Tag: Q n A

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
The divine decree means that Allah has decreed all things from eternity, and He knows that they will happen at the times that are known to Him, in specific ways as He has written and willed. They will happen as He has decreed them and created them. 
Belief in the divine decree is one of the pillars of faith without which a person’s faith is not valid, and belief in the divine decree is not valid unless the Muslim believes in the four principles of the divine decree which are: 
1 – Belief that Allah knows all things in general and in details from eternity, and not even an atom is hidden from Him in heaven or on earth. 
2 – Belief that Allah wrote all that in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz, fifty thousand years before He created the heavens and the earth. 
3 – Belief in the effective will of Allah and His all-encompassing power. Nothing happens in this universe, good or bad, except by His will, may He be glorified. 
4 – Belief that everything is created by Allah; He is the Creator of all things and the Creator of their attributes and actions. 
For more details on this, please see the answers to questions no. 49004 and 34732. 
These details will explain to you that Allah has decreed from eternity who will be your family, who will be your wife, and who will be your children. Everything that has happened and will happen in the universe is decreed by Allah. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): 
“Verily, We have created all things with Qadar (Divine Preordainments of all things before their creation as written in the Book of Decrees __Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)” [al-Qamar 54:49]
Secondly: 
This does not mean that a person has no will in this world, or that a person should not strive to apply the means of attaining happiness and soundness. Allah has created a means to reach every objective. Whoever wants to have a child has to get married. Whoever wants to be happy in the Hereafter has to strive hard for it, and follow the path of guidance. Whoever wants wealth has to work hard.  
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Know that everyone will be guided to do that for which he was created. Whoever is meant to be one of the people of happiness will be guided to do the deeds of the people of happiness, and whoever is meant to be one of the people of doom will be guided to do the deeds of the people of doom.” Agreed upon. 
Allah does not tell anyone the details of what will happen to him, good or bad. Hence everyone has to strive to bring goodness to himself and ward off harm from himself. It is not wise to travel a path that leads to the opposite of what he wants and then say, “I will never get anything but that which has been decreed for me.” No one should sit in his house and then say: “I will never get any provision but that which has been decreed for me.” No one should eat rotten food and then say: “Nothing will happen to me but that which Allah has decreed for me.” These are things which if anyone does them or says them, he would be regarded as insane and he is indeed insane. 
With regard to marriage in particular, the Muslim knows that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) encouraged marriage to one who is religiously committed. This means that he should look for and seek out one who is religiously committed. No wise man would say “I will never try to do that” because if he is offered a woman who is insane or ugly or old or of bad character, he would never accept her as a wife. He will never say that he will marry the first woman he sees or the first woman who is offered to him. This supports what we have said, that he will turn away from some women and will think about others and will hesitate about some of them, and so on. If, after looking, thinking, consulting others and praying istikhaarah, he chooses a woman who is suitable for him, he will know that what Allah decrees happens and what He does not decree does not happen, so he should hope that his Lord will guide him and decree for him that which is best for him and dearest to Allah. Then if it happens, and his Lord decrees that he be given it or it be withheld, and whether it is in accordance with his desires or not, he has to think positively of his Lord and realize that Allah does not decree anything for His grateful, patient, believing slave but that which is good. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all his affairs are good and this does not apply to anyone except the believer. If something good happens to him he is grateful, and that is good for him, and if something bad happens to him he is patient, and that is good for him.” Narrated by Muslim (2999). 
See also the answer to question no. 1804. 
Thirdly:
 With regard to the effect of obedience and sin on changing the divine decree, you know that that which is in al-Lawh al-Mahfooz can never be changed. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi (2516), from the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas. As for the pages which are in the hands of the angels, Allah may command His angels to change it because of an act of worship that a Muslim does or because of a sin that he commits, but in the end it will not be anything other than that which was decreed from eternity. This is indicated by the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):  
“Allah blots out what He wills and confirms (what He wills). And with Him is the Mother of the Book (Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz)” [al-Ra’d 13:39]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) urged us to do some acts of worship which have an effect of increasing a person’s lifespan, such as upholding ties of kinship, and he said that du’aa’ can repel the divine decree. What this means is that Allah knew from the beginning that His slave So and so would do this act of worship, so He decreed for him a long life or a blessed provision, and au contraire a person may commit a sin because of which he is deprived of provision, and Allah knew that and decreed it from eternity and decreed it according to His knowledge. Allah does not compel anyone to obey Him or disobey Him. 
 The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) summed this up in one hadeeth: 
It was narrated that Thawbaan said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Nothing increases one’s lifespan except righteousness and nothing repels the divine decree except du’aa’, and a man may be deprived of provision by a sin that he commits.” 
Al-Busayri said in Misbaah al-Zujaajah (no. 33) 
I asked our Shaykh Abu’l-Fadl al-‘Iraaqi (may Allah have mercy on him) about this hadeeth and he said: This is a hasan hadeeth. End quote. 
It was also classed as saheeh by al-Albani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah. 
It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.” Narrated by al-Bukhari (5640) and Muslim (2557). 
Al-Tabaraani narrated with his isnaad from Abu ‘Uthmaan al-Nahdi, that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said when he was circumambulating the Ka’bah and weeping: “O Allah, if You have decreed that I should be doomed or commit sin, then erase it, for You erase whatever You will, and You confirm (whatever You will), and with You is the Mother of the Book, so make it happiness and forgiveness.” 
The Taabi’i Abu Waa’il Shaqeeq ibn Salamah often used to supplicate with these words: “O Allah, if You have decreed that we be doomed, then erase it and decree that we be blessed. If You have decreed that we be blessed, then confirm it for us, for You erase whatever You will and You You confirm (whatever You will), and with You is the Mother of the Book.” (Tafseer al-Tabari, 7/398). 
See also the answer to question no. 43021. 
Fourthly: 
Your love for a girl who is of good character and religiously committed means that you must beware of falling into anything that is forbidden in sharee’ah, such as corresponding with her, speaking to her or being alone with her. We do not advise you to pray to Allah to make her like you, rather we advise you to pray that Allah will bless you with a righteous wife. If you see a woman to whom the description of a righteous woman applies, then go ahead and propose marriage to her. There is no need to specify a particular woman who may reciprocate your love and then you may both do something that is contrary to sharee’ah but it may not be easy for you to get married. Asking Allah to help you to find a righteous wife is better for you, in our opinion. 
To be honest with you, we think that forming an attachment to that girl is a sign of idleness. What we mean is that you are not keeping yourself busy with important things, so the Shaytaan is filling your heart with things that will harm you and affect your religious commitment, or things that go against your best interests. 
Ibn al-Jawzi narrated that Ibn ‘Aa’ishah said: I said to a doctor who was highly proficient: What is love? He said: The occupation of an empty heart. [Dhamm al-Hawa 290]. 
But tell me, by Allah, are you seriously looking for a suitable wife right now? 
If you are serious about it, would you really go ahead and get married now? 
If you are serious about getting married now, are your circumstances suited for that? 
It was narrated that Muhammad ibn Maslamah said: I proposed marriage to a woman, then I hid and waited to see her until I saw her among some date palm trees that belonged to her. It was said to him: Do you do such a thing when you are a companion of the Messenger of Allah (S)? He said, “When Allah causes a man to propose to a woman, there is nothing wrong with him looking at her.”
Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1864); classed as saheeh by al-Albani. 
Look at how the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) made permission to look conditional upon the intent to marry.  
The scholars said: This is an exception to the prohibition on looking at a non-mahram woman. Hence it is only justified in cases of necessity when it is hoped that the marriage will go ahead. 
Ibn al-Qattaan (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If the one who is proposing marriage to a woman knows that she will not marry him, and that her guardian will not agree to it, then it is not permissible for him to look at her, even if he has already asked her family for her hand in marriage, because looking is only permitted so that it might be a cause of the marriage going ahead. If he is sure that it will not happen, then the basic principle that looking is not allowed remains in effect. 
Al-Nazr fi Ahkam al-Nazr, 391. 
It is well known that wanting to get married on the part of one who cannot afford it or whose circumstances do not permit it at the present time is a kind of fooling about and wasting time, which distracts the heart from useful things, and may even cause harm. 
When you are serious, then seek the help of Allah and ask Him to guide you. If she remains as she is, and you have prayed istikhaarah asking your Lord for guidance, then go ahead and propose to her. Otherwise, there are many other women like her, so seek one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust! 
We ask Allah to guide you to that which will please Him, and to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to bless you with a righteous wife and good offspring. 
And Allah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.This manner
of treating your son is very strange. There follows some advice, perhaps
Allaah will cause you to benefit from it:  
1 – A small
child needs food, drink, sleep and air, and love and compassion are among
the best kinds of food that the parents can give their child. Giving
physical food without this emotional nourishment is neglect of the child’s
natural need for both. 
2 – Showing
compassion to the child brings positive results. Hence we are advised to
breastfeed the child naturally so that the goodness of food and drink will
be combined with the goodness of being in the proper place, which is his
mother’s lap. Hence modern science has discovered the great effects that
mother’s milk has on the physical and emotional development of the child and
– conversely – the negative effects of depriving the child of his mother’s
milk and care. Societies in which violence towards children is widespread
have become societies in which crime and evildoing has become widespread. 
Some
sociologists have stated that the parent’s ongoing smacking and rebuking of
their children leads to psychological complexes in the child and increases
family violence. This leads to a problem which is difficult to confront,
because violence in the home leads to violence in society, which becomes
widespread, and the victims of this violence in turn inflict psychological
terrorism on individuals, which threatens the security of the society. 
3 – The one
who is harsh towards his children is going against sound human nature
(fitrah) and sharee’ah (Islamic law). Allaah has created people with love for their children. Hence Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) did not enjoin parents to care for their children in this
manner (because it is innate). On the contrary, Islam enjoins children to
care for their fathers and mothers, and warns them against disobeying them. 
As for going
against sharee’ah: smacking children and not showing compassion towards them
is indicative of a lack of mercy in the heart of the one who does that,
which is a sign of being deprived of the mercy of Allaah, may He be
exalted. 
It was
narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) kissed
al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali when al-Aqra’ ibn Haabis al-Tameemi was sitting with him.
Al-Aqra’ said: I have ten children and I have never kissed one of them. The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.” 
Narrated by
al-Bukhaari (5651) and Muslim (2318). 
It was
narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: A Bedouin
came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and
said: Do you kiss children? We do not kiss them. The Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “What can I do for you if Allaah has
removed mercy from your heart?” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5652). 
Our
Prophet’s compassion towards children was so great that he would shorten the
prayer because of their crying, out of compassion towards them and their
mothers. 
It was
narrated from Anas ibn Maalik that the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “I start to pray intending to make it long, then I
hear the crying of a child, so I make it short because of his mother’s
distress.” 
Narrated by
al-Bukhaari (677) and Muslim (470). 
4 – You
should understand that you are falling short in raising your child by doing
this, and you may see the evil consequences of it in this world before the
Hereafter. How can such treatment produce a good upbringing and a sound,
righteous child? 
5 – You
should understand that a child’s crying does not happen for no reason,
rather every kind of crying has its cause. So you should feel compassion
towards him when he is crying, so that you will be motivated to find the
cause, such as sickness or hunger. You should not be quick to smack him or
pinch him or mistreat him, lest you add another reason, which is crying
because of pain. 
A
psychologist said: Psychologists think that crying, like other behaviour, is
usually a means of relieving tension. So crying, screaming, yelling,
breaking toys and possessions and fidgeting are all ways of expressing
tension that is connected to anger or grief, because the frustration that
the child is faced with may create aggressiveness in him, so crying is a way
to expressing this aggression and getting rid of it. Not crying may be
indicative of suppression of this aggression, which may then move to the
subconscious where the child may forget it, but it will not be hidden
completely and it may manifest itself when he grows older in the form of
sickness, anxiety, and aggression whenever the child finds an opportunity. 
6 – You
should also note that shaking a child may cause mental or physical
disability, so how about if he is smacked? 
American
researchers have warned that shaking children may cause death or severe
mental disability. Researchers have explained that destruction of the brain
may occur when a child is shaken violently. It may cause them to die or may
cause nerve damage and mental disability, such as learning disabilities,
mental paralysis, blindness, convulsions, difficulty in reading, attention
deficit disorder and other educational problems. 
One female
specialist said: Infants’ crying is annoying and disturbing, but it is their
only way to express their needs, so first of all we need to find out the
reason why the infant is crying and hasten to tend to it, instead of shaking
him. She emphasized that boys are more likely to be harmed than girls, as
57% of victims are male. 
Researchers
noted that shaking a child violently when he cries or throwing him up in the
air and catching him, or shaking him violently on one’s knees or jogging
with him are all factors that may lead to brain damage, as the result of the
brain being knocked against the skull, which causes blood vessels to break
and leads to haemorrhaging in the brain. Experts have pointed out that
nursing infants and newborns are the most likely to suffer disability
resulting from shaking, in comparison to older children. 
Conclusion:
You have to fear Allaah and not go against the fitrah (sound human nature)
or the laws of Allaah. You should be compassionate towards your beautiful
child and do not cause him to be lost or disabled, then you would have to
live your whole life with this mistake. Look at the life of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions, and let them
be a good example for you.  
Strive to
make du’aa’ (supplication) and recite ruqyah (incantations) for yourself, your family and your child, lest you be afflicted by the evil eye or witchcraft. Ruqyah is beneficial in all cases.  
We hope that
you will be guided aright and that your child will be safe from harm. We ask Allaah to help you to raise him soundly. 
And Allaah knows best.

Praise be to Allah.Firstly: 
The wife has
no right to go out of her husband’s house without his permission, and her
family have no right to help her or encourage her to do that, because her
leaving and not returning constitute disobedience towards her husband and
rebellion against him which makes her guilty of nashooz (wilful defiance). 
Their taking
their daughter away is another act of wrongdoing, and their stipulating that
you must become very rich before they will return your wife to you is
wrongdoing upon wrongdoing. They have no right to do any such thing. When
they accepted the marriage and the marriage contract was done and the
husband paid the mahr, they were obliged to hand the wife over to the
husband, so how about when she was with him and had borne him a child! 
You do not
say anything about your financial situation, and whether you have enough to
spend on your wife or not. Are you hard up or do you have enough to spend on
yourself and your family?  
The majority
of scholars are of the view that the husband’s inability to spend on his
wife is sufficient grounds for separating them, if the wife requests that.
But if she accepts it and does not ask for separation, then no one has the
right to separate them. See al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (5/254 and
29/58). 
Secondly: 
You should
take the following steps to get your wife back: 

1-Reconcile between yourself and
Allaah, may He be exalted, so that you can reconcile between yourself and
other people.

2-Ask Allaah to divert harm from
you, and to suffice you against the evil of all evildoers.

3-Try to reach an understanding
with your wife’s family and find out what their attitude really is. They may
have other reasons apart from the issue of wealth.

4-Appoint religiously committed
and righteous people to intervene and advise them, and explain to them the
seriousness of their wrongdoing and aggression.

5-Refer the matter to the courts,
to have your wife and daughter returned to you.
We ask
Allaah to make things easy for you and to help you to do that which He loves
and which pleases Him. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.So long as
you are chaste and have not committed any immoral action – praise be to
Allaah – then you do not have to tell him, and you should not worry about
that. The hymen may be broken due to jumping, insertion of fingers, heavy
menses, lengthy spinsterhood and other reasons that the fuqaha’ have
mentioned. 
See:
al-Mabsoot (5/8), Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/47) and al-Fataawa
al-Kubra (3/88) 
The husband
should think well of his wife if he finds out that she is not a virgin. As
we have mentioned, virginity may be lost due to causes other than immoral
actions. If we assume that he asks you, you can answer him in a way that
will ward off doubt from his mind. Rest assured that Allaah will support His
believing slave and help him. See also question no.
40278. 
The Standing
Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked: A Muslim woman had an accident when
she was small in which her hymen was broken. She has got married but the
marriage has not yet been consummated. In another case, a woman suffered the
same accident, and now religiously-committed brothers are coming to propose
marriage to her. They are both confused about their situation. Which is
better – should the married woman tell her husband before consummation of
the marriage or should she keep quiet? And should the one who is not married
yet go ahead with it, lest it become known and people think badly of her?
This happened when she was small and was not yet accountable. Or is this
regarded as deceit and cheating? Should she tell those who come to propose
or not, for the sake of getting married?  
They
replied: there is no shar’i reason why she should not conceal it, then if he
asks her after consummation of the marriage, she can tell him the truth. End
quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (19/5) 
We ask
Allaah to help you and guide you. 
And Allaah knows
best.

Praise be to Allah.We ask
Allaah to make our sister steadfast in Islam, and to heal her and decree
reward for her for her patience. 
Keeping dogs
is basically haraam – as is well known – but the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) granted a concession with regard to keeping
dogs if it is for guarding the fields, herding livestock or hunting. 
It was
narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Whoever keeps a dog, a qiraat will be deducted from his reward every day,
except a dog for guarding the fields or herding livestock.” Narrated by
al-Bukhaari (2197) and Muslim (1575). 
It was also
narrated from him (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever keeps a dog,
except a dog for herding livestock, hunting or guarding the fields, a qiraat
will be deducted from his reward every day.” Narrated by Muslim (1575). 
Is it
permissible to keep a dog for purposes other than those mentioned above? 
The answer
is: yes. 
Imam
al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
There was a
difference of opinion with regard to whether it is permissible to keep dogs
for purposes other than these three, such as guarding houses and roads. The
most correct view is that it is permissible, by analogy with these three,
based on the reason that is to be understood from the hadeeth, which is
necessity. End quote. 
Sharh
Muslim (10/236) 
Ibn ‘Abd
al-Barr (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
In my view,
the meaning of this hadeeth also includes keeping dogs if there is a purpose
in doing so and for warding off harm, if a person needs that. End quote.
Al-Tamheed
(14/219) 
For this
woman to keep a trained dog – when there is no one who can help her, take
care of her and protect her – is more essential than guarding fields and
livestock. 
Shaykh
Yoosuf ibn ‘Abd al-Haadi said, quoting from one of the scholars: 
There is no
doubt that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave
permission for keeping hunting dogs, according to numerous ahaadeeth, and he
said that the reward of the one who keeps a dog for hunting is not reduced.
In other ahaadeeth he gave permission for keeping dogs for herding
livestock, dogs for herding sheep and dogs for guarding the fields. Thus it
is known that the reason for allowing this is people’s interests, and the
ruling is based on the reasons for and against. If there is an interest to
be served, then it is permissible (to keep a dog). Some interests may be
more important and greater than that of farming, and some interests may be
equal to those mentioned by the Lawgiver. There is no doubt that fruits are
equivalent to crops in the fields, and cattle are equivalent to sheep, and
chickens and geese – (as a dog is needed) in order to keep the fox away from
them – are equivalent to sheep too. Undoubtedly the fear of thieves
attacking a person, and keeping a dog to warn against them and wake one up
is even more important than that. Islam seeks to protect interests and ward
off harm. End quote. 

Al-Ighraab fi Ahkaam al-Kilaab (p. 106, 107). 
Based on
this, there is nothing wrong with this woman keeping this trained dog until
Allaah provides her with a way out, such as her living with a Muslim family
who can take care of her for the sake of Allaah, or her marrying a Muslim
man who may seek reward with Allaah for looking after her. 
And Allaah knows
best.

Praise be to Allah.We advise
you to forget what happened in the past between you and your uncle. We think
that you have given the matter more attention than it deserves. Your uncle’s
entering the house without asking permission is not permissible for him,
even if he is entering the house of his sister. Seeking permission is
obligatory in his case, and your father’s approval of your uncle visiting
his house is what matters. He agreed to that, as is suggested by the fact
that he continued to visit him for such a long time. The fact that you did
not take the exam that year and you failed is something for which you must
bear responsibility. Most Muslim families have their problems, and the wise
man is the one who knows how to deal with these problems and tries to solve
the problems or reduce them. We do not think that your giving up your
studying for the exam served any purpose, and you must bear responsibility
for that. You should not keep on thinking about what is past, for that will
cause psychological problems for yourself and your family. Forget about it
and get on with your work; seek the help of Allaah and uphold the ties of
kinship and give advice to those who are erring. Do not pay any attention to
what the shaytaan makes attractive to you, namely the idea of bringing a
case against your uncle and taking financial compensation from him. In
addition to the fact that this case may fail in court, it will cause more
rifts in your family, and we would not like you to be the cause of that.
Mercy should prevail over anger and the desire for revenge. We ask Allaah to
open your heart and to bring you and your family together in goodness. 
And Allaah
is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.We ask
Allaah to help you to honour your mother and treat her kindly, to set her
straight and to reconcile between you and help you both to obey Him and
please Him. 
What you are
suffering may be caused by feelings of jealousy on your mother’s part, or
because she feels that she has lost you after you got married and someone
else has taken possession of you. Some mothers have these feelings when
their sons get married, but they are inappropriate feelings and she should
strive to rid herself of them. 
You should
try to help her to go back to the way she was before. You can do this in
several ways: 

1-Strive to treat her kindly, by
honouring her, taking care of her and making her feel that you still care
about her as you did before and are still keen to respond to her wishes.

2-Avoid praising your wife or
paying her attention in front of your mother, but still give your wife her
rights to good treatment and respect, doing that out of your mother’s sight,
until your mother’s situation  improves and things go back to normal.

3-Encourage your wife to get
close to your mother, by speaking to her, taking care of her, giving her
gifts and so on.

4-Be patient with her insults,
swearing and throwing you out, for you are commanded to honour her, and it
is not permissible for you to respond to her bad treatment in kind. If you
bear that with patience, then you will find a way out, for good consequences
are for those who are patient, and support comes with patience, and with
hardship comes ease. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Repel
(the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful
believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat
them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will
become) as though he was a close friend” [Fussilat 41:34].  Every time
she mistreats you, you should hasten to be kind, honour her and treat her
well. That guarantees that the negative feelings in her heart will go away,
in sha Allaah.

5-Pray for her, that Allaah will
guide her aright and set the situation straight. She is the person who most
deserves your du’aa’s and kind treatment. No matter what you do, you can
never repay her for her kindness and previous good treatment.

6-Strive to be a good example to
your siblings, so that they may learn from you the best way of dealing with
this problem which may happen to them too after they get married. Be an
example of patience, good treatment and respect. Beware of letting the
shaytaan gradually make you scorn her or be rude to her or rebuke her, for
you will never find any good in such things. Allaah says (interpretation of
the meaning): “say not to them a word of
disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra
17:23].

7-You should discuss the problem
with one of your siblings, for perhaps there are other aspects of the
problem that you are not aware of, or you have done something that has made
your mother angry without realizing it. Finding out the reason will make it
easier for you to deal with the problem.
We ask
Allaah to guide us and you. 
And Allaah
knows best.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:

 We ask Allaah to cleanse his heart and body, and to guide
him to the best of attitudes, words and deeds.

 Secondly: 

It should be noted that this action of his comes under the
heading of perversion. It is not by doing such actions that the Muslim
expresses gratitude to his Lord, may He be glorified and exalted, and it is
not in this manner that the Muslim will preserve the great blessings that
Allaah has bestowed upon him. He should give up these perverse actions which
go against the sound nature that Allaah has instilled in man, and go against
all revealed laws, and for which everyone of sound mind will hate him. 

Thirdly:

It should be noted that such perverse actions are a sign of
an idle mind, and he has to give up the things that led him to behave in the
manner of perverts. Perhaps among these reasons – and the greatest of them –
is having a heart that is devoid of faith, and a soul that is devoid of
shyness before Allaah and His angels, as well as watching haraam TV series,
movies and perverse actions, and having a life that is devoid of useful
work, not wanting to get married and liking to stay alone, and many other
such reasons which may cause a man to fall into bad ways. 

Fourthly: 

He should hasten to give up this perverse action and repent
to his Lord. He must strive to furnish his heart with faith and fill his
life with righteous deeds and actions that will benefit his spiritual and
worldly interests. He must be keen to hasten to protect himself by means of
marriage to a righteous woman who will help him to remain chaste and obey
his Lord, and he must stop watching haraam things or staying alone which
makes it easy for him to fall into immoral ways. 

Fifthly: 

He should also note that he is causing physical and
psychological harm to himself. He will see the negative consequences of what
he is doing on his body after a while, and he will see how much
psychological pain he will suffer, which will deprive him of sleep and
prevent him from enjoying his food and drink. He will see how much he will
suffer of physical pain which will prevent him from relieving himself with
ease, and how much he will suffer of infections and ulcers if he persists in
this perverse action of his. 

Sixthly:

 He needs someone to explain to him that what he is doing is
haraam, and to remind him and exhort him (to follow the right path). 

The one who is afflicted with any of these haraam actions has
to remember two things: 

1-To feel shy before Allaah and
his angels and before himself too.

2-To fear death and to fear lest
Allaah causes him to die when he is doing that to himself.

With regard to shyness: 

We know that he believes that Allaah can see him in all
situations, but perhaps he forgets about that at the time when he is
committing this sin. If this belief becomes established in his heart, with
time he will begin to feel shy of Allaah seeing him falling short in
obedience or committing a sin. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Knows he not that Allaah does see (what he does)?”

[al-‘Alaq 96:14]

“And indeed We have created man, and We know what his
ownself whispers to him. And We are nearer to him than his jugular vein (by
Our Knowledge)”

[Qaaf 50:16]
‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood
(may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Feel shy before Allaah is the true
sense of the word. They said: We feel shy before Allaah. He said: That is
not the way; the one who feels shy before Allaah in the true sense of the
word should be watchful of his mind and whatever enters it, and he should be
watchful of his stomach and whatever enters it, and he should remember death
and decay. Whoever hopes for the reward in the Hereafter would shun the
temptation of this world. Whoever does that is shy before Allaah in the true
sense of the word.

Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb,
1724. 

He believes that Allaah has appointed noble angels over him
who can see him and hear him, and they record what he does of good deeds and
bad deeds, and they never leave him in any situation. If he feels shy of
them, he will give up the perverse actions that he is doing.

 Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of
mankind) to watch you,

11. Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your
deeds),

12. They know all that you do”

[al-Infitaar 82:10-12]

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 
i.e., feel shy before
these honourable watchers and respect them; spare them from seeing you do
anything which you would not want those who are like you to see you doing,
for the angels are offended by that which offends the sons of Adam. If the
son of Adam would be offended by one who commits immoral actions and sins in
front of him, even if he might also do something similar, then how do you
think the honourable recording angels will be offended?

Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, p. 75 

One of the salaf said: With you are those who never leave
you, so feel shy of them and respect them. 

He would feel shy of doing that in front of people, so how
can he not feel shy before Allaah and His angels? 

With regard to death: 

He should remember that he does not know when the Angel of
Death will come to him to take his soul, and he does not know the situation
that he will be in at that time. Would he like his death to come now, before
he repents? Would he like his soul to be taken when he is doing this
perverse action? Does he not know that deeds are judged according to a
person’s final deeds? Does he not know that Allaah will raise the people in
the same condition that they died? What will his situation be when he
emerges from his grave on the Day of Resurrection? What will he say to his
Lord when he stands before Him? 

One of the salaf said: There are two things that put an end
of enjoyment of this world for me: remembering death, and remembering the
standing before Allaah, may He be exalted. 

‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) used
to gather the scholars and they would talk about death, the Resurrection and
the Hereafter, and they would weep so much that it was as if there was a
funeral taking place before them. 

One of the salaf said: The one who remembers death is
honoured with three things: hastening to repent, contentment of heart and
energy for worship. Whoever forgets death is punished with three things:
delaying repentance, not being content with enough, and laziness in worship.
 

It should be noted that a good end is only granted to the one
who was righteous both inwardly and outwardly, and a bad end is given to one
who was inwardly corrupt, or who persisted in major sins. It should be noted
that a man will die as he lived, and his life will end in the manner that he
persisted in and did not give up. 

It was said to a man who was in the throes of death: “Say
Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah.” And he started singing, because he used to be
infatuated by singing. It was said to a drinker when he was dying: “Say
Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah,” and he started saying: “Drink and pour me
some.” 

Perhaps what we have mentioned is sufficient to make him give
up his evil deeds and come back to his Lord, and to ask Him to help him and
guide him. We have given more advice and suggestions in the answer to
question no. 20068, which we
hope he will read too. 

We ask Allaah to guide him and set his affairs straight. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.
To Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. This, by
Allaah, is something that would make one weep. Have things become so bad
that the fitrah has been turned upside down and a father feels such things
towards his daughter? 

There is no doubt that this father is mentally ill and
sexually deviant, and he needs urgent and intense treatment for his heart
and mind, both psychological and physical treatment. 

For yourself, you need to take measures to make it difficult
for your father to find any opportunity or time to seduce you or interfere
with you. Do not be alone with him in the house, and lock the door when you
are in your room. Do not let him enter upon you on his own. All of these
measures will reduce the opportunities for interfering. But in order to stop
this problem altogether, that can only be done by getting treatment for your
father, or telling everyone about the problem. You have to realize that you
need to be prepared for the effects that disclosing the situation will have
on you and on the whole family, but this is better than things staying as
they are now. 

Your mother has to fear Allaah; her not caring about what her
husband is doing is something for which she will be called to account and
she will be regarded as a partner in his crime, because she could do
something to stop him doing this evil deed. 

You can seek the help of one of your wise relatives to
intervene in this matter and stop the deviation of this sick father. 

Undoubtedly these sick actions on the part of some fathers
have their causes, and no one can deal with a problem without knowing its
causes and how to treat it. Some of these causes have to do with the father,
some with the daughter herself and some with the time and place in which the
family lives. 

The causes of this deviation that have to do with the father
include the following: 

1-Weak faith, lack of fear of
Allaah and a failure to realize that He is watching.

2-Addiction to alcohol or drugs.

3-Mental or psychological
illness.

4-Watching provocative shows on
satellite channels, or looking at permissive pictures

5-Too much free time

The causes that may have to do with the daughter include: 

1-Careless in the manner of
dress. Many girls wear tight and short clothes in front of their fathers and
brothers, which goes against sharee’ah and may provoke evil desires in sick
souls that have been stirred up by satellite channels and permissive
pictures.

2-Carelessness in some actions,
such as kissing on the mouth or provocative touching, or sleeping in the
same bed or under the same cover as her father or brother. These actions are
also contrary to sharee’ah and provoke evil.

If we want to deal with such deeds that go against the fitrah
(sound human nature) and Islam then we must put a stop to these causes that
lead to such decadence. This may be done in the following ways: 

1-Striving to spread virtue and
good morals among the family members, and to strengthen their faith in
Allaah, their awareness that He is watching and their fear of Him. This may
be achieved by observing prayer regularly and on time, and keeping away from
forbidden things and bad attitudes.

2-Totally avoiding looking at,
listening to or reading provocative programs and stories.

3-Keeping away from bad company
who only lead one to evil and bad things.

4-Keeping girls away from clothes
that go against Islam, such as tight, short and see-through clothes;
avoiding provocative touching and kissing on the mouth.

5-Seeking spacious living
quarters where a girl will not need to be with her father or brothers in the
same room or under the same blanket.

6-The mother should play her role
in tackling such problems, by not being heedless or careless about anything
she sees or hears that goes against sharee’ah, and she should not wait until
things get really bad or cannot be set right. Rather she has to be aware
from the outset, and not allow her daughter to be careless or allow her
husband to do whatever he wants.

7-Wise relatives should be
informed of such actions so that matters may be dealt with. If that does not
work, then you have to make a complaint to the sharee’ah court or to the
security services in order to stop his evil actions towards you.

8-Our sister who has asked this
question needs to take the matter seriously and not delay taking action. We
advise her to make du’aa’ and seek out the times when du’aa’s are answered,
such as the last third of the night, asking that your father be guided and
that his evil be withheld from you.

9-It is haraam for you to take
your father’s actions lightly. You have to ward him off with all the
strength you have, and raise your voice in shouting for help, even if that
leads to his being shamed or imprisoned.

10-If none of these
solutions work, then we do not advise you to stay in the house. We advise
you go and live with some righteous sisters or with your relatives where you
can live with them in accordance with Islamic rulings.

We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and to guide your
father and withhold his evil from you. 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.

Praise be to Allah.
Firstly: 

Before answering your question, we would like to congratulate
you for becoming Muslim. This is the final religion which Allaah has chosen
for all of mankind, and He sent the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) to be a bringer of glad tidings and a warner to all
people. Many of those whom Allaah has guided have entered this religion
before you, and many have been deprived of it because of their stubbornness
and pride. So you should always be grateful to Allaah for having brought you
out of the darkness of kufr and ignorance into the light of Tawheed and
knowledge. You have to learn the rulings of Islam so that you will become
more convinced of your choice and so that Allaah may make your heart
steadfast in adhering to Islam. 

Secondly: 

The fact that you are new in Islam does not prevent us from
telling you that this religion brought important rulings by means of which
the Muslim can protect his religious commitment, mind, wealth, honour and
lineage. Hence there are things that are forbidden in order to protect these
things, and there are things that are enjoined for the same reason. There
are two things that have to do with your question: 

In order to protect honour and lineage, Islam forbids mixing
between the sexes, and it forbids a man to be alone with a woman or to touch
her with his hand, let alone anything that is more serious than that, namely
the sin of zina (adultery or fornication). Hence we regard a woman as a
precious jewel which should not be treated as a cheap product – as is the
case in the kaafir nations and the fools among the Muslims who follow them –
in advertisements, newspapers and magazines. Women have an important role
which awaits them, that of wife and mother. 

The second matter has to do with protecting a woman’s
religious commitment. Allaah has forbidden marriage of a Muslim woman to a
kaafir man. This is something that is proven in the Qur’aan and Sunnah and
by scholarly consensus. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

It is not permissible for a kaafir to marry a Muslim woman,
according to the texts and scholarly consensus. Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“O you who believe! When believing women come to you as
emigrants, examine them; Allaah knows best as to their Faith, then if you
ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the
disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the
disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them”

[al-Mumtahanah 60:10]
It is not permissible for
a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir, according to the texts and scholarly
consensus, as stated above, even if he is originally a kaafir and not an
apostate (from Islam). Hence if a kaafir man marries a Muslim woman, the
marriage is invalid and they must be separated. But if he becomes Muslim and
wants to marry her, that can only be done with a new marriage contract. End
quote. 

Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen,
12/138-140 
Thirdly: 

In order for the marriage contract to be valid, there must be
a wali (guardian) for the woman, but it is not permissible for a kaafir to
act as the wali of a Muslim woman, and there is no difference of scholarly
opinion on this point. 

Ibn Qudaamah said: 
As for a kaafir, he
cannot be the wali of a Muslim woman under any circumstances, according to
the consensus of the scholars, including Maalik, al-Shaafa’i, Abu ‘Ubayd and
as-haab al-ra’y. Ibn al-Mundhir said: There is consensus on this point among
all those from whom we acquired knowledge. 

Al-Mughni, 7/71 

Even in a situation such as yours, there has to be a wali for
the purpose of marriage. If no one among your family is Muslim, then whoever
acts in the stead of the ruler should arrange your marriage for you, namely
the Muslim qaadi (judge) or mufti or Shaykh of an Islamic centre or imam of
a mosque. 

You do not have to ask your father’s permission to get
married because he has no authority over you as a wali. Once the marriage
contract is done, it is permissible to keep the news from your parents, and
you do not have to inform them. 

Fourthly: 

Even if the wali is a Muslim, it is not permissible for him
to force his daughter to marry someone whom she does not like. Islam makes
the woman’s consent one of the essentials of the marriage contract, and the
contract is not valid if she objects. If it is proven that she objects then
the Muslim qaadi should give her the choice between continuing the contract
or annulling it. 

Just as it is not permissible for both parents or one of them
to force his son to marry someone whom he does not like, so too Allaah has
not made the approval of the parents or one of them a condition of the son’s
marriage contract being valid. But the son should be kind to his parents if
he refuses to do what they want. He has to do his utmost to win their
approval of his marriage to the one he wants.  

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

It is not permissible for a father to force his son to marry
a woman whom he does not like, whether that is because of some fault in her
religious commitment or a physical defect. How many people have regretted
forcing their children to marry women whom they do not want, saying, “You
will marry her because she is my brother’s daughter” or “because she is from
our tribe” and so on. The son is not obliged to accept, and it is not
permissible for the parents to force him. Similarly, if he wants to marry a
righteous woman but the father does not want him to, the son is not obliged
to obey him. If the son is pleased with a righteous wife and the father
says, “Do not marry her,” he has the right to marry her even if his father
objects, because the son is not obliged to obey his father in any matter in
which that will not harm the father but will benefit the son. If we say that
the son is obliged to obey his father in all things, even in matters where
there is benefit for the son and no harm for the father, then many negative
consequences would result from that. But in situations such as this, the son
should be diplomatic with his father, and be kind to him as much as he can
and try to convince him as much as he can. End quote 

Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah,
2/240, 241 

Fifthly: 
You have to do as much as
you can to save your parents and bring them into Islam, so that they and you
will find happiness in this world and in the Hereafter. You can use many
ways to call them to Islam, such as sending them e-mails, for example,
without them knowing that the messages are coming from you. You could give
their address to some of those who are specialized in Islamic knowledge and
da’wah to undertake this mission on your behalf. You can also avail yourself
of the nearest Islamic centre to their home so that some daa’iyahs can visit
them and call them to Islam. You can also use the regular mail to send them
tapes and booklets that will tell them about the Islamic religion. 

You know more about their situation than others. Perhaps if
you tell them that you have become Muslim, that may open the door for them
to enter Islam too. If that is the case, then tell them, but if you think
that this will not do any good, and that it may have a negative effect on
them or it might cause difficulties for you, then do not tell them. You can
delay that for a while until Allaah opens their hearts. Seek the help of
Allaah and turn to Him with du’aa’, sincerely asking Him to guide them. 

We ask Allaah to make you steadfast in adhering to this
religion, and we ask Him to guide your parents to Islam. 

And Allaah knows best.