes in Allaah
and the Last Day to take these matter slightly because that is disobedience
towards Allaah and His Messenger, and because that will cause fitnah at home
and abroad. 

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah
(1/446, 447). 

Fifthly: 

You should not despair of the mercy of Allaah. What you say
in your question indicates that you have lost self confidence and have lost
hope in your Lord. The Shaytaan would like this to continue. Beware of
falling into the trap of the Shaytaan. 

We can see from your letter that you are upset and grieved by
the state of your family, and how their reputation is affecting you, which
has made you think of moving away from them. But we want you to think long
and hard lest you fall pray to evil people, especially if they know about
your family’s situation and you are alone among them. So you have to plan to
solve this problem without doing anything that is haraam. 

We suggest that you should tell one of your relatives who is
wise and is a mahram about your problem, such as a paternal uncle or
maternal uncle, so that he may help you to solve the problem that results
from your remaining with your family. Moving to the house of one of your
mahrams is the best way to solve your problem, if living with them is as you
describe and there is no hope of them mending their ways. Maybe after that
Allaah will bless you with a righteous husband with whom you will have a
happy life and Allaah may bless you with good children from him. 

There is no reason why your relatives should not help you to
get married to a righteous man. If they do that, they will be deserving of
praise. There is no reason why you should not try to get someone whose
intelligence and religious commitment you trust to look for a suitable
husband for you, or mention you to a person who you think is righteous and
good. 

But whatever the case, we do not advise you to travel alone
or to move to a house on your own, rather we advise you to live with one of
your relatives who is a mahram, if that is possible, so long as you choose a
righteous household that is suitable for you to live in. If that is not
possible then we advise you to look for righteous sisters, such as students,
and live with them. If that is not possible, then look for a righteous
sister who is living with her sisters or mother, who you could live with.
What matters is that you should avoid living alone and avoid travelling,
especially to a kaafir country, and you should look for a good and suitable
environment where you can protect your religious commitment. 

It is not permissible for you to give in to the tricks of the
shaytaan for you are one of those who are despairing and are close to kufr.
All of that plays a role in worry and distress. 

Think about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such
(trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted
with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger
and those who believed along with him said, “When (will come) the Help of
Allaah?” Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!”

[al-Baqarah 2:214]

You will realize that when calamity grows worse and reaches
the point that it feels like an earthquake, then relief is close at hand by
the mercy of the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. 

Think about the words of Allaah (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could
imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him.
Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure
for all things”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3] 

“and whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make his matter easy for him”

[al-Talaaq 65:4] 

“Verily, along with every hardship is relief,

6. Verily, along with every hardship is relief”

[al-Sharh 94:5-6]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “O young man, shall I not teach you some words by means of which
Allaah may benefit you?” I said: Yes. He said: “Be mindful of Allaah, He
will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him before
you. Remember Him at times of ease and He will remember you at times of
hardship. If you ask, then ask of Allaah, if you seek help then seek help
from Allaah. The Pen has dried and things are happening (as they have been
decreed). If all of mankind were to gather together to benefit you in some
way that Allaah has not decreed for you, they would never be able to do it,
and if they wanted to harm you with something that Allaah has not decreed
for you, they would never be able to do it. Remember that there is much good
in bearing with patience that which you dislike, and that victory comes with
patience, and that with hardship comes a way out and with difficulty comes
ease.” Narrated by Ahmad, 2800 and classed as saheeh by Al-Albaani. 

Finally: we advise you to make du’aa’ and seek out the best
times such as the last third of the night, saying a lot of du’aa’ whilst
prostrating, being sincere in your du’aa’ and humbly beseeching your Lord to
guide your parents and set their affairs straight, and to help you to do
that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

See also the book “Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and
Stress” in the Books section of this site. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.The Qur’aan and saheeh
Sunnah, and the consensus of the early generations of this ummah, indicate
that it is obligatory to believe in al-qadar (the divine decree), both good
and bad, and that this is one of the six basic principles of faith without
which a person’s faith is incomplete. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but it
is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz) before We bring it
into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allaah”

[al-Hadeed 57:22] 

“Verily, We have created all things with Qadar (Divine
Preordainments of all things before their creation as written in the Book of
Decrees – Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)”

[al-Qamar 54:49]
It was narrated from
‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, defining faith: “It is to
believe in Allaah, His angels, His Books, His Messengers, the Last Day and
to believe in the divine decree, both good and bad.” Narrated by Muslim, 8. 

Everything that happens in the universe happens only by the
decree of Allaah, so the one who believes in al-qadar must believe that
Allaah knew all things before they happened, then He wrote that in al-Lawh
al-Mahfooz (the Book of Decrees), then He willed that they should be, then
He created them. These are the four well-known stages of al-qadar, and there
is evidence for each of these stages, as has already been explained in
detail in the answer to question no. 49004. 

Marriage and whether it comes sooner or later, or is easy or
difficult, is all subject to the decree of Allaah. This does not mean that
the Muslim should not avail himself of the means that Allaah has decreed as
the steps leading to it, and applying the means does not contradict the idea
that a thing has been decreed from eternity. Man does not know what has been
decreed for him, but he is enjoined to apply the means. 

The calamities that Allaah decrees for a person are good for
the believer if he bears them with patience and seeks reward for that, and
does not panic, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “How marvelous is the affair of the believer, for all his affairs
are good, and that does not apply to anyone except the believer. If
something good happens to him he gives thanks for it and that is good for
him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is
good for him.” Narrated by Muslim, 2999. 

These calamities may be a punishment for sin, but that is not
necessarily the case. They may come in order to raise the believer in status
and increase his reward if he is patient and content… or there may be other
great reasons behind it. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him)
was asked: 

If a person is tested with sickness or a calamity that
strikes him or his wealth, how can he know whether that is a test or is a
sign of the wrath of Allaah? 

He replied: 

Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, tests His slaves
with good things and bad, with hardship and with ease. He may test them in
order to raise them in status and to increase their reward, as He did with
the Prophets and Messengers (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon them) and
the righteous slaves of Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “The people who are most severely tested are the
Prophets, then the next best and the next best.” Sometimes Allaah does that
because of sins, so the punishment is hastened, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of
what your hands have earned. And He pardons much”

[al-Shoora 42:30]
Usually people fall short
and fail to fulfil their duties, so whatever befalls them is because of
their sins and shortcomings in obeying the commands of Allaah. If one of the
righteous slaves of Allaah is tested with sickness and the like, this is
akin to the testing of the Prophets and Messengers which raises them in
status and increases their reward, so that they may be examples to others of
patience and seeking reward. 

Conclusion: it may be a test in order to raise a person in
status and increase his reward, as Allaah does with the Prophets and some of
the elite, or it may be an expiation for sins, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“whosoever works evil, will have the recompense thereof”

[al-Nisa’ 4:123]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “No tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, distress or harm befalls
a believer in this world, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah
expiates some of his sins thereby.” 

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“When Allaah wills good for a person, He afflicts him (with calamity so that
he may earn reward by bearing it with patience).” 

That may also be a punishment that has been hastened because
of sins and a failure to hasten to repent, as stated in the hadeeth in which
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When
Allaah wills good for a person, He hastens his punishment in this world, and
when He wills bad for a person, He withholds the (punishment) for his sins
from him until he comes to Him with that sin on the Day of Resurrection.”
Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi. End quote. 

Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat,
4/370 

As you refused to marry those who came and proposed to you,
for the sake of Allaah and because they are not adhering to Islam, Allaah
will compensate you with something better than them. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He
will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could
imagine”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allaah, may He be
glorified and exalted, but Allaah will compensate you with something that is
better for you than that.” Narrated by Imam Ahmad; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Hijaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 47. 
You should turn to Allaah
with du’aa’ and acts of worship, and do not despair. Remember that the mercy
of Allaah is close to those who do good.

 And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
Reading love stories results in many evils, especially if the reader is young. These evils include: provocation of desire, and stirring up of bad thoughts and fantasies, attachment to the hero or heroine of the story, and wasting time in something that brings no spiritual or worldly benefit, rather in most cases it cases harm. Islam came to close the door that leads to anything haraam; it enjoins lowering the gaze and forbids being alone with a member of the opposite sex or speaking in a soft tone, and other things that may provoke desire or lead to immoral actions. Undoubtedly reading these stories is the exact opposite of that, because they promote the wish to get to know men and form relationships with them, and fall in love with them, in addition to showing immoral images of love and meetings etc. Undoubtedly all of that is haraam. 
Secondly: 
Listening to music is haraam, because of a great deal of evidence which we have mentioned in the answer to question no. 5000 and 20406. 
Thirdly: 
The same may be said about watching romantic movies as is said about reading romantic stories, rather the movies are more harmful and more corrupt, because they embody the meanings in moving images and scenes, and because they show ‘awrahs and immoral actions, accompanied by  music in most cases. They provoke desires and promote immorality, as is obvious to any wise person. It is strange that you are not bothered as the result of watching these movies. 
Conclusion: All of that is forbidden, as it leads to haraam things and sin, and the one who does it is in grave danger. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably get. The zina of the eyes is looking and the zina of the tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and hopes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6243) and Muslim (2657). According to a report narrated by Muslim: “The son of Adam’s share of zina has been decreed for him, which he will inevitably get. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hands is touching, and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.” Think about this important hadeeth, and think about the movies that you mentioned. Watching them includes the zina of the eyes, the ears and the heart which longs and wishes. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. 
Remember that it is obligatory to give up haraam things immediately, and that sin after sin darkens the heart, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When the believer commits sin, a black spot appears on his heart. If he repents and gives up that sin and seeks forgiveness, his heart will be polished. But if (the sin) increases, (the black spot) increases. That is the raan which Allaah mentions in His Book: ‘Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to earn’ [al-Mutaffifeen 83:14].” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3334) and Ibn Maajah (4244); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 
You should also remember that whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better than it, so hasten to repent sincerely and give up these haraam things, and keep yourself busy with things that will benefit your spiritual and worldly interests. Read Qur’aan a great deal and study the biography of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the biographies of the Mothers of the Believers and of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them all). Listen to useful lectures which will remind you of Allaah and encourage you to seek the Hereafter, and help you to keep away from haraam things. 
We ask Allaah to help and guide us and you. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Bringing kaafir servants and entrusting them with our homes
and children poses a great danger to the morals and religious commitment of
the children. 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

With regard to employing kaafir women as servants, whether
they are Buddhists, Christians or other kinds of kaafirs, is not permissible
in this Peninsula, i.e., in the Arabian Peninsula, because the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade that and urged that the
kuffaar be expelled from Arabia, for it is the cradle of Islam and the place
where the Message first dawned. So it is not permissible for two religions
to co-exist there, and it is not permissible to bring any kaafir there
except in cases of necessity as decreed by the authorities, then he (the
kaafir) should return to his homeland. End quote. 

Fataawa Ibn Baaz, 6/361 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: 
Because a kaafir woman
should not remain among you in your house with your family and children,
even if the harm is no more than when the family get up to pray and this
woman does not pray, the children say: “Why doesn’t this woman pray?” and
they love her, so in that case they will think that it is not essential to
pray. This is even if she does not teach them her religion, as some people
have told us that they heard the servant teaching the children to say that
Jesus is God – we ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. End quote. 

Liqaa’aat al-baab il-Maftoohah,
3/53 

See also questions no. 22980,
26213,
26282,
31242 

Secondly: 
The scholars have stated
that it is permissible to take payment for teaching worldly skills, and
undoubtedly cooking and food preparation are skills that are very important
nowadays. 

It says in al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (13/66): 

There is no dispute among the scholars that it is permissible
to hire a person to teach permissible skills and professions which have to
do with worldly interests, such as sewing, blacksmithing, construction,
agriculture, weaving and so on. End quote. 

Thirdly: 

Based on the above, it is permissible according to sharee’ah
for your mother to take a payment for teaching the servant different ways of
cooking, but she should have told the servant of that before she started to
teach her. As for the situation mentioned in the question, the servant has
learned how to make food with the encouragement of your mother who chose to
do that. She is the one who helped her to do that of her own free will. So
it is not permissible for her to take the servant’s notebook in which she
has written down what she learned, because it is her property which she has
written with her own hand and taken care of. Your mother’s teaching of her
was purely voluntary. 

Beware of mistreating her and taking what is rightfully hers,
even if she is not Muslim. 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said (6/362)
to one who brought in a kaafir servant and mistreated her: 

What you and your mother have to do is to send her back to
her country. It is not permissible for you or your mother to mistreat her,
rather what you must do is treat her in a kind manner while she is with you,
until she returns to her country, because Allaah has forbidden wrongdoing to
His slaves to mistreat even with regard to kaafirs, as the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of wrongdoing, for
wrongdoing will be darkness on the Day of Resurrection.” Narrated by Muslim,
2578. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that
Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, said: “O My slaves, I have
forbidden wrongdoing to Myself and I have made it haraam among you, so do
not wrong one another.” Narrated by Muslim, 2577. End quote. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.May Allaah
help you, relieve your distress, guide your footsteps and forgive your sin. 
Your soul is
still in your body, your heart is still beating and your mind is still
thinking, so we will start from there. 
The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Allaah accepts the repentance of His slaves so long as the death rattle has
not reached his throat.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3537); classed as hasan by
al-Albaani. 
You are not
too weak and you are not a pile of dust like those who are in the graves,
rather you still have the strength to start again, and in sha Allaah you are
stronger than you think. The strong person is not the one who never falls,
rather the strong person is the one who can get up again if he falls. 
Were you not
following the religion of your forefathers, associating others with Allaah
and disbelieving in His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him), then Allaah gave you the strength to leave all that behind, and you
moved to a new religion that you were not used to and had not followed
before? That is a thousand times harder than leaving the state you are in
now. 
Weren’t the
cups of wine filled around you and paths of temptation open to you, with no
one watching for you to feel ashamed and thus be protected? But Allaah gave
you strength and protected you from immorality and drinking alcohol. So now
how can you give in to the situation you are in? 
You have the
strength to recover. Do not help your enemy against yourself. If some
wrongdoer slaps you, do not slap your other cheek. “He is not one of us who
slaps his cheeks, rends his garment and prays with the call of Jaahiliyyah.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1294). 
There is a
difference between the one who falls into a ditch and gives in to the fall,
and laments his luck, blames fate and thinks badly of his Lord, and one who
falls and knows that he deserved it because of his sin and bad deeds, and
because he chose that for himself. “And verily,
Allaah is not unjust to His slaves” [al-Anfaal 8:51].
So he gets up after stumbling, and seeks the help of his Lord in ridding
himself of sin first of all, then relieving his distress, as he learns to
say every day: “You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help
(for each and everything)” [al-Faatihah 1:5]. Such is the strong
believer whom Allaah loves. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The strong believer is better and
more beloved to Allaah than the weak believer, although both are good.
Strive to do that which will benefit you and seek the help of Allaah, and do
not feel helpless. If anything befalls you, do not say ‘If only I had done
(such and such), the such and such would have happened,’ rather say: ‘Allaah
has decreed and what He wills He does,’ for ‘if only’ opens the door to the
work of the shaytaan.”
Narrated by
Muslim (2664).  
Shaykh
al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Man is not
commanded to refer to the concept of the divine decree with regard to the
deeds that are enjoined upon him, rather he should refer to the concept of
the divine decree with regard to calamities that he has no means to ward
off. Whatever befalls you as the result of other people’s actions or
otherwise, bear it with patience, accept it and submit. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 
“No
calamity befalls, but by the Leave [i.e. Decision and Qadar (Divine
Preordainments)] of Allaah, and whosoever believes in Allaah, He guides his
heart [to the true Faith with certainty, i.e. what has befallen him was
already written for him by Allaah from the Qadar (Divine Preordainments)]”

[al-Taghaabun 64:11]
One of the
salaf – either Ibn Mas’ood or ‘Alqamah – said: This is the man whom calamity
befalls and he knows that it is from Allaah, so he accepts it and submits.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (7/278). 
Ibn
al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This hadeeth confirms some of
the most important principles of faith, which include: 
Man’s
happiness lies in his striving for that which will benefit him in this life
and in the Hereafter. Striving means doing one’s utmost. As man’s striving
and deeds can only be done with the help of Allaah and by His will, He has
commanded him to seek His help, so as to fulfil the meaning of the verse: 
“You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help (for each and
everything)” [al-Faatihah 1:5]. His striving for that which will benefit
him is an act of worship of Allaah and can only be achieved with Allaah’s
help. So He commanded him to worship Him and to seek His help. 
Then he
said: “And do not feel helpless”, because feeling helpless is the opposite
of striving for that which will benefit him, and it is the opposite of
seeking the help of Allaah. So the one who is striving for that which will
benefit him and seeking the help of Allaah is the opposite of the one who
feels helpless. This principle applies before what is decreed happens, and
it guides the Muslim to that which is one of the greatest causes of
attaining it, which is striving for it whilst seeking the help of the One in
Whose hand are all things, from Whom they originate and to Whom they will
return. If what is not decreed for him does not come to him, there are two
scenarios: the first of which is feeling helpless, which opens the door to
the works of the shaytaan, and this helplessness leads him to regret and say
“if only” and there is no benefit in saying “if only”, rather this opens the
door to blame, anguish, anger, regret and sorrow, all of which are from the
shaytaan and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
forbade opening the door to the shaytaan in this manner. Or in the second
scenario, he may look at the divine decree and think about it, for if it is
decreed (for him to get what he wanted) for him he would not have missed it
and no one would have beaten him to it. Hence he said: “If anything befalls
you, do not say ‘If only I had done (such and such), the such and such would
have happened,’ rather say: ‘Allaah has decreed and what He wills He does.’”
So he taught him that which will benefit him in either case: if he gets what
he wanted and if he did not get it. Hence this hadeeth is one that a person
can never do without. 
Shifa’
al-‘Aleel (37-38). 
Once you
have understood this, there is no room for wishing for something different
than what was decreed, for that is in fact like suggesting that Allaah
should have decreed something else. There is no point in wishing that Allaah
had spared you from these trials that you went through and that made you so
alterable and confused after you had been guided to Him. 
Do you not
know that tests and trials are an inevitable part of man’s existence in this
life?  
“Verily,
We have created man from Nutfah (drops) of mixed semen (sexual discharge of
man and woman), in order to try him, so We made him hearer and seer”

[al-Insaan 76:2]
People are
like metals. Some are pure gold, some are a mixture, and some are less than
that. The test is like a fire which will show whether the gold is truly gold
or not. 
Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“Alif‑Laam‑Meem.
[These
letters are one of the miracles of the Qur’aan, and none but Allaah (Alone)
knows their meanings.]
2. Do
people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe’ and
will not be tested.
3. And We
indeed tested those who were before them. And Allaah will certainly make
(it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it)
known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allaah knows all
that before putting them to test)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:1-3]
Shaykh Ibn
Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
Allaah tells
us of His perfect wisdom, and that His wisdom does not mean that everyone
who says that he believes will remain as such, free from tribulations and
tests, and not be faced with that which will confound their faith. If that
were the case, then there would be no way to distinguish between one who is
sincere and one who is lying. 
But His way
with the earlier nations and with this ummah is to test them with good
things and bad things, with ease and hardship, with good times and bad
times, with wealth and poverty. He tests them by causing their enemies to
prevail over them sometimes and He tests them when they strive against the
enemies in word and deed, and other kinds of trials, all of which result
from specious arguments about faith, which are contrary to certain faith and
desires which undermine the resolve of the believer. 
If a
person’s faith remains firm in the face of doubts and does not waver, and he
wards them off with the truth that he has, and if, in the face of desires
that call him to sin or to go against that which Allaah and His Messenger
have enjoined, he does that which is required by faith, and strives against
his desires, this indicates that his faith is sincere and valid.  
But if his
heart is affected by doubts and desires, and they lead him to sin or divert
him from his duties, this indicates that his faith is not valid or sincere.
People are of varying degrees with regard to this matter, which are known
only to Allaah, We ask Allaah to make us steadfast in this world and in the
Hereafter, and to make our hearts steadfast in adhering to His religion, as
tests and trials are like the bellows which brings out the dross and the
good.  
O
maidservant of Allaah, you do not want to live and you do not want to die.  
We say: We
too would not like you to have this life of sin, but we hope that you do not
die in this state, rather we hope that our Lord, the Lord of the Worlds,
will not like you to live such a life and will not like you to die in this
state. 
This
situation is not as confusing as you think, and the solution is not for you
to give in to loss, as you are doing now. Allaah does not want you to meet
Him, after you die, in any state other than Islam. 
“O you
who believe! Fear Allaah (by doing all that He has ordered and by abstaining
from all that He has forbidden) as He should be feared. (Obey Him, be
thankful to Him, and remember Him always,) and die not except in a state of
Islam [as Muslims (with complete submission to Allaah)]”
[Aal
‘Imraan 3:102]
Nor does
Allaah want you to live except in a state of Islam, which He has chosen for
His slaves: 
“Say (O
Muhammad): Verily, my Salaah (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying
are for Allaah, the Lord of the ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that
exists).
163. He
has no partner. And of this I have been commanded, and I am the first of the
Muslims”

[al-An’aam 6:162-163]
So what is
the solution? Where should we start? 
The solution
is to turn back to Him, and He will love you when you turn back to Him: 
“Allaah
loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify
themselves”

[al-Baqarah 2:222]
 He will
grant you relief when you come back to Him, no matter how far astray you
have gone. 
It was
narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, says: ‘I am as My slave thinks I
am, and I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers me to himself, I
remember him to Myself; if he remembers Me in a gathering, I remember him in
a gathering better than it; if he draws near to Me a handspan, I draw near
to him an arm’s length; if he draws near to me an arm’s length, I draw near
to him a fathom’s length; if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.”
Narrated by Muslim (2675). 
So what
about sins and alcohol? 
Our Lord,
the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful, says (interpretation of the
meaning): 
“Say: O
‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing
evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah
forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Zumar
39:53]
You still
have a way to turn over a new leaf and make the record of your deeds white
and clean. We do not mean that it will be white with no good deeds or bad
deeds written on it so that we will go back to zero and start from scratch.
No; what we mean is that we want it to be white with no sins on it, and by
the mercy of the Most Merciful of those who show mercy, it will be filled
with good deeds instead of every bad deed that you did and every sin into
which you fell.
Have you not
heard the words of Allaah which tell us of the characteristics of the slaves
of the Most Merciful, where He mentions a number of their beautiful
attributes that are beloved to Him, among which He mentions: 
“And
those who invoke not any other ilâh (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such
person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal
sexual intercourse
and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The
torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide
therein in disgrace;

70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do
righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds,
and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.
71. And
whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents
towards Allaah with true repentance”

[al-Furqaan 25:68-71]
Do you not
see how Allaah does not just forgive those major sins, but by His grace He
turns them into good deeds! 
It was
narrated from Abu Taweel Shatab al-Mamdood that he came to the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “What do
you think if a man has committed all kinds of sins, and has not left out any
of them, and he did not omit any minor or major sin but he did it, can he
repent?”  
He said:
“Have you become Muslim?” 
He said: “As
for me, I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah alone, with no
partner or associate, and that you are the Messenger of Allaah.” 
He said: “Do
good deeds and abstain from bad deeds, and Allaah will make them all good
deeds for you.” 
He said:
“Even my betrayals and immoral deeds?”  
He said:
“Yes.” 
He said:
“Allaah is most great,” and he kept saying takbeer until he left. 
Narrated by
al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer (7/314); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Targheeb. 
So, O
maidservant of Allaah, change your state and do good deeds, and give up bad
deeds, and they will all be turned to good deeds in your record of deeds.
Then you will know that you cannot lose that closeness to Allaah, for you
will still have the opportunity to be with Him in Paradise. 
Ibn
al-Qayyim said: Come and be with Allaah, and draw close to Him in an abode
of peace, with no exhaustion or tiredness or suffering via the closest and
easiest routes. You are in a time between two times, which in fact is your
life, your current time, between the past and the future. What has passed
can be set right by repentance and regret and prayers for forgiveness, and
that is something which will not exhaust you or tire you out and is not
difficult. Rather it is an action of the heart.  As for the future, you
should refrain from committing sin, and refraining from sin will give you a
great deal of peace of mind.  It is not a physical action that is too hard
to do, rather it is resolve and firm intention, which will bring physical
and mental peace.  
But what
matters is your life, which is your time between two times. If you waste it
you will lose happiness and salvation. But if you take care of the present
as well as correcting the past and the future as described above, then you
will be saved and will have peace of mind, pleasure and tranquillity.  
Taking care
of it is more difficult than setting right that which comes before and after
it, for taking care of it requires you to do that which is best and most
beneficial for you, and which is most likely to bring happiness, and people
differ greatly with regard to that. 

Al-Fawaa’id (117). 
So seek the
help of Allaah to deal with your situation and roll up the record of the
past with all that it contains, and move on to set the rest of your life
straight. Strive to keep company with good people who will help you deal
with your situation, and if you can move to a new place, close to good and
righteous people, then do that, for it will be better for you. Be mindful of
Allaah and He will take care of you; be sincere towards Him and He will
compensate you with good for what you have missed. 
Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 
“O
Prophet (Muhammad)! Say to the captives that are in your hands: If Allaah
knows any good in your hearts, He will give you something better than what
has been taken from you, and He will forgive you, and Allaah is
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful”

[al-Anfaal 6:70]
In sha
Allah, we are sure that you will do this, and we look forward to another
message from you with good news of a new journey towards the light, just as
we were saddened to hear of your stumbling from the path. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
What we advise you to do is not to live with your uncle and
his family, because you are not a mahram for your uncle’s wife or for his
daughters, and this will cause you and them a great deal of restrictions if
you live with them. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
forbade entering upon women, and when the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) was asked about the husband’s relatives, he spoke
more sternly about them than about anyone else. So listen to the hadeeth and
read what the scholars have said about it. 

It was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of
entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said: O Messenger of
Allaah, what about the in-law? He said: “The in-law is death.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172. 

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

The scholars of Arabic language are agreed that the word
ahma’ (in-laws) refers to the relatives of a woman’s husband, such as
his father, brother, nephew, cousin and so on. 

With regard to the words of the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him), “the in-law is death”, what this means is
that the fear with regard to him is greater than the fear with regard to
others, and evil is expected from him and the fitnah is greater because he
is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without being denounced for
that, unlike one who is a stranger. 

What is meant by the in-law here is the relatives of the
husband, apart from his father (and grandfather) or his sons. Fathers and
sons are mahrams for his wife and it is permissible for them to be alone
with her, and they are not described as being death. Rather what is meant
here is the brother, nephew, uncle, cousin and so on, who are not mahrams.
The custom among people is to take this matter lightly, so a man may be
alone with his brother’s wife. This is what is meant by death, and he should
be prevented more than a stranger for the reasons we have mentioned. What I
have mentioned is the correct meaning of the hadeeth. 

Ibn al-A’raabi said: This is a phrase that is used by the
Arabs, as it is said: The lion is death, i.e., meeting a lion is like death.
Al-Qaadi said: what is meant is being alone with the in-laws (the husband’s
relatives) which may lead to fitnah and disaster for one’s religious
commitment, so it is likened to the disaster of death in order to
demonstrate the seriousness of the matter. End quote. 

Sharh Muslim, 14/154 

You can see that this hadeeth applies to your situation, if
you enter upon your uncle’s wife or daughters who are non-mahrams for you,
so what about the ruling if you live with them? 

Secondly: 

If you have no alternative but to live with them, or you are
going to stay there temporarily until you find another house, then you must
pay attention to the following matters: 

1 – Avoid being alone with your uncle’s wife or one of his
daughters. 

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“No man should be alone with a woman and she should not travel unless she is
accompanied by a mahram.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2844; Muslim, 1341. 

2 – Both you and the women should lower the gaze and avoid
looking at one another. 

Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking
at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual
acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do.

31. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from
looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal
sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is
apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of
hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw
their veils all over Juyûbihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and
bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their
fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s
sons…”

[al-Noor 24:30-31] 

3 – When you speak to them or they speak to you, there should
be no softening of the voice or speaking in an alluring tone. 

Allaah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women.
If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in
whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should
be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner”

[al-Ahzaab 33:32]

4 – Your uncle’s wife and daughters should observe proper
hijab in front of you, covering the entire body. 

It is better for you not to live with them, and to look for a
house of your own, so as to relieve them and you of any shar’i restrictions,
and so that you will not be a cause of hardship and restrictions for them.
If their house is big and you can have a separate room with all amenities,
then it is permissible for you to live there, but as for living in a room in
their house, and sharing the facilities of the house, we do not think that
that is permissible, and we think that the conditions that we have mentioned
for it to be permissible will be difficult for many people to meet. 

See also the answer to question no.
13261 for important
information. 

And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Your
situation is not one of witchcraft or spells, such that you need to go to a
raaqi to perform ruqyah for you, and it is not a mental or nervous illness,
such that you need to go to a doctor. Rather it is the case of a heart that
has been affected by the shaytaan and his waswaas (whispers), who has
instilled ideas of haraam love, so that you started to inflame your desire
by means of poisonous (i.e., haraam) looks, wrong thoughts and false hopes,
until you have reached this state of sickness, as you are aware. 
Ibn
al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Chapter: The teachings of the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) on how to deal with
love. 
This is one
of the diseases of the heart, which are different from other diseases in
their causes and remedies. If they take hold, they become too difficult for
the doctors to treat and they cause a great deal of trouble for the sick
person.
Then he
said: Love of images only affects hearts that are void of the love of Allaah
and that turn away from Him and are content with things other than Allaah.
But when the heart is filled with love of Allaah and the longing to see Him,
that wards off the sickness of attraction to images. Hence Allaah said
concerning Yoosuf (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Thus it
was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse.
Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves”
[Yoosuf
12:24]
This
indicates that sincerity (ikhlaas) is a means of warding off love and the
evil and immoral actions that it leads to. Protecting oneself against the
cause is also protecting oneself against what it leads to. Hence one of the
salaf said: Love is the sign of an empty heart. Zaad al-Ma’aad 4/365,
268 
You should
note, may Allaah protect you from the things that incur His wrath, that the
source of this sickness is in haraam looks, which are the harbinger of
calamity and which bring the sickness into the heart. Then the heart begins
to imagine things, until that leads to wishing for or imagining haraam
things. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina, which
he will inevitably get. The zina of the eyes is looking and the zina of the
tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and hopes, and the private part
confirms that or denies it.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6243) and Muslim
(2657). 
In that
case, you have to block the way that leads to this sickness and keep away
from places of danger and contagion. Hence Allaah commanded His believing
slaves to lower their gaze (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Tell the
believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and
protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for
them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do.
31. And
tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden
things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)”
[al-Noor
24:30-31]
The greatest
means of protecting one’s chastity is by directing one’s desire in the way
in which Allaah has permitted, which is by getting married if possible. If a
person is attracted to a specific individual, then he can marry that person,
as it was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “There is nothing like marriage for two who love one
another.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1847) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah. 
If a person
wants to get married in order to guard his chastity, without being attracted
to a specific person, then this is easier. In that case you can look to get
married quickly and overcome the obstacles that are in your way. There is
nothing wrong with seeking to keep yourself chaste. You can also seek the
help of people you trust in trying to achieve that, such as a righteous
sister or relative, or a mother who understands your needs. 
Until you
can manage to do that, keep yourself busy, mentally and physically, with
acts of worship and obedience, and do not give the shaytaan any opportunity
to reach your heart or distract you. The Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it,
let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and
guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it
will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1905) and Muslim
(1400). 
You should
also note that one of the most effective remedies for one who is affliected
with that is to turn sincerely to the One who answers the prayer of the
needy when he calls upon Him and to persist in seeking His help with
submission and humility. This is the first step, then he should strive to
remain chaste and conceal the feelings that are in his heart. 
The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “ … whoever seeks to
be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent, and whoever is
patient Allaah will bestow patience upon him, and no one is ever given
anything better and more generous than patience.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(6470) and Muslim (1053). 
You know
that the other party does not share your feelings, and you know that there
is no way you can marry him, and what you are doing is haraam and foolish.
You still have your life ahead of you and it will be easy for you to find
halaal love from a righteous husband, so do not concern yourself with that
which Allaah has forbidden to you. 
In the
answer to question no. 21677 we have explained the best way to treat
anxiety, and given some important advice which you have to ponder. We also
state there that it is permissible to seek treatment from a psychologist,
but we do not think that you need to do that, because your problem is well
known and you are the cause of it; the remedy for you is what we have
mentioned and suggested above. 
In the
answer to question no. 10254 we have discussed the case of a woman who was
in love with a young man at school and wanted a solution. Look at this
answer too, and perhaps you may benefit from it. 
We ask
Allaah to make faith dear to you and to make kufr, immorality and sin
hateful to you, and to guide you to the best of words and deeds, and to
bless you with a righteous husband and good offspring. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.There are many social problems, some of which have to do with husbands, wives, youth, girls, women and the family in general. 
Our brother has done well to ask about books that deal with solving these problems in accordance with the Quran and Sunnah, because there is no better way of solving them than relying on the Revelation of Allah Who created mankind and knows what is best for them, so He has guided them to it and warned them against what is harmful for them. 
Books which deal with solving all kinds of problems include the following: 
1-Athar Tatbeeq il-Sharee’ah il-Islaamiyyah fi Hall il-Mushkilaat il-Ijtimaa’iyyah by Ibraaheem ibn Mubaarak al-Juwayr
2-Usrah bila Mashaakil by Maazin ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Furayh
3-Athar al-Tarbiyah al-Islamiyyah fi Amn il-Mujtama’ il-Islami by ‘Abd-Allah Qaadiri al-Ahdal
4-Waajibaat al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah fi Daw’ il-Kitaabi wa’l-Sunnah by Shaykh Khaalid a-‘Akk
5-Min Akhta’ al-Zawjaat by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraheem al-Hamad
6-Tarbiyat al-Abna’ wa’l-Banaat fi Daw’ il-Kitaabi wa’l-Sunnah by Shaykh Khaalid al-‘Akk
7-Al-Taqseer fi Tarbiyat il-Awlaad, al-Mazaahir, Subul al-Wiqaayah, al-‘Ilaaj, by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraheem al-Hamad.
8-‘Ilaaj al-Humoom by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Munajjid (this book is available in English in the Books section of this site under the title Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and Stress)
9-Mushkilaat wa Hulool by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Munajjid (this book is available in English in the Books section of this site under the title Problems and Solutions)
10-Arba’oona Naseehah li Islaah al-Buyoot by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-Munajjid (this book is available in English in the Books section of this site under the title The Muslim Home – 40 recommendations)
11-Khamsoon Haalah Nafsiyyah by Dr. Muhammad al-Sagheer.

Praise be to Allah.You have
done well in your intention to help your fiancé so that he can get married
to you. This is something for which you should be thanked, and it is
indicative of strong religious commitment and deep wisdom. 
Your helping
your fiancé to go ahead with the marriage is helping him with his religious
commitment and faith, and this is one of the greatest acts of worship, and
is something that is regarded as praiseworthy in Islam. It is one of the
best ways of spending one’s money. 
It was
narrated that Thawbaan said: When the verse “And
those who hoard up gold and silver” [al-Tawbah 9:34]
was revealed, we were with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) on one of his journeys. One of his companions said: This has
been revealed concerning gold and silver; if we knew of any better kind of
wealth we would acquire it. He said: “The best of it is a tongue that
remembers Allaah, a heart that is grateful and a believing wife who will
help him with his faith.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3094) and Ibn Maajah
(1856). In Ibn Maajah’s report it says: “who will help one of you with
regard to the Hereafter.” The hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi
and as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 
Shaykh
al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
“A believing
wife who will help him with his faith” means with his religious commitment,
by reminding him to pray and fast and to do other acts of worship, and will
prevent him from committing zina and other haraam deeds. 
Tuhfat
al-Ahwadhi (8/390) 
Undoubtedly
marriage helps a man to obey Allaah and keeps him away from haraam things
such as looking and listening, and protects him from falling into zina. 
This is in
general terms, but you should pay attention to some things, including the
following: 

1-The man’s seriousness with
regard to marriage and how hard is is striving to meet the requirements of
marriage. Because some people depend on the help of others and are not
serious about doing what is required of them.

2-If your fiancé is serious and
he can afford some of the expenses of marriage but not all of them, there is
nothing wrong with your helping him with some of what he needs, such as the
wife buying some of the furniture and household equipment, or paying for
some of the wedding expenses.

3-The fiancé is a “stranger”
(non-mahram) to his fiancée until the marriage contract is done, so during
the engagement period it is not permissible for him to be alone with her,
shake hands with her or go out with her, rather he is like any other
stranger. See question no.
2572.
We ask
Allaah to help you both to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and
to bless you with good offspring. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
We ask
Allaah to make things easier for you, and to relieve your distress and grant
you provision from His bounty. 
Secondly: 
If what you
mean by adoption is that you are named after the person who adopted you and
you are regarded as his son with regard to mahrams, inheritance etc, then
this is the kind of adoption that is haraam and was abolished by Islam. 
But if what
you mean is that he took care of you, sponsored you and treated you kindly,
without your taking his name, then there is nothing wrong with that, rather
it is praiseworthy and it is hoped that the one who does that will be
rewarded. See question no. (10010). 
It is
obvious that according to shar’i rules, you are a “stranger” (non-mahram) in
this house, so you cannot be alone with the sister of the one who adopted
you, or with his wife or daughter, and you are not entitled to inherit from
any of them, and your wife cannot uncover in front of the one who adopted
you, and he cannot be alone with her, because he is not your father
according to sharee’ah. 
Thirdly: 
It is not
permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir, whether he is a Jew, a
Christian or anything else, because Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 
“And give
not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon (polytheists) till they
believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a
(free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon)
invite you to the Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness
by His Leave, and makes His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons,
signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember”

[al-Baqarah 2:221] 
“then if
you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the
disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the
disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:10]
Shaykh
al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The Muslims are
unanimously agreed that a kaafir cannot inherit from a Muslim and a kaafir
man cannot marry a Muslim woman. End quote from al-Fataawa al-Kubra
(3/130). 
What the
sister of your adoptive father has done by marrying a Christian man is a
great wrong, and it is an invalid marriage which must be annulled; it is not
permissible for her to stay with this man under any circumstances. She also
has to repent to Allaah and beseech Him to forgive her and pardon her. 
It is not
permissible for you to live with her in the presence of the husband
mentioned, because that involves remaining silent about this great wrong, as
well as what you have mentioned about him drinking alcohol. 
All of this
is in addition to the fact that this woman is not really your paternal aunt,
so it is not permissible for you to enter upon her or be alone with her, let
alone live with her in the same house! 
Fourthly: 
You should
look for permissible work by means of which you can take care of yourself
and your family. Be sure that provision comes from Allaah and that there are
many means of acquiring provision, although some people are unaware of that.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “By
Allaah, for one of you to go out and carry firewood on his back and sell it
is better for him than to ask a man who may give him (something) or withhold
from him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1470) and Muslim (1042). 
You have an
example in ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf (may Allaah be pleased with him).
Al-Bukhaari (2048) narrated that ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: When we came to Madeenah, the Messenger of Allaah
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) established brotherhood
between me and Sa’d ibn al-Rabee’. Sa’d ibn al-Rabee’ said: I am the
wealthiest of the Ansaar, and I will give you half of my wealth. And see
which of my two wives you want; I will give her up for  you and when she
becomes permissible (after the divorce and ‘iddah), you can marry her. 
‘Abd
al-Rahmaan said to him: I have no need of that. Is there any market in which
trading is done? 
He said: The
market of Qaynuqa’. 
The next
morning, ‘Abd al-Rahmaan went there and brought some dried yoghurt and ghee,
then he went there the next day, and soon ‘Abd al-Rahmaan came with traces
of yellow perfume on him. 
The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Have you got married?” He said: Yes. He said: “To whom?” He said: To an
Ansaari woman. He said: “How much (dowry) did you give her?” He said: The
weight of a date stone in gold (or a date stone of gold). The Prophet (
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Give a wedding feast,
even if it is with just one sheep.” 
So seek the
help of Allaah, and do not feel helpless; ask Allaah to make you independent
of means by His bounty. 
And Allaah
knows best.